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To be with an agnostic or not

Duster11

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Hey there, needed some mature advice.

There is this woman who I have known for over a decade (we are best friends). I was a typical case of “friendzone” but recent events have changed the scenario and I can assure the attraction from the other side as well.

However, here some things that are to be known:
- I am a religious person. She, on the other hand, considers herself an agnostic.
- I am a guy who wants to be married and have kids instead of being in a relationship and waiting for kids to happen.
- We live at 2 ends of the globe. However, she has recently said that she wants to get back to our home country by the end of this year for personal reasons.
- We talk on a weekly basis over the phone. I am mostly the one initiating the call but when we talk, we talk for a good 30mins to an hour.

Considering the aforesaid, these are clear red flags for me. Even though I built the attraction (lost weight, built muscles, got my act straight after years of severe depression) and want to pursue her, these red flags are indicators enough for me to realise things are not going to work out.

What do you guys suggest? Either I make her chase me, in which case, she would likely change her view about the above or I can let it be and move on. Since we are friends, I am not going to be a moron by cutting her off completely but would do so in a more mature way.

Looking for some wisdom.
 

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Lookatu

Don Juan
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Hey there, needed some mature advice.

There is this woman who I have known for over a decade (we are best friends). I was a typical case of “friendzone” but recent events have changed the scenario and I can assure the attraction from the other side as well.

However, here some things that are to be known:
- I am a religious person. She, on the other hand, considers herself an agnostic.
- I am a guy who wants to be married and have kids instead of being in a relationship and waiting for kids to happen.
- We live at 2 ends of the globe. However, she has recently said that she wants to get back to our home country by the end of this year for personal reasons.
- We talk on a weekly basis over the phone. I am mostly the one initiating the call but when we talk, we talk for a good 30mins to an hour.

Considering the aforesaid, these are clear red flags for me. Even though I built the attraction (lost weight, built muscles, got my act straight after years of severe depression) and want to pursue her, these red flags are indicators enough for me to realise things are not going to work out.

What do you guys suggest? Either I make her chase me, in which case, she would likely change her view about the above or I can let it be and move on. Since we are friends, I am not going to be a moron by cutting her off completely but would do so in a more mature way.

Looking for some wisdom.
I think you pretty much answered your own question. Since you've been friends for 10 years, let things just happen naturally if it's meant to be. Remember, the female has a biological ticking time limit if she wants a family, not you. In the mean while, try to pursue other local women and see if they have something to offer more than this other gal that is in more inline of what you want. At the same time, no sense in burning any bridges or pressuring the other gal into anything. Personally, I don't think long distance relationships really work unless both of you are just casual.
 

R.U.G.

Master Don Juan
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Hey there, needed some mature advice.

There is this woman who I have known for over a decade (we are best friends). I was a typical case of “friendzone” but recent events have changed the scenario and I can assure the attraction from the other side as well.

However, here some things that are to be known:
- I am a religious person. She, on the other hand, considers herself an agnostic.
- I am a guy who wants to be married and have kids instead of being in a relationship and waiting for kids to happen.
- We live at 2 ends of the globe. However, she has recently said that she wants to get back to our home country by the end of this year for personal reasons.
- We talk on a weekly basis over the phone. I am mostly the one initiating the call but when we talk, we talk for a good 30mins to an hour.

Considering the aforesaid, these are clear red flags for me. Even though I built the attraction (lost weight, built muscles, got my act straight after years of severe depression) and want to pursue her, these red flags are indicators enough for me to realise things are not going to work out.

What do you guys suggest? Either I make her chase me, in which case, she would likely change her view about the above or I can let it be and move on. Since we are friends, I am not going to be a moron by cutting her off completely but would do so in a more mature way.

Looking for some wisdom.
Go for it. Nothing wrong with a logical person. Faith is so 20th century. After all, how's faith worked for the world during COVID-19?
 

Duster11

Don Juan
Joined
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I think you pretty much answered your own question. Since you've been friends for 10 years, let things just happen naturally if it's meant to be. Remember, the female has a biological ticking time limit if she wants a family, not you. In the mean while, try to pursue other local women and see if they have something to offer more than this other gal that is in more inline of what you want. At the same time, no sense in burning any bridges or pressuring the other gal into anything. Personally, I don't think long distance relationships really work unless both of you are just casual.
Yeah, about this, I told her about how I felt about our relationship and she did not reciprocate the feelings. She loves me but only as a friend. I just said that I respect her decision. She said that she would leave for my sake but I told her that if I was the Duster she knew from 2 years back, I would have succumbed to the rejection. But not this Duster. Our friendship will remain and I assured her. She is relieved but I know our dynamics have changed. I have maintained my cool and am relieved that at least I had a talk about this.

Given the circumstances, she may also be **** testing me to ensure whether I have really changed for the better. Either way, as you said, let things turn out naturally. If anything is to happen, it would. No point being stuck in one position.
 

Duster11

Don Juan
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Go for it. Nothing wrong with a logical person. Faith is so 20th century. After all, how's faith worked for the world during COVID-19?
Do refer to my reply to Lookatu.
 
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Kotaix

Master Don Juan
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She does not have a problem. You have an intolerance problem. There is nothing wrong with someone having different views from you. As long as they are a good person, you can still have a great relationship.

I'm currently dating a feminist who hates trump, and I like trump and don't like feminists. And yet we have a great relationship because I like her as a person, despite her views.
 

NSX-R

Master Don Juan
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You want a matured advice? The woman is using you as someone to fulfill her emotionally. If nothing happened for 10 years then guess , nothing is going is going to happen forever . And the worst part? She ain’t even local . Tried a couple of ldrs and none of them worked and never heard of any other ldr to ever really work except if one of the person moves closer to you .Still there should be atill something going on like , made put , banged , something sexual. Other than that it’s going to be a trip of paranoia and pain . It’s the worst thing you’ll ever do to yourself.
 

Black Widow Void

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I would exercise caution.
While on the surface, it might 'appear' that she's finally coming around, I'd step back and think about this.
Hate to say this, but in view to what you've shared, I think there are selfish motives (hers) involved.
Although my response might seem like a let down, I do believe that the let down would be far more intense .... if you think with your heart with this gal.
 

logicallefty

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I am hard-core agnostic. If you, with logic and facts, can convince me that Jesus walked on water and fed 1000 people with two fish or whatever the hell he allegedly did, I will believe it. It might be good for you to be with this woman. If she truly agnostic then she will be open and ready to listen to you. But if you try to BS her she will put you in your place. Is your religious faith strong enough for that? That’s the real question.
 

Reyaj

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I am hard-core agnostic. If you, with logic and facts, can convince me that Jesus walked on water and fed 1000 people with two fish or whatever the hell he allegedly did, I will believe it. It might be good for you to be with this woman. If she truly agnostic then she will be open and ready to listen to you. But if you try to BS her she will put you in your place. Is your religious faith strong enough for that? That’s the real question.
Agnostic means there is some higher power, meaning, etc.. that we can't understand versus aethist which means there is no belief in any higher force at all, right?

I'm Christian.. can I prove any of the miraculous events Jesus did.. absolutely not. I actually respect anyone's religion or life understanding so much as they aren't causing harm to anyone.

Whether or not Jesus is God and rose from the dead can only be something believed by faith. I tend to look at his message and teachings.. if the whole world acted accordingly would it not be a better place?
 
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