"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Ultimate AFC/Oneitis song

DonJuanabe

Master Don Juan
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We've all been there. It sucks. This forum helps a man open his eyes and accept the reality of his situation. Many of you won't know this song but the lyrics will resonate strongly because they are about you at that point in your life. And there are even DJ lessons in the song (e.g. "He never made her think twice" = don't be AFC, you have to be a challenge, you have to keep her just slightly wondering whether you might leave her, etc.). It's kinda sad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0u-rfhgUsoI

He came from somewhere back in her long ago
The sentimental fool don't see, tryin' hard to recreate
What had yet to be created
Once in her life she musters a smile for his nostalgic tale
Never coming near what he wanted to say
Only to realize it never really was
She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology
Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be is always better than nothing
And nothing at all keeps sending him
Somewhere back in her long ago
Where he can still believe there's a place in her life
Someday, somewhere, she will return
She had a place in his life
He never made her think twice
As he rises to her apology Anybody else would surely know
He's watching her go
But what a fool believes he sees
No wise man has the power to reason away
What seems to be is always better than nothing
There's nothing at all but what a fool believes he sees
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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JohnnyStorm

Don Juan
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Rick Astley is the biggest AFC music artist out there.
"Never gonna give you up"
"My arms keep missing"
"Whenever you need somebody"
"Together forever"
Basically every song.
 

Greasy Pig

Master Don Juan
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I'd have to say that Justin Bieber's new song is the most pathetic I've heard in a loooong time.
"As long as you love me"??? Fvcking makes me cringe every damn time I hear it.
 

DonJuanabe

Master Don Juan
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Guys, the point of the "What a Fool Believes" song isn't that the AFC is angry, hostile, etc. and the perspective isn't first person. It is from a third person perspective, from someone whose judgment isn't clouded, who can see the truth that the AFC won't allow himself to see. It is much like this forum, where you have other people pointing out to you what is really going on though you don't want to believe it. The tone of the song is wise and somewhat sorrowful, not because of what the girl did or didn't do (it isn't about the girl at all) or because the AFC is angry or weak, but because he hasn't learned what he needs to learn in order to become wise rather than be a fool. It provides a very good perspective for men to always keep in mind when things are not going well with a woman and you find yourself hoping, wanting, wishing... but the reality is otherwise.

If you have not listened to it you really should; it is a very powerful song because all men can relate to being the fool and while some still are, a DJ can reflect on having been the fool in the past, seeing the truth in the song, and realizing that as a DJ he can see himself in the shoes of the third person narrator. In other words, a DJ has played both roles in the song -- in the past the fool, in the present the narrator.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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