Trouble with wife

[Rollo Tomassi]

BS - psychology is a "soft" science at best...and a lot of biased propaganda at worst.

This all depends on the branch of psychology you're considering. Behaviorism and Evolutionary Psychology are very firmly based on solid scientific principles and still remain the "tough" psychology with regards to methods and results. The type of psychology that most people are familiar with are the very loose humanist and cognitive branches that rely mostly upon a "touchy-feely" methodology of self-reporting and subjective experience. This is the branch most people are familiar with since a lot of psychotherapist use it in private practice due to it being more palletable to lay-people and thus easier to keep clientele.

One of the reasons I wont consider doing private counseling for profit is because if I were to make a living from I'd have to compromise my approach - which is, more often than not, a sharp kick in the ass for those who need it.

Don't be so quick to paint all of psychology with one broad brush. I can understand the bad taste in people's mouths from years of "fluff" psychology, but there's a lot more going on in the science that you never hear of because a lot of Behavioristic truths are hard for the average person to hear.

 

[wayword]

^ Well, evo-psych is firmer than most psych - and I do personally find it very interesting myself.

However, it is still not as hard a science as math or physics, where certain numbers add up to other numbers, PERIOD. And either you end up with the right number...or the wrong one. It's very black and white. You have no room for error.

With human behavior, it's far more malleable, complex and statistical. It's very gray and thus is a "soft" science at best.

Women prefer these types of majors because:
1) Women are more hardwired to focus upon human interaction and group-think integration
2) They're easier with less "wrong" answers
3) They don't feel like they "have" to be breadwinners with high-paid or practical degrees...and thus feel more free to pursue their own interests in a "continuing education" manner (female privilege)

So, how's all this for psychoanalysis? And I don't even have a degree in it!

 

[Wyldfire]

BS - psychology is a "soft" science at best...and a lot of biased propaganda at worst. And since liberal arts are run by liberals - evo-psych and biological determinism are generally taboo and emotionally denied by them in favor of reality as all "social constructs by teh patriarchy." Although science continues to prove the huge impact of evolutionary hardwiring and biology on human development. That's what a lot of the Game is based upon, in fact. The whole game with women here that was never taught in any university, and would probably be banned by feminists there...and yet is what ACTUALLY WORKS in the field.

You are a typical woman who can only handle a soft major (psychology, social studies, anthropology, interior design, etc) - and chose to get one later in life for ego more than anything (just to now say you are "degreed"). You came in here to show off the sparkly new word (conflict theorist) spoonfed to you in your worthless class, and got thoroughly pwned for using it in a meaningless way. Problem is, you lack the critical thinking to do anything more than memorize and repeat whatever you're taught. You can't analyze and appropriately apply it yourself. Which makes you a robotic drone.

Finance and programming are PURE HARD LOGIC. There is NO ROOM for fluffy opinions there. Either your logic was right and the program works, or it doesn't. Of course, when IT or finance then turns out to then be 99% male, feminists will then whine about how that "proves" how *sob* oppressed women are and deserve quotas and special incentives to boost their participation. Has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that women simply find such subjects more boring and harder!

And yes, from your posts, you are a feminist. Completely self-absorbed and twist every issue to try to benefit your own female agenda, regardless of the facts.

Um...you're an idiot.

That is all.

 

[wayword]

I'm actually 99% positive that is exactly what his wife has been doing. Now about feminism...although most women are impacted by feminism...most don't realize it and don't consider themselves feminists or even think about it. The media sends women messages, making them feel like they are victims. Consider this for a moment...let's say everytime you turned around you were sent the message that if you aren't careful you will be abused, raped, killed, get paid less for the same work, taken advantage of, tricked into getting car repairs you don't need, etc, etc. These are the kinds of messages the media sends to women every day. That's the real reason so many women are so untrusting, cynical and quick to screw the guy over before he can screw her over. Society has created this...with the media instilling the current attitude into women. It's a subtle and gradual thing...and unless someone points it out to you and you want to really look at it...a woman doesn't even realize she's being brainwashed. All the anger and blaming of women you hear on here is a waste of time and really unfair. Women are being socialized to be as they are by the media without even realizing it.

I agree, although I think you are in some denial yourself as you fit that bill too.

And as far as re-educating people, what on Earth do you think we're all doing here? DUH! It's not the whole solution, but it is the first step...

 

[Wyldfire]

This all depends on the branch of psychology you're considering. Behaviorism and Evolutionary Psychology are very firmly based on solid scientific principles and still remain the "tough" psychology with regards to methods and results. The type of psychology that most people are familiar with are the very loose humanist and cognitive branches that rely mostly upon a "touchy-feely" methodology of self-reporting and subjective experience. This is the branch most people are familiar with since a lot of psychotherapist use it in private practice due to it being more palletable to lay-people and thus easier to keep clientele.

One of the reasons I wont consider doing private counseling for profit is because if I were to make a living from I'd have to compromise my approach - which is, more often than not, a sharp kick in the ass for those who need it.

Don't be so quick to paint all of psychology with one broad brush. I can understand the bad taste in people's mouths from years of "fluff" psychology, but there's a lot more going on in the science that you never hear of because a lot of Behavioristic truths are hard for the average person to hear.

Nice to see someone who knows what the hell they are talking about chiming in.

I'm planning on going in the direction of Behavioral Psychology. My main interests are Forensic, Criminal, Addiction. Basically, it is my goal to develop my own intensive substance abuse program (not a pansy one, either) and start my own non-profit rehab program for homeless and low income addicts. It would be free. There isn't enough being done to counter the poison of addiction that is destroying so many lives and killing so many people. Also, since my best friend lost his life to opiate addiction a few months ago, I want to do this in his honor and memory. He tried a bunch of half-ass programs and I used to get so frustrated with the various "treatments" they offered. I think I can do better and create something much more productive.

 

[Wyldfire]

I agree, although I think you are in some denial yourself as you fit that bill too.

And as far as re-educating people, what on Earth do you think we're all doing here? DUH! It's not the whole solution, but it is the first step...

You aren't "re-educating" anyone...you're spreading hate. Instead of riling up a bunch of guys online why don't you actually start talking (COURTEOUSLY) to women. They are the ones who need to realize what the media has done to them. That's the only way to change things. And if you think ranting and raving like a bloody lunatic is going to fix anything you're wrong. That makes it worse.

 

[Wyldfire]

^ Well, evo-psych is firmer than most psych - and I do personally find it very interesting myself.

However, it is still not as hard a science as math or physics, where certain numbers add up to other numbers, PERIOD. And either you end up with the right number...or the wrong one. It's very black and white. You have no room for error.

With human behavior, it's far more malleable, complex and statistical. It's very gray and thus is a "soft" science at best.

Women prefer these types of majors because:
1) Women are more hardwired to focus upon human interaction and group-think integration
2) They're easier with less "wrong" answers
3) They don't feel like they "have" to be breadwinners with high-paid or practical degrees...and thus feel more free to pursue their own interests in a "continuing education" manner (female privilege)

So, how's all this for psychoanalysis? And I don't even have a degree in it!

erm...psychoanalysis is something done with an individual, not an entire group. Basically, all you just did was stereotype and show yourself to be an egocentrist as well as having Narcissistic tendencies.

 

[wayword]

You aren't "re-educating" anyone...you're spreading hate. Instead of riling up a bunch of guys online why don't you actually start talking (COURTEOUSLY) to women. They are the ones who need to realize what the media has done to them. That's the only way to change things. And if you think ranting and raving like a bloody lunatic is going to fix anything you're wrong. That makes it worse.

Of course, cuz women just LLUURRVVEE nice guys! Yes, TALKING COURTEOUSLY is the KEY and what men have been doing wrong this whole time! The better I treat women, the better they will treat me! DUH!

And THIS is why it's so good to get a woman's advice! GAAADDD, how could I have been so blind!



Wait, I got a better idea. Train an army of educated men with backbones that women won't be able to womanipulate and walk all over like nutless doormats anymore. The less shyt men are collectively willing to put up with, the less shyt women can collectively pull. And while preaching to women is a good idea too, we need to train an army of male preachers before they can all preach.


And "psychoanalysis" is merely psychological analysis - which can be applied to any entity, singular or plural. Again, your rebuttal is nitpicky and irrelevant.

 

[Wyldfire]

Of course, cuz women just LLUURRVVEE nice guys! Yes, TALKING COURTEOUSLY is the KEY and what men have been doing wrong this whole time! The better I treat women, the better they will treat me! DUH!

And THIS is why it's so good to get a woman's advice! GAAADDD, how could I have been so blind!



Wait, I got a better idea. Train an army of educated men with backbones that women won't be able to womanipulate and walk all over like nutless doormats anymore. The less shyt men are collectively willing to put up with, the less shyt women can collectively pull. And while preaching to women is a good idea too, we need to train an army of male preachers before they can all preach.


And "psychoanalysis" is merely psychological analysis - which can be applied to any entity, singular or plural. Again, your rebuttal is nitpicky and irrelevant.

For someone who tries so hard to sound so intelligent you have the common sense and reading comprehension of a rock.

We were discussing talking to women about how they have been influenced negatively by the media...and I stressed that such discussions need to be done courteously. Nowhere did I tell you or anyone to act like a simpering lapdog. Here's a newsflash...a person CAN be courteous and tactful without being a pansy or letting people walk all over them. You really have an awfully lot to learn. Stop looking up to the radical set...you don't have to be a dyckhead to be respected by people. No one respects a dyckhead...they laugh at them behind their back.

 

[wayword]

...you don't have to be a dyckhead to be respected by people. No one respects a dyckhead...they laugh at them behind their back.

Really? Says who?

You are applying BS emotional labels to bold honesty and fact-telling here like "hate" and "dyckhead." That's your female mind contaminating your perception.

Men don't worry about such labels. We simply conduct our lives with integrity with confidence (feminese for "dyckhead"), without bowing down to "save face' with everyone else to get their approval. We are not robotic slaves to peer pressure like most women because we possess the ability to think for ourselves and can stand up against groupthink. Which is why you don't find as many female "conflict theorists" - because most women are afraid to speak out and stick out. Women evolved to find safety in numbers and tribal support. Men can survive alone, women can't.

Anyhow, if we keep this up I'm going to have to start charging you tuition.

 

[Wyldfire]

You really need to look beyond the breasts sometime. You're assuming that I must be an emotional person simply because I have tits. You couldn't be more wrong...but then you see only what you want to...that you are the victim of the big bad feminist agenda and anyone with tits is the enemy. What a tool...

 

[Wyldfire]

edited since someone deleted the name calling post

 

[wayword]

Anyone notice how Wyldcougar tries to shame men who have the balls to think outside the box with integrity as:

"conflict theorists"
"hate spreaders"
dyckheads

In other words, she has a fundamental PROBLEM with integrity, independent critical-thinking and truth-seeking. Just like your typical woman who is far more comfortable with emotionally-supported groupthink. She's a classic textbook female! :crackup:

All my psychoanalyses here has been DEAD-ON! And I didn't even have to go to uni to learn this (which they wouldn't dare teach anyways - since according to liberal academia, men & women are clones)!

 

[Wyldfire]

I don't have a problem with anyone...I just like to poke whiners with my virtual stick.

 

[SoCalMike]

psychology

I took Psychology in college, it was mostly BS. Speculating on what motivates another human being to feel or behave a certain way is just that: speculation. Take Freud for example - absolute crock of sh*t theories like the Oedipus complex. Take a look at some of what this sicko's "science" is like:

[edit] Psychosexual development
Main article: Psychosexual development
Freud hoped to prove that his model was universally valid and thus turned to ancient mythology and contemporary ethnography for comparative material. Freud named his new theory the Oedipus complex after the famous Greek tragedy Oedipus Rex by Sophocles. “I found in myself a constant love for my mother, and jealousy of my father. I now consider this to be a universal event in childhood,” Freud said. Freud sought to anchor this pattern of development in the dynamics of the mind. Each stage is a progression into adult sexual maturity, characterized by a strong ego and the ability to delay gratification (cf. Three Essays on the Theory of Sexuality). He used the Oedipus conflict to point out how much he believed that people desire incest and must repress that desire. The Oedipus conflict was described as a state of psychosexual development and awareness. He also turned to anthropological studies of totemism and argued that totemism reflected a ritualized enactment of a tribal Oedipal conflict.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigmund_Freud#Psychosexual_development

Everyone knows worthless pseudo-science majors like psychology and sociology are for female air-heads and idiot jock type guys who just want to be in school to party, socialize, and fvck. Schools offer these majors to make money.

Most of these dimwits taking psychology and the like wouldn't last one semester in EE, Physics, Computer Science, or any of the REAL sciences.

 

[SoCalMike]

Anyone notice how Wyldcougar tries to shame men who have the balls to think outside the box with integrity as:

"conflict theorists"
"hate spreaders"
dyckheads

In other words, she has a fundamental PROBLEM with integrity, independent critical-thinking and truth-seeking. Just like your typical woman who is far more comfortable with emotionally-supported groupthink. She's a classic textbook female! :crackup:

All my psychoanalyses here has been DEAD-ON! And I didn't even have to go to uni to learn this (which they wouldn't dare teach anyways - since according to liberal academia, men & women are clones)!

She is just regurgitating what has been programmed into her.

The establishment has made the female feel bad about accepting her natural role as wife, mother, nurturer. They have made it into "submission" and "failure" . They have also told them that if men believe these things it's "hate".

 

[SoCalMike]

...that you are the victim of the big bad feminist agenda and anyone with tits is the enemy.

that's not what he was saying. he was simply pointing out the damage feminism has done.

feminism is promoted and enforced by men anyway. i already explained this in a previous post.

so women are not the cause of why feminism is so widespread. intelligent men see this and although we may get annoyed at obnoxious women who are out of their place, we don't focus our anger on them but rather ON THOSE RESPONSIBLE for them being out of their place.

actually, women are just as much vicitms of feminism as men are, it's just that in most cases they're not conciously aware of it. to deny nature always causes some sort of damage either physical or mental. and feminism is certainly a denial of nature. it causes mental stress for both sexes.

PS - tits are great. hehe ;-)

 

[Latinoman]

Even though my female perspective is rarely appreciated...since I stopped in for the first time in months I will be nice and offer you some help.

It sounds to me as if your wife is doing some therapeutic shopping. A lot of women do this when they are feeling stressed or upset about something. By the sound of her moodiness and disgruntled demeanor it's a pretty safe bet that this is exactly what she's doing.

I will tell you what I see.

A LOT of women (especially mature women) try to hide a huge deficiency such as sluttines or addiction or alcoholism or conpulsive spending in order to lure a man into marriage.

Hiding those things that most men consider deal breakers can be done if the woman is experienced and disciplined. However, she can only do this as long as things go "well". When she start feeling stress or when things don't go her way, then the woman starts coming out again to her true self.

This is what I have referred as the "hibernation" phenomenum.

Women go into "hibernation" from the deal breakers I mentioned above in order to lure a man into marriage. But these same women will come out from "hibernation" once the stress factor kicks in.

That's why I STRONGLY preach the "past is important".

If you genuinely want to try to salvage the marriage the two of you will need to sit down and try to figure out the source of her stress and find out if you are both willing to commit to working through the problems.

Good approach. However, this is the problem with the approach you suggested (which is a good one); in order to keep certain women (especially a woman over 35, which is almost impossible to change) in the "hibernation" stage, the man MUST focus on her. He will have to probably neglect other important things in his life such as his career, family, friends, health, fitness, etc.

The most likely source of the stress is a conflict between her job and other roles she has. It sounds like her job is pretty demanding and stressful and if her way of coping is going out and spending more money than she should that is causing friction in your relationship. That is just adding more stress and thereby leading her to behave even more irresponsible with the money.

It might be her job now. It could be gray hairs tomorrow. And the menopause three weeks from today. And the fact that he wants to buy some power tools might be the stress factor a month from now.

Whichever the source of her stress...the problem in here is that she will come out from "hibernation" and deal with the stess by overspending (other women by slutting and others by using alcohol or drugs).

First things first...you need to try to avoid conflicts over money as much as you can. I know it's hard because you don't want to go into debt...but in the long run...if you don't work with her to try to reduce the stress rather than add to it by fighting she is not going to get a handle on the therapeutic shopping problem.

I would not gamble my RETIREMENT on this. And this exactly what he is doing...gambling his RETIREMENT $$$ and financial stability. Too much at risk.

Rather than argue, simply ask her to try to think of some things she could do to help her stop overspending. If you do it calmly and using a supportive tone it should help reduce the friction significantly. You can lead and control the situation a lot by choosing to act instead of react....take the lead...and keep your cool.

We can rationalized with very few women. The reformed "sluts" or reformed "overspender" or reformed alcoholic/drug addict is impossible to rationalized with. Now "reformed" is no other thing that a hibernation stage. Especially, if she had that behavior during her adulthood live.

The excessive spending is as much a stress trigger as it is a stress reliever...so she's stuck in a nasty cycle. She's gotta know everyone is pissed at her, so that is just adding to it all. You have to be the stronger one and step in and stop the cycle...lead her but let her think she solved it herself. That's why you ask her what she thinks she can do. Be as supportive and understanding as you can possibly be...not because you have done anything wrong or because she hasn't screwed up. You haven't done anything wrong and she HAS screwed up. Unfortunately...the worst thing you can do for the situation is point that stuff out. She already knows it anyhow. Just guide her towards a solution and let her come up with it...then she won't be given an excuse to be resentful, angry or back out...because it was her idea.

I say that life is too short. And a 40+ woman that has been part of his life for ONLY a couple of years and which has NO CHILDREN with him is not worth the sacrifice and effort.

Oh...and if she isn't receptive to this then you may as well file for divorce before she puts you in the poor house.

She will either be receptive...or say, "sorry, I will work on that". But once the stress comes back...she will be out of hibernation again.

The point in here is that she has ALWAYS been like this. She has a history (past is important guys) of being like this. Even prior to marrying him.

 

[ER!C L!VE]

That's why I STRONGLY preach the "past is important".

Me too. People must be half stupid to think otherwise. I like the hibernation analogy as I know I have a few monkeys on my back that I can hide well...

 

[kyphan]

*snip*

Right on. I learned that lesson the hard way with my ex-fiance.