Too nice, too soon. Need advice on how to recover

[redmenace]

I'm 35 years old and made a rookie error. Met a woman at a party, had a mad make-out session after 1/2 hour of talking and wnet out with her the next week.

Need advice on how to recover from what followed. Went out with a 35 year old professional woman two weeks. Had a great time, good chemistry, discovered mutual interests and values and talked for hours at the end of the evening and wrapped the night with a tasteful kissing session at the door. Called the next day to say I had a great time and hope to see her again.

This is where I made the mistake. Didn't hear from her that day so I called again the next day and only got an email back. called her again the next day with no response. Called her a 5-6 times that weekend and never heard back.

This weekend went by and she flaked on plans we had last night a few minutes before we were supposed to meet at my place.

She sent me an email today saying that there was no spark and she wanted to be honest with me but would like to stay friends because I am "an awesome guy" (That hurt, it screamed "I don't see you in a sexual way")

Essentially I feel 90% sure I squashed her interest by coming across as needy or desperate. We have plans for this Saturday to go see a broadway show and we decided to keep them.

I want to try and salvage her interest, what advice would you give for doing so. IE, break the date, don't call until the day of, keep the evening supper casual. Be brutal and give me details.

Thanks.

 

[upcomingDJ]

seeing as you did come off a little desperate.. i say throw her off by cancelling it, this will show her IL, then if she does call you back to make other plans go for it, if not NEXT her.

 

[ghostin]

Tell her you cant be friends with someone u have gone past the friends line with. It has nothnig to do with her..just the way you are.

I guarantee if u stay friends it will be near impossible to gey physical with her again. U need to become a challenge to her.

 

[smoke city]

"there's no spark" = "you will NEVER see me naked"

move on, man, move on...


btw--there is no doubt in my mind that you came across as desperate. dude, don't EVER call a woman 5-6 times with no answer [unless she owes you money!]. that's not "too nice," it's insane.

 

[redmenace]

Thanks guys, writing her off and cancelling the date. Bill Joel said be proud if your mistakes, they are the only thing you can really call your own.

 

[quest]

you could try something like..
email her

"sorry, can't make it saturday, i have a date."

leave it there.

she'll either never write back, ie; she won't pursue your friendship, and you really lose nothing.

or she'll write back and you've either got an interested girl, or a new friend (if you actually want a new friend)

but its hard to give advice on this, as i'm only 21 and i'm sure that as my relationships have changed from 16-21, they'll continue to change up until 35.

 

[biker_gixxer]

This is where I made the mistake. Didn't hear from her that day so I called again the next day and only got an email back. called her again the next day with no response. Called her a 5-6 times that weekend and never heard back.

You came across needy and desparate. That's pretty sad bro...

This weekend went by and she flaked on plans we had last night a few minutes before we were supposed to meet at my place

Gee, I wonder why...

and she wanted to be honest with me but would like to stay friends because I am "an awesome guy"

Please, honest would have been 'you totally turned me off, go away', lol. You know it's pretty much over when you hear crap like this.

I want to try and salvage her interest, what advice would you give for doing so.

I would call her a few days before hand and cancel the plans. Don't give her an explation and don't make the conversation long. Get off the phone quickly, like you're in the middle of something or you're running later for an appointment.

Then wait...

 

[Triple X]

Yeah, gotta agree with the advice offered here so far. In these kind of situations the only real option is Ganji games (and if you don't know what they are, click here)

 

[redmenace]

Good points. Taking your advice, sent her an email today saying I had a buddy in town this weekend and couldn't miss seeing him, offered a raincheck. But that's it. She out of all my directories and out of mind. Working two other honies before the weekend to make sure this chick doesn't leave any remnants.

Thanks for the Ganji tip, interesting idea and I'll be sure to try it. Thanks again for taking the time.

 

[frivolousz21]

you caved again

by saying buddy...you should of said date or female companion

 

[redmenace]

I thought about saying a date but that seemed ultra-transparent and if she thinks I'm breaking this off to play hard to get I'm in a worse spot than I was before. 99% it's a lost cause anyway, so no decision is the wrong one but I appreciate the input.

 

[Hellboy]

Had a great time, good chemistry, discovered mutual interests and values and talked for hours at the end of the evening and wrapped the night with a tasteful kissing session at the door.
Good work

Called the next day to say I had a great time and hope to see her again.
How sweet....... now PATIENCE!

Didn't hear from her that day so I called again the next day and only got an email back.
Uh oh...

Called her again the next day with no response.
WTF? :nono:

Called her a 5-6 times that weekend and never heard back.
Man by this time she's shopping for the mace spray. :nervous: :crazy:

Are you new to this site? I'm guessing you must be, unless you were trying to drive her away

She out of all my directories and out of mind. Working two other honies before the weekend to make sure this chick doesn't leave any remnants.
Perfect mindset now though. You learned a harsh lesson and came out stronger! Next time, remember how sensitive these girls can be. They think any guy who shows repeated interest (as above) has gotta be a psycho/stalker/murderer. Nice level headed guys ignore their chicks. Sad but true

 

[Sexual]

Good decision. Search for escaping the friend zone in the DJ Bible, think it's by Fingers, not sure though.

 

[seabreeze]

Good job canceling, redmenace! And using the buddy is infinitely better than using a "date." Believe me, if this woman still wants to be friends with you, there is still a chance for romance. Guys only end up permanently in the friends zone when they don't ganji.

Good luck!
SB

 

[redmenace]

Not a masakist but keep it coming, I was in the ether but there is no excuse. I had the this fat marlin on the line and watched it self-destruct at my own hands. She's out of mind. I figure if I paths cross again she will be the one feeling pressure, curiosity, and the lack of closure.

For now, she has crossed over and she is the only one who can bring her back

 

[seabreeze]

Oh! And since you seem new here, I guess I should mention that I'm a chick.

 

[frivolousz21]

seebreaze is a women :woo:

 

[flexion_]

Well at least now you know what you did wrong. Just chalk it up to learning. I agree cancelling those final plans was the right way to go.

 

[Trance]

Best advice you'll ever get on getting women burning in interest for you:

Be a sexual being when you are kissing her, go further and further, tease a girl, make her hot, make her burning desire, make her love having sex with you.

And when you're not doing it, or not with her, dont TALK ABOUT IT EVER!! When you are in a non-sexual state, you talk about everything, go out, have a nice time, etc.
But there's always that time in that day that you'll surprise her and get into a sexual state and have her right that moment. That just gets any women crazy inlove with you.

 

[themanwithnoname]

we all make mistakes, the best thing you can do about yourself is to learn and move on.