Trouble reading the signals

[Prodoge]

I had a date with this girl last night but can't assess her by the signals she was giving..

What you need to know is I'm not a DJ, just turned 20, and started ginving a sh!t about the game a couple of weeks ago as I started reading posts on SS and others.

We started off in a pub where we chatted a bit about family, friends, what we enjoy getting to know each other a bit. I sat next to her and she kept her legs uncrossed and as we spoke we kept making eye contact but nothing over 3s. At some point a waiter came over taking photos for the website, so we agreed and for the photo i put my hand on her thigh to which she didn't react like trying to shake it off for example. She also put her hair around her ear exposing her neck to me maybe once or twice at the pub.

After the pub we headed to a latino bar where we both had never been before.
Again I sat next to her to make easier kino.
At first there wern't lany people there so we had a drink, watched what was going on and had a bit of a laugh.
This is where i kinda lost track. As the place got more crowded I told her let's go for a dance, at first she was like "no way" ( neither of us ever attempted to dance latino style). While chatting she seemed to put her hair round her ear on a regular basis (more often the further the date went on) but on the other hand, at some point she crossed her legs which put me in doubt.
After a while she went "let's go dance" and off we went. At first we danced individually (kinda club dancing), the i initiated a couple dance just taking her hands. We really didn't know what we where doing just trying to copy other couples, had a good laugh. While dancing together we held eye contact most of the time. Dancing individually, when we made eye contact she either smiled or laughed playfully at my dancing.
Back at the table i went through her hair with my hand trying to get some longer eye contact to maybe go for a kiss. Unfortunately, she held a brief eye contact the turned away probably sensing what i was up to...

On the way home, whenever there was silence for a short meriod she was trying to get conversation going again.
Once at her house she wasn't in a hurry to get out of her car, then to say good bye we did the typical french cheek kisses.
AND this is where i think i kinda ****ed up: after the good bye she did not leave the car imediately, so i thought **** it, put my left had on her cheak to turn her towards me to go for the kiss. At first she gave me her cheak and when she realized i went for more than the cheak she said a brief "no".

I Know going for the kiss at the end is not ideal to say the least, but in my head i thought at least I would get some feedback going for it.
The thing is now i dont know if it was a "No. Never" or a "No, not yet"...
Anyway, after that she said "Let's do that again" and asked me to text her i got home well.

Sorry for the long post, here is an imaginary potato:

 

[marmel75]

Likely friendzone but I guess you'll find out.

Trust me when I tell you this. Stop looking for signs. It doesn't matter. Go for what you want. You will fvck yourself out of a lot of lays by trying to read signals/signs/IOI's, etc. Some women don't give obvious ones.

Rule is if she doesn't pull away from what you are doing she likes it and to continue to escalate.

 

[RangerMIke]

Only pay attention to red lights, and don't worry about 'green' lights. Assume she likes you and what you are doing until she pushes back. If you go too far with a woman she will let you know, then you back off. You can not be afraid of failing.

Don't worry about trying to make something happen. Just go have fun. I read your post and it sounds like you were working on a date. Dating should be fun, not work.

 

[Tictac]

Stop looking for signs. It doesn't matter. Go for what you want

^^^^ This ^^^^

 

[Prodoge]

Ok i understand as long as i get no red flags i should just go after what i want.

In this particular case, have i already f****d up since i havn't escalated ?

 

[Tictac]

In this particular case, have i already f****d up since i havn't escalated ?

After one date?

No.

Give up being outcome dependent, right now.

 

[Prodoge]

What do you mean dependent, i'm trying to figure out where i went wrong and try to improve and not make the same mistakes again

 

[Tictac]

What do you mean dependent, i'm trying to figure out where i went wrong and try to improve and not make the same mistakes again

All you need to do with this woman is have fun. So do that. The rest will take care of itself.

You are so focused on her reactions and your tactics that you are bumming yourself out after a single date.

 

[marmel75]

Ok i understand as long as i get no red flags i should just go after what i want.

In this particular case, have i already f****d up since i havn't escalated ?

No way of knowing. You'll know when you ask her out again and she either meets you, flakes on you or straight up tells you no.

 

[Tictac]

No way of knowing. You'll know when you ask her out again and she either meets you, flakes on you or straight up tells you no.

Maybe it really is a 'feel' thing that some guys have, some guys develop and some guys don't.

I know that things got easier for me when I stopped giving a damn.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

It seems counterintuitive but forget about her when you are on a date. If you are having fun, the flirting, the kino, and all of that will happen naturally.

You are turning a date into paint-by-numbers.

A woman will be more offended by you NOT wanting to kiss her than by trying. If she agrees to another date, awesome (and she probably will). If she doesn't it may be nothing to do with you.

 

[Prodoge]

Alright then, lets sum up:
- Forget about green lights, watch out for the red ones.
- Escalate more and more until she pushes back.
- Go out with the intention to have fun, not to win her over.
- Know what i am after and go for it.

Sounds simple, putting it to practice is going to take some training though.

Is it worth starting a field report to keep track on my way of (I hope so) becoming a dj?

 

[marmel75]

Alright then, lets sum up:
- Forget about green lights, watch out for the red ones.
- Escalate more and more until she pushes back.
- Go out with the intention to have fun, not to win her over.
- Know what i am after and go for it.

Sounds simple, putting it to practice is going to take some training though.

Is it worth starting a field report to keep track on my way of (I hope so) becoming a dj?

Yeah start field reports...above all just stop caring about what they do, say or how they react...unless they pepper spray you or something, but by then you've probably gone through about 2 or 3 red lights, lol

 

[Prodoge]

Yeah start field reports...above all just stop caring about what they do, say or how they react...unless they pepper spray you or something, but by then you've probably gone through about 2 or 3 red lights, lol

Is there a special section for field reports ?

 

[marmel75]

Is there a special section for field reports ?

No, just start a journal on here and update it like others do

 

[grayclif]

I had a date with this girl last night but can't assess her by the signals she was giving..

What you need to know is I'm not a DJ, just turned 20, and started ginving a sh!t about the game a couple of weeks ago as I started reading posts on SS and others.

We started off in a pub where we chatted a bit about family, friends, what we enjoy getting to know each other a bit. I sat next to her and she kept her legs uncrossed and as we spoke we kept making eye contact but nothing over 3s. At some point a waiter came over taking photos for the website, so we agreed and for the photo i put my hand on her thigh to which she didn't react like trying to shake it off for example. She also put her hair around her ear exposing her neck to me maybe once or twice at the pub.

After the pub we headed to a latino bar where we both had never been before.
Again I sat next to her to make easier kino.
At first there wern't lany people there so we had a drink, watched what was going on and had a bit of a laugh.
This is where i kinda lost track. As the place got more crowded I told her let's go for a dance, at first she was like "no way" ( neither of us ever attempted to dance latino style). While chatting she seemed to put her hair round her ear on a regular basis (more often the further the date went on) but on the other hand, at some point she crossed her legs which put me in doubt.
After a while she went "let's go dance" and off we went. At first we danced individually (kinda club dancing), the i initiated a couple dance just taking her hands. We really didn't know what we where doing just trying to copy other couples, had a good laugh. While dancing together we held eye contact most of the time. Dancing individually, when we made eye contact she either smiled or laughed playfully at my dancing.
Back at the table i went through her hair with my hand trying to get some longer eye contact to maybe go for a kiss. Unfortunately, she held a brief eye contact the turned away probably sensing what i was up to...

On the way home, whenever there was silence for a short meriod she was trying to get conversation going again.
Once at her house she wasn't in a hurry to get out of her car, then to say good bye we did the typical french cheek kisses.
AND this is where i think i kinda ****ed up: after the good bye she did not leave the car imediately, so i thought **** it, put my left had on her cheak to turn her towards me to go for the kiss. At first she gave me her cheak and when she realized i went for more than the cheak she said a brief "no".

I Know going for the kiss at the end is not ideal to say the least, but in my head i thought at least I would get some feedback going for it.
The thing is now i dont know if it was a "No. Never" or a "No, not yet"...
Anyway, after that she said "Let's do that again" and asked me to text her i got home well.

Sorry for the long post, here is an imaginary potato:

OK so you've decided to read up on game and test everything you've learned on this new date you just got. That's fantastic.

I don't think you did that bad on the first date. If you cared less though your date wiuld have went a lot better.

If you want to put your arm around her you do it. If you want to dance grab her hand and go dance. And finally if you want to kiss her then you just do it. It's really a's simple as that. Don't put any thought into it just do it.

But if you decide to kiss her make sure your breath don't stank.

Remember it's what you want.

I wish some body told me this when I was 20. If your decent looking in shape and have some change in your pocket you will be just fine. Push for what you want. If you get blocked never appologize and appear unphashed.

 

[Prodoge]

OK so you've decided to read up on game and test everything you've learned on this new date you just got. That's fantastic.

I don't think you did that bad on the first date. If you cared less though your date wiuld have went a lot better.

If you want to put your arm around her you do it. If you want to dance grab her hand and go dance. And finally if you want to kiss her then you just do it. It's really a's simple as that. Don't put any thought into it just do it.

But if you decide to kiss her make sure your breath don't stank.

Remember it's what you want.

You're the first to say that I "did alright" on the date lol

To be honest I think I was trying to apply to much of the game to early, and as most people here said, overthinking it.
But practice makes perfect!

I wish some body told me this when I was 20. If your decent looking in shape and have some change in your pocket you will be just fine. Push for what you want. If you get blocked never appologize and appear unphashed.

It's hard to judge yourself on looks IMO, since you can only see yourself in the mirror and not with someone else's eyes, I would rate myself average, maybe 6/10 (I could easily over- or underrate myself: 1m80, 70kg, sporty build). The fact I have not really had much succes with girls recently is mostly due to my behaviour and body language rather than looks. Plus I am currently mechanical engineering student in my 2nd year and in my school there are maybe 5-7% girls...

It's true that nowadays there are alot of ressources on internet and it would be stupid not to use them!