Too needy, too jealous, fear of rejection

[RestUnknown]

Every single time there's this girl I'm really interested in, I tend to start out ok. But after a few days I see her saying something to someone else, see her texting to someone and all these thoughts of "yeah ok it's over, she's not interested in me but someone else" come into my head. Thoughts like "yeah ok that guy is much better looking, taller, funnier, confident".

This even happens if just before that, she talked to me where she was qualifying herself, flirting, teasing,... I tend to shut myself of from her and avoid her, don't say anything anymore and yeah of course it's a self-fulfilling prophecy and my bad habits are reinforced once more because "see she's not interested". I also tend to need the attention, I kind of ignore her just because she would come to talk to me which would prove me wrong and make me feel good.

I figured it out to be two things:

- low self confidence as in why would that girl who I am interested in, be interested in me, she could get much better
- fear of rejection, if that girl I'm interested in doesn't like me, then probably no one else will

There are two serious events that happened in my life which might contribute to this as well:

- death of my father at age of 12
- very hard break up with a girlfriend at the age of 21

This bullsh*t of course doesn't happen with girls I'm not interested in. But is there any way I can get over this crap? How can you be interested in someone but don't care about the outcome? And how do I get rid of my bad habits?

 

[GoodOne123]

A while ago I read up on the psychological effects of the absence of fathers on their children. I did it because I grew up without much contact with my father, and he passed away before I reached adulthood.

Turns out absent fathers cause low self esteem in their children, which makes sense. You need that rock of emotional support growing up to develop into a confident man, and often times that is the father figure.

I'm not saying this definitely applies to you, but if it does it explains a lot. Especially the part where you talk about not feeling worthy of a girls interest, and your strong fear of rejection.

The best way to overcome your fear of rejection is to just approach lots of women. I'd reccomend starting in a club environment. Your main goal should not be to succsessfully hook up with the girl, but to overcome your fear of approaching. That way you will win regardless if the girl rejects you or not.

 

[Prettyboy Dee]

Yep, been there done that, sounds just like me.

This goes away as you build more confidence, stay positive.....

And if it makes you feel any better, this is how most guys feel inside when there interested in a girl, you just cant tell from the outside just like I'm sure others cant tell how you feel inside, girls also go through this when there interested in a guy.....

Nothing wrong with you, when you like a girl of course your going to be very critical and very jealous ect despite what guys on here say, those feelings are normal once you are crushing on someone.

When I like a girl and I see her interacting with another guy, I dont like that sh!t either, why? Because I like her! Duh, that's how you should feel lol and if she likes you then she will feel the same way.

Also, when a girl I like gives me attention It feels great! That's how its suppose to feel when someone you like gives you attention, do you get where I'm going with this? Most of the stuff you mentioned are normal bro so dont feel bad.

Overall, work on your self esteem

 

[RestUnknown]

A while ago I read up on the psychological effects of the absence of fathers on their children. I did it because I grew up without much contact with my father, and he passed away before I reached adulthood.

Turns out absent fathers cause low self esteem in their children, which makes sense. You need that rock of emotional support growing up to develop into a confident man, and often times that is the father figure.

I'm not saying this definitely applies to you, but if it does it explains a lot. Especially the part where you talk about not feeling worthy of a girls interest, and your strong fear of rejection.

Can you share the link or title of the book if you still have it?

 

[MrWood]

stop using your fathers death as an excuse, my father killed himself when I was 12

you are not alone and you need to take responsibility for your own life.

 

[RestUnknown]

stop using your fathers death as an excuse, my father killed himself when I was 12

you are not alone and you need to take responsibility for your own life.

I'm not taking it as an excuse as to remain at a standstill, but saying it had no effect on who I am right now and my way of thinking is bullsh*t. That plus the fact to get out of it, is much harder.

 

[GoodOne123]

Can you share the link or title of the book if you still have it?

I didn't read books but lots of articles, and some youtube videos and journals. Check out this one for example:

Psychological Effects of Growing Up Without a Father

I was shocked when I read the studies on fatherless children. I grew up without a father, and unfortunately, I've experienced many of the psychological consequences the studies discuss.

owlcation.com

Anyways good luck with overcoming your fears bro