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AAAgent

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This is to the guys who have moved to places like Chicago, London, New York, etc. Not to the people that were born and raised there.

Has the city made you a colder, meaner, and more ruthless person?

I've always been told i'm a nice guy that's polite and well mannered. My friends think i'm honorable and good natured. I do have a few bad traits like a bad temper (when i feel disrespected) but that doesn't come out to often anymore, and i tend to be blunt as well to people i care about.

Well, ever since i've moved to NYC area about 4 years ago, i've become desensitized to many things. Patience is gone for the most part. Every is always rushing to do this, get there, it just becomes a part of being here. Every is looking out for themselves, people are cutthroat, unmannered, not polite or courteous, etc. Growing up, it was instinct to always help someone in need or an elderly person. I have given up my seat on the train for the elderly/pregnant. This sh1t however doesn't even phase me anymore. I see an old person and i want to get up and give them my seat, but then i look at them and say fvck it. They look like they wouldn't appreciate it anyway.

I used to be able to look at women as human beings. Now i look at women as all *****s to pump and dump. I hit on chicks all the time, grab their numbers in bars, lounges, anywhere. I'll make out with them right then and there whether their feeling it or not sometimes and then i rarely ever call them and really have no remorse.

I've been breaking my commitments now and again as well because people do that all the time to me as well. Nobody is a man of their word anymore so why do i need to be.

There's so many two faced people here.

Is this just me being cynical or has the city made people cynical as well?
 

samspade

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I've lived in NYC more than a decade, and I grew up in the Midwest. First, I'll tell you that Midwesterners are no less rude than New Yorkers, they're just rude differently. It's more passive-aggressive there. I always found Midwesterners standoffish and tough to warm up to. New Yorkers (the city that is) have a gruff exterior and low patience, but I've found to be nice on many levels. More outgoing and easier to talk to, but also it's easier for them to get in your face or brush you off. A friend of mine told me once about how he was driving to work on the West Side Highway, got into it with another driver and they were both honking at each other and flipping the bird and cursing. The light turned red and they were side by side, windows open. My buddy laughed and told the guy "I'm really late for work" and the guy laughed back and said "yeah me too." I don't know why but that story sums up for me the "rudeness" of New Yorkers.

As for the women here, now that is a different story. Remember you are in the media capital of America, with millions of little publicity assistants and "gallery" curators and wanna-be producers. They were raised on Sex & The City and see themselves working and fukking til 35 at least. These are the privileged Manhattan-working women I'm talking about. They might be DTF one night, total flake the next.

I'm on a break from dating (no funds) but in general I've always felt more comfortable talking to women from immigrant groups - Latinas, Eastern Europeans, Indians, etc. Groups that have stronger family ties and work ethics. If her job is waiting tables in a Peruvian restaurant, fine by me. I don't need some publicist or lawyer. But you have to look in the outer boroughs sometimes, or in the service jobs in Manhattan for these kinds of women.

If NYC has taught me something, it's not to be a pushover, but still maintain some savoir-faire. I also have an advantage because of the red pill of course. Yeah it can be cut throat but that's life in a place like this, everybody fighting for something. Even apartment hunting makes you feel like you have to fukk over other apartment hunters. Anyway it hasn't made me cynical - just more cunning I suppose.
 

AAAgent

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Colossus

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I live in Denver, which is nowhere near the level of NYC, but I also lived in Boston for a few years.

Boston did make me cynical. It's a cool city in many ways but it's also very cramped, multicultural (lots of different attitudes), and rude. Being around that many people everyday just made me angry and antisocial. You are constantly subjected to other people's sh!t---lack of hygiene, demanding attitudes, and general rudeness---and it just chips away at your tolerance.

Denver is much less cramped and rude but it's still a huge city and traffic is a blowfest pretty much every day. Lots of people want to live here now and there is more men than women so female attitudes here are notoriously snooty and entitled. Yeah people are active, which is good, less fatties; but girls just think their sh!t doesn't stink because they ran a half marathon and cycle and work in for a "high profile" catering business. Those are the city chicks though---there is plenty of more down-home outdoors girls here, you just wont meet them in the nightlife scene.
 

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CHICAGO27

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I live in Chicago.

I've been here a few years now. I'm originally from the NYC area and I will say that even though NYers can be brash and rude at times, they are pretty much what you see is what you get.

The Midwest on the other hand.

Passive aggressive!

I found it pretty easy to make friends here. I have made a ton of guy friends. It's a lot harder to make guy friends on the East Coast.

As for dating, it has been a mixed bag. It seems like you run into different segments of women out here. Having an East Coast accent does help!

The spoiled, pretentious bunch: They tend to come from the north, west suburbs of Chicago, Ohio, Michigan. They all come from spoiled backgrounds. Looking to be a stay at home mom. Mostly in the 30's and single.

The south suburbs, Indiana: Lower class of white women. Mental issues, tats, etc. Act like men.

Iowa/Wisconsin/Minnesota: Simpler, less materialistic, but tend to stay within their social circles. Usually in long-term relationships with boyfriends from college. Or married before 30.

Out of staters: Best group to date. They don't usually stay here long.

Hispanic Minorities from Chicagoland: Looking to get married and land a token white guy.

In a work environment, difficult to deal with the passive-aggressiveness. Genuine interest but resentment of those from the East Coast.
 

samspade

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Colossus said:
Boston did make me cynical. It's a cool city in many ways but it's also very cramped, multicultural (lots of different attitudes), and rude. Being around that many people everyday just made me angry and antisocial. You are constantly subjected to other people's sh!t---lack of hygiene, demanding attitudes, and general rudeness---and it just chips away at your tolerance.
This is the part I hate. Everything's in your face 24/7. Homeless people, "Showtime!" subway dancers, people eating nasty food on the train, religious nuts, lame hipsters, etc., etc. However I made my choice long ago not to deal with car ownership, so here I am. Overall it's fine but some days I really hate NYC.

OP, one thing about living here is knowing when to escape. A train ride up the Hudson river valley costs $14 RT. You'd be surprised the drop-off to "small town America" just a few miles out of the city. That and sometimes you can hop a flight to Miami or San Juan for $250. I think I'm channeling Billy Joel here.

I should add that after 13 or so years of being here and mostly loving it, I'm looking to move. Thing is, I don't want to live anywhere else in America. Most American cities bore me after being in NYC...that's not a slight, it's just that everything here is x1000 compared with Milwaukee or Atlanta or wherever. Even bigger cities like SF or LA or Chicago...been there, not interested. All the same chain stores wherever you go anyway. I think I need a new challenge, so may go to Europe or South America - some place that'll really give my brain a jolt. I'm sure I'll have angry days but the challenge is part of the fun for me. That's just an aside though, not hijacking the thread.
 

Howiestern

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AAAgent said:
This is to the guys who have moved to places like Chicago, London, New York, etc. Not to the people that were born and raised there.

Has the city made you a colder, meaner, and more ruthless person?

Is this just me being cynical or has the city made people cynical as well?
I'm a small farm town midwest country kid that moved to the big city and can totally relate to what you said. People in the city seem more aggressive, in a hurry, non-trusting, stressed out, more out for themselves, and materialistic. You get caught up in that grind sooner or later.

It is easier to meet new people in the city than small town America. Definitely the big city is more accepting and tolerant of those that may be different.

I'd rather live in the big city as a single guy. The sky is the limit when it comes to choices of women. My choices are almost endless. Thats not the case in Smallville America.
 

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I spent most of my childhood in Philly and South Jersey. Eagles fan here. Philly does not make me feel the way NYC makes me feel. Having many good places to eat and things to do/see are great, but not at the expense of some courteous decency.

The cutthroatness of the city is just catching up to me and becoming a part of me. I really don't like it. Not to mention im in sales and entertain clients for a living and have to live the NYC lifestyle with drinking and dining.
 

samspade

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AAAgent said:
I spent most of my childhood in Philly and South Jersey. Eagles fan here. Philly does not make me feel the way NYC makes me feel. Having many good places to eat and things to do/see are great, but not at the expense of some courteous decency.
An Eagles fan looking for courtesy and decency - now there's a first. (Joking.)
 

Bible_Belt

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In the Civil War, the South's POW prison was called Andersonville. Most inmates died of disease. Very few survived. There was an officer who kept a diary of the experience that was later published shortly after the war. He lived through it because he was smart enough to figure out that their dirty drinking water was killing them. The book is so old that the copyright has expired and it can be found for free online. The war, and especially the pow camp, was one of the first times that people from all over the country had been thrown in together. It was a time when most people never left their home town.

The author writes extensively about the way that what they called the 'New Yawkers' just ruled the prison population that was mostly naive country bumpkins. A typical conversation would be "hey, nice watch! lemme see it." The bumpkin would hand it over and the New Yawker would tell him "it's my watch now!" and just walk off. The bumpkins didn't know what to do; nothing like that had ever happened to them before.

The author and another of his officer friends made an alliance with a fellow inmate. They nicknamed him Egypt, based on a nickname for the area of the country he was from, which is also where I'm from. Egypt was an illiterate country bumpkin, but he had the fastest hands in the camp. They would bring him to all of their interactions with the New Yawkers, having a pre-arranged code word that was the secret signal to knock out the New Yawker before he knew what hit him. That was often the only negotiation tactic that was effective.

150 years later; it all seems about the same. When I was a stock broker for a short time in Florida, most of the other brokers I met were from the NY/NJ area. And certainly a disproportionate amount of the successful brokers were. Being a broker is a cutthroat sales job that demands an aggressive personality. NY/NJ natives seemed to have almost an unfair advantage. They are really good at being aggressive.
 

AAAgent

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samspade said:
An Eagles fan looking for courtesy and decency - now there's a first. (Joking.)
I'm one of the few polite courteous fans haha but i can agree with most people that philly fans are horrible. I lived with an ex right on broad street (main street in philly) after the phillies won the world series. Everything was fvcked up. We couldn't even go back to the apt for a few days just to be safe.
 

Don_Dom

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AAAgent said:
I spent most of my childhood in Philly and South Jersey. Eagles fan here. Philly does not make me feel the way NYC makes me feel. Having many good places to eat and things to do/see are great, but not at the expense of some courteous decency.

The cutthroatness of the city is just catching up to me and becoming a part of me. I really don't like it. Not to mention im in sales and entertain clients for a living and have to live the NYC lifestyle with drinking and dining.
Kind of surprised to hear you say that. I'm from the south but lived in nyc for pretty much my 20s after college. You definately have to watch not making a mark of yourself but once you get used to it I found you can take most people at face value. People are just more in a hurry than most places. Found myself watching myself more in philly for some reason. But I guess if you are from there your milage will vary.

Oddly, what surprised me working in nyc was that you, basicly, can't trust brits of all people. Had problems with them in business and personally a couple times and watched people I worked for absolutely take it in the ass doing business with brits on several occasions.

One boss even made a joke one time...."You know how you know you are completely ****ed walking into a meeting? In NY someone says 'im going to kick your ass.' In LA someone says 'my lawyer's going to kick your ass.' In London, it's when they give a warm smile and say 'Cheers! See you in the meeting!'"
 

AAAgent

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Don_Dom said:
Kind of surprised to hear you say that. I'm from the south but lived in nyc for pretty much my 20s after college. Found myself watching myself more in philly for some reason. But I guess if you are from there your milage will vary.
I'm not talking about crime rates/danger levels. Philly is only really safe in a small area. The rest of it you should always pay attention. That's a bit different though. When you walk in the hood, anywhere, you expect shady stuff might happen. While in the more hospitable areas, philly people are way nicer and slower paced than New Yorkers.

It might be the pace, since everything needs to get done quickly people just don't have time to respond. I'm not a fast paced guy, but i can adapt if i need to. Living in New York, i don't even want to take girls out to dinner and go out on dates.

1.) They don't appreciate sit down dinners and they cost you a lot of money since restaurants are expensive.
2.) Girls are more receptive to grabbing a casual drink than dinner anyway.
3.) most girls aren't even looking to be treated well.

I remember when i first tried to treat a girl properly and ask her out to dinner after getting her number, she dropped off the face of the earth. The next couple did similar things or just flaked. But low and behold, i ask them to grab a drink, they're down for that. Can i walk them back to their place? yeah sure, they're down for that. Do i want to check out your apartment? Yeah sure. After all that, you think i'm really going to date you....h3ll no.

I thought it'd be fun living this lifestyle as it looks fun in the movies but i'd rather live a more peaceful life. I'm Buddhist btw, i believe in yin and yang/karma. Things are meant to function best when their balanced, but here i am all out of sync, hype all the time with not a care in the world for anyone but myself. Not my cup of tea. I used to try my best to be the best person i could be to the world, and it wasn't hard. Now it's a pain in the a$$ for me to give my seat to an old lady. Because that old lady feels entitled to my seat and most likely won't even acknowledge i gave my seat for her because she deserves it. It shouldn't bother me whether they appreciate the gesture or not, but when you feel like the entire world doesn't give a sh1t, you tend to realize why you even care.
 

Don_Dom

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I knew what you were talking about.

Yeah I was definately more laid back before I moved there but, honestly, nyc was good for me, really. Learned how to stop putting up with bull**** that I previously would have just rolled with while also not sweating small stuff. And when I came back south I found myself actually calling people out more on twofaced and *****boy behavior that southerners can be notorious for.

Thinking you should be in the woods someplace, bro.
 

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AAAgent

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I'd be in the suburbs or someplace more chill if i could but then i'd be making really crappy money. I can't seem to give up the money i'm making for a more peaceful life just yet....
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Bibles,
That book sounds awesome....really could appreciate its name..I think the examples you give are indicative of culture more than city size...I live in an exclusive suburb of a Town circa 300.000,these people are mostly university educated and introrverted and unfriendly...Go to Sydney and get into a poor neighbourhood folks fall over themselves to be nice...In the grazing area where I spent a lot of my life,things are very deceptive people are outwardly,hail fellow well met,but once you cross the moat,a drawbridge drops down,so far and no further...you can't generalise on size!
 

Bible_Belt

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donking

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Finished med school from U of Michigan last may and moved to Boston in August. Just had a quick 4 month relationship with a gold-digger type. Hate it here in the Northeast. Taking a break from work to hang out with ex-wife in Ohio. Much more relaxed life here in midwest.

It's all about making enough money until you can be truly independent. I have to say living in the Boston area is making me more mentally tough. This last relationship, I put in my emotions fully but when I ended it, took about a day to recollect and move on.
 

Warrior74

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I went to NYC for 2 months for training and was so ready to come back to the south I thought I hated. All I could think about was this.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behavioral_sink

Now we have our problems down here with racism and class in the south, but I rather deal with that than deal with the masses of people in the NYC. I'm a small town guy at heart I guess. I like feeling like I can have a civil conversation and take time to get to know people and to do things well. All that rushing for what? I can be cynical here and still enjoy a better quality of life.
 
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