URGENT! When you catch yourself getting needy with your GF?

[INXS]

So what advice would you suggest following when you feel yourself getting needy and clingy to your new girlfriend? If you had plans, would you cancel them? How do you un-needy yourself?

I'm starting to sense she is getting a needy vibe from me and I don't want that. How do I fix this? Quick!!

Any urgent pointers would be much appreciated.

 

[Centaurion]

You go and spin some other plates.

Easy.

 

[INXS]

You go and spin some other plates.

Easy.

But what if we are exclusive and I don't believe in cheating or "plate spinning" in this instance?

Or is plate spinning a methphor for do other things besides with her?

Because if your advice is just to get a life, and do other stuff, okay, I know that already.

But I'm asking...what should I do with regard to our plans for tonight? should I cancel and put them off? or just show up and then lay low after that? This will be day 3 in a row were together.

It is making me nervous now, because I've stepped back from the situation and set aside how awesome of time we have together and realized, "Tonight will be 3 days in a row. She has to be a getting a needy vibe sort of.." What do I do to erase that?

 

[skip2mylou781]

unfortunately, the ONLY WAY to not be needy is to cheat, otherwise u will depend solely on her to bring u female comfort and that will result in neediness

 

[INXS]

unfortunately, the ONLY WAY to not be needy is to cheat, otherwise u will depend solely on her to bring u female comfort and that will result in neediness

Daaaaang :cuss:
So this means since we agreed to be commited to each other, I inturn decided to be needy?

 

[blueguy]

It's all in the mind... don't focus mainly on her. Focus on something else. Don't cancel already set plans for the sake of cancelling them unless you actually do have something better to do. You'd need to give more details for a more specific answer. But hanging out 3 days in a row without giving off a needy vibe is easy. You should have an end goal state in mind and bring that with you when you're out with her again. Then bring her into that reality. Care about that more than you do her. Of course, this should be your mindset before making plans in the first place. Always putting yourself first.

 

[blueguy]

Daaaaang :cuss:
So this means since we agreed to be commited to each other, I inturn decided to be needy?

Do you know what neediness is? It's when you need the other person more than you need yourself. And do you know why it would happen? Because you value the other person's ability to make you happy more than you do your own.

Once a girl realizes this, she gains power in the relationship and dumps you. But if you just would have focused on your own life more than your girl's, she would be extracting more happiness from you than you her. And you would remain happy in all aspects of your life because you'd have your happy life and your girl to supplement it on the side.

So... no. You are not committing to her. Ever. You are committing to yourself. Only then will she respect you and keep you because you are not relying on any other single person for your happiness.

 

[jakeyboy]

When you are not needy is when you couldn't care less for the outcome.

and "spinning other plates" as it was so crudely put, is one way not to be attached to the outcome. because you have other pieces on the side. now that all your hopes are pinned on one girl, you can't help but worry. you worry because if she leaves you, you will have nothing. you don't have to cheat on her, there are plenty other ways to overcome this neediness.

your worrying comes across as neediness to her. i've been there, done that. just be conscious of it. talk to her a little less. if you can be entertaining and enjoyable company for the consecutive three days you spent with her, there wasn't any harm in it. but when you're not with her, play it cool man. lean back a little. contact her less. let her initiate contact. busy yourself with other things. i'm sure you've got work/school to keep you occupied.

all the best mate!

 

[Fash]

You go and spin some other plates.

Easy.

Ha ha! I was thinking that as soon as I saw the thread title, before even openning it.

don't look at it as "cheating" look at it as a way of actually helping her! she likes you and doesn't want to lose interest, so by getting needy, you are going to cause sadness for her.

Now go out there and bang some other chicks.

 

[Centaurion]

unfortunately, the ONLY WAY to not be needy is to cheat, otherwise u will depend solely on her to bring u female comfort and that will result in neediness

Uhm no.


You have male friends right? People you hang out with? Call them up and see what they are up to. Basically have a life besides your gf.

 

[Centaurion]

And when I said 'spin other plates', I didn't necessarily mean that you should be banging other b!tches, it was more like sarging, talking or dating other b!tches (not exactly ideal in your situation though).

 

[DonJuanForever]

Read the thread I posted.