"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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URGENT! When you catch yourself getting needy with your GF?

I

INXS

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So what advice would you suggest following when you feel yourself getting needy and clingy to your new girlfriend? If you had plans, would you cancel them? How do you un-needy yourself?

I'm starting to sense she is getting a needy vibe from me and I don't want that. How do I fix this? Quick!!

Any urgent pointers would be much appreciated.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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C

Centaurion

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You go and spin some other plates.

Easy.
 
I

INXS

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Centaurion said:
You go and spin some other plates.

Easy.
Click to expand...

But what if we are exclusive and I don't believe in cheating or "plate spinning" in this instance?

Or is plate spinning a methphor for do other things besides with her?

Because if your advice is just to get a life, and do other stuff, okay, I know that already.

But I'm asking...what should I do with regard to our plans for tonight? should I cancel and put them off? or just show up and then lay low after that? This will be day 3 in a row were together.

It is making me nervous now, because I've stepped back from the situation and set aside how awesome of time we have together and realized, "Tonight will be 3 days in a row. She has to be a getting a needy vibe sort of.." What do I do to erase that?
 
S

skip2mylou781

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unfortunately, the ONLY WAY to not be needy is to cheat, otherwise u will depend solely on her to bring u female comfort and that will result in neediness
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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B

blueguy

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It's all in the mind... don't focus mainly on her. Focus on something else. Don't cancel already set plans for the sake of cancelling them unless you actually do have something better to do. You'd need to give more details for a more specific answer. But hanging out 3 days in a row without giving off a needy vibe is easy. You should have an end goal state in mind and bring that with you when you're out with her again. Then bring her into that reality. Care about that more than you do her. Of course, this should be your mindset before making plans in the first place. Always putting yourself first.
 
B

blueguy

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INXS said:
Daaaaang :cuss:
So this means since we agreed to be commited to each other, I inturn decided to be needy?
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Do you know what neediness is? It's when you need the other person more than you need yourself. And do you know why it would happen? Because you value the other person's ability to make you happy more than you do your own.

Once a girl realizes this, she gains power in the relationship and dumps you. But if you just would have focused on your own life more than your girl's, she would be extracting more happiness from you than you her. And you would remain happy in all aspects of your life because you'd have your happy life and your girl to supplement it on the side.

So... no. You are not committing to her. Ever. You are committing to yourself. Only then will she respect you and keep you because you are not relying on any other single person for your happiness.
 
J

jakeyboy

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When you are not needy is when you couldn't care less for the outcome.

and "spinning other plates" as it was so crudely put, is one way not to be attached to the outcome. because you have other pieces on the side. now that all your hopes are pinned on one girl, you can't help but worry. you worry because if she leaves you, you will have nothing. you don't have to cheat on her, there are plenty other ways to overcome this neediness.

your worrying comes across as neediness to her. i've been there, done that. just be conscious of it. talk to her a little less. if you can be entertaining and enjoyable company for the consecutive three days you spent with her, there wasn't any harm in it. but when you're not with her, play it cool man. lean back a little. contact her less. let her initiate contact. busy yourself with other things. i'm sure you've got work/school to keep you occupied.

all the best mate!
 
F

Fash

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Centaurion said:
You go and spin some other plates.

Easy.
Click to expand...

Ha ha! I was thinking that as soon as I saw the thread title, before even openning it.

don't look at it as "cheating" look at it as a way of actually helping her! she likes you and doesn't want to lose interest, so by getting needy, you are going to cause sadness for her. :up:

Now go out there and bang some other chicks.
 
C

Centaurion

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skip2mylou781 said:
unfortunately, the ONLY WAY to not be needy is to cheat, otherwise u will depend solely on her to bring u female comfort and that will result in neediness
Click to expand...
Uhm no.


You have male friends right? People you hang out with? Call them up and see what they are up to. Basically have a life besides your gf.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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C

Centaurion

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And when I said 'spin other plates', I didn't necessarily mean that you should be banging other b!tches, it was more like sarging, talking or dating other b!tches (not exactly ideal in your situation though).
 
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