Tips for dating small talk?

[MoreThanSmooth]

Probably a stupid thread because I know it's all about practice, but I just wondered if you guys have any good tips for setting a lighter mood with a girl?

I've got a pretty good sense of humour in general, but usually on dates I fail at showcasing it. A lot of my dates end up with these really f***ing deep philosophical conversations. That's alright if we're on a 10th date staring at stars together, but it's pretty s*** when I'm on a first date.

I've literally had debates about politics, Greek philosophers, all this other crap when the whole time I'm just sitting there thinking "f***ing hell, can we just get to the laughing and kissing rather than this?"

If a girl's got high interest and she's making it easier for me, I'll normally rip on her a bit and set up a kind of playful banter dynamic. That normally gets her laughing quite a lot and opens the door to physical flirting.

But a lot of the time if a girl's giving me mid-interest I find getting laughs is like blood from a stone. And you don't want to just goof off at the expense of your own frame too much on an early date. So in this case I get stumped and it's normally back to INTENSE CONVERSATION #504 followed by no second date GG.

 

[marmel75]

Politics, religion and any other flashpoint conversation should be completely off limits on a first date. Your goal is to get laid not get in a heated argument over dumb sh!t.

You need to listen better. The women will give you things to talk about because if you are doing it right she will be talking 70% of the time...all you have to do is grab something she said and then make a comment and ask another question...

Like you might say:

U: "I saw you said you loved travelling, where is the coolest place you've ever been?"

Her: "I really liked going to Italy, there were so many cool things there and the food was amazing!"

So she has given you a few pieces of info...she said she saw a bunch of cool places..you can ask about that...she said she loved the food...you can say something like "I love Italian food too..what was your favorite thing there? Is the Italian food there different from here?"

This should be for about 10-15 minutes...but you need to intersperse touching and some light Kino like grabbing her hands if she has rings or bracelets and be like "Oh wow...I really like that! What's the story behind that?"

Personally my favorite is when they have a necklace on and I see it sitting right above their cleavage and I reach and grab it and say something about it...thats a brass balls move tho...there can't be any flinching when you do it, it has to be completely normal like its all part of normal conversation...they usually are shocked that you would do something like that(in a good way) and while you are reaching for the necklace their eyes start getting really big like "Is he gonna grab my boobs??"...No apologies...you do what you do and never with about any reaction you get from them. If they say anything like "Wow...that's pretty bold after only knowing me for a few minutes"...just smirk and say "Yeah....well... I'm not shy..."

Then I like breaking up the talking by doing something fun and challenge them to darts and bet them next drink...best out of 3...

You have to find your groove and once you do it will become a cookie cutter operation...you will just do this stuff wothout thinking and it becomes an extension of you...no thought, no wondering, just doing.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Thanks man, a nice post there.

Yeah, the more I read that post the more I think I lack "the combo". I'll tell a few good jokes one date. Next date with another chick I'll manage to escalate physically but the conversation will be too heavy. Next date the kino and convo is okay but there's not enough going on with fun activities.

I'll try and get the holy trinity of all three next date.

Not sure necklace grab counts as brass balls. More like adamantium Wolverine balls, holy s***...haha. I'm not ready for that move yet, maybe one day though.

 

[marmel75]

Thanks man, a nice post there.

Yeah, the more I read that post the more I think I lack "the combo". I'll tell a few good jokes one date. Next date with another chick I'll manage to escalate physically but the conversation will be too heavy. Next date the kino and convo is okay but there's not enough going on with fun activities.

I'll try and get the holy trinity of all three next date.

Not sure necklace grab counts as brass balls. More like adamantium Wolverine balls, holy s***...haha. I'm not ready for that move yet, maybe one day though.

And dont forget to sit back and relax...spread out...if you can find somewhere that has semi circular booths that's even better...you can spread out and gauge her initial interest by how close they choose to sit to you...ive had some literally almost end up on my lap after the initial intro...thats when you know you can be much more bold up front

 

[The Duke]

I always tell funny stories about situations I've been in. I also use those stories to showcase my values and who I am.

Topics about childhood are usually pretty good as well.

 

[Trump]

But a lot of the time if a girl's giving me mid-interest I find getting laughs is like blood from a stone. And you don't want to just goof off at the expense of your own frame too much on an early date. So in this case I get stumped and it's normally back to INTENSE CONVERSATION #504 followed by no second date GG.

You don't know it's because of your conversation. Hell I've been on dates where I speak for a total of 300 seconds and she is in love. I've been on dates where I talk magnificently and there is no 2nd date.

Be natural and relaxed. Your goal is to have fun and end up having sex with her. If you are having fun, she will be having fun. If you are not, she won't either.

 

[ubercat]

Ah c'mon. Yeah don't forget the kino and the eye contact but being good on the chat helps.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Ah c'mon. Yeah don't forget the kino and the eye contact but being good on the chat helps.

Haha I know it sounds lame. I think it's just my "technique" is lacking, come to think of it.

The fact I can even hold these stupidly complex conversations obviously means I've got the small talk goods, I'm just poor at guiding it towards humour. I think as @marmel75 says, having the right setting is surprisingly crucial.

Thinking about it, every time I've had a girl really into me it's been when we're sat in such a way that she can rest her legs up against mine. Usually leads to much heavier flirting. Perhaps most of my dates have good conversation but just lack kino.

F*** it I'm going to stop gossiping here and try and get another date, it's been a few weeks now.

 

[Macaframalama]

Probably a stupid thread because I know it's all about practice, but I just wondered if you guys have any good tips for setting a lighter mood with a girl?

I've got a pretty good sense of humour in general, but usually on dates I fail at showcasing it. A lot of my dates end up with these really f***ing deep philosophical conversations. That's alright if we're on a 10th date staring at stars together, but it's pretty s*** when I'm on a first date.

I've literally had debates about politics, Greek philosophers, all this other crap when the whole time I'm just sitting there thinking "f***ing hell, can we just get to the laughing and kissing rather than this?"

If a girl's got high interest and she's making it easier for me, I'll normally rip on her a bit and set up a kind of playful banter dynamic. That normally gets her laughing quite a lot and opens the door to physical flirting.

But a lot of the time if a girl's giving me mid-interest I find getting laughs is like blood from a stone. And you don't want to just goof off at the expense of your own frame too much on an early date. So in this case I get stumped and it's normally back to INTENSE CONVERSATION #504 followed by no second date GG.

If I remember correctly, you mentioned in a thread recently, that you prefer to keep playful banter to the date and out of text convos. This is the exact opposite of how I think texting and social media should be used. Bantering, flirting, joking, humor, etc will build comfort, break down barriers and set the tone for the actual date. Without this, she will go into the date not sure of what to expect or think, other than she is physically attracted to you. By doing this beforehand, she can expect that she will be going on a date with an attractive, funny, laid-back guy, drop her guard a little and your humor will be received a little better. It makes the transition alot more smooth and seamless and you should both be a little more relaxed, allowing the dialogue to flow a little better.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

If I remember correctly, you mentioned in a thread recently, that you prefer to keep playful banter to the date and out of text convos. This is the exact opposite of how I think texting and social media should be used. Bantering, flirting, joking, humor, etc will build comfort, break down barriers and set the tone for the actual date. Without this, she will go into the date not sure of what to expect or think, other than she is physically attracted to you. By doing this beforehand, she can expect that she will be going on a date with an attractive, funny, laid-back guy, drop her guard a little and your humor will be received a little better. It makes the transition alot more smooth and seamless and you should both be a little more relaxed, allowing the dialogue to flow a little better.

Aye...yeah. I find it's hard to express humour through text, though? Without turning into an emoji warrior spamming the cry-laughing face which just mean she's going to stop taking you seriously.

Good point though. Probs just need more practice, my text game is very weak frankly. I either text too much and get ghosted or too little with the same result, not even at the level of adding text humour yet, ha.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

1. There's nothing wrong with having topics of conversation planned beforehand, especially when you're uncertain in the early days. Practice having conversations with people everyday to become more natural when it matters most.

2. I like 'Top three...' polls about anything and everything; music albums, pizza, whatever. You find out about each other and it naturally transitions in to conversation anyway.

3. Ask questions, lots of questions. Perpetuate her answers with more questions. People love talking about themselves.

 

[Macaframalama]

Aye...yeah. I find it's hard to express humour through text, though? Without turning into an emoji warrior spamming the cry-laughing face which just mean she's going to stop taking you seriously.

Good point though. Probs just need more practice, my text game is very weak frankly. I either text too much and get ghosted or too little with the same result, not even at the level of adding text humour yet, ha.

You can obviously, succeed without text. It just takes a little more experience and in-set calibration is a little faster. You are basically starting from a dead stop right out of the gate. I have a tendency to say whatever comes to mind and love sarcasm, so it helps get the ball rolling and they will have a sense of how to take me and vice versa. Surprisingly, you run across women that aren't into bantering through text much either and it's just go at game time. Your experience will carry you here. If you do approach the strategy, just make sure it's interspersed strategically and keep "push-pull" in mind.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Just chatting to another girl on OLD, got her number. Seemed fairly normal. Not mind-blowingly beautiful but she's pretty.

There's got to be one catch, right? Just re-read her profile and she's into "Pagan Witchcraft".

I literally couldn't make this up, wtf?