Unnecessary apologies from girls

[Roober]

Dating a girl, talked to her this morning, and she was like "sorry, I couldn't call last night, my mom had her friend over and we we're up late. I was super tired and ready for bed, so I jsut decided to text." I told her I was asleep already and it's no biggie. I have even told you she doesn't need to call or text at night. If you fall asleep, it's no biggie.

This is the second woman recently who has felt the need to apologize for something so meaningless. I was wondering if I am doing something wrong that gives these women some sort of feeling that I they disappointed me because it tends to happen a lot. With my previous relationship, it happened so frequently it became annoying.

Then I am thinking, "am I some sort of ashhole who makes women feel insecure?" I feel like it was a big part of the problem with my ex because she felt she could never relax and be herself, like I was always judging or something...

Thoughts?

 

[jebach123]

dude its opposite she wants your approval

 

[Von]

Let's say a girl flaked on you.... she apologies like 3 times
Her:''I am sorry, I have to cancel today because of work (or XXXX), I am sorry''....
Your reply: ''np''
Again her: i'm sorry''

What should you make out of it ?

My 2 cents: She feels bad or seek your approval aka validation for cancelling... than she will either; dissapear or give you a 2nd chance..... Girls are weird... the more you ignore her behaviour or call her bull**** the more she seeks validation or a lick

 

[BeExcellent]

It may also be to assure you she was not out with another guy. That's my initial take.

 

[sazc]

Dating a girl, talked to her this morning, and she was like "sorry, I couldn't call last night, my mom had her friend over and we we're up late. I was super tired and ready for bed, so I jsut decided to text." I told her I was asleep already and it's no biggie. I have even told you she doesn't need to call or text at night. If you fall asleep, it's no biggie.

This is the second woman recently who has felt the need to apologize for something so meaningless. I was wondering if I am doing something wrong that gives these women some sort of feeling that I they disappointed me because it tends to happen a lot. With my previous relationship, it happened so frequently it became annoying.

Then I am thinking, "am I some sort of ashhole who makes women feel insecure?" I feel like it was a big part of the problem with my ex because she felt she could never relax and be herself, like I was always judging or something...

Thoughts?

agreed, she wants to make sure you arent angry and you feel you can trust her

 

[Atom Smasher]

A woman who apologizes a lot has always been a very good sign in my life experience. It shows a certain humility (a word we don't use enough around here) and even grace.

In fact, it's something I look for in a new woman. Of course if it's too extreme, that can be a problem, but good old-fashioned politeness is a valuable thing in a woman.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Let's say a girl flaked on you.... she apologies like 3 times
Her:''I am sorry, I have to cancel today because of work (or XXXX), I am sorry''....
Your reply: ''np''
Again her: i'm sorry''

What should you make out of it ?

My 2 cents: She feels bad or seek your approval aka validation for cancelling... than she will either; dissapear or give you a 2nd chance..... Girls are weird... the more you ignore her behaviour or call her bull**** the more she seeks validation or a lick

Sorry doesn't fix nothing, show me by your actions.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A woman who apologizes a lot has always been a very good sign in my life experience. It shows a certain humility (a word we don't use enough around here) and even grace.

In fact, it's something I look for in a new woman. Of course if it's too extreme, that can be a problem, but good old-fashioned politeness is a valuable thing in a woman.

Dude, they can apologize and say "thank you" and have "sorry" and "thank you" as part of their player arsenal. This to keep you strung along to take more...

 

[Atom Smasher]

This to keep you strung along to take more...

Or, they can have an actually decent personality. They are rare, but they are out there. SS exists to help men sift through the sh!t to get to the good ones. The good ones apologize and show a high degree of politeness.

Never let the fact that 98% of women are internally destroyed keep you cynical enough to be blind to the tiny percentage that are worth your time and attention.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Or, they can have an actually decent personality. They are rare, but they are out there. SS exists to help men sift through the sh!t to get to the good ones. The good ones apologize and show a high degree of politeness.

Never let the fact that 98% of women are internally destroyed keep you cynical enough to be blind to the tiny percentage that are worth your time and attention.

Yeah normally a descent personality will apologize and say thank you. I was just saying I found some "players" that added those words to their arsenal.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I hear that.

Anything can be weaponized, and women are masters at that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I hear that.

Anything can be weaponized, and women are masters at that.

This player also would act somewhat submissive to draw you in. Appeared to be kind, but if you pay attention to transactions she's always taking or asking for something. A mooch.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Keep in mind that the OP girl was apologizing for no reason. Its reasonable to assume that it is a sign of low self esteem and/or a weaponized "act".

The first female to ever sincerely apologize to me(it seemed) turned out to be a totally selfish ruthless cluster B. She just knew what she had to do to earn and build trust because she was able to read my frame extremely well. Once she got what she wanted there were no apologies to be found, or at least very few and far between and it was like pulling teeth to get.

They just view us as tools or pools of resources they wish to extract. Like an oil well. Not all of them, but you know which ones.

 

[Roober]

Unfortunately, as I think about this girl (now ex) more, it was probably more on the weaponized act sort of thing. The frequent apologies for being busy, not calling, etc. served as alleviation of my insecurities at the time. I would take it and believe it and go on my merry way. Thinking back, it seems like it was more of a way to string me along, knowing that would be enough for satisfying me to keep motoring and invested in the relationship.

I would get angst from the lengthy duration of replies (8-10 hours), then a simple "sorry, today has been a crazy day" would wash that out. While I did not express that to her, I know it affected me. I got some serious internal work to do... sigh...

 

[dude99]

Dating a girl, talked to her this morning, and she was like "sorry, I couldn't call last night, my mom had her friend over and we we're up late. I was super tired and ready for bed, so I jsut decided to text." I told her I was asleep already and it's no biggie. I have even told you she doesn't need to call or text at night. If you fall asleep, it's no biggie.

This is the second woman recently who has felt the need to apologize for something so meaningless. I was wondering if I am doing something wrong that gives these women some sort of feeling that I they disappointed me because it tends to happen a lot. With my previous relationship, it happened so frequently it became annoying.

Then I am thinking, "am I some sort of ashhole who makes women feel insecure?" I feel like it was a big part of the problem with my ex because she felt she could never relax and be herself, like I was always judging or something...

Thoughts?

I would say apologizing to you , means she respects you and your time. We all know how they behave when they don't respect you.....

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I would say apologizing to you , means she respects you and your time. We all know how they behave when they don't respect you.....

They say their sorry but keep doing it.

 

[dude99]

They say their sorry but keep doing it.

Hmm. Then that is just lip service. Well as we say, pay attention to her actions. Not her words.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Keep in mind that the OP girl was apologizing for no reason. Its reasonable to assume that it is a sign of low self esteem and/or a weaponized "act".

The first female to ever sincerely apologize to me(it seemed) turned out to be a totally selfish ruthless cluster B. She just knew what she had to do to earn and build trust because she was able to read my frame extremely well. Once she got what she wanted there were no apologies to be found, or at least very few and far between and it was like pulling teeth to get.

She was indeed apologizing for a reason. She saw a reason, and apologized for it. Personally I would have thought more highly of her after her apology. It's called politeness when sincere.

You can't base your entire view of women's behavior regarding apologies on one experience with a cluster B. There are a minority of women who do consider a man's perceptions and feelings enough to apologize for breaking an expected pattern. The percentage is low (I would estimate no more than 3-4%), but they are out there.

It seems logical to judge a woman's pattern of apologies over a sustained time period and not lump her into a preconceived conclusion before the facts are known. If a woman apologizes for something and then stops doing it, great. If she apologizes for one random event, great. If she apologizes for something and then keeps on doing it, there's a problem that needs to be addressed.

A woman's reason for an apology may be to get off the hook, or it may be because she thinks it is possible that she might have offended you. I take the latter as a very good sign.

 

[Roober]

She was indeed apologizing for a reason. She saw a reason, and apologized for it. Personally I would have thought more highly of her after her apology. It's called politeness when sincere.

You can't base your entire view of women's behavior regarding apologies on one experience with a cluster B. There are a minority of women who do consider a man's perceptions and feelings enough to apologize for breaking an expected pattern. The percentage is low (I would estimate no more than 3-4%), but they are out there.

It seems logical to judge a woman's pattern of apologies over a sustained time period and not lump her into a preconceived conclusion before the facts are known. If a woman apologizes for something and then stops doing it, great. If she apologizes for one random event, great. If she apologizes for something and then keeps on doing it, there's a problem that needs to be addressed.

A woman's reason for an apology may be to get off the hook, or it may be because she thinks it is possible that she might have offended you. I take the latter as a very good sign.

Watching the pattern is the key... apologizing for something, doing it again and apologizing, and so on suggests it is just lip service. In my case, it was consistent apologizing for not calling, texting, etc. then she would do it again the next day or week with some form of... "sorry, it's been a crazy day" or something similar

Not sure why I ignored this...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Watching the pattern is the key... apologizing for something, doing it again and apologizing, and so on suggests it is just lip service. In my case, it was consistent apologizing for not calling, texting, etc. then she would do it again the next day or week with some form of... "sorry, it's been a crazy day" or something similar

Not sure why I ignored this...

You ignored it, because when the apology was issued it "felt good" and it's what you wanted to hear. She was telling you what you need to hear from her end. She may have been sorry, but whatever else she was doing was obviously more important.