You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
It dosen't seem to be that way for most people. I'd love to be able to let go and party.Francisco d'Anconia said:That's because it's a depressant. Yep, that's attractive to women...![]()
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
It's not an act. Crutches are great when they aren't permanent. You haven't mentioned anything about at what point you wouldn't need it any longer. So how long have you decided to use this crutch or have you not thought about that?War Against Betaism said:You act as if using crutches is detrimental to development.
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Nah, it was actually the part where you said that you could use alcohol to skip the approach step that made it seem more permanent. It would be interesting if you were in a fast food restaurant, grocery store or book store and spot a woman who you'd want to approach but needed alcohol in order to do it.War Against Betaism said:You must have missed the part where I said your confidence will eventually rise to the point where it overlaps the fear of approach. And alcohol should always be used for one's personal enjoyment, not for the sole purpose to get women. It should be thought of as a side reward. And who said I was placing alcohol above my own abilities? It aids me just a tiny bit, I don't see the need to separate the two states.
So how specifically does one learn confidence while depending on chemically altering their mental state. What about the times when alcohol isn't readily available? How does one transition from having to get a "buzz" in order to be confident to trusting that he has it authentically? And how does dependence on something and cutting corners go against "betaism?"War Against Betaism said:You should have read that entire post. It's all about building confidence, if you've built enough confidence with the women you met at parties than you'll be confident enough to approach. Pretty easy logic. And we already went through my screen name unless you want me to repeat.
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
And what do you do when you are in a place that doesn't serve alcohol and there's a woman you want to approach? How do you move from using it as a crutch (aid) to not needing to depend on it?War Against Betaism said:..And I thought I already told you alcohol is only a minor aid, not a dependence.
Now you're making alcohol sound as if it's need is negligible if it isn't readily available. So is it really important to use or not?War Against Betaism said:I go up to her? It's not like I'm completely disabled of this ability without alcohol, just that I'm a bit more efficient, have a higher chance of success with alcohol because of reasons I've exhaustingly explained already.
And men have had sex with young boys for thousands of years too. Just because a thing has been done for thousands of years doesn't mean that it's necessary to do by default.Baruch said:Alcohol has been a social lubricant for thousands of years.
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.