To all the "interest level disappeared" posters

[Falcon25]

I have seen hundreds of these in the last few weeks. Read this very carefully.

In the beginning, unless you did something very stupid, there is only one reason a woman's interest declines.

Another man.

But this guy has always been there, he may be an ex, an fb, ex husband, a male she met before you, etc. But, the point of the matter is that 99.5 percent of the time you didn't do anything wrong. It's just that the other guy finds out about you and steps up his game. He has something very valuable with her that you don't have. Which is time. There is no doubt that if a woman accepts and goes out with you, but then is uninterested, it's because she has someone else. Otherwise, unless you were an idiot on your dates, she doesn't have a reason not to call you. In this day and age, women are not dating anymore, they are chilling with scores of guys. We are all ****ved anyway. But just a heads up on low interest in the BEGINNING.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

I have seen hundreds of these in the last few weeks. Read this very carefully.

In the beginning, unless you did something very stupid, there is only one reason a woman's interest declines.

Another man.

But this guy has always been there, he may be an ex, an fb, ex husband, a male she met before you, etc. But, the point of the matter is that 99.5 percent of the time you didn't do anything wrong. It's just that the other guy finds out about you and steps up his game. He has something very valuable with her that you don't have. Which is time. There is no doubt that if a woman accepts and goes out with you, but then is uninterested, it's because she has someone else. Otherwise, unless you were an idiot on your dates, she doesn't have a reason not to call you. In this day and age, women are not dating anymore, they are chilling with scores of guys. We are all ****ved anyway. But just a heads up on low interest in the BEGINNING.

Sometimes something simple and true that makes total sense refuses to register in some peoples minds..

 

[CCFCmid]

Very true, very likely, but your falling into a trap of inlexible thinking there, do some self-cbt, you're in a much stronger position to deal with uncertainty of situations if you can make it a bit more flexible.

Could be true that 999999 out of a million its another guy, but there cna be 1 where it isn't. Acknowledging that nothing in life is for certain is important.

It could be that its extremely likely there is another guy, as someone else ahas said, it could be that they'e been hit by a bus lol

 

[maqnetik]

all the more reason to screen yourself out before you get emotionally invested yourself. dont give her time to plot and scheme, drop who you are, how you feel, and what you want smack dab in her lap and walk off if shes uncooperative. stop asking for numbers and making plans-- plans and phone calls are for people you already know are cool-- ask her what shes doing RIGHT NOW and let her comply or eliminate you from her options list.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHGDP0Gvs3Q

scarcity increases percieved value

 

[CCFCmid]

Just want to add, that last post is more of a general rule that we should all acknowledge, and I'm actually coming from an appreciative state where I logged on tonight to find out in all probability what had gone off in my other thread and have found a 99.9% answer for that which I am happy with as a reason, so thanks guys.

Just want to make the point that using words like 'must' or 'always' is a bit dangerous for our thought process and can lead to jumping to conclusions or even some kind of hyper-vigilance for signs

Btw, any idea on how to play this situation if there is another guy? No contact and next. If it doesn't work and she comes back play aloof and make her earn being back with you, obviously only if u decide she's worth it

Just out of interest.... what would it suggest if the two times I've made contact, calling and texting since going a bit cold, she has replied (maybe a tad later than she was doing) and talked normal politely about everything else we talked about? Does this mean she is wanting to keep her options open while giving it a go with the other guy? It's a new phenomenon I've not come across before so trying to see how to rad this best for in the future.

 

[joe henny]

How do you get emotionally invested in a chick that you have boned a few times? Thats weinie ism

 

[saab1981]

falcon, I gotta agree with your observation man. Plus, once this has happened, its nigh on impossible to reverse the situation. The most likely outcome is that you'll either get cut off completely by the chick (she'll just stop contact without even saying why) or friend-zoned/become a male satellite, feeding her ego when it suits her. Of course it is up to you to then cut HER off - and remember that it wasn't really your fault.

 

[Jitterbug]

Good post, Falcon. I told my mate the same thing after his recent experiences getting LJBFed by girls he only just knew & asked out. They were very enthusiastic and showed good interest level at first, but out of the blue, they LJBFed him. He was blaming himself but I said it's nothing to do with him. Eventually, it turned out that one girl went back to her ex who finally moved across country to be with her; the other went on a month-long trip as invited by a guy she's known for a very long time.


CCFCmid: the only strategy to deal with this is It's A Numbers Game.

Unless you just happen to have something she badly wants, that can equal her emotional investment in the other guy (who's been in her life for a long time), you can't win. Not like there's any chance of a decent winning in a Guy-Girl-Guy triangle.

 

[1 Bad Dude]

The absolute truth. This is why nexting and NC is commonly recommended for AFC and oneitis cases. Non-AFC and experienced players(of the dating game) don't need to resort to such extremes.

She didn't respond? Oh well. Move on.

I always respond with date requests when contacted by back burner chicks. Her answer will tell you everything you need to know. Most of the time they accept since I initially had high value and didn't bombard them with chumpish texts/emails/facebook-messages while they were MIA.

 

[Falcon25]

I don't like seeing you guys beat yourselves up. You have to understand that a woman on the rebound, a woman who has a guy as an fb, a woman who trips over a man cause he left her, a woman who has ex husband, a woman who still talks to a man, etc... are very difficult to get involved with..These are not good signs. A woman will even have sex with you, but then walk away. You will be like WTF? A lot of guys on here over estimate the sex with a girl. Most of the time, sex doesn't mean anything to a woman. It's the emotional fuvking that gets her. It didn't mean anything to her, her mind is elsewhere. That is why sometimes chicks disappear even if after you fuvked em good. Her mind and heart are somewhere else.

Do some investigating, ask some questions. Keep an eye out. Is she still talking to the ex? Does she have a fb? Because her mind and heart are elsewhere she won't be yours. But when a woman is looking, you will know. She will spend all the time with you. She will ask her friends to hook her up. She will even talk about how lonely she is and how bad she wants sex. She will make fun of the other guy. But you have to understand, if he is lurking, she is not yours. DO NOT BE THE SPARK THAT FIRES UP HER OTHER RELATIONSHIP. She could be using you to make him jealous, so he can step up his game, to find "what's out there", etc. It's a lot better to move on and keep it on the side, maybe she will come around. STAY AWAY FROM women who have men in the background that they have been, or are, romantic with.

 

[TIC]

I've gotta agree with the OP. So far all of the girls that I know are attached to a FB, ex, or some guy that was there previously of my getting her number. My only 2 plates spinning aren't going to pan out, because one has admitted to me that her ex is her current fb (she told me straight up, "he is my fb"). My other plate is on a different campus and always around her "guy friend" that she works out with and stuff. He knew her for years before I met her, and I'm willing to bet she's seen his penis many times.

In my approach journal so far, I've yet to meet a girl who wasn't already tied down by other guys. Getting a woman to be exclusive to you in today's society is next to impossible, even if you go for 6's and 7s like I did

 

[thedude4242]

falcon, you are exactly right on this. guys read his post and learn what he said. sometimes you dont know what you did wrong and you might have not done anything, but usually after that you will see her with another guy or you know she is seeing another guy. this should be put in the hall of fame.

 

[thedude4242]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1742913#post1742913

ccfcmid, read that last half of that thread and that will answer your question.

 

[Falcon25]

falcon, you are exactly right on this. guys read his post and learn what he said. sometimes you dont know what you did wrong and you might have not done anything, but usually after that you will see her with another guy or you know she is seeing another guy. this should be put in the hall of fame.

Thank you sir.

With all my Love,

Falcon.

 

[synergy1]

Have to agree. A chick having been in an ltr is a red flag. I have heard chicks say that they are not over their hs ltr ex's 6 years later. Basically, if a chick is decent looking she has been in an ltr. And those are classy chicks, the rest are BPD,slvts and AWs lol.

chick i was seeing last month got out of a 4 year LTR within the year. Now that you mention it, I think this contributed towards the lost of interest on her end. I am not taking it personally, and have no plans on pursuing it further.

In some cases, one might not even say that the interest level disappeared so much as the interest level was never high to begin with.

 

[nismo-4]

I'm filing this under "Reality about women"! This post is painfully accurate.

I need to add that women have loads of male options and goes with whoever makes the best offer. So you gotta be great from the get-go! Some women will date out of pity.

 

[thedude4242]

why dont men step up and starting getting us the advantage now. oh wait, they cant think of anything but getting some sex and it can be see so easily.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

This post should go to the bible.

If you read Doc love columns, it´s funny how it´s always your fault (which happens because you either didn´t buy his book or bought but didn´t follow it, lol) if she looks elsewhere. We have to bear in mind that sometimes there´s nothing you can do to "raise a woman´s interest level". Maybe you´re not her type, whatever it is.

Of course that there are things you can do to be more attractive, but we are in a competitive "game", and this game is fluid (there´re many variables going on). So there´s always the chance that there are other "players" (guys) in the picture. In some of these cases, cut your losses and move on. The guy, for whatever reason (money, power, status, domination, submission, ...), is the option of her choice.

The main idea is, "Is she buying and giving importance to what I have to offer?" Don´t throw pearls to the pigs!

*Just be sure what you have to offer is really good!

 

[CHICAGO27]

This post is dead on and absolutely right. You can only control what you control. I can't tell you how many times I have beaten myself up over chick just flat out dissapearing. It happens. That's why it is crucial not to invest too much emotional energy early on in a relationship.

 

[Lucifero]

A woman will even have sex with you, but then walk away.

Damn *****es always stealing my ideas!