Tips on keeping spontaneity on dates and how safe is it on escalating to something more serious?

[Lover_boy]

So I have been dating this girl for about 2 months now and we have gone out about 7-8 times. We took about a 4 week break in between where we didnt see each other because I was away traveling and she had a lot of work.

We've slept together, she's stayed over my house about 4 times and we genuinely enjoy each other's company. We've gone out dancing to clubs, bars, concerts and she has also just come over my place to drink and spend the night.

During the week when we dont see each other, I pretty much never text her. In fact during the 4 week period where we didn't go out together, we spoke about 2 times.

This past Thursday came and I texted her asking how she was doing, she called me about 30 min after I sent the text and asked if I was down to go out that night. To which we did. We went out, got drunk, danced and slept over. Dropped her off home on Friday afternoon after spending the day with her and havent spoken to her since.

My questions are the following.. We haven't spoken about our feelings, (to which I dont intend on doing eitherway). Right now we are just having fun and hooking up. However I have caught some feelings and I think she may have too a bit. The way we kiss each other is very sensual, she caresses my face and looks me in the eye, and we kiss for minutes on end. We hold each other in the middle of a parking lot and just kiss and hug without saying anything. So, her behavior (as well as mine) shows something more than just having each other as a plate. She suspects I date other women (to which I do) and jokes about it but does not ask any questions. Neither do I ask about her dating life.

The times we've gone out has been mostly night life dates, to which they are fun and exciting. But I am getting the urge to want to do other things such as go to the park with our dogs or go on a trip together.

If I continue going out with her occasionally on evening dates, I am afraid it will become a known routine. How can I maintain the spontaneity with her without coming off as if I am looking for a relationship with her? I would like to get to know a different side of her, aside from her regular party self that I've been knowing this whole time. But I also want to maintain being my mysterious self to which I occasionally disappear for about a week or so.

Thoughts?

 

[Canadian_Man]

Try going out to some other places, other activities, which aren't necessarily a weekend getaway.

Also, to clarify, you've known each other 2 months (~8 weeks), took a 4 week break in there, so have hung out 7-8 times in the span of 4 weeks effectively?

 

[Lover_boy]

Try going out to some other places, other activities, which aren't necessarily a weekend getaway.

Also, to clarify, you've known each other 2 months (~8 weeks), took a 4 week break in there, so have hung out 7-8 times in the span of 4 weeks effectively?

we‘ve gone out together 7 times around the time span of 5 weeks. I’m also counting the days that she slept over and hung out the following day.

 

[Bigpapa]

Man , she is treating you like a fwb

going for a LTR first will just scare her

if she would have seen you as a proper LTR prospect , she would have tried by now to put the dynamic into that direction

you Guys not staying in touch ( initiated by her ) is the biggest giveaway of the fwb dynamic + her not complaining that you do not go out in public

leave it like this and let her initiate the discussion about this . Anything else from your side will make you look like a wuss and you will loose her for sure

 

[Lover_boy]

Man , she is treating you like a fwb

going for a LTR first will just scare her

if she would have seen you as a proper LTR prospect , she would have tried by now to put the dynamic into that direction

you Guys not staying in touch ( initiated by her ) is the biggest giveaway of the fwb dynamic + her not complaining that you do not go out in public

leave it like this and let her initiate the discussion about this . Anything else from your side will make you look like a wuss and you will loose her for sure

So would you say it’s best to keep our dates exciting and party-like. I was thinking of calling her this weekend to go take our dogs to the park

 

[Bigpapa]

So would you say it’s best to keep our dates exciting and party-like. I was thinking of calling her this weekend to go take our dogs to the park

no , keep it casual ( like till now )

let her push the idea of a relationship . If you push it , you will loose her

 

[Lover_boy]

no , keep it casual ( like till now )

let her push the idea of a relationship . If you push it , you will loose her

Got it, and what about seeing her once every weekend ? The last date was initiated by her and I want to invite her out this weekend again. Or would it be best to go ghost every other weekend?
So basically what you’re saying is to do the bare minimum ?

 

[Bigpapa]

Got it, and what about seeing her once every weekend ? The last date was initiated by her and I want to invite her out this weekend again. Or would it be best to go ghost every other weekend?
So basically what you’re saying is to do the bare minimum ?

only interact when you want sex , but do not do it more than once a week ( from your end )

if she will start to want to hangout with you more , trust me … you will notice it

 

[Rainman4707]

I was seeing a girl for 3 month....just went to hers all the time fu'ked her...she came to mine once...fuc'ed her. She kept complaining that all we do is have sex...blah blah. She would ask "what is this....that we are doing? I would just reflect the question back to her....to which she hummed and harred. So.....I finally decided to take her to the pics.....the next day she dumped me lol

 

[Doctor Europeo]

As you said, you have caught feelings. You are on a slippery slope bro. I would say just keep doing what you been doing until you decide for sure if you want to go exclusive or not

 

[MtmVaott]

@Lover_boy
I've been in that position of yours and it's degrading if you continue.
You made it clear whatever you have with her isn't satisfying. So you can expect your vibe with her will be off and she will sooner or later sniff it out.
Since she doesn't value you as much as you value her, it's probably best to react like a girl on the jump. So I would suggest to be flakey and genuinely desinterested.
She will get the message and either put in more effort, or move on.

 

[Bigpapa]

@Lover_boy
So I would suggest to be flakey and genuinely desinterested.
She will get the message and either put in more effort, or move on.

Solid advice

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I wouldn't necessarily advise you to start playing mind games to test her interest. That is a feminine tactic.

Simply keep doing what you are doing and enjoy it. The only different thing is what another member suggested which is to start adding other types of activities that aren't necessarily a night out.

Do not bring up any feelings or future outcomes. Learn from my mistakes. It is a big no-no and it only adds assumptions, expectations, and pressure. It will take the fun out of it and at this stage neither of you is ready, nor should be ready, to commit or be exclusive.

Let things happen naturally. Continue having fun together and enjoying each moment. If you two are aligned, the conversation will not even have to be had, you will just know it and it will just happen.


Modern Man Advice