Troubles of being goodlooking and single

[Being_the_Don]

I find the problem with being a single guy who is more attractive than 90-95% of other guys is that most women are intimidated by you and your mere presence. Im in that same boat and have witnessed this countless times. Like when you talk to a girl thats maybe a 7 or 8 and I will talk to her just to be social(and practice) and she usually seems nervous like shes thinking "why is he talking to me?" kind of thing.

So it happens to you, too, huh? I can usually hold down several women at one time when talking, and get plenty of IOIs. But there are times when I'm talking to some HB and she'll begin to act nervous avoiding eye contact. One HB8 likes to pull her sleeves over her hands then hold her hand a few inches from her mouth when she talks to me (and always in a really quiet voice, too). When women do things like this sometimes it can be fun but at other times I don't think that I'm being taken all that seriously by them. And there was one who used to treat me like crap if I happened to so much walk past her. She was the vice president of our club. She was really outgoing with other people but she'd clam up and mummble if I happened to sit down next to her. Or she'd start rambling on about something pretending like she didn't notice me. For a while I thought that she really couldn't stand me until I caught her looking at me when she didn't think I was watching her. And one time she came in wearing this miniskirt and fishnet stockings and I brushed against her for a reaction. And she blushed and meekly excused herself to me. Just before the end of the semester she finally mustered up the courage to talk to me. I came in, smiled to her to see what would happen. She approached and asked me if I'd like some cookies she had brought with her. I took them, she was so quiet and wouldn't say anything else. She's pretty but also incredibly shy. I was also trying to spin a friend of her's at the time so shy girl was not number one for me. But she graduated after that and I haven't seen her since. She was acting that way because she was guarding her feelings but I wish that she had been more comfortable around me.

It cuts both ways, actually. I like it when women are sexually tense but it sometimes makes me uncomfortable if they are so nervous that they can't look me in the eye or act cold or mean towards me as a front to hide their insecurity that I might be a player (which I'm not). And like I've said when some pee-ons also spread the junk about that there are women who will believe it anyway.

But I'm glad to be considered attractive, and I'll never short change myself for anything.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I have so many women jingling around my finger like a set of keys. They're easy, because I'm so good looking.

 

[iqqi]

I do not necessarily agree with your statements. I do understand what you are trying to post but i feel that it is a bit delusional. I do agree thats some peoppe are just so unbelievably good looking tht it creates other drama but that is for the select few people out there. Honestly people, unless you are a solid 9 and could be on television solely based on your looks, then your definately not as good looking as you think and should not preach about how your looks are a curse and that people are mistreating you because how good looking you are. Furthuremore, girls more so then guys get treated godly because of their looks. Sure if you look like Brad Pitt you may get an enormous amount of attension but realistically the majority of people are on par when it comes to looks. And this isnt coming from some ugly short fat guy who desperately needs personality to outweigh looks when it comes to dealing with getting into females pants. Just my two cents.

I don't think anyone here is "delusional" about the way people are reacting to them.

Yet I agree with you kind of on the how good you really look thing, because honestly I don't think I am even a 9 or a 10. MAYBE an 8 on a good day. The thing is.... other people seem to think I am. For some strange reason.

I get free drinks, special treatment... or I get just the opposite. I'll get BAD treatment, but its like its on purpose, as if the train of thought is "she is probably used to being treated like a princess, so FVCK HER."

I get blatantly ogled and hit on by men... but the decent ones won't approach me, because their friends told them I am out of their league. OR they will start a conversation with me, mention that they know I am out of their dumb league... and not take me seriously, when I seem interested!

And believe it or not, that gives me issues.

Also, I have noticed that my friends who I consider gorgeous tend to have more insecurities than my less than hot friends... interesting?

And Buckwild is NOT that hot IMO, but I can see why he would be in other's eyes. I am not trying to upset him, but to make a point that what one might consider a HB7 very well could be a HBfriggin12 to someone else.

WHICH also causes issues, because you have people saying how gorgeous you are on one hand, and then others blatantly in your face telling you how you are actually not that hot at all. AND they feel like they have every right to tell you and the world this opinion, since you are SO SECURE, and everyone else seems to think you are all that. That's never good for your self esteem!

 

[NSUballer]

Okay the only problem I have is that girls usually assume Im a player or Ive been with lots of girls. Both not true. When I got to college I was a virgin and didnt know many people. Over time those things changed. I became the good looking popular football player. In high school I was just a football player. Im naturally a social person and people in general are attracted to me. Thats just one of the few blessings God gave me. But I also know that I am a good person and I would never sleep with a bunch of different girls just because I can. Im looking for that one girl that Im going to marry. I will not lower my standards for anyone. I will choose who I go out with, not the other way around. A girl has to prove to me why shes worth my undivided attention. Ive been around the block enough times and have seen other peoples problems with relationships and I want better.

 

[iqqi]

People love to assume crap about people based on looks, period.

Even on this site, almost everyone seems to agree that a hot chick is going to be a ditz or an evil b!tch who is used to getting whatever she wants. In your case, NSUballer, people assume you get all the as$ you want. NEVERMIND that you DON'T want that. They just assume it.

 

[aliasguy]

I don't think anyone here is "delusional" about the way people are reacting to them.

Yet I agree with you kind of on the how good you really look thing, because honestly I don't think I am even a 9 or a 10. MAYBE an 8 on a good day. The thing is.... other people seem to think I am. For some strange reason.

I get free drinks, special treatment... or I get just the opposite. I'll get BAD treatment, but its like its on purpose, as if the train of thought is "she is probably used to being treated like a princess, so FVCK HER."

I get blatantly ogled and hit on by men... but the decent ones won't approach me, because their friends told them I am out of their league. OR they will start a conversation with me, mention that they know I am out of their dumb league... and not take me seriously, when I seem interested!

And believe it or not, that gives me issues.

Also, I have noticed that my friends who I consider gorgeous tend to have more insecurities than my less than hot friends... interesting?

And Buckwild is NOT that hot IMO, but I can see why he would be in other's eyes. I am not trying to upset him, but to make a point that what one might consider a HB7 very well could be a HBfriggin12 to someone else.

WHICH also causes issues, because you have people saying how gorgeous you are on one hand, and then others blatantly in your face telling you how you are actually not that hot at all. AND they feel like they have every right to tell you and the world this opinion, since you are SO SECURE, and everyone else seems to think you are all that. That's never good for your self esteem!

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Iqqi-----

I know I've misunderstood many of your posts before, and maybe I am misunderstanding this one, too, but here goes.......


1. The I'm only an 8, but everyone thinks I'm a 9 or a 10 gambit. False modesty, colored by typical female insecurity over her looks. Women WORRY about where they stand in the looks department, so they downplay "expectation." You are saying, in effect, I'm gonna SAY I'm not so hot, but "other people" think I am, so I must be, so listen to me and be attracted to me. (Which implicitly supports the "men's overriding attraction for mates is BEAUTY", not personality, etc., BTW.)

2. The People treat me great because I'm hot, but when they DON'T, it's also because I'm hot observation. Well, even though hotness is a man's major criteria for being attracted to women, the way you are treated isn't SOLELY based on your professed hotness. Perhaps some of your behaviors elicit this "BAD treatment" from some.

3. The I get hit on and/or ogled all the time, but not by quality men complaint. And, somehow, you "KNOW" the reason. Because their friends say you are out of their league? Would a "quality man" even BUY that? And how do you know that the quality men who don't approach you even are near a friend who would say such a thing at that time? Otherwise, as you say, the "qualty men" who approach you just 'fess up right away that you are "out of their league." Are you really saying that "quality men" are AFRAID of approaching you? What kind of "quality" is THAT?


A lot of this sounds analogous to AFC rationalizations, just twisted all around to a female perspective.

Look, if you're hot, you're hot. GREAT. It's, without a doubt, better for you (in general) if this is true, correct?

If you were uglier, "things" would be "worse," right? Would you take a pill that would MAKE you uglier, to avoid all these travails? If not, then QUIT B*TCHING about how hard it is to be "hot."

JESUS.


Bellyaching about "it's so rough to be so good looking" is simply rationalization for other failings -------- in both men AND women.

Butch up.

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[StevenR]

you should start a good looking persons support group then, and then you can discuss what a burden it is to be good looking with other beautiful people. After all, there are virgins support groups, short peoples support groups, high IQ societies where people with high IQ's can complain about the burden of having a high IQ, and zillions of others like these, so why not a good looking support group?

 

[ChrizZ]

Do you find it troubling when guys are girls both say you are goodlooking or handsome. i actually do not always like if people say i am good looking, they assume I have girls just lining at my doorstep and the most beautiful girls. Maybe i internalize and assume that i should be dating the most gorgeous girl out there b/c of my looks. My expectations are raised as are other peoples of me.

sometimes being good looking is a crutch/curse.
When I was not dating any body at one time, somebody asked are you gay, cause you know most handsome people are gay. i took defense to that. it happened one other time, this lady wanted to set me up on a blind date as i am waiting in line at barnes and noble, as she proceeded to set me up on a blind date....she said your not gay...As seinfeld says, " not that there is anything wrong with that."
to me looks do not matter, personality is more important

n e body else have this problem.

is this supposed to be a joke?

You feel like crying because somebody thought you were gay?

 

[aliasguy]

People love to assume crap about people based on looks, period.

Even on this site, almost everyone seems to agree that a hot chick is going to be a ditz or an evil b!tch who is used to getting whatever she wants. In your case, NSUballer, people assume you get all the as$ you want. NEVERMIND that you DON'T want that. They just assume it.

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I don't think "nearly everyone" thinks a hot chick is going to be a ditz or a b*tch.

At least I don't think that. I know many who don't think that.

I LIKE hot women. Most people are ok, hot OR not.

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[StevenR]

i actually do not always like if people say i am good looking, they assume I have girls just lining at my doorstep and the most beautiful girls. Maybe i internalize and assume that i should be dating the most gorgeous girl out there b/c of my looks.

If you are as good looking as you say you are, post your mug on a dating site like Match, or if you don't want to pay anything, Plenty of Fish, and I guarantee you WILL have the most beautiful girls lining up at your doorstep, or in this case, your inbox.

Now, if you think being good looking is a burden, try being good looking with a genius level IQ. Man, that is really a curse, cause not only do people then expect you to date an HB10, they expect you to cure cancer or something like that, talk about a burden. And if you are a lazy good looking genius and not only fail to date multiple HB10, but fail to cure cancer, or find the unified theory or something like that, and just use it to invent something and become a billionaire instead, then they will be REALLY disappointed in you.

Once you become a billionaire you will then be triple cursed, cause now you are rich too, and everyone just wants your money, and all women are gold diggers. People just don't understand the horrible burden it is to be rich, especially if the democrats get elected. Okay I'll quit trolling now, but I am serious about posting your mug on a dating site and see the responses you get.

 

[StevenR]

No response? Don't believe me? Okay, I will tell you how I know this. I can say with some objectivity that I am in the 93rd percentile in looks, height/stature notwithstanding. Well, I should qualify that, the pics were taken about a couple years ago when I was in better shape. That is what a bunch of people on HotorNot rated my photo I have been using on the personals. The secondary photo that shows my whole body(fully clothed)was rated in the 91st percentile. I know some of you don't take that site seriously but I think it is the best objective measure there is, at least for the photo you put up.

Online dating wise I have had okay results with these photos, get an occasional email from a chick, and get a fair number of return responses for the emails I send out. (It is closing the deal on the date that I have the most difficulty with).

I decided to try a little social experiment. Back up to when I was 25 or 26 I was in really good shape. I even worked out to the point where I had a body like a swimmer with well defined abdominal muscles. I also think I had a nicer face back then, more of a defined jawline and square symmetrical features and cleaner skin.

Back then the internet was just getting started and to my knowledge sites like hotornot, myspace, plenty of fish, match and sites like these didn't exist yet, so I never tried getting with chicks online before I met my former girlfriend(whom I met in real life).

Anyway, to make a long story short, I decided to post a few pics of mine from that age, including some showing my upper body torso and stomach. They got a 98 or 99 percentile on HotorNot. With that, I decided to post them on the personals instead of my current photos to test the kind of responses I would get. I also put my height as 6 feet even (I am between 5'8" and 5'9" on a good day with shoes on), listed my age as 26.

Suddenly women, even hot ones, were emailing me and prostrating themselves before me. It was a totally different experience to have some very hot women kissing my a$$ online trying to get with me. Funny thing was I was never aware I was good looking at all, I thought I was just average.

When I really was that person in those "good looking" photos women were not exactly falling over me at all in real life. I think the height issue makes a great difference. Man, if I was only 26 again, in a ripped body with elevator shoes! Well, that and I had no game back then, I was shy around women. Come to think of it I did meet my psycho ex around the time I had a washboard stomach, but she wasn't much of a catch once you got to know her and I was a total AFC to her.

Oh, and I also tried a ****y and funny profile with the "good looking" 26 year old pics and instead of a bunch of women wanting to get with me online I got a bunch of hate mail instead! Women emailing me telling me what an arrogant a$$ I was and stuff, that I would be the "perfect" guy if I wasn't so arrogant, and that they hoped I would grow up and realize that looks aren't everything, blahblahblah. And it was just a joke! Amazing the assumptions some women will make sometimes. It is actually quite funny in a way, but apparently I just suck at being ****y and funny too, which is not funny because I always thought that at least I had a decent sense of humor when I am not shy. Okay I'll quit babbeling now but that is what happens when I had too much wine for dinner.

 

[jamescr73]

I have a lot of girls say im good looking (hot), whatever, but ive noticed when they find out that im single, they think something is wrong with me, because a guy like me should have a girlfriend. so when i meet a girl and we start getting serious, she starts probing, and trying to figure out whats wrong with me. this complicates things.

 

[BuckwildNYC]

I don't think anyone here is "delusional" about the way people are reacting to them.

Yet I agree with you kind of on the how good you really look thing, because honestly I don't think I am even a 9 or a 10. MAYBE an 8 on a good day. The thing is.... other people seem to think I am. For some strange reason.

I get free drinks, special treatment... or I get just the opposite. I'll get BAD treatment, but its like its on purpose, as if the train of thought is "she is probably used to being treated like a princess, so FVCK HER."

I get blatantly ogled and hit on by men... but the decent ones won't approach me, because their friends told them I am out of their league. OR they will start a conversation with me, mention that they know I am out of their dumb league... and not take me seriously, when I seem interested!

And believe it or not, that gives me issues.

Also, I have noticed that my friends who I consider gorgeous tend to have more insecurities than my less than hot friends... interesting?

And Buckwild is NOT that hot IMO, but I can see why he would be in other's eyes. I am not trying to upset him, but to make a point that what one might consider a HB7 very well could be a HBfriggin12 to someone else.

WHICH also causes issues, because you have people saying how gorgeous you are on one hand, and then others blatantly in your face telling you how you are actually not that hot at all. AND they feel like they have every right to tell you and the world this opinion, since you are SO SECURE, and everyone else seems to think you are all that. That's never good for your self esteem!

I respect that I may not be your cup of tea, and that there is also my dilemma. A good looking girl is pretty much good looking to the entire male community.......in general. I on the other hand dont know where the hell I stand. I have had some girls treat me like I am a Greek God. And others have treated me like I just crawled up out of a sewer ahaha. WTF!?? How is that possible lol. How can you be a 10 to one girl and a 3 to the next???? I'll just never understand women :crazy:


O and I may only be an HB7 to you but if there is a God in heaven please explain to me how James Blunt got Petra Nemcova???? I had a better body than this dude when I was 12 years old

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i162/BUCKWILDNYC/james-blunt-petra-nemcova.jpg

 

[StevenR]

neither have I

just logged into my fake good looking guy account, for shts and giggles here are my emails from all from HB7-10's all on the first day, with a pretty lame two sentence profile about how I like to be romantic, total AFC profile. interestingly, no ugly or fat women even bothered-

Hi,
Cute fall leaves photo. Good to know that you don't mind getting down in the dirt! ; ) Is the other pic a modeling shot or just an artsy photo?

How has the traffic been for you on this site?
-K

HB7.5, and she is correct, the photos I put up were kinda sort of professionally done a long time ago in a photography course I took at the time.

ever make it to nyc perhaps we could catch up for drinks...

-HB 8

wow....

look at that smile

HB7

Hi there,

I just moved to San Fran and I'm looking to make friends. I saw your interest and thought they were similar to mine. If you'd like to do some water sports or something let me know.

--M

HB7 Asian Chick, she said watersports heheheh eheheheheheh he he

Hi there How r you.. I read your profile..didnt say anything..but you're cute- lol
Would you like to chat with me, i live in (omitted),ca and would love to make freinds, if u r interested plz reply.
Thx hope to hear from u soon..

-C

HB9.5

you are beautiful!! You probably heard that plenty of times before, but I thought I would let yoy know.

HB 8

Just wanted to say hi to a fellow hopeless romantic
Hope you're having a great weekend
Look forward to chat some time,
-I

HB8

That sure is a seasonally appropriate picture of you rolling in the leaves
Would you like to chat sometime?
Ciao Bello

Hb9+ man I wish I still looked like I did in those pics, I'd be on her!

This is the kind of response you will get on a personals site, without even trying, if your pics you post are in the 99th percentile on HotorNot. So...are women care about looks as much as men do? I'd say so. Nothing else about that stupid fake profile is special in any way. I should save these messages every time people say looks don't matter to women lol I am going to delete it now and work on the real, present time me, but it was a fun experiment nonetheless.

 

[ketostix]

neither have I

just logged into my fake good looking guy account, for shts and giggles here are my emails from all from HB7-10's all on the first day, with a pretty lame two sentence profile about how I like to be romantic, total AFC profile. interestingly, no ugly or fat women even bothered-


HB7.5, and she is correct, the photos I put up were kinda sort of professionally done a long time ago in a photography course I took at the time.




-HB 8


HB7


HB7 Asian Chick, she said watersports heheheh eheheheheheh he he


HB9.5


HB 8


HB8



Hb9+ man I wish I still looked like I did in those pics, I'd be on her!

This is the kind of response you will get on a personals site, without even trying, if your pics you post are in the 99th percentile on HotorNot. So...are women care about looks as much as men do? I'd say so. Nothing else about that stupid fake profile is special in any way. I should save these messages every time people say looks don't matter to women lol I am going to delete it now and work on the real, present time me, but it was a fun experiment nonetheless.

I actually agree with you. Female's attraction for a male is mostly visual, his looks, youthfulness and being fit. I also think hot or not is a very good indicator of what picture most female viewers are attracted to.

Is this profile you have on Match.com or myspace? I would be intereted in seeing these pictures to get a sense of what kind of look you had that is appealing to women. I'm not surprised at all that there would be a night and day difference in how women would respond to a good pic, but I am kind of surprised by how many forward messages you got from women.

 

[Being_the_Don]

I have a lot of girls say im good looking (hot), whatever, but ive noticed when they find out that im single, they think something is wrong with me, because a guy like me should have a girlfriend. so when i meet a girl and we start getting serious, she starts probing, and trying to figure out whats wrong with me. this complicates things.

For me I get the "why don't you have a steady girlfriend?" or ask why I'm single, etc. When I say I'm still looking for the right woman, I get asked about what it is I want, etc. I don't like qualifying myself, I usually just say "I'll know when I find her." which usually turns off the woman who's probing me.

 

[MooseGod]

For me I get the "why don't you have a steady girlfriend?" or ask why I'm single, etc. When I say I'm still looking for the right woman, I get asked about what it is I want, etc. I don't like qualifying myself, I usually just say "I'll know when I find her." which usually turns off the woman who's probing me.

I just tell 'em I have high standards then they try to qualify themselves... If you say "I'll know when I find her" then chicks think you're immediately blowing them off.

 

[drak_ool]

Its hard for good looking people to meet quality people, because when you are attracting so much attention, it tends to be the wrong kind of attention, for the wrong reasons.

"now ladies, if you're 25 and still complaining that you only had b.itch-a$$ n****z in your life you need to stop b.itching and start thinking what is it about your pvssy that it only attracts b.itch-a$$ n****z"

kat williams, the pimp chronicle vol 1 (quoting from memory)

 

[jamescr73]

I just tell 'em I have high standards then they try to qualify themselves... If you say "I'll know when I find her" then chicks think you're immediately blowing them off.

Yup, I say "im just really picky, and I havent found any girls that qualify lately" Say it with the utmost confidence and they will start trying to qualify, instantly.

 

[Wodan]

I see some merit to what he's saying. One downside of being attractive is that you get resentment from less attractive people-both men AND women. the ugly females will do their best to c*ckblock if they know you're interested in someone they know. It's happened to me and it is not good especially if the woman you are going for is friends with the ugly c*ckblock.

People will also make assumptions about you based on your looks and can even start rumors about you which despite your personality to the contrary some folks will continue to believe (the lies, I mean). To that you just have to ignore them and know that better people see through the lies and bull.

And have any of you ever come into a room and guys show anger when you show up? They will suddenly stop talking and if women happen to be there, the guy(s) will either try to change subject or end the convo altogether so that the women who are there won't have a chance to talk to you? It does happen and usually it's AFCs or wannabe AMOGs who do it. So I do think there will always be people who will hate you if you're attractive. And women can be nervous around attractive guys, and even flake because they worry you'll cheat on them.

But being physically attractive is important. It is a sign of vitality and mental fitness, too. Most physically attractive people are more confident than less attractive people (unless you get really REALLY ripped on by haters) and often times physical attractiveness is coupled with intelligence. So it's better to be healthy (ie attractive) than the opposite.

female c*ckblocks are horrible but men trying to cut off convo etc, thats normally them trying to be the dominant (alpha) one, you need to speak up and be heared it sounds like you just dont have status around those men, hit the gym and notice how they dont talk that way when your 2st heavier with muscle