"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Tihash's Daytime Approach Journal
- Thread starter tihash
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
The ratio of dates to approaches has DECREASED as I have expanded my approaching to more and more venues and have taken more risk. However, the sheer number of dates has INCREASED at the same time. So my batting average is poorer but my number of runs is higher.
I am talking about this year versus any previous year. My approach journal begins quite a few years ago (and I disappear for years on end when I have a LTR), but I recently started re-numbering them. In 2010, I have approx 80 approaches in.
Nervousness? When doing the actual approach, almost ZERO anxiety. The only real exception is if I do super direct on a girl and have to walk up to her table at the mall food court or something. But in a bookstore or Ross or Wal-Mart, not much anxiety unless I haven't approached in like a week. I still wait too long sometimes to make the approach, but it is not the same "the sky is falling" feeling as early on.
However, quite interestingly, I do get what I'll call a very mild generalized anxiety when I get in the car and head out to sarge. I never used to get that. But in the aisle, not much anxiety whatsoever. That goes away with time..
This was SUnday at SuperTarget.
A cute girl is in the wine aisle. I open her very easily as the wine aisle is as easy as it gets. Successfully transition to a personal convo quickly because she is wearing a Texas Aggies shirt so we talk Texas stuff for a while. An easy, pleasant 15 min convo. I close but she is "seeing someone." Fair enough. Next!
It sucks she has a kid because she seems cool. But at least for me, no LTR with a women with a kid.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
This is at Super Wal-Mart today. See a hot girl in her gym outfit doing grocery shopping. I am pussing out multiple times in various aisles. I finally open her about room deodorizers when we are both in that aisle. Short convo, and she casually mentions she is moving out of state to move to her bf. Next.
Shame on me for waiting so damn long!
Stats since i started the re-numbering in 9/2009:
Cold Approaches: 103
Phone Numbers: 28
Email Addresses: 2
Dates: 10 (only count once even if multiple dates same girl)
BJs: 2 (do not count if got BJ and lay, only count as lay)
Lays: 5
Thank you.
I still don't approach sometimes when I could have or should have.
But it is definitely way, way easier than a few months ago.
If you read the journal from this year, you will see I had an awesome late March and April 2010 (4 new lays and 1 new BJ in about 30 days) then went through a 2+ month dry spell. Most important of all, I have learned to keep on keeping on and push through the dry spells. I got flake after flake after flake after flake for 2 months. Finally got a new BJ last week and have a second date with a girl who is truly high, high quality this coming week.
So, no matter how hard it may seem, keep going and keep at it. Results will follow, eventually.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
that's very inspiring. keep it up.tihash said:Thank you.
I still don't approach sometimes when I could have or should have.
But it is definitely way, way easier than a few months ago.
If you read the journal from this year, you will see I had an awesome late March and April 2010 (4 new lays and 1 new BJ in about 30 days) then went through a 2+ month dry spell. Most important of all, I have learned to keep on keeping on and push through the dry spells. I got flake after flake after flake after flake for 2 months. Finally got a new BJ last week and have a second date with a girl who is truly high, high quality this coming week.
So, no matter how hard it may seem, keep going and keep at it. Results will follow, eventually.
3countriesPlan
Master Don Juan
Pretty cool approach journal. I was getting flakes for awhile. Everyone goes through it though. What I have learned is you just got to keep going but damn it gets easy to get bitter while you are stuck in a rut. When you are in those periods of too many girls flaking do you ever change up your game a bit or just keep with the same approach and just bulldoze your way through things?tihash said:Thank you.
I still don't approach sometimes when I could have or should have.
But it is definitely way, way easier than a few months ago.
If you read the journal from this year, you will see I had an awesome late March and April 2010 (4 new lays and 1 new BJ in about 30 days) then went through a 2+ month dry spell. Most important of all, I have learned to keep on keeping on and push through the dry spells. I got flake after flake after flake after flake for 2 months. Finally got a new BJ last week and have a second date with a girl who is truly high, high quality this coming week.
So, no matter how hard it may seem, keep going and keep at it. Results will follow, eventually.
This is at B&N. Cute girl sitting in a chair in an aisle reading tabloids. She is older than i prefer, maybe my age. I open her on what she is reading. It is helpful to know a lot about a little, as I can easily talk current Hollywood break-ups, etc. We chit chat about travel, flying, etc. She easily gives up the digits. But she really asked no questions about me, so IL doesn't seem all that high. I will let you know if a date occurs...
Same B&N today, this girl in is greeting cards. I open her about a greeting card for a dog when the owner is having a doggie bday. She is cute and all, says she is moving soon, I ask whee to, in with her bf is where. lol. Next!
This is at B&N. 2 girls are sitting in an aisle, one in the same chair as #104 (obviously after #104 left) and the other next to her. The one I am not interested in smiles and sorta opens me, and I was about to open them.
Something I learned about PU is to recognize the opportunities when they are out there, and if a girl talks to you for any reason you need to keep that convo going.
Anyhow, got both their #'s. Texted the one I liked exclusively then after a couple texts asked her out for a drink next week. That was the end of her texting me. lol. Whatever, h0. Next!
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Today at Ross. I open what I find out is a Mexican girl who has been here a month., She lives abt 2 hours away and is here with friends for the day. She gives me advice on a housewarming gift, takes me on a field trip in the store, etc. Claims she does not have a cell, I ask for the email. Not expecting much, and since she said she had to go back tonight and was with friends, didn't try for same-day.
To answer your question, after the first month of nothingness I thought, "What the hell is wrong with me?!?! Is my hair different? Am I sad or something and it shows through my face? Are there less girls out in the summer months?"
Then I tried to make changes. I would close with, "Let's get together for a drink this week" rather than "we should talk again sometime."
I talked to girls who were older or a bit less pretty or a bit more heavy than I would prefer.
I tried going to Ross and Marshall's and places like that rather than bookstores because there were just fewer girls in bookstores.
Then I also made a chart, handwritten, with all of the girls in the magical 5 weeks who went on first dates with me, how I met them, where, what day of the week, and what time of day.
It turned out over 60% were from bookstores.
Then I remembered how much easier it is to have a convo in a bookstore. It is chill. People are not usually in a hurry. People are usually a bit more educated or a bit more intelligent than your average person at Wal-Mart.
So I started making bookstores about half of my sarge time again.
And I got lucky a week ago with 2 girls on the same day (#100 and #101) who both were not flakes.
Maybe I will not lay either one (although #100 did suck the d!ck), but I got the necessary confidence boost and I know all is right with the world once again. Oh, and I know the next time a dry spell comes I just need to keep doing what I do and results will follow.
BTW, I opened both #100 and #101 with this WICKED opener. You may want to write it down. It is worth its weight in GOLD: "What are you looking for?"
lol
Yup, the most simple, basic, open-ended question you could ever use in a bookstore. No high-octane magic.
And that is how I met my 4-year LTR in Borders back in 2005, with: "What are you looking for?"
So that is my low-tech bookstore opener. =)
Current sticking points:
a. still wait too long to approach most of the time (it's not like 15 minutes, but waiting 60 seconds often costs me the opportunity as the hotter the girl the more quickly they seem to walk off or leave the store, etc!)
b. still care what other people think
c. sometimes don't talk loudly enough
d. allow too many lulls in the convo during the approach
e. I don't always close
f. cafes are still very, very challenging for me
I really don't qualify except for looks. I'd i'd tap that @ss, then I hopefully will close. If she looks good enough to go down on, then she is attractive enough to be an LTR assuming she otherwise qualifies (smart, has her sh!t together, loyal, no kids, trustworthy, likes animals, treats me well, etc etc).
Obviously no one recently has been LTR worthy. lol
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.