mr. kennedy
Senior Don Juan
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I've never bought a drink for a chick I just met at a bar or club but I see many posts here of guys that do. What's the verdict?
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
To buy or not buy a drink?
- Thread starter mr. kennedy
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
TheException
Master Don Juan
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You can do whatever the he11 you want....just never come from a place of supplication. I dont buy women drinks because i find it to be unnecessary.
B
BeDJ
Guest
Try this.
Tell a girl you are grabbing a drink and if she wants one. Make sure she follows you to the bar. Put about $3 more in cash than what your drink costs. If she says she doesn't have cash, tell her to put it on her card and you'll get the next rounds. If she refuses, the awkward stares from you and the bartender should do the trick.
Tell a girl you are grabbing a drink and if she wants one. Make sure she follows you to the bar. Put about $3 more in cash than what your drink costs. If she says she doesn't have cash, tell her to put it on her card and you'll get the next rounds. If she refuses, the awkward stares from you and the bartender should do the trick.
Uncharted
Master Don Juan
I don't buy a woman a drink if it's the first time I'm meeting her, for example if I go to a bar (not a first date).
If I know her (she's in my social circle) then maybe, but I wouldn't do it to "win her over". If she did something cool and I'm congratulating her, or if she already bought me a round.
If I invited her out for drinks then obviously yes.
If I know her (she's in my social circle) then maybe, but I wouldn't do it to "win her over". If she did something cool and I'm congratulating her, or if she already bought me a round.
If I invited her out for drinks then obviously yes.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Mr Wright
Master Don Juan
I can only remember buying a stranger a drink a handful of times and those were times when it would have been weird not to. Like if I was talking to a girl and I wanted a drink, I'd just walk to the bar and get my drink and ask if she wants one. Also when it comes to dates, I have my favourite place which does 2 for 1 ****tails during the week, it's a great place for chit chat and a second date location. In those cases, the girl usually always goes halves after I pay for the first round. Sorted no arguments.
I love guys who buy girls drinks though because I can safely say I have had a few of them.
I love guys who buy girls drinks though because I can safely say I have had a few of them.
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Hah. I feel like the bartender looks to the guy for money before looking to the girl. The awkward stares would likely be directed at you.BeginningDJ said:
Anyway, let's say I'm talking to a girl in a bar. Struck up a conversation with her, and have been talking for 30-40 minutes...Then if I decide I need another drink, I'll ask her if she wants one and tell her to follow me to the bar. If I feel like she's a good prospect, I'd rather buy her a drink and keep the conversation going rather than stand my ground over a $6 drink.
But that's my rule if I've been talking to the girl. I don't just walk up and offer a girl a drink to spark a conversation. That's stupid. But if we're chatting and the vibe is good, then I have no problem. Same thing I would do for a guy, actually.
But with that said, I'd wager that 70% of girls I date would buy the next round anyway.
mr. kennedy
Senior Don Juan
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You'd be surprised how many guys do it. Like a girl is ordering at the bar and some random guy tells her I got it.Iceberg said:
Uncharted
Master Don Juan
even when I was more of an AFC I would have never done that!mr. kennedy said:
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
It Taiwan, it goes a long way buying a drink if she already has interest in you...culture thing..in the states not so much....in Taiwan you just look like a cheap bum if u don't and that is never a good thing...in the us its completely different though I never bought anyone a drink inin the us and would even get girls to buy me drinks..that just doesn't fly here.
Kailex
Master Don Juan
Buying a drink for a woman should be like gambling or investing in the stock market... only do it if you're not afraid to lose any money on it.
As I've heard from female friends, some girls talk to guys just to get drinks out of them (which should be common knowledge here), but worse yet, some girls try to get a guy to pay for the girl AND her friends. Whatever you do, don't be that guy.
VladPatton
Master Don Juan
Ask her if she wants a beer. If she says she doesn't drink beer just say "oh, ok" and proceed to get yourself a beer. If she's diggin you and doesn't ask for an expensive drink, she's not there for bummin drinks. Get your beer and proceed to talk to her, get number, etc.
If she does ask for an expensive drink, don't, and leave her hanging, she's moochin drinks from guys.
If she does ask for an expensive drink, don't, and leave her hanging, she's moochin drinks from guys.
Think of what buying a drink means. In buying a drink you are making an offering, which suggests you are paying for someone's attention, or enticing them to listen to a proposition.
Seeing that women already know you are trying to pick them up, buying a drink emphasizes that you are only interested in her as an object to seduce/pickup.
So, general rule of thumb the answer is no.
(There are some occasions where drink buying can be okay but they require special scenarios)
Seeing that women already know you are trying to pick them up, buying a drink emphasizes that you are only interested in her as an object to seduce/pickup.
So, general rule of thumb the answer is no.
(There are some occasions where drink buying can be okay but they require special scenarios)
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
d!ckmojo
Senior Don Juan
As a strategy to push towards an easy same-night lay, buying drinks for girls straight up works. Is it necessary? No, of course not, but it does help grease the wheels mightily, and I for one don't see a problem with using any and every single weapon in my arsenal to increase my notch count.
The whole "don't buy girls drinks" thing I think was originally aimed at AFCs thinking they can buy a girls approval. That's a different thing, and in that situation its sure to reduce a man's value, not increase it, and thus is counter productive.
But when a natural, assertive man is leading and dominating the interaction, it seems absurd in that situation for him not to buy drinks if he's feeling thirsty. Girls love being lead by an Alpha man, and part of doing the leading in my opinion involves deciding when to get drinks, what drinks to get, and yes, usually, deciding who pays for them.
So, like, you can be an alpha and demand that she pays for the drinks. I do that all the time. But I'm also not an @$$#073 and I want to contribute my fair share of money to make sure we're all having fun and no one is being taken advantage of.
I have this one friend who is an engineer and earns a fantastic salary, and he's just so magnanimous and generous with his drink-buying practices that I really have to stop him from jumping in and springing for every round, and I have to step up and assertively announce that I'm buying the drinks to prevent him from doing so.
You know, they're just drinks, holy fvck! Are you out there to have a good time or are you out there to prove something about some obscure social phenomenon?
Just buy the damn fvcking drinks if you want to, Christ! If you want her to buy the drinks, make her buy the fvcking drinks? How are we even still talking about this **** on here?
The whole "don't buy girls drinks" thing I think was originally aimed at AFCs thinking they can buy a girls approval. That's a different thing, and in that situation its sure to reduce a man's value, not increase it, and thus is counter productive.
But when a natural, assertive man is leading and dominating the interaction, it seems absurd in that situation for him not to buy drinks if he's feeling thirsty. Girls love being lead by an Alpha man, and part of doing the leading in my opinion involves deciding when to get drinks, what drinks to get, and yes, usually, deciding who pays for them.
So, like, you can be an alpha and demand that she pays for the drinks. I do that all the time. But I'm also not an @$$#073 and I want to contribute my fair share of money to make sure we're all having fun and no one is being taken advantage of.
I have this one friend who is an engineer and earns a fantastic salary, and he's just so magnanimous and generous with his drink-buying practices that I really have to stop him from jumping in and springing for every round, and I have to step up and assertively announce that I'm buying the drinks to prevent him from doing so.
You know, they're just drinks, holy fvck! Are you out there to have a good time or are you out there to prove something about some obscure social phenomenon?
Just buy the damn fvcking drinks if you want to, Christ! If you want her to buy the drinks, make her buy the fvcking drinks? How are we even still talking about this **** on here?
gravityeyelids
Master Don Juan
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I would generally say NO. With a few exceptions.
As a RULE, i say never buy a drink for a girl you haven't slept with yet or one that you're trying to sleep with.
If she's just a friend, then sure why not. But in MOST cases, if she's an attractive girl...she goes from guy to guy... politely making small talk with you while sipping the free drink. Then when she finishes it "well i have to get back to my friends....nice meeting you".
Let the chodes get her drunk off free drinks, then swoop in. It shows backbone when she says "hey can you buy me a drink?" expecting you to supplicate her just like every other ***** and you say "how about you buy me one and maybe i'll grace you with my presence for a bit."
If you're going to buy her one, make sure that she has invested in your interaction. If she's been sitting there for like 40 minutes and you guys are hitting it off, then great, buy her a damn drink. But dont be the guy that sidles up to the hottest chick there and buys her a shot of tequila hoping to get in her pants.
As a RULE, i say never buy a drink for a girl you haven't slept with yet or one that you're trying to sleep with.
If she's just a friend, then sure why not. But in MOST cases, if she's an attractive girl...she goes from guy to guy... politely making small talk with you while sipping the free drink. Then when she finishes it "well i have to get back to my friends....nice meeting you".
Let the chodes get her drunk off free drinks, then swoop in. It shows backbone when she says "hey can you buy me a drink?" expecting you to supplicate her just like every other ***** and you say "how about you buy me one and maybe i'll grace you with my presence for a bit."
If you're going to buy her one, make sure that she has invested in your interaction. If she's been sitting there for like 40 minutes and you guys are hitting it off, then great, buy her a damn drink. But dont be the guy that sidles up to the hottest chick there and buys her a shot of tequila hoping to get in her pants.