Tinder match...arg.... Turning into a texting buddy

[harrison9876]

So...I generally have one rule when it comes to online dating: If I don't get a number within the first few messages, I assume interest is extremely low and I'll generally just move on.

I'm also not big on online dating... And for sure I don't have a lot of experience with it as most of the girls I do match with are Bots; Russian women 5000 mi away looking for a husband; or girls craving attention who simply want me to follow them on Instagram... Haha

I matched with this really cute girl (35) a couple weeks ago who seems really interesting. Much more reserved than I'm used to.. but it could be a cultural thing.

Anyway... Convo was going pretty well back and forth...and after a coue days of chit chat here and there...I told her to shoot me her digits and I'll hit her up after things slow down after the weekend. This was about a week ago.

That weekend passed... And she messages me apologizing for not getting back to me earlier.. and letting me know that she doesn't really give out her phone number until she's comfortable.

I took that as a diss. Low IL.

I know she's had some bad experiences with guys.. including two stalkers.. so I wasn't necessarily surprised by her reaction. Disappointed yes.. but surprised, no.

She seems like a cool girl so I kept up convo. I didn't let her hesitation phase me at all. I didn't mention it. I never really reacted to her comment. I just sort of let it blow by.

My other rule is I never ask for a phone number twice.

We've been messaging back and forth every couple days and on Saturday we were messaging quite a bit. Im definitely keeping up the flirting... c0ckiness... And overall being a total badass cracking her up...

But...

I feel like I'm turning into her texting buddy girlfriend.

This is a girl who what most people would think is a European model.. so I'm pretty sure she's got guys hitting her up quite a bit.

She's a photographer, and earlier today she mentioned that she was shooting a "really cute guy" over the weekend.

Could have been a shyt test.

I replied to her message but did not even respond to that comment. Just blew past it and talked about other things. She wanted me to elaborate on something I mentioned in an earlier message...but...as I didn't want to get into a big long tinder messaging conversation... I simply told her it was a really long story (too much for messaging). but I would fill her in when I see her.

I think the only way out of this is to not message her again. If she messages me... really give it a looooot of time before I reply. But there's a part of me that things I am just being a bit delusional here.

Thoughts on this one?

Mike

 

[lost_blackbird]

Seems like you're giving her some free and more importantly safe attention....
They all thrive on it. Personally at a certain point I'd have ejected from the conversation
without a further word and wait to see what she does. After a few days I'd delete the thread.
Only way to see if she's truly interested or just looking to soak up as much attention as her
ego can hold which as we all know is an infinite quantity because they are addicted to it.
She'll have a half dozen different guys blowing smoke up her arse, I'd bet my scrotum on that.

 

[SargeMaximus]

At some point she has to prove her devotion to you sexually.

 

[Bingo-Player]

So...I generally have one rule when it comes to online dating: If I don't get a number within the first few messages, I assume interest is extremely low and I'll generally just move on.

I'm also not big on online dating... And for sure I don't have a lot of experience with it as most of the girls I do match with are Bots; Russian women 5000 mi away looking for a husband; or girls craving attention who simply want me to follow them on Instagram... Haha

I matched with this really cute girl (35) a couple weeks ago who seems really interesting. Much more reserved than I'm used to.. but it could be a cultural thing.

Anyway... Convo was going pretty well back and forth...and after a coue days of chit chat here and there...I told her to shoot me her digits and I'll hit her up after things slow down after the weekend. This was about a week ago.

That weekend passed... And she messages me apologizing for not getting back to me earlier.. and letting me know that she doesn't really give out her phone number until she's comfortable.

I took that as a diss. Low IL.

I know she's had some bad experiences with guys.. including two stalkers.. so I wasn't necessarily surprised by her reaction. Disappointed yes.. but surprised, no.

She seems like a cool girl so I kept up convo. I didn't let her hesitation phase me at all. I didn't mention it. I never really reacted to her comment. I just sort of let it blow by.

My other rule is I never ask for a phone number twice.

We've been messaging back and forth every couple days and on Saturday we were messaging quite a bit. Im definitely keeping up the flirting... c0ckiness... And overall being a total badass cracking her up...

But...

I feel like I'm turning into her texting buddy girlfriend.

This is a girl who what most people would think is a European model.. so I'm pretty sure she's got guys hitting her up quite a bit.

She's a photographer, and earlier today she mentioned that she was shooting a "really cute guy" over the weekend.

Could have been a shyt test.

I replied to her message but did not even respond to that comment. Just blew past it and talked about other things. She wanted me to elaborate on something I mentioned in an earlier message...but...as I didn't want to get into a big long tinder messaging conversation... I simply told her it was a really long story (too much for messaging). but I would fill her in when I see her.

I think the only way out of this is to not message her again. If she messages me... really give it a looooot of time before I reply. But there's a part of me that things I am just being a bit delusional here.

Thoughts on this one?

Mike

As you will be aware women are strange and often whimsical creatures , from what ive read here i would say this woman is an expert manipulator

when a woman mentions "stalkers" i view it as a red flag because generally men don't become "stalkers" for no reason

you need to be very careful of women who use phrases like this nonchalantly and given she's telling a stranger on a dating app about her stalking experience my guess is she will have more than contributed her part to the "stalking" I.E leading men on , playing games , attention seeking

To me its just not something you would mention in the very early stages of a conversation with a stranger

The fact she declined your request for her number shows non compliance ......again another shall we say yellow flag

The comment about the cute guy i suspect wasn't a sh1t test but low level manipulation designed to begin moulding you into her next "stalker" * cough * / play toy

I appreciate i am being cynical but there are some VERY strange women on these dating apps ..... I keep saying it but any woman of fair value and sound mind shouldn't really need to be on them.

Proceed with caution

 

[bat soup]

So...I generally have one rule when it comes to online dating: If I don't get a number within the first few messages, I assume interest is extremely low and I'll generally just move on.

I'm also not big on online dating... And for sure I don't have a lot of experience with it as most of the girls I do match with are Bots; Russian women 5000 mi away looking for a husband; or girls craving attention who simply want me to follow them on Instagram... Haha

I matched with this really cute girl (35) a couple weeks ago who seems really interesting. Much more reserved than I'm used to.. but it could be a cultural thing.

Anyway... Convo was going pretty well back and forth...and after a coue days of chit chat here and there...I told her to shoot me her digits and I'll hit her up after things slow down after the weekend. This was about a week ago.

That weekend passed... And she messages me apologizing for not getting back to me earlier.. and letting me know that she doesn't really give out her phone number until she's comfortable.

I took that as a diss. Low IL.

I know she's had some bad experiences with guys.. including two stalkers.. so I wasn't necessarily surprised by her reaction. Disappointed yes.. but surprised, no.

She seems like a cool girl so I kept up convo. I didn't let her hesitation phase me at all. I didn't mention it. I never really reacted to her comment. I just sort of let it blow by.

My other rule is I never ask for a phone number twice.

We've been messaging back and forth every couple days and on Saturday we were messaging quite a bit. Im definitely keeping up the flirting... c0ckiness... And overall being a total badass cracking her up...

But...

I feel like I'm turning into her texting buddy girlfriend.

This is a girl who what most people would think is a European model.. so I'm pretty sure she's got guys hitting her up quite a bit.

She's a photographer, and earlier today she mentioned that she was shooting a "really cute guy" over the weekend.

Could have been a shyt test.

I replied to her message but did not even respond to that comment. Just blew past it and talked about other things. She wanted me to elaborate on something I mentioned in an earlier message...but...as I didn't want to get into a big long tinder messaging conversation... I simply told her it was a really long story (too much for messaging). but I would fill her in when I see her.

I think the only way out of this is to not message her again. If she messages me... really give it a looooot of time before I reply. But there's a part of me that things I am just being a bit delusional here.

Thoughts on this one?

Mike

When a woman says she´s "not comfortable" at any point that means she´s totally full of shiiit. Also, any woman that just wants to chit chat online and not meet up is a timewaster.

 

[harrison9876]

Thanks guys....yeah...I hear ya.

Good point on the stalker thing. Supposedly these were also men who she never even slept with. Giving creadance to the "she probably leads men on" comment.

Well...when I got up this morning...i saw a message from her. Appears she messaged me last night around 1:30am.

I decided best course of action is to not respond at all.

I'm going to let the week go by and see what she does. I've been giving her much more attention than I should have...and pulling that away completely "should" usually elicit a response or a reconnect from her side.

If I never hear from her again...great. no further time wasting

If she initiates convo...great. I'll be more direct leave it at that.

Mike

 

[Bokanovsky]

IMO, you are doing online dating wrong if you are so focused on one woman you have't even met yet. Also, tinder is old news. Most women have long since moved on to other apps, which explains why most of your matches are bots and women 5,000 miles away.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

So...I generally have one rule when it comes to online dating: If I don't get a number within the first few messages, I assume interest is extremely low and I'll generally just move on.

I'm also not big on online dating... And for sure I don't have a lot of experience with it as most of the girls I do match with are Bots; Russian women 5000 mi away looking for a husband; or girls craving attention who simply want me to follow them on Instagram... Haha

I matched with this really cute girl (35) a couple weeks ago who seems really interesting. Much more reserved than I'm used to.. but it could be a cultural thing.

Anyway... Convo was going pretty well back and forth...and after a coue days of chit chat here and there...I told her to shoot me her digits and I'll hit her up after things slow down after the weekend. This was about a week ago.

That weekend passed... And she messages me apologizing for not getting back to me earlier.. and letting me know that she doesn't really give out her phone number until she's comfortable.

I took that as a diss. Low IL.

I know she's had some bad experiences with guys.. including two stalkers.. so I wasn't necessarily surprised by her reaction. Disappointed yes.. but surprised, no.

She seems like a cool girl so I kept up convo. I didn't let her hesitation phase me at all. I didn't mention it. I never really reacted to her comment. I just sort of let it blow by.

My other rule is I never ask for a phone number twice.

We've been messaging back and forth every couple days and on Saturday we were messaging quite a bit. Im definitely keeping up the flirting... c0ckiness... And overall being a total badass cracking her up...

But...

I feel like I'm turning into her texting buddy girlfriend.

This is a girl who what most people would think is a European model.. so I'm pretty sure she's got guys hitting her up quite a bit.

She's a photographer, and earlier today she mentioned that she was shooting a "really cute guy" over the weekend.

Could have been a shyt test.

I replied to her message but did not even respond to that comment. Just blew past it and talked about other things. She wanted me to elaborate on something I mentioned in an earlier message...but...as I didn't want to get into a big long tinder messaging conversation... I simply told her it was a really long story (too much for messaging). but I would fill her in when I see her.

I think the only way out of this is to not message her again. If she messages me... really give it a looooot of time before I reply. But there's a part of me that things I am just being a bit delusional here.

Thoughts on this one?

Mike

As you know I am not pro OLD but I do think you have a pretty solid interest level rule. So don't make an exception for this one girl. No girl with medium+ to high interest will withhold from giving out a number.

Move on.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Stoic]

Your issue is you do not have enough prospects and certainly no plates.

If you had plates or attractive prospects, you would not put up with silliness like taking forever to get the girls number.

With women, the rule is cheesy but true. Talk to one and you'll have none. Talk to many and you will have plenty.

Good luck man.

 

[roaming shark]

Thanks guys....yeah...I hear ya.

Good point on the stalker thing. Supposedly these were also men who she never even slept with. Giving creadance to the "she probably leads men on" comment.

Well...when I got up this morning...i saw a message from her. Appears she messaged me last night around 1:30am.

I decided best course of action is to not respond at all.

I'm going to let the week go by and see what she does. I've been giving her much more attention than I should have...and pulling that away completely "should" usually elicit a response or a reconnect from her side.

If I never hear from her again...great. no further time wasting

If she initiates convo...great. I'll be more direct leave it at that.

Mike

You are not playing the game correctly in my opinion. To expect her to respond to you ghosting her for a week is silly. She has no incentive to invest into this, you havnt even hade sex…my Advice: stop devoting so much time to one random. Match with them online,push for a date or number within 3-5 messages And then go for the close. Anything else is silly. Women are FLAKY

 

[harrison9876]

alright...well...

I think one of my problems is though I have very limited experience with online dating...those I have matched with, I have always gotten a phone number quite quickly. I would call...we would chat...and then set something up. I should have maybe changed my approach on this one. When she said that she really doesn't give out her number until she is comfortable..."maybe", I should have pushed for a date/meet instead? She did not give me ANY indication that she would even want to meet...so I felt like it was a diss. My thoughts were...wait...if she is not "comfortable" wanting to speak on the phone...then there is noooooooooo way she would even be comfortable meeting. Maybe it was the wrong approach...

Even through our conversations, there was not one hint from her side that she had annnnnnny interest in meeting up. It just felt like idle, useless chit chat.

2 weeks ago her place was broken into (CPU stolen, etc.). In her last message a couple days ago, she told me how she was able to locate where her CPU was. Not sure how. But anyway...in her last message at 1:30am on Monday...she said she that a few days back, she actually went to the place, and knocked on the door to try to get it back.

She said in general, she is "not really afraid of much".

I do not know how much truth there is to that...but it seemed like the opposite behavior of someone who is too afraid to share her a number. Maybe I am wrong?

My thoughts were..."wait...wait...she has the balls to show up at some strangers place (possibly risking her life) to get her computer back...she has her number all over the web (photography website) where any stranger can call her to set up a photoshoot.....BUT....is too afraid to share exchange numbers with someone she matched with?"

Maybe I am crazy...

Anyway, I did end up messaging her. I sent her a message similar to what @Fruitbat mentioned above.

Never heard back (of course)...

Oh well...lesson learned.

 

[Poonstra]

everyone, if you had one peice of advice to pass on to someone about women...

what would it be? Mine would be, and it literary took me 25 years to get this, the "motif" of my life is me giving time to women who were in the end undeserving of my time. Do not let your ego or self esteem control you when it comes to women. do not **** or date women for the sake of doing...

www.sosuave.net

 

[harrison9876]

everyone, if you had one peice of advice to pass on to someone about women...

what would it be? Mine would be, and it literary took me 25 years to get this, the "motif" of my life is me giving time to women who were in the end undeserving of my time. Do not let your ego or self esteem control you when it comes to women. do not **** or date women for the sake of doing...

www.sosuave.net

Well said....

 

[PRW63]

It's a big "yawn". My gut response is "Who cares?" If you want a date with her,...offer one. She will either go for it or she won't. If you don't,...then just let it go.

 

[rjc149]

“I don’t give my number out on here.”

“I’d rather get to know you a bit more here before we meet.”

“I’d prefer to meet for coffee during the day sometime.”

All of these responses = waste of time.

Do not submit to her frame. Don’t meet her for coffee. Don’t agree to keep messaging.
Don’t speculate why. It could be because her IL is too low. It could be because she’s just looking for validation in a full inbox. It could be that she’s genuinely uncomfortable with online dating and meeting strangers off the internet. Move on.

“No worries, I respect that you’re uncomfortable but many women here don’t seem to have an issue giving out their number and meeting for drinks. Best of luck!”

All good online dates start with a girl giving you her number when she agrees to meet for drinks. Don’t waste your time on anything else. OLD is pure numbers.

 

[Poonstra]

OLD is pure numbers.

Agreed, it's a volume game. The second I get the feeling they are bamboozling me I move on.
Today I asked a girl out on a date on one of the apps. She responded with a smiley and changed the subject.
One could think the smiley is positive, but she's just wasting my time. If she was interested her response would have been "yes".
Shes just bored and looking for a sucker to entertain her.

 

[harrison9876]

Agreed, it's a volume game. The second I get the feeling they are bamboozling me I move on.
Today I asked a girl out on a date on one of the apps. She responded with a smiley and changed the subject.
One could think the smiley is positive, but she's just wasting my time. If she was interested her response would have been "yes".
Shes just bored and looking for a sucker to entertain her.

I hear yeah...there is the old saying, "No reply...is still a reply."

Sure it was a "smiley face"...but that is basically her replying with "no reply"...

I would have come to the same conclusion as you did on that one.

Funny...always easier to see things clearly when it is NOT about me...hahahaha...

 

[rjc149]

Agreed, it's a volume game. The second I get the feeling they are bamboozling me I move on.
Today I asked a girl out on a date on one of the apps. She responded with a smiley and changed the subject.
One could think the smiley is positive, but she's just wasting my time. If she was interested her response would have been "yes".
Shes just bored and looking for a sucker to entertain her.

I would have replied “lol hold on — so is that a yes?”

If you ask her on a date and her response isn’t “sure, here’s my number” she’s done.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Establishing communication yet balancing your texting habits to send the right impression is difficult.

The impression a man wants to send is that he is not so available and when you text her all the time, your making yourself available, which in turn makes you perceived as a needy virgin by her.

Im the master at this type of game with women, I consistently engage with women who make more money than me and are far more intelligent than I am, so they know exactly what it takes, the type of schedule a successful person has, how much focus he has on his tasks, these are all things communicated negatively when they are done through texting.

So what do I do? I set boundaries and expectations early on which is interesting for her because it's a game to see if I'll adhere to them or not, which I will and it's also a game, albeit a high risk one, for her to push on my boundary and for me to reinforce it and gain respect, no matter what her response you gotta reinforce your boundaries you set; pick your hill and die on it.

 

[Great Husky 63]

You should have deleted the match when she said that she was not comfortable. Remember, she has dozens of choices for men every week, high value men we are talking if she is hot. Whatever the reason or background, online game is a means to get the number and then plan logistics to meet. Everything else, you are giving her attention along with the several other dozens guys, even if she only messages the best looking ones, she has many more she never answers.