Any opinion about it, it seems to that its either one or the other (with all due exceptions ofc).
Both I'd say. This is what comes from centering oneself around women, extreme avoidance or extreme engagement. People in general also seem to simply not know how to properly interact with the opposite sex, leading to weird behaviors or just avoiding it altogether. This is worsened by the fact that so much importance is placed on the opposite sex, some people act as if their life depends on it.
I think many new guys on this forum go into it too hard, I sure did. Some keep hammering on until they become fed up with it and go MGTOW, some never get to that stage and a few figure out the riddle.
It's not about going one way or the other. I see a billion false dichotomies every week, it's like most other people's brains are just incapable of seeing more than 2 options. In this analog reality there are ALWAYS more than 2 options, most people are just either too stupid or too lazy to think of more than 2. It's not a paradox at all, both things can coexist and there most definitely are more than 2 ways. Sadly, many men fail to realize this and fall into 1 of the 2 typical categories, go crazy trying to get women or quit all of it.
I remove my focus around it instead, this is not the same as giving up by actively avoiding it. It's to just not let it be the ambient theme of my life, convert it into something entirely situational. When the opportunity makes it relevant I'll focus on it, the moment the object of focus is out of sight I "forget" about it.
Women end up saying these seemingly paradoxical things because they meet the same type of man, but at different stages. The desperate ugly PUA wannabe guy who even I find repulsive is at an earlier stage, then she meets the same type of man but at a later stage, he has failed and now generally avoid women. The later stage guy may finally begin to possess some masculine traits, but he's so jaded from his earlier days that he dislikes women and keeps them at a distance. So yeah, it's just that these women see the same type of man, an extreme man as opposed to a balanced man. Women don't seem to quickly realize there's more than 2 options either, so they complain about it while not even considering the existence of other types of men.
It boils down to a lack of awareness about others, oneself and the nature of reality. Fvck dualism, binary doesn't exist in reality, only within the conceptual confines of our minds.