"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Trapped at a Girl's Night Out

Jordache.DJ

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Ever been at a social event where, by sheer statistical chance, you are left with a crowd of girls and maybe a gay friend?

That happened to me last night, and I can tell you, testosterone levels hit a dangerous low. Once Sex in the City came on and the girl circle closed in, the fashion talk ramped up. Comments like, "she's so pretty," "can you imagine walking in those shoes?" and "have you ever curled your hair like that?" left me a bit amiss. A HB9 even said in clear earshot, "Why aren't there any nice, attractive, sweet guys out there?" I should have busted her on that one but I didn't think of it at the time.

Anyone have opinions on the girl's night out? Is it a good situation to find yourself in, being the only eligible male in the group, or is your game useless, every moment you are there remaking you as "one of the girls"?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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The Bad Ass Canadian

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Why the hell did you get into a girls night out?

If you aren't dating one of these women, then I'm afraid you are "one of the girls".

Don't be so foolish as to think you could actually turn one of these girls on, by whatching sex in the city with them.

I'm just trying to imagine getting in that situation. I would have made up an excuse to leave asap. Like going to shoot some hoops or something...anything. Not only are you in the "friend zone", you're one of them.

That sin't where you want to be, but looks like the deed is done.

It all depends on the situation. Are you dating one of them? If you are, then it's not so bad...but I still wouldn't have been there.


The Bad Ass Canadian
 

Jordache.DJ

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Actually, it was a club dinner, but by chance, all of the guys left, save one, when the first crowd hit the doors. My gut told me to get out of there too... *but*:

Does anyone think there might be a way to take advantage of a situation like that? Busting them as a group for the girly conversation? Isolating? It seems hard to believe there is not SOME way to take advantage of a moment when your competition is at its lowest. Is bailing the only solution?
 

The Bad Ass Canadian

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Oh, a club dinner?

Well that's a little different. I had a vision of you sitting on the couch surrounded by women watching some gay-assed sitcom. lol

Yeah, you definitely coulda played the C&F if you're good at that stuff. I would have done it.

If things got lame, I woulda bailed though.

The Bad Ass Canadian
 

squirrels

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Being the proverbial "last man standing" does not automatically increase your chances of getting laid.

If you weren't having fun, you should've bailed with the other guys. If you want to stay in there, you need to take control of the conversation and direct it to stuff that's fun for YOU as well. Bust on the girls for the goofy girl things they do...not impolitely, but in a fun way. But then again you should've been doing this even while your friends were still there.

Were you particularly turned on by any of the girls? Did they deserve to be in your presence? Or were you just worried about "getting some"?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Jordache.DJ

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Oh, I was having fun. One of the girls was the friend who had invited me there in the first place. And one or two of the others were definitely worth working on. The feeling was generally good until things got snoozy, at which point I did bail, and I was a little disappointed with the muted outcome.

I could have directed the conversation my way a little more. And I think you're right, Bad Ass, in that more C&F would have improved the situation. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of experience with C&F, but I am working on it. If you have any advice on C&F exercises, I'd be well open to it.

I should also mention the club dinner i was invited to was actually a jewish cultural event (a shabbat dinner). I understand there is a bit of a taboo in the jewish culture about dating outside of jewish circles. Anyone had any experience with this?
 
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