Hi guys, a slightly random situation but here goes. There’s this girl who I’d known for a year or so at my sports club. Took a while but eventually I got out of the friend zone and we dated for over a year. Things were great until I started to need more time and energy for training due to a massive event I’d entered prior to starting the relationship.
She’d been suffering from anxiety and had other personal issues too which try as I might to support her as time went on it never seemed to be enough. She used to call me in the middle of the night in various predicaments and then one night she did it was a bit much as I had my big practice race the day after. I was already ill from trying to do to much (look after her, train and run my businesses) and having had next to no sleep I decided best to give the event a miss as weather was abysmal and likelyhood was I’d get more ill.
I brought up for the first time really that these calls were becoming a problem as there was now a good chance my goal for the year would be badly compromised and that was basically the beginning of the end. She then got quite bitchy and as it was prior to me knowing much of the knowledge on this forum stuff I let it slide and just cracked on with my training, also doing what I could with her (basically jumping through hoops trying to attend social events and alike she wanted to and working my training around them). I went to some serious efforts to fit everything in but she always seemed slightly pissed off, wasn’t putting out and basically the week after my event (which was a success, no thanks to her) she dumped me.
I’d been in a bubble focused on my goal and as I say wasn’t too knowledgable female psychology so it came as a complete shock even though if I’m honest I’d thought about dumping her given her attitude. Things were great previously though and I was convinced we’d get back to that as so much had happened this year as well as all my training with her having a close relative die and starting on some meds for her anxiety for which she’d been off work a few times and then changed jobs.
Anyway I basically fell apart and acted like a complete wuss crying and while I didn’t beg I tried to reason why everything would get better but she just fired every reason under the sun back at me, mainly I couldn’t be there enough for her but clearly with the event out of the way that was already sorted. I then texted trying to reason some more and eventually we met up when she came to collect her things, I made us dinner and it was a nice chat but basically there was a lot of reasons all of which were solvable but she wasn’t interested in solving them.
She then texted me a few weeks later (so a month after breakup to let me know she was seeing someone else) I was just starting to feel better but this was another setback. Then I find out completely by accident that she’s actually seeing someone I know and that’s in the same sports club. Needless to say that set me back again the guys got nothing about him really but it also makes things very awkward at the club. People don’t know what to think but feedback seems to be it’s a rebound and he’s not a patch on me but that doesn’t make it any easier or less awkward.
This brings me to where we are now. The breakup was 4.5 months ago and they’ve been dating for at least 3.5 if not more.
My dilemma is two fold. When things were good they were perfect. We had so much in common and got on so well you wouldn’t have changed it for the world so I’d like another chance yet obvs I’d feel the risk of it all happening again though as I say the circumstances this year were quite challenging.
The other thing is she owes me quite a few thousand which I lent her. Payback time will be 2021 as the agreement went and shes paying it back but slowly but I’d literally only sent her the money a few months before we split. After finding out I’d been replaced though I thought best to cut ties altogether as I don’t really want to fund that. Or the new guys coke fund which I understand he has. She said she would return it all if I could give her a month or so to arrange it but it’s nearly 3 months ago now.
What’s my best short and long term strategy? I don’t need the money and I’m pretty sure she’ll pay it back but it looks weak if I don’t chase maybe? If it wasn’t for effectively being humiliated by being replaced so quickly and it being so awkward I wouldn’t have minded letting it stay being paid back like we agreed over the long term.
It’s just all a mess as i still love her for some reason but have recently had to unfriend her off Facebook as seeing photos etc of my replacement doing all the stuff I was doing a few months ago isn’t fun. Other than the reply about the loan she’s messaged a few breadcrumbs to which I sent short replies but clearly she’s in happy honeymoon time with the new guy. He’s 10 years younger than me (2 younger than her) and she usually doesn’t go for younger guys, he’s also pretty boring from what I know so I’m sure it end sooner or later but how do I best treat the situation till then?
I’ve been on a bunch of dates and slept with others but going from something I was so into to a mess where I have no gf, no future biz partner (something we’d planned) and can’t really go to my sports club till I get my confidence back to the point I’m not gonna be affected by the situation it’s just all a bit much. I won’t be missed too much from the latter as due to my own training I’d been sparse recently anyway so I can’t take or leave that but doing the right thing for the chance of at least having her back if I wanted, that’s the dilemma.
Other than anything to do with the loan I’m NC all the way, if I see her at the club I’ll be pleasant but nothing more. She was talking about marriage 6 months ago lol, I wasn’t biting but long term maybe for sure. The meds seemed to make a difference for the worse and while she was less emotional she was also less herself I think. I know you are all probably thinking she’s a liability move on but well i guess it’s that old oneitis (I’d never heard the term nor understood half of this women stuff till I broke up so worst case is I’ve learnt a hell of a lot for next time!)
Thanks for your ideas
She’d been suffering from anxiety and had other personal issues too which try as I might to support her as time went on it never seemed to be enough. She used to call me in the middle of the night in various predicaments and then one night she did it was a bit much as I had my big practice race the day after. I was already ill from trying to do to much (look after her, train and run my businesses) and having had next to no sleep I decided best to give the event a miss as weather was abysmal and likelyhood was I’d get more ill.
I brought up for the first time really that these calls were becoming a problem as there was now a good chance my goal for the year would be badly compromised and that was basically the beginning of the end. She then got quite bitchy and as it was prior to me knowing much of the knowledge on this forum stuff I let it slide and just cracked on with my training, also doing what I could with her (basically jumping through hoops trying to attend social events and alike she wanted to and working my training around them). I went to some serious efforts to fit everything in but she always seemed slightly pissed off, wasn’t putting out and basically the week after my event (which was a success, no thanks to her) she dumped me.
I’d been in a bubble focused on my goal and as I say wasn’t too knowledgable female psychology so it came as a complete shock even though if I’m honest I’d thought about dumping her given her attitude. Things were great previously though and I was convinced we’d get back to that as so much had happened this year as well as all my training with her having a close relative die and starting on some meds for her anxiety for which she’d been off work a few times and then changed jobs.
Anyway I basically fell apart and acted like a complete wuss crying and while I didn’t beg I tried to reason why everything would get better but she just fired every reason under the sun back at me, mainly I couldn’t be there enough for her but clearly with the event out of the way that was already sorted. I then texted trying to reason some more and eventually we met up when she came to collect her things, I made us dinner and it was a nice chat but basically there was a lot of reasons all of which were solvable but she wasn’t interested in solving them.
She then texted me a few weeks later (so a month after breakup to let me know she was seeing someone else) I was just starting to feel better but this was another setback. Then I find out completely by accident that she’s actually seeing someone I know and that’s in the same sports club. Needless to say that set me back again the guys got nothing about him really but it also makes things very awkward at the club. People don’t know what to think but feedback seems to be it’s a rebound and he’s not a patch on me but that doesn’t make it any easier or less awkward.
This brings me to where we are now. The breakup was 4.5 months ago and they’ve been dating for at least 3.5 if not more.
My dilemma is two fold. When things were good they were perfect. We had so much in common and got on so well you wouldn’t have changed it for the world so I’d like another chance yet obvs I’d feel the risk of it all happening again though as I say the circumstances this year were quite challenging.
The other thing is she owes me quite a few thousand which I lent her. Payback time will be 2021 as the agreement went and shes paying it back but slowly but I’d literally only sent her the money a few months before we split. After finding out I’d been replaced though I thought best to cut ties altogether as I don’t really want to fund that. Or the new guys coke fund which I understand he has. She said she would return it all if I could give her a month or so to arrange it but it’s nearly 3 months ago now.
What’s my best short and long term strategy? I don’t need the money and I’m pretty sure she’ll pay it back but it looks weak if I don’t chase maybe? If it wasn’t for effectively being humiliated by being replaced so quickly and it being so awkward I wouldn’t have minded letting it stay being paid back like we agreed over the long term.
It’s just all a mess as i still love her for some reason but have recently had to unfriend her off Facebook as seeing photos etc of my replacement doing all the stuff I was doing a few months ago isn’t fun. Other than the reply about the loan she’s messaged a few breadcrumbs to which I sent short replies but clearly she’s in happy honeymoon time with the new guy. He’s 10 years younger than me (2 younger than her) and she usually doesn’t go for younger guys, he’s also pretty boring from what I know so I’m sure it end sooner or later but how do I best treat the situation till then?
I’ve been on a bunch of dates and slept with others but going from something I was so into to a mess where I have no gf, no future biz partner (something we’d planned) and can’t really go to my sports club till I get my confidence back to the point I’m not gonna be affected by the situation it’s just all a bit much. I won’t be missed too much from the latter as due to my own training I’d been sparse recently anyway so I can’t take or leave that but doing the right thing for the chance of at least having her back if I wanted, that’s the dilemma.
Other than anything to do with the loan I’m NC all the way, if I see her at the club I’ll be pleasant but nothing more. She was talking about marriage 6 months ago lol, I wasn’t biting but long term maybe for sure. The meds seemed to make a difference for the worse and while she was less emotional she was also less herself I think. I know you are all probably thinking she’s a liability move on but well i guess it’s that old oneitis (I’d never heard the term nor understood half of this women stuff till I broke up so worst case is I’ve learnt a hell of a lot for next time!)
Thanks for your ideas
