Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Too needy, too jealous, fear of rejection

RestUnknown

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 21, 2016
Messages
142
Reaction score
16
Age
31
Every single time there's this girl I'm really interested in, I tend to start out ok. But after a few days I see her saying something to someone else, see her texting to someone and all these thoughts of "yeah ok it's over, she's not interested in me but someone else" come into my head. Thoughts like "yeah ok that guy is much better looking, taller, funnier, confident".

This even happens if just before that, she talked to me where she was qualifying herself, flirting, teasing,... I tend to shut myself of from her and avoid her, don't say anything anymore and yeah of course it's a self-fulfilling prophecy and my bad habits are reinforced once more because "see she's not interested". I also tend to need the attention, I kind of ignore her just because she would come to talk to me which would prove me wrong and make me feel good.

I figured it out to be two things:

- low self confidence as in why would that girl who I am interested in, be interested in me, she could get much better
- fear of rejection, if that girl I'm interested in doesn't like me, then probably no one else will

There are two serious events that happened in my life which might contribute to this as well:

- death of my father at age of 12
- very hard break up with a girlfriend at the age of 21

This bullsh*t of course doesn't happen with girls I'm not interested in. But is there any way I can get over this crap? How can you be interested in someone but don't care about the outcome? And how do I get rid of my bad habits?
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
5,276
Reaction score
3,362
All been there. Don't be to hard on yourself.
Push yourself yes.
I see in your writing you lack a bit of passion. There's something not there that your filling up with attention from women.

Try to get to where if they are there or not your life is as much fulfilling as you can or as complete as necessary at this point in your life's journey.
Everything and everyone in it is transient.
 

Mauser96

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 28, 2012
Messages
5,140
Reaction score
2,466
You need to focus 100% on yourself and move women a few rungs down the priority ladder.

Set some goals for yourself - house purchase, car purchase, retirement goals, travel goals, fitness goals......then work towards those.

This won't happen overnight. It will take a few months to re-organize your priorities.

Getting in great shape will be particularly helpful to your mindset.
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
436
Reaction score
334
Location
The City
A while ago I read up on the psychological effects of the absence of fathers on their children. I did it because I grew up without much contact with my father, and he passed away before I reached adulthood.

Turns out absent fathers cause low self esteem in their children, which makes sense. You need that rock of emotional support growing up to develop into a confident man, and often times that is the father figure.

I'm not saying this definitely applies to you, but if it does it explains a lot. Especially the part where you talk about not feeling worthy of a girls interest, and your strong fear of rejection.

The best way to overcome your fear of rejection is to just approach lots of women. I'd reccomend starting in a club environment. Your main goal should not be to succsessfully hook up with the girl, but to overcome your fear of approaching. That way you will win regardless if the girl rejects you or not.
 

Prettyboy Dee

Banned
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Messages
206
Reaction score
271
Age
27
Location
Atlanta, Ga
Yep, been there done that, sounds just like me.

This goes away as you build more confidence, stay positive.....

And if it makes you feel any better, this is how most guys feel inside when there interested in a girl, you just cant tell from the outside just like I'm sure others cant tell how you feel inside, girls also go through this when there interested in a guy.....

Nothing wrong with you, when you like a girl of course your going to be very critical and very jealous ect despite what guys on here say, those feelings are normal once you are crushing on someone.

When I like a girl and I see her interacting with another guy, I dont like that sh!t either, why? Because I like her! Duh, that's how you should feel lol and if she likes you then she will feel the same way.

Also, when a girl I like gives me attention It feels great! That's how its suppose to feel when someone you like gives you attention, do you get where I'm going with this? Most of the stuff you mentioned are normal bro so dont feel bad.

Overall, work on your self esteem
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

RestUnknown

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 21, 2016
Messages
142
Reaction score
16
Age
31
A while ago I read up on the psychological effects of the absence of fathers on their children. I did it because I grew up without much contact with my father, and he passed away before I reached adulthood.

Turns out absent fathers cause low self esteem in their children, which makes sense. You need that rock of emotional support growing up to develop into a confident man, and often times that is the father figure.

I'm not saying this definitely applies to you, but if it does it explains a lot. Especially the part where you talk about not feeling worthy of a girls interest, and your strong fear of rejection.
Can you share the link or title of the book if you still have it?
 

MrWood

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 15, 2016
Messages
1,799
Reaction score
1,204
Age
54
Location
Scandinavia
stop using your fathers death as an excuse, my father killed himself when I was 12

you are not alone and you need to take responsibility for your own life.
 

RestUnknown

Don Juan
Joined
Mar 21, 2016
Messages
142
Reaction score
16
Age
31
stop using your fathers death as an excuse, my father killed himself when I was 12

you are not alone and you need to take responsibility for your own life.
I'm not taking it as an excuse as to remain at a standstill, but saying it had no effect on who I am right now and my way of thinking is bullsh*t. That plus the fact to get out of it, is much harder.
 

GoodOne123

Senior Don Juan
Joined
May 11, 2016
Messages
436
Reaction score
334
Location
The City
Can you share the link or title of the book if you still have it?
I didn't read books but lots of articles, and some youtube videos and journals. Check out this one for example:


Anyways good luck with overcoming your fears bro
 

stormrider

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 11, 2018
Messages
2,173
Reaction score
4,156
Age
32
I'm not taking it as an excuse as to remain at a standstill, but saying it had no effect on who I am right now and my way of thinking is bullsh*t. That plus the fact to get out of it, is much harder.
Obstacles are there for you to transcend them. The 2.0 version of you is much more powerful if you can ever reach it. I envy people with built in insurmountable obstacles.

On one level it can be seen as a tragedy. But on a transcendent level, it’s an opportunity to reach great heights.
 
Top