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Trust and keys

RickTheToad

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Not giving her my key? I was very straight forward and told her she doesnt live with me so she doesnt need a key to my place.
Yea, I did that with my before we were married years ago. She gave me a key to her place so I could lock up and leave. I have her a key to mine after she moved it. Worked well. I filed for divorce a year later. So, there you go. Moving in ruins relationships.
 

zekko

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I was very straight forward and told her she doesnt live with me so she doesnt need a key to my place.
True enough. Usually the idea behind giving someone a key is to have someone to go to in case you lock yourself out, or if you need to have her go get something out of the house when you can't get there, or to care for a pet if you're not around. Girls get hung up on this because they want to be that important person in your life, plus it's a trust issue. Doesn't mean you should give her a key though lol.
 

RickTheToad

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True enough. Usually the idea behind giving someone a key is to have someone to go to in case you lock yourself out, or if you need to have her go get something out of the house when you can't get there, or to care for a pet if you're not around. Girls get hung up on this because they want to be that important person in your life, plus it's a trust issue. Doesn't mean you should give her a key though lol.
I switched to a Nest wifi lock ages ago. No chance in losing a key. Got it for a cheap price on eBay, new. Also have a garage, so second way of getting in. Prob. @jaymbrs may of had something similar. Keys are so 20th century and a hassle. Once cars can be controlled by your phone, one will not need to carry any keys. Cash is going away due to the COIV-19 pandemic too.
 

jaymbrs

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Yes but you said you have the keys to her place. How do you get hers and she doesn't get yours lol
Oh it was all her decision to give me a spare. She gave a little push back for getting mine but I told her she can have hers back if she wants as I have no use for it just like she has no use for me giving her one. I asked her to give me one reason why she needs it and she couldn't come up with one that I couldnt reference the fact my sister has one for those reasons. She dropped it.

True enough. Usually the idea behind giving someone a key is to have someone to go to in case you lock yourself out, or if you need to have her go get something out of the house when you can't get there, or to care for a pet if you're not around. Girls get hung up on this because they want to be that important person in your life, plus it's a trust issue. Doesn't mean you should give her a key though lol.
I switched to a Nest wifi lock ages ago. No chance in losing a key. Got it for a cheap price on eBay, new. Also have a garage, so second way of getting in. Prob. @jaymbrs may of had something similar. Keys are so 20th century and a hassle. Once cars can be controlled by your phone, one will not need to carry any keys. Cash is going away due to the COIV-19 pandemic too.
In my previous post I mentioned my sister has a spare key to my house so if something did happen, I already had someone to contact for help. I guess she's my "out" from a lot of discussions about the topic with my GF.
 

zekko

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In my previous post I mentioned my sister has a spare key to my house so if something did happen, I already had someone to contact for help. I guess she's my "out" from a lot of discussions about the topic with my GF.
Yeah, but now in your girlfriend's mind you're putting your sister ahead of her. So in her mind, you should probably either let you both hold keys for you, or take the sister's key and give it to her. In her mind, let me emphasize.
 

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RickTheToad

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Yeah, but now in your girlfriend's mind you're putting your sister ahead of her. So in her mind, you should probably either let you both hold keys for you, or take the sister's key and give it to her. In her mind, let me emphasize.






Do not give her the key. Just say, listen, when I am ready, we can talk about it. I feel like you are pressuring me and I do not like this. Change the subject. If she "loves" you or respects you, she will back off. If she continues to pressure, you have a decision to make.
 

Reyaj

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Do not give her the key. Just say, listen, when I am ready, we can talk about it. I feel like you are pressuring me and I do not like this. Change the subject. If she "loves" you or respects you, she will back off. If she continues to pressure, you have a decision to make.
I honestly wouldn't mention the "when I am ready" part as this sets a false clock in her head. I'd just be firm on the living together, married etc... Trust me I've learned giving them a false sense of hope lesson the hard way.
 

RickTheToad

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I honestly wouldn't mention the "when I am ready" part as this sets a false clock in her head. I'd just be firm on the living together, married etc... Trust me I've learned giving them a false sense of hope lesson the hard way.
Nothing wrong with it. You need to give them something to look forward to. Now, if it's just a FWB, then yea, you are correct. If a dude is looking for something more, then one needs to adjust their wording to fit the setting.
 

bcude

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Yea, I did that with my before we were married years ago. She gave me a key to her place so I could lock up and leave. I have her a key to mine after she moved it. Worked well. I filed for divorce a year later. So, there you go. Moving in ruins relationships.
That's the only Rollo Tomassi rule i don't fully understand. "Never move in with a woman if you don't plan to marry her within 6 months".
I understand the theory why it's not a good idea because it diminishes your ability to walk away and increases her control over you and your whereabouts in a way, but if sh1t hits the fan you can still just bounce off to friends/family/your second apartment (speaking for myself). So why does a toad think that it ruins relationships?
 

zekko

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Nothing wrong with it. You need to give them something to look forward to. Now, if it's just a FWB, then yea, you are correct. If a dude is looking for something more, then one needs to adjust their wording to fit the setting.
Agreed, it can't all be takeaways if you're looking for things to move forward.
 

BadBoy89

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She then stated she doesn't understand why I will not allow her in my home when I am not there.

I simply said I am not there yet. I trust, but in stages.

she's 33 now.
Even if a man is ”there” in terms of trust, a woman will break it if it’s in her best interest. Woman have little to no morals and society and the courts will back them up in almost all circumstances.

Women priorities change as they age. They are fighting nature and need to secure a man before it too late. There is nothing consistent or honest about them. Since romantic relationships are transactional for women, its usually the man’s resources for regular sex.

The only reason a man should be with a woman for a long period is for the kids. But he doesn’t have to legally “commit” to her. He can be married on paper if he wants, but he should able to walk away at anytime with as much fuss as drinking a Coke.
 

RickTheToad

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That's the only Rollo Tomassi rule i don't fully understand. "Never move in with a woman if you don't plan to marry her within 6 months".
I understand the theory why it's not a good idea because it diminishes your ability to walk away and increases her control over you and your whereabouts in a way, but if sh1t hits the fan you can still just bounce off to friends/family/your second apartment (speaking for myself). So why does a toad think that it ruins relationships?
She's not earned it yet. Both haven't learned about each other yet. Different masks or personas she could be wearing? Etc. Have you read The Rational Male yet?
 

RickTheToad

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Even if a man is ”there” in terms of trust, a woman will break it if it’s in her best interest. Woman have little to no morals and society and the courts will back them up in almost all circumstances.

Women priorities change as they age. They are fighting nature and need to secure a man before it too late. There is nothing consistent or honest about them. Since romantic relationships are transactional for women, its usually the man’s resources for regular sex.

The only reason a man should be with a woman for a long period is for the kids. But he doesn’t have to legally “commit” to her. He can be married on paper if he wants, but he should able to walk away at anytime with as much fuss as drinking a Coke.
Depends on your first two arguments. Agree on the third. There is no reason to get married. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell seem very happy; unmarried, but together.
 

Suave88

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Had an interesting convo with the GF today. She was frustrated that we only see each other on the weekends and we cannot really see each other during the week due to my hectic schedule and the CT lockdown for the public. She then stated she doesn't understand why I will not allow her in my home when I am not there. I simply said I am not there yet. I trust, but in stages. She then went on and on that she has keys to her aunts, her doc's and her friends, but not me. I said, well, I am not there yet, if that is an issue, you may want to think things through. I do not trust easy and no one other than me has a key to my place. She's also known every person she's mentioned since she was basically a teenager, she's 33 now. She's only known me for little less than a year. She backed away, but I don't know. I've only given my key to my ex-wife, when we were married, and I found her ruffling through my things and I didn't like that. I do not like people in my house when I am not there.

Thoughts?
Don't give her any keys, do not lend your car or woman to no one Never ever. If she wants to rape you she will do it when you are home. Let her come in then, but not without your presence.

BTW, it sounds like she needs a place to fvck another dude or even a lesbo....
 
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RickTheToad

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Don't give her any keys, do not lend your car or woman to no one Never ever. If she wants to rape she will do it when you are home. Let her come in then, but not without your presence.

BTW, it sounds like she needs a place to fvck another dude or even a lesbo....
Highly doubtful. She owns a three bedroom townhouse and her mom is in one of the rooms. Dad past away in 2015, her mom moved in shortly after. It's one of the reasons why she comes to me. She's also on lock-down and WFH since March 9. She's not the risque type.
 

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lamath

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She's not earned it yet. Both haven't learned about each other yet. Different masks or personas she could be wearing? Etc. Have you read The Rational Male yet?
Its also about the danger of coasting,to something similar to marriage.
Living together also lowers both ppl sex drive. When i see a women too often i lose the desire to **** her, could be ok when your only home for a few hours per night.

Do not give her the key. Just say, listen, when I am ready, we can talk about it. I feel like you are pressuring me and I do not like this. Change the subject. If she "loves" you or respects you, she will back off. If she continues to pressure, you have a decision to make.
This is how you handle it.
Women pushing conversation like those one down your throat and insisting are not being respectful.

Id tell her what she thinks nagging me about this will accomplish, she wants me to give in because she is forcing me isnt it better if i give it to her because i feel like doing the more she nags the lass i want to give it to her.
Its the same thing with nagging men with marriage a sane women wants to get married to a man whats to marry her not to someone who feel force to do so.


Problem is women cant handle the fact that they lack control so they try to regain it like this, its deep down counter productive because this built resentment. Weak men will do as women want.
 

Bokanovsky

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Had an interesting convo with the GF today. She was frustrated that we only see each other on the weekends and we cannot really see each other during the week due to my hectic schedule and the CT lockdown for the public. She then stated she doesn't understand why I will not allow her in my home when I am not there. I simply said I am not there yet. I trust, but in stages. She then went on and on that she has keys to her aunts, her doc's and her friends, but not me. I said, well, I am not there yet, if that is an issue, you may want to think things through. I do not trust easy and no one other than me has a key to my place. She's also known every person she's mentioned since she was basically a teenager, she's 33 now. She's only known me for little less than a year. She backed away, but I don't know. I've only given my key to my ex-wife, when we were married, and I found her ruffling through my things and I didn't like that. I do not like people in my house when I am not there.

Thoughts?
Her asking for keys after knowing you for less than a year is a red flag. In fact, there is no good reason why any girlfriend who does not live with you shoulda have keys to your home.
 
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