Walden
Master Don Juan
Allright , my name's Mike , I'm a DJ. I have mad f***ing DJ skills and I'm built like a brick sh*thouse but until very recently I was paralysed by a terrifyingly low 15% approach rate.
This was massively improved for me when I read (of all things) "On Killing" by Lt Col Dave Grossman. What Lt Col Grossman argues is that people are naturally hard wired to be unable to be nasty to other people , and that this fear often masquerades as a fear of death or injury.
Oddly this applies to DJism, as follows.
If you're afraid to engage, you need to understand what it is youre really afraid of.
Most guys think they're afraid of rejection but this is not true. Example , imagine you could hit on a subordinate at work. In that situation she would not be able to reject you and would have to come along even though for her it might be horribly akward and unpleasant. No opportunity for rejection, though she would be having a very akward time.
Would you hit on her then?
I know I couldn't .
See, what you're really afraid of is making the girl feel akward.
This is why those dating agency "Singles" get togethers (eg "speed dating")work. Same opportunity for rejection , but the organisers have created a context in which it is appropriate to go and mack on a starnge woman (by formalising the approach process into the "speed dating" format). In that context there is the same potential for rejection but no potential to make the girl you're hitting on feel "weird" or uncomfortable.
Therefore,
What you should do is approach in a way where you take all the social risks yourself, you go away smoothly if she rejects you and you don't make her feel uncomfortable.
Know also that you are doing the girl a favour by approaching her, rather than putting her in the scene of recieving "unwanted attention".
Here's what I mean;
Imagine you're at a bar , and a MILF-ish looking older woman comes up to you. She's successful (nice clothes), she's confident but just not your type. You talk with her, hint you aren't interested , she wishes you a good evening and goes back to her chainsmoking friends.
How did that experience make you feel? If you're anything like me it was a genuine compliment , that would have made you feel like a guy who is *so* money that women want to meet and blag on him.
Right.
When you CA , you are paying that exact compliment to a girl.
You are doing her a favour. So get out and do that favour !
This was massively improved for me when I read (of all things) "On Killing" by Lt Col Dave Grossman. What Lt Col Grossman argues is that people are naturally hard wired to be unable to be nasty to other people , and that this fear often masquerades as a fear of death or injury.
Oddly this applies to DJism, as follows.
If you're afraid to engage, you need to understand what it is youre really afraid of.
Most guys think they're afraid of rejection but this is not true. Example , imagine you could hit on a subordinate at work. In that situation she would not be able to reject you and would have to come along even though for her it might be horribly akward and unpleasant. No opportunity for rejection, though she would be having a very akward time.
Would you hit on her then?
I know I couldn't .
See, what you're really afraid of is making the girl feel akward.
This is why those dating agency "Singles" get togethers (eg "speed dating")work. Same opportunity for rejection , but the organisers have created a context in which it is appropriate to go and mack on a starnge woman (by formalising the approach process into the "speed dating" format). In that context there is the same potential for rejection but no potential to make the girl you're hitting on feel "weird" or uncomfortable.
Therefore,
What you should do is approach in a way where you take all the social risks yourself, you go away smoothly if she rejects you and you don't make her feel uncomfortable.
Know also that you are doing the girl a favour by approaching her, rather than putting her in the scene of recieving "unwanted attention".
Here's what I mean;
Imagine you're at a bar , and a MILF-ish looking older woman comes up to you. She's successful (nice clothes), she's confident but just not your type. You talk with her, hint you aren't interested , she wishes you a good evening and goes back to her chainsmoking friends.
How did that experience make you feel? If you're anything like me it was a genuine compliment , that would have made you feel like a guy who is *so* money that women want to meet and blag on him.
Right.
When you CA , you are paying that exact compliment to a girl.
You are doing her a favour. So get out and do that favour !
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