Unsociable People in Clubs and Bars

[jglide123]

People (women in particular) get dressed to the 9's on a Friday or Saturday night, meet their friends at a bar or club, and ONLY socialize with their friends.

Anybody ever think about the paradox there? People going to a social environment (i.e. bar, club, party, etc.) and refuse to socialize with those outside of their social circle.

I notice this all the time when I go out, and being a hyper-social guy, I find it strange....

 

[InnerHappiness]

That's where we come into their circle and talk to them like NORMAL people. Don't give the hotties attention. They will beg for it like a betch in heat.

Smile and approach, coach.

 

[ilikecharlene]

Well, nobody is obligated to talk to another.

Such girls may be shy, just looking to hang out with their friends, rude/stuck-up, or dismissive. Another thing is that some people are wary of strangers and think "hey, I don't know you" when you talk to them.

Move on, and find somebody else to talk to.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

People (women in particular) get dressed to the 9's on a Friday or Saturday night, meet their friends at a bar or club, and ONLY socialize with their friends.

Anybody ever think about the paradox there? People going to a social environment (i.e. bar, club, party, etc.) and refuse to socialize with those outside of their social circle.

I notice this all the time when I go out, and being a hyper-social guy, I find it strange....

Totally agree. I had a chat with my father about this topic years ago. He told me that he used to meet friends and lots of girls at clubs way back in the 70's. He was shocked when I told him how standoffish people are, especially girls in clubs.

He said he finds it strange that people don't go to clubs to meet people, because that is how it used to be for him. These days a club is just a bunch of friends bobbing their heads up and down and ignoring virtually everyone else. They're just no fun.

 

[jglide123]

Well, nobody is obligated to talk to another.

Such girls may be shy, just looking to hang out with their friends, rude/stuck-up, or dismissive. Another thing is that some people are wary of strangers and think "hey, I don't know you" when you talk to them.

Move on, and find somebody else to talk to.

I agree. No one is obligated to talk to anyone. I guess I just expect people to be more friendly and open when out and about. It seems a bit counter-intuitive to me....

 

[Falcon]

You know, I consider it from both sides.

When I take a girl to a club, and she makes it clear that she only wants to be and dance with me by being standoffish and ignoring other guys (guys who I can clearly tell are trying to make moves on her), I take it as a very good sign of respect. I love it when girls are like that.

But on the flip side, I've been the guy on the outside looking in too, and I know how frustrating it could be.

I don't know if I'm trying to make a point or anything, but consider that even though you hate it now, when it is working for you, you'll appreciate it. Some people aren't looking to meet new friends I guess and just there to get drinks and dance.

 

[jglide123]

You know, I consider it from both sides.

When I take a girl to a club, and she makes it clear that she only wants to be and dance with me by being standoffish and ignoring other guys (guys who I can clearly tell are trying to make moves on her), I take it as a very good sign of respect. I love it when girls are like that.

But on the flip side, I've been the guy on the outside looking in too, and I know how frustrating it could be.

I don't know if I'm trying to make a point or anything, but consider that even though you hate it now, when it is working for you, you'll appreciate it. Some people aren't looking to meet new friends I guess and just there to get drinks and dance.

Good point man.

I guess it stands to reason that bars and clubs aren't the best places to try and meet women, or people in general, even if you have tight game. I believe that teaching guys how to build a social circle should be taught more in the dating world.

However, about 85 to 90% of the material out there is geared towards meeting random women while out and about, which isn't necessarily bad. I've simply come to believe that there are much better ways of meeting people than approaching strangers, as many people tend to be wary of strangers....

 

[Down Low]

Women have the mentality of a 13 year old. From them you must expect juvenile, high-schoolish behavior ("I only talk to my friends," "Eww, you're weird," "You're a creep," "I don't see you.")

You'd think men would act better than that. Nope. When I go to the track, I ask men "Who do you like in this race?" 20 years ago, practically everyone would be social and chat up their picks. Nowadays, most of them flat out ignore me. WTF?

Also, clubs are increasingly sausage fests. Bar hopping isn't as enjoyable as it used to be when there was a healthy mix.

 

[Falcon]

Good point man.

I guess it stands to reason that bars and clubs aren't the best places to try and meet women, or people in general, even if you have tight game. I believe that teaching guys how to build a social circle should be taught more in the dating world.

However, about 85 to 90% of the material out there is geared towards meeting random women while out and about, which isn't necessarily bad. I've simply come to believe that there are much better ways of meeting people than approaching strangers, as many people tend to be wary of strangers....

I wouldn't rule it out completely. Just try to be aware of what's going on. I read in a study that if there is a significant amount of guys in a club, more than girls, girls become much more defensive and standoff-ish. I can see why.

And I agree, social circle is definitely a good way to go and a great option. I moved away from home, so building a social circle was one of the things I took a challenge to and kind of forced in to. It takes a while, but when you build a social circle and put the effort to organize going out and stuff, it really pays off. People like you and you can be the leader of the group and such. The feeling is great too. After a good night, you realize that a lot of people had fun because of you... like if you weren't there to organize it and get people together, none of that stuff would've happened. It's kind of fulfilling in a sense. My social circle is still small but I can already see some of the benefits.

I don't think there's one good way to go at it. I try to utilize everything. Social circle, online dating, etc... approaching is definitely the hardest but has its place still, I believe. None of this stuff is mutually exclusive. You can have a social circle and still approach strangers.

 

[Mike32ct]

Totally agree. I had a chat with my father about this topic years ago. He told me that he used to meet friends and lots of girls at clubs way back in the 70's. He was shocked when I told him how standoffish people are, especially girls in clubs.

He said he finds it strange that people don't go to clubs to meet people, because that is how it used to be for him. These days a club is just a bunch of friends bobbing their heads up and down and ignoring virtually everyone else. They're just no fun.

^This. I had the same discussion with my dad.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Well, last night out for a short while, I had some silly chick(s) clap/smack their hands together unexpectedly to the left of me to get my attention as I walked out of an upscale bar and when I Still did not acknowledge them (because I was on my way, had to go), one or both of them (idk still wasn't looking at their, possibly drunk, as5es) yelled out "FAG!!" hah, I got more good pvssy than they got good d!ck last night, um hmm, that's for sure. Fvck em, hoes.

 

[bigneil]

If they like you they will talk to you. They only like 1% of the guys they meet. The more options, the (exponentially) pickier they get - because they can only get pregnant by one man.

 

[Burroughs]

Women have the mentality of a 13 year old. From them you must expect juvenile, high-schoolish behavior ("I only talk to my friends," "Eww, you're weird," "You're a creep," "I don't see you.")

You'd think men would act better than that. Nope. When I go to the track, I ask men "Who do you like in this race?" 20 years ago, practically everyone would be social and chat up their picks. Nowadays, most of them flat out ignore me. WTF?

Also, clubs are increasingly sausage fests. Bar hopping isn't as enjoyable as it used to be when there was a healthy mix.

good post

we are living in the age of the super azzhole

the super azzhole has been brainwashed to have a celebrity like arrogance even though she doesn't have celeb status.

the super azzhole is a narcissist who believes the world is geared solely to their entertainment and pleasure...the 19 year old hottie everyone lusts after doesn't know that by age 25 she'll be strung out on meth and coke and living in her mom's basement dating the night manager at the local dominoes who busted his knee as the quarterback in the local state college.

No one wants to socialize because like hollywood powerbrokers chickz believe if you don't already know them you aren't worth knowing. of course she'll wish she had more friends when she's strung out on meth and living in moms basement lol

 

[Burroughs]

The more options, the (exponentially) pickier they get - because they can only get pregnant by one man.

Yes but they can hold a lot of sperm inside them :crackup:

 

[Professor Booty]

I wouldn't lump bars in with clubs. Two totally different things. Much easier to talk to people in general in bars, you don't have the loud music to contend with, and everyone is seated. When you see a girl alone at the bar, almost guaranteed she wants you to talk to her, even if it's only for a bit of attention. Much, much harder to meet people in clubs, although occasionally some "magic" can happen on the dance floor. But a lot of people just go to clubs to dance and hang out with their friends and be seen. Pick-up at clubs is a low-probability game for most guys.

 

[Quiksilver]

lot of people are cowards, its not that they're unsociable, its that they're afraid of the peer pressure and potential embarrassment of meeting a new person in a 'singles' location.

If I'm at a venue and the music is loud enough that I have to shout to be heard, I take that as a cue to not bother with verbal communication.

Clubs are all about appearance, social proofing, and non-verbals.

If you suck at all three, odds are you'll be miserable in a club.

 

[evansblue]

People have to remember that bars and clubs were different 20+ years ago. Nobody had cellphones, Facebook, MySpace, etc. Social circles were much smaller back in the day. Women practically had to resort to these venues to meet guys. In other words, they had to physically go out and make an effort to look for someone. Very similar in the way guys have to. The difference now is, most women already know who they're meeting up with and have their entire night planned out because of this digital communication. I refer to this as the "social bandwagon".

The nightlife has become breeding grounds for social circles. That's why ONS have become increasingly more difficult. A girl is not going to risk being ostracized by her group and walk off with some random guy for the night. It ain't happening.

Much like technology, the dating scene evolves and becomes more efficient as well. The trick is staying one step ahead of the game and recognizing these behavioral cues from women.

I really think Day Game is going to be the new thing, mainstream. In the pick-up world, it's already arrived. Give it 5 or 10 years and it will be the norm for guys going out during the day trying to get numbers. Casual dating/hooking up from bars and clubs has run it's course. I'm not going to say it's obsolete, but it's definitely on it's last legs.

 

[Mike32ct]

Evansblue:

I love your posts. You see the game for what it is.

I'm not disagreeing at all, just asking this out of curiousity...

Wouldn't you think social circle game would be superior to day game since women increasingly have this group/herd/crew mentality?

Unless the point is that she is only away from her "crew" during the day, so that's a better time to meet her?

 

[FairShake]

Maybe these girls have boyfriends. Maybe these girls aren't looking for anything right now. Maybe they just want to drink with their friends and listen to loud music.

I see you call yourself "hyper-social." It's POSSIBLE you might be annoying to people. People don't always like a chatterbox. Especially one they don't know. Not everybody is out to expand their social circle. That's a PUA tactic. Many people are happy with their social circle as it is.

Part of being social is knowing when to talk as well as how to talk.

 

[jglide123]

Maybe these girls have boyfriends. Maybe these girls aren't looking for anything right now. Maybe they just want to drink with their friends and listen to loud music.

I see you call yourself "hyper-social." It's POSSIBLE you might be annoying to people. People don't always like a chatterbox. Especially one they don't know. Not everybody is out to expand their social circle. That's a PUA tactic. Many people are happy with their social circle as it is.

Part of being social is knowing when to talk as well as how to talk.

By hyper-social, I mean that I'm more of the life-of-the-party type. I welcome conversation, and frankly, I'm good at cold approaching people. Also, I'm usually pretty good at calibrating, so I rarely, if ever, overstay my welcome.

But perhaps you're right: I may be my own worst enemy, in a way. When I go out, I like to meet new people, drink, and have a good time. Of course, as you said, not everyone comes out for that purpose. And I knew that before posting.

However, I just find it a bit odd that most people seem chained to their social circles. It's almost a fear to reach out and simply talk to new people. Again, there is nothing wrong with keeping to yourself at a bar or club. I just think it's a sign of the times, where people are increasingly becoming less social, and more technophiliacs....