Transitioning into LTR: How long should you vet a plate for?

[CyrusTheGreat]

When the end goal is to establish an LTR (in order to have kids), I believe that it's agreed-upon among the community that the best strategy is to spin multiple plates because it allows to vet women and choose the best one.

1. But, I couldn't find much information on how long to spin a plate before you can decide whether to drop that plate or transition to an LTR?
2. Also, how often should one spend time (let's say per week) with the plates in order to get to know them well enough to decide whether they're worth an LTR or not?

What do you guys think is an optimal time-frame for deciding whether a woman is worth your time or not?

 

[The Duke]

How many girls have you been with?

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

How many girls have you been with?

I've been with a handful of women.

The reason I'm asking this question is that I recently came out of a 1 year LTR (I was broken up with), and looking back I figured that I should have probably ended the relationship way earlier.

Looking forward, I am planning to date non-exclusively for awhile (probably 2 years or so). Now I know that I should drop a plate when I see the red flags. But let's say some of the plates don't show red flags for the first few months. How long should I keep spinning the ones without red flags for the cream to rise to the top? An obvious answer is the longer the better. But that way you risk loosing good plates obviously.

So my question from you, more experienced folks out there, is how long to vet a girl for before figuring out she is worth an LTR or not!

 

[pipeman84]

In my opinion, if a woman is OK with being a plate, aka she has no issues with the man seeing other women once they've had sex, then she's not LTR material. Either she has no real bonding capacity (never was there to begin with or lost it through high notch count), she's not into you or is extremely insecure.

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

In my opinion, if a woman is OK with being a plate, aka she has no issues with the man seeing other women once they've had sex, then she's not LTR material. Either she has no real bonding capacity (never was there to begin with or lost it through high notch count), she's not into you or is extremely insecure.

In that case, how's a man supposed to search for high quality women for an LTR?

 

[pipeman84]

In that case, how's a man supposed to search for high quality women for an LTR?

Screen for the well known red flags. If a man really applies this, he won't even meet or at most spend 30min with the kind of women the majority of guys waste their time, money and sanity on.

 

[Murk]

In that case, how's a man supposed to search for high quality women for an LTR?

Spin plates, high-quality women are not gonna let you string them along for months on end being a side piece.

I'm yet to find a women that blew me away in 1-2 months so I don't think I'm fully qualified to answer this thread. I've strung women on for years and had 5-6 women on rotation, multiple girls in the same day, and many STDs. I don't think you can plate 5x 9-10s that are high-value women unless you are top 0.5% which I'm not. It's time consuming and unless you're a multi-millionaire or from wealthy family, you shouldn't be wasting time dating 6 days a week. The men that do that live hand to mouth, driven by sex and not purpose.

I think 3-4 months is long enough for a drop-dead gorgeous woman, with good genetics, family (incl father), no attitude, and low body count - for you to throw some commitment and see how it goes. Anything more and she's likely to leave (if she's worth anything she will have many pursuers/options).

You spin plates not just to vet women, but also to stop oneitus making you fall for some trash bag. You have abundance and think with more clarity, even 2 women at a time cycling one off for another is a good manageable rotation. I'll aim for 2-3 next year when I start to date again. I'm also looking for kids and LTR, so I'm not tolerating a woman that allows me to plate her for 6 months like the idiots I've done it to in the past with no self worth.

 

[Barrister]

First, you always let a woman ask about the transition from dating to LTR. You don't do this. When she asks about it is when you give a full evaluation as to whether that is what you want as well. And when she asks is relevant as well. If she asks to be exclusive after Date 1 you know you have a clingy Cluster B and you shouldn't ever consider it. If she asks after 6-8 dates, that is probably more normal assuming the chemistry is strong.

I think it generally makes sense to have been with a woman for at least 2-3 months before "the talk" is given serious consideration. You need to see how she functions not only during your dates but also outside of the dates. Does she respect your space in that time frame, does she have an anxious attachment style that could be a pain to deal with long term, etc. Those are things that take time to iron out.

Also, I think you are setting yourself up for failure if you go in with the absolute goal of finding an LTR. That is something that needs to happen organically and not because you want it. You are going to end up settling for something you shouldn't.

 

[The Duke]

I think spinning plates is the wrong approach to take if looking for a LTR worthy of having kids with. The best girls won't tolerate you seeing other girls for very long at all. It causes drama and a man loses focus on other areas of his life. If you have to spin plates to control your "oneitis", you aren't ready for a LTR.

Don't set yourself up for failure by blinding yourself by what it is you desire(LTR worthy of kids). Keep your desire to find a LTR in the back of your mind, but don't let it drive you. Its similar to the woman that desires a baby, and lets that desire drive her. She ends up overlooking the flaws of the man she finds because her desire to have a baby is so strong. You end up focused on the wrong things, and miss the most important things. Another example is when a mans driving desire to have sehx is so strong it leads him to struggles and poor choices.

The turning point for me happened once I started putting all girls in the same box. I viewed every new girl I met as only "fun & games" until she proved me otherwise. It was much easier to see red flags and act accordingly. If she wanted something serious from me, then I needed to be convinced she was a worthy woman. If she had a problem with that then she filtered herself out. Solid women that have value will be up for the challenge. The girls that aren't worthy(which is the majority) will be paranoid.

How long does it take to completely vet a girl...truthfully you never will. But you can learn about 80% of who she is within 3-6months. It takes about 2-3 days a week of seeing a girl. The best actors can hide their issues, but you will see cracks in their character 4-6months out. I've never had one hide her issues more than 6months.

Women and committed long term relationships these days are extremely difficult to make work. Take your time. I think you could benefit from dating a few more girls.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I've never had one hide her issues more than 6months.

For the ones whose issues surfaced at 6 months, what were the issues?

 

[derby1]

In that case, how's a man supposed to search for high quality women for an LTR?

you are 31 without being toxic lets use the word Probability. Youre now in the age group where the probability of women being in combat mode, unruly, masculine , neuoritic, 3rd wave feminism traits and alpha widowed are HIGH.

Spinning plates puts you in a cool state of mind, so after sex or after the date you dont start bombing her phone.

if shes online on whatsapp after shes told you shes going bed, you dont start sending her beta male texts showing how insecure you are, who is she speaking to? and you have failed her test.

it turns you into cool hand luke, who doesnt take women serious and you are less available.

women are expert game players they will post ambigous SM status's making out they been sent **** pics by a porn star, all in the hope you start going all possessive over her as she wants to check your interest level, which ISNT much

 

[pipeman84]

I think spinning plates is the wrong approach to take if looking for a LTR worthy of having kids with. The best girls won't tolerate you seeing other girls for very long at all. It causes drama and a man loses focus on other areas of his life. If you have to spin plates to control your "oneitis", you aren't ready for a LTR.

100% this ^^
Spinning plates mentality is incompatible with looking for an LTR prospect.....it's like recruiting for mall security vs recruiting for Navy SEALs.

 

[KingTurbo]

When the end goal is to establish an LTR (in order to have kids), I believe that it's agreed-upon among the community that the best strategy is to spin multiple plates because it allows to vet women and choose the best one.

1. But, I couldn't find much information on how long to spin a plate before you can decide whether to drop that plate or transition to an LTR?
2. Also, how often should one spend time (let's say per week) with the plates in order to get to know them well enough to decide whether they're worth an LTR or not?

What do you guys think is an optimal time-frame for deciding whether a woman is worth your time or not?

Let HER ask you.

Don’t get married-unless you are 100% mentally and 500% spiritually sure.

 

[The Duke]

For the ones whose issues surfaced at 6 months, what were the issues?

Unresolved issues from childhood. Ran away from home and gone a few days as a teenager. Those things that probably hurt the worst that a person keeps buried.

 

[Murk]

I think spinning plates is the wrong approach to take if looking for a LTR worthy of having kids with. The best girls won't tolerate you seeing other girls for very long at all. It causes drama and a man loses focus on other areas of his life. If you have to spin plates to control your "oneitis", you aren't ready for a LTR.

Don't set yourself up for failure by blinding yourself by what it is you desire(LTR worthy of kids). Keep your desire to find a LTR in the back of your mind, but don't let it drive you. Its similar to the woman that desires a baby, and lets that desire drive her. She ends up overlooking the flaws of the man she finds because her desire to have a baby is so strong. You end up focused on the wrong things, and miss the most important things. Another example is when a mans driving desire to have sehx is so strong it leads him to struggles and poor choices.

The turning point for me happened once I started putting all girls in the same box. I viewed every new girl I met as only "fun & games" until she proved me otherwise. It was much easier to see red flags and act accordingly. If she wanted something serious from me, then I needed to be convinced she was a worthy woman. If she had a problem with that then she filtered herself out. Solid women that have value will be up for the challenge. The girls that aren't worthy(which is the majority) will be paranoid.

How long does it take to completely vet a girl...truthfully you never will. But you can learn about 80% of who she is within 3-6months. It takes about 2-3 days a week of seeing a girl. The best actors can hide their issues, but you will see cracks in their character 4-6months out. I've never had one hide her issues more than 6months.

Women and committed long term relationships these days are extremely difficult to make work. Take your time. I think you could benefit from dating a few more girls.

This is great advice, I agree the spinning plates thing won't work for serious LTR.

I think I'll take a more mature, measured approach in finding a new partner, but I won't be actively seeking it like a 35-year-old childless woman seeking semen, I'll just keep doing me and vet the women that come into my life while keeping my standard/boundaries. I've done all my learning now, at 33, I feel more fully developed mentally/emotionally and I have so much more discipline now than I ever had.

 

[member160292]

These are some great responses as I’m coming to the crossroad here. I’m going to take the next step and slowly lett go of my other 2 plates and my ex (which is going to sting like a B for her)

It was a fun single ride while it lasted. 90% of the women during this run were subpar to my standards. I’m ready to start this new journey Cheers all!

 

[Kotaix]

In that case, how's a man supposed to search for high quality women for an LTR?

You need to be on the same page with a woman. This means that you both think the same way, for me with my current LTR this means that she very often says the same thing that is on my mind, and vice-versa. This doesn't mean that you have to agree ideologically..

Also, looks are secondary to compatibility. The vast majority of really hot women (8-10) are ruined as a function of their own looks getting them everything they want.

And she absolutely must be high interest.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Outside the obvious red flags...

1) Who are her friends?
2) Who are her exes?
3) What does she gain for choosing you?

 

[CyrusTheGreat]

2-5 years for a western girl

That's too long. Why would high value girls put up with that in the current SMP. It's a simple cost/benefit problem. I think waiting this long will either result in nothing or low value girls in the end.

 

[pipeman84]

Have you read this title? Spinning plates is absolutely esentual to know where a guy is with a particular girl.
It spans age and demographics

I have yet to see an 'expert' spouting this nonsense who is happily married to an attractive, mentally sane girl who gave him her virginity.
This guy joins the group of other divorced 'experts' such as Corey Wayne, Rich Cooper who perpetually date single moms or some other hoes.

A real man never takes. His only desire is to share, to inspire, to beautify the experiences of himself and everyone around him. His ecstasy is derived solely from her ecstasy. If she doesn’t feel like a queen, he doesn’t feel like a king. A boy makes his girlfriend jealous of other women. A man makes other women jealous of his girl. - Zan Perrion