Unconditional love and marriage

Pandora

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People have said that the only type of love is unconditional love. Based on that definition I have never loved a person before. The only exception being my mother. When you make marriage vows it says "for richer and poorer, sickness and health etc". That describes unconditional love. How many couples really ruminate on this before they get married? Not many. I will not get married until I meet the female that I would love even if they had 3rd degrees burns all over their body and were a paraplegic.

Men and women are very conditional "lovers". Men are conditional to a lesser degree. If your girlfriend starts to become obese we often start to fall out of " love" with her. Once the looks fade our feelings also fade. Once your status and money fade, your woman's feelings for you also fade. Unconditional love among romantic partners was probably an unrealistic ideal from the start.

I was prompted to write this because I had a convo with a female friend. She is sticking with her man even though he just got multiples DUI and his life is messed up right now. She wants a marriage ring out of it. I told her lets see if you can stick with a man unconditionally for 10 yrs or more. Then you deserve a ring....maybe.
 

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zekko

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The only exception being my mother.
Good example.

Men and women are very conditional "lovers". Men are conditional to a lesser degree. If your girlfriend starts to become obese we often start to fall out of " love" with her. Once the looks fade our feelings also fade. Once your status and money fade, your woman's feelings for you also fade. Unconditional love among romantic partners was probably an unrealistic ideal from the start.
They say the love hormones fade after seven years or so (the seven year itch). The romantic type of love fades. But you can still love someone, still care about them, still care what happens to them and their well-being after the romance fades. So this comes down to how much you genuinely like the person as a person. I think the key to the successful marriages comes down to that.
 

Pandora

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Good example.


They say the love hormones fade after seven years or so (the seven year itch). The romantic type of love fades. But you can still love someone, still care about them, still care what happens to them and their well-being after the romance fades. So this comes down to how much you genuinely like the person as a person. I think the key to the successful marriages comes down to that.
I agree Zekko. I see older people caring for a spouse with dementia as if it was their own child. Its beautiful. How many of us have that capability? Do you think you can would care for your lover indefinitely if they developed dementia at their current age? If the answer isn't yes then you don't really love that person.
 
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billtx49

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Unconditional love is usually unobtainable between men and women without one or both individuals full faith or strong character playing a Major role in it. In my opinion the closest you usually get to unconditional on earth is a mothers love for her child. Beyond that it gets into a Gods domain…
 

Pandora

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Unconditional love is usually unobtainable between men and women without one or both individuals full faith playing a Major role in it. In my opinion the closest you usually get to unconditional on earth is a mothers love for her child. Beyond that it gets into a Gods domain…
yeh bro..well said. This is one of the reasons modern marriage is a joke . That marriage vow should be changed. Im serious. Don't say that vow unless you really mean it. Only mothers and the Creator can love unconditionally.
 
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I had unconditional love for my first wife. Now some 15 x years, 20 x some sexual partners, several failed LTRs of a year or more, and a fake marriage to a bigamist that was annulled; I’ll never love that way again. It’s not possible. I can still love but now I can get out of love much quicker then I can get in it. And not look back.
 

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gettinit

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Even unconditional love has its limits if your well-being is threatened. My marriage was well past the 7 year mark and I felt happy and content with my wife. I watched her fall over four years and did everything that I could to try and pull her out of an alcohol addiction spiral. Alcohol brought out a darkness in her that I would never have dreamed. When I came to the realization that this "demon" was a part of her that was more important to her than I was, something died inside me.
 

stovepipe

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Women are not capable of loving a man unconditionally the same way she loves her child or pet dog. Women can never love a man the way a man "expects" to be loved. Lastly, marriage is a SCAM to keep you in the system.
 

gettinit

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I do think that it's a rare thing today. It requires mutual respect and a bit of selflessness and vulnerability. Unfortunately, there is so little genuine respect these days and so many ethically corrupt individuals, nobody feels safe enough to be vulnerable or be a "giver" without being taken advantage of. Sad.
 
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oldmanofthesea

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I don't believe unconditional love exists outside of mother/child. All other love is conditional. My love is conditional, and it should be. I accept a woman's is as well. I didn't always feel this way but I do now. Nothing is permanent and I think belief in unconditional love is a security blanket many people use to soothe their fears.
 

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Unconditional love is a deluded joke, and I mean that in a sobering way. Of course there are conditions for love, it doesn't make sense for it to be otherwise. Drop the "unconditional love" BS from your brain. Even the "mother son" stuff you guys talk about is conditional on him being her son.

Love is conditional and it should be.
 

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Unconditional love is a marketing scheme!

Ther is a female 21 years old university student at my office... I would jump on her if I wasn't married! She knows it, and she's done some advance too.. Until she find out I was married (she glared at my ring) and she more casual now.

That's love for my wife holding me back.. My wife is beautiful and whole package.. But that young girl has just too much physical sexiness for me to not want to jump at the occasion.

I have conditioned myself to resist temptations and be faithful to my wife.. So love is conditional ;)

Play of words and unwinding aside..... Love is build from an initial attraction.

Marriage and people loving "unconditionally" does exists. Actually, it's said "true love" is when you love someone else more than you love yourself.

LTR/Love is initial attraction that is maintained over time by each lover, keeping the initial spark alive. This spark has to be more "internal/emotional/spiritiual" than "physical"

Also, it's 2 individuals who feel perfect together.. From 2 imperfections to 1 perfect entity.

It's a team game, not easy and does requires work, and a desire
 

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In lady speak, you love ME without any conditions, but I will love you with conditions. This is truth. Been through it prior. Since that disaster, I am the one putting conditions on the ladies. Some stay, some go, it's upsetting at times, but I do feel numb about it most of the time; still hurts a bit when it ends, but that is life... It will go on one way or another. Ladies conform to dudes, dudes do not conform to ladies. The feminists may b itch and moan about it, but in the end they ALL want the dude to take charge. If not, they lose respect for you. So, in theory, it's a catch-22 for a dude. If you give in and conform, she loses respect and the relationship ends. If you do not and make her earn your respect by continuing to put conditions, she has an option; to conform or leave. Either way, it's a crap shoot. However, I will continue to deal the later.
 

RickTheToad

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Men and women are very conditional "lovers". Men are conditional to a lesser degree. If your girlfriend starts to become obese we often start to fall out of " love" with her. Once the looks fade our feelings also fade. Once your status and money fade, your woman's feelings for you also fade. Unconditional love among romantic partners was probably an unrealistic ideal from the start.
Very true. Yes, I will agree. Like for instance, the lady I am currently seeing put on a few lbs, and I've mentioned it could be an issue. She's back eating salads, sushi and mostly healthy foods, but I do fear this will be an issue. Case-in-point, she asked to go on my gym membership, no cost to me, so I added her, yet, she's not gone yet. She said she will, but I do see this will be the line in the sand for me. It's not that bad, but it's bothersome to me. I sometimes think I may be too hard on her. However, I know I have to hold the line. She's 100% in all other ways. I guess, also, since I lost so much weight over the years (north of 100 LBS), I am sensitive to weight. So, it could be me. In her defense, since I met her, she's lost 10 LBS, she was around 15 LBS - 20 LBS over weight, so she's making progress; on her OWN accord. I didn't push or anything, just said that's what I want in "partner".
 
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Epimanes

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Love always has conditons.... always... you wouldn't love someone "unconditionally" if they consistantly cheated on you.. or as a,woman if he consistently beat you.. its impossible to not have conditions... including with our parents... "unconditional" is a fkn fairy tale...
 

Pandora

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Very true. Yes, I will agree. Like for instance, the lady I am currently seeing put on a few lbs, and I've mentioned it could be an issue. She's back eating salads, sushi and mostly healthy foods, but I do fear this will be an issue. Case-in-point, she asked to go on my gym membership, no cost to me, so I added her, yet, she's not gone yet. She said she will, but I do see this will be the line in the sand for me. It's not that bad, but it's bothersome to me. I sometimes think I may be too hard on her. However, I know I have to hold the line. She's 100% in all other ways. I guess, also, since I lost so much weight over the years (north of 100 LBS), I am sensitive to weight. So, it could be me. In her defense, since I met her, she's lost 10 LBS, she was around 15 LBS - 20 LBS over weight, so she's making progress; on her OWN accord. I didn't push or anything, just said that's what I want in "partner".
Ive had three gfs that I broke up with because of weight issues. I am conflicted on whether I should feel guilty. Sometimes I feel incredibly shallow and guilty for this. Other times I feel justified in losing interest because of their weight.

One girl was incredibly cute and slim before she left for her home nation ( Australia). When she came back she looked like a different person. I didn't mistreat her but I treated her with less enthusiasm. Before she left we were in "love" but when she came back I was no longer feeling it. It hurt her badly. We broke it off shortly after this,

I wouldn't want a girl to dump me if I ever fall on my face financially but weight gain and financial issues are different. Weight gain is 100% in control of a person. Jobs and status are mostly in the hands of other people. What are your thoughts?
 

Pandora

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LTR/Love is initial attraction that is maintained over time by each lover, keeping the initial spark alive. This spark has to be more "internal/emotional/spiritiual" than "physical"
I agree. This spark has to be cultivated at an early age. A woman should be loyal to a man when she is very young in her prime. This will make him develop loyalty for her when she is old. These days we are meeting women at an older age when we can no longer form those intense bonds. Once a person is in their mid 20's they can no longer really bond with you. This goes for men and women. The bond you have for someone you have known all your life is much different than the bond you have for someone you met at 25 yrs of age.
 

Pandora

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Even unconditional love has its limits if your well-being is threatened. My marriage was well past the 7 year mark and I felt happy and content with my wife. I watched her fall over four years and did everything that I could to try and pull her out of an alcohol addiction spiral. Alcohol brought out a darkness in her that I would never have dreamed. When I came to the realization that this "demon" was a part of her that was more important to her than I was, something died inside me.
haha yes I can relate. What cured my oneitis is when I realize that this person will never change. It is inherently who they are. Much of the captain save a hoe impulse is based in the delusion that this person just needs more time to change. We think reason and patience will change them. Nope. It is who they are. This realization makes it a lot easier to disconnect from that person.
 
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