I made a big mistake last night while being drunk. A stupid thing to do on my part. Just to give some insight, I was dumped by this girl in early. Then 2 months after she got another guy. She did hurt me a lot, lied to me, disrispected me, etc.was a hypocrite and it ended quite badly. She just cut me off and then after like a week of me messaging her she responded it was over and she wanted to be alone (by facebook). Then we started talking again from time to time but everything casual. I don't want to make this post that long so I'll omit the details, if you want to know something ask.
For the first few months I was quite depressed and hated her at the same time, especially when she got with the other guy, bragged about it and posted pictures on fb,etc.
Now she's not with that guy anymore. And I know I should move on, and I have, but something still tells me maybe I should give it a shot or at least bang her again. However there is still some resentment on my part towards her.
She has even contacted me a few times, told me how she's not in a relationship anymore, etc. Maybe she was thinking the same about seeing me again but am not sure. Sounded like it. I think if I had told her to do something she might have agreed. But I didn't.
Anyway,that is the background but to the point... This girl talks crap about a lot of people and is a real hypocrite. I know her very well on that matters. Even of her own girlfriends.
So a couple nights ago, I noticed a pic she had posted on her FB. She was with a couple of friends of mine and a friend's wife. I can'rt say I enjoyed it but took it lightly, since she was with one of my friends in all the pics, hugging and acting kind of flirty. Actually my friend are 3 brothers, but I'm mostly friend with the eldest who is married an her wife was there. ASt first I just sent her an innoicent message kind of teasing her but in a good way. Something like way to go with (nickname)...even kind of funny.
But later that night I got very drunk, and after midnight sent a message to my married friend, telling him "how can you receive this evil women in your house, and how can your wife appear smiling in the pics with this girl smiling hypocritically, when she used to tell everyone that she used to be a prostitute/call girl that exchanged sex for money, and a junkie". Now, I know this was a really stupid thing to do. Howev¿er it is the truth, she told me that when we weere dating and I don't know who else. I had some other problems involving hypocrites these last weeks so was fed up with that. And actually it did bother me a bit seeing her in the pics with this guy who I know, but have nothing against him... Actyually, I personally think he's a good guy and not stupid either. In fact he is good with women. So I should admit I got a bit jealous.Altough I didn't think that might progress much you never know. So aside from saying what she said about my friend's wife,who took her there in the first place, I gave them like a warning on the type of person she was/is (Now she says she is not the same as 2 years ago but I don't buy it).
So stupid and unmanly thing to do, I know. Now it has become a mess. My friend told his wife (Didn't mention my name), his wife sent an email to my ex telling her that she was the worst and that she hadn't seen her in ten years and so on. My friend is really mad too, he takes thiese things seriously. I know I shouldn't have gotten myself into things that are not my business. By the way, she immediately figured out it had been me. She texted on fb a long message saying what a horrible person I was for doing that,that I blew it big time, that it obviously is because I am angry that she dumped me ("because she hated my addiction to alcohol", in her words, and that she couldn't believe how bad of a man I am, or can get to be with alcohol, or that it has turned me into a bad person), unfriended me from fb, etc.
However, These are good people and I know the snake she can be and also sisn't want her to worm into a good family. I know them more than she does, she barely knows them and my friend doesn't.
So now, My friend wants to know if what I said was the truth (because I ranted to him last night I was wasted on alcohol and we should talk again today. He takes this pretty seriously and wants to know this in order to not let her step a foot to his house again. On the other hand, i texted my ex, tellinjg him I was sorry, and I was drunk when I did it and how I felt bad about it and regretted the whole thing.
So now, she wants me to call him and tell him it was all bs because I was drunk and emotionally unstable or something and that none of it is true.
She has sweared it is not true to my friend's wife (see the hypocracy?)
So as I see it I made a bad choice but need some sort of closure or fixing it because all this situation is affecting me even more than anyone else now.
A friend told me I got 3 ways to choose from which I paste:
the Pragmatic: you stay away. You never talk about the issue again. In time, you may even rejoinb both groups
The Cynic: You stick your neck out for her. You take the blame, stating alcohol was the cause. Alcohol and jealousy. She keeps going to friend's family household and things remain cynically sane
The Justicar: You reveal what you know, withut a shadow of doubt or misinterpretation. This will liejkly raise many questions about her and you, but in the end, the family will side with you on the basis of long standing friendship
be warned: none of these guarantee a happy ending
a smooth sailing
but they do guarantee closure
I am not sure what to do. What do you guys suggest (apart from moving on, which is obvious).
Can you think of a way of gettinf off this mess without losing peoples trust, appearing like a fool or mentally insane? BTW, if my friend or his wife sends the actual text I sent him to my girlfriend I am toast, because I really took it way too far. How could I end well and not have a problem or anyone hate or not trust me anymore for that matter if this is possible? Ca´nt there be a way were everyone listens to what they want to hear or something, without harming myself? This girl has made my life miserable for a while and kwnowingly. But I am not the same, I still have some kind of respect/affection to her (sounds stupid I know). I am a good guy but do hold some kind of grudges for some time, it is a faulty part of my personality. It takes me long to forgive and almost never forget. This can be a good thing in limited scenarios but as you see here I blew it.
I was thinking about telling my friend the truth (that she actually said those things) but to please just don't talk to her anymore and don't make more of an issue out of this and don't burn me with her. And that I was going to tell her I sent him an email telling him it was all a mistake/ untrue, / a faux pad from me, and maybe even send it so I can show her so she doesn't hate me. But I don't know if this would work. Yesterday I did tell him I made a mistake by saying those things but didn't confirm or discard what I said. He wants to know if she really said that and if she is really the kind of woman I said (he kind of trusts me) in order to never see her again or loet her in their home.
Btw, I told my ex today because she called 2 times and sent me plenty texts, that I was going to say I just talked bs because I was drunk, etc. She said if I was really sorry (which I am) I should do that to be somewhat good with her and recover some of her trust (she knows I do stupid things when I'm drunk) cause ahe now fears me or what I am capable of.
But then again, I would be supporting a lie, and a way of life from her that she thinks is normal by deceiving others and being a hypocrite. She is very self conscious about social issues.
So, sorry for the long post. It may seem like a stupid drama for some but I am really being the most affected here, because of my own stupidness I know.
Well I also told my ex and she gigured it out, that my friend is pretty stubborn, jealous about his wife and takes these things very seriously. She even mentioned, yea, hes crazy. So I told her I would try to do my best to mend this, but I ccouldn't assure he would change his mind. She kind of accepted that.
And lastly, he hasn't called because we agreed to talk today. Maybe if he doesn't just leave it at that? Even the doubt might have planted a seed to his aversion towards her. But at the same time tell my ex I send him an apologetic note? saying it was all untrue and my fail? I don't know, maybe she could ask them or something.
So ther it is, sorry again for the long post. I'm not sure this should belog to the get exback forum but thought it had something to do.
Please help me get off this nasty situation as smoothly as possible, without having anyone hate me and doing the less harm. It is really stressing me out.
Any suggestions, support or advice are very welcome. You can trash me as well for being such an idiot but try to don't make me feel worse than I already do.
Thank you!
For the first few months I was quite depressed and hated her at the same time, especially when she got with the other guy, bragged about it and posted pictures on fb,etc.
Now she's not with that guy anymore. And I know I should move on, and I have, but something still tells me maybe I should give it a shot or at least bang her again. However there is still some resentment on my part towards her.
She has even contacted me a few times, told me how she's not in a relationship anymore, etc. Maybe she was thinking the same about seeing me again but am not sure. Sounded like it. I think if I had told her to do something she might have agreed. But I didn't.
Anyway,that is the background but to the point... This girl talks crap about a lot of people and is a real hypocrite. I know her very well on that matters. Even of her own girlfriends.
So a couple nights ago, I noticed a pic she had posted on her FB. She was with a couple of friends of mine and a friend's wife. I can'rt say I enjoyed it but took it lightly, since she was with one of my friends in all the pics, hugging and acting kind of flirty. Actually my friend are 3 brothers, but I'm mostly friend with the eldest who is married an her wife was there. ASt first I just sent her an innoicent message kind of teasing her but in a good way. Something like way to go with (nickname)...even kind of funny.
But later that night I got very drunk, and after midnight sent a message to my married friend, telling him "how can you receive this evil women in your house, and how can your wife appear smiling in the pics with this girl smiling hypocritically, when she used to tell everyone that she used to be a prostitute/call girl that exchanged sex for money, and a junkie". Now, I know this was a really stupid thing to do. Howev¿er it is the truth, she told me that when we weere dating and I don't know who else. I had some other problems involving hypocrites these last weeks so was fed up with that. And actually it did bother me a bit seeing her in the pics with this guy who I know, but have nothing against him... Actyually, I personally think he's a good guy and not stupid either. In fact he is good with women. So I should admit I got a bit jealous.Altough I didn't think that might progress much you never know. So aside from saying what she said about my friend's wife,who took her there in the first place, I gave them like a warning on the type of person she was/is (Now she says she is not the same as 2 years ago but I don't buy it).
So stupid and unmanly thing to do, I know. Now it has become a mess. My friend told his wife (Didn't mention my name), his wife sent an email to my ex telling her that she was the worst and that she hadn't seen her in ten years and so on. My friend is really mad too, he takes thiese things seriously. I know I shouldn't have gotten myself into things that are not my business. By the way, she immediately figured out it had been me. She texted on fb a long message saying what a horrible person I was for doing that,that I blew it big time, that it obviously is because I am angry that she dumped me ("because she hated my addiction to alcohol", in her words, and that she couldn't believe how bad of a man I am, or can get to be with alcohol, or that it has turned me into a bad person), unfriended me from fb, etc.
However, These are good people and I know the snake she can be and also sisn't want her to worm into a good family. I know them more than she does, she barely knows them and my friend doesn't.
So now, My friend wants to know if what I said was the truth (because I ranted to him last night I was wasted on alcohol and we should talk again today. He takes this pretty seriously and wants to know this in order to not let her step a foot to his house again. On the other hand, i texted my ex, tellinjg him I was sorry, and I was drunk when I did it and how I felt bad about it and regretted the whole thing.
So now, she wants me to call him and tell him it was all bs because I was drunk and emotionally unstable or something and that none of it is true.
She has sweared it is not true to my friend's wife (see the hypocracy?)
So as I see it I made a bad choice but need some sort of closure or fixing it because all this situation is affecting me even more than anyone else now.
A friend told me I got 3 ways to choose from which I paste:
the Pragmatic: you stay away. You never talk about the issue again. In time, you may even rejoinb both groups
The Cynic: You stick your neck out for her. You take the blame, stating alcohol was the cause. Alcohol and jealousy. She keeps going to friend's family household and things remain cynically sane
The Justicar: You reveal what you know, withut a shadow of doubt or misinterpretation. This will liejkly raise many questions about her and you, but in the end, the family will side with you on the basis of long standing friendship
be warned: none of these guarantee a happy ending
a smooth sailing
but they do guarantee closure
I am not sure what to do. What do you guys suggest (apart from moving on, which is obvious).
Can you think of a way of gettinf off this mess without losing peoples trust, appearing like a fool or mentally insane? BTW, if my friend or his wife sends the actual text I sent him to my girlfriend I am toast, because I really took it way too far. How could I end well and not have a problem or anyone hate or not trust me anymore for that matter if this is possible? Ca´nt there be a way were everyone listens to what they want to hear or something, without harming myself? This girl has made my life miserable for a while and kwnowingly. But I am not the same, I still have some kind of respect/affection to her (sounds stupid I know). I am a good guy but do hold some kind of grudges for some time, it is a faulty part of my personality. It takes me long to forgive and almost never forget. This can be a good thing in limited scenarios but as you see here I blew it.
I was thinking about telling my friend the truth (that she actually said those things) but to please just don't talk to her anymore and don't make more of an issue out of this and don't burn me with her. And that I was going to tell her I sent him an email telling him it was all a mistake/ untrue, / a faux pad from me, and maybe even send it so I can show her so she doesn't hate me. But I don't know if this would work. Yesterday I did tell him I made a mistake by saying those things but didn't confirm or discard what I said. He wants to know if she really said that and if she is really the kind of woman I said (he kind of trusts me) in order to never see her again or loet her in their home.
Btw, I told my ex today because she called 2 times and sent me plenty texts, that I was going to say I just talked bs because I was drunk, etc. She said if I was really sorry (which I am) I should do that to be somewhat good with her and recover some of her trust (she knows I do stupid things when I'm drunk) cause ahe now fears me or what I am capable of.
But then again, I would be supporting a lie, and a way of life from her that she thinks is normal by deceiving others and being a hypocrite. She is very self conscious about social issues.
So, sorry for the long post. It may seem like a stupid drama for some but I am really being the most affected here, because of my own stupidness I know.
Well I also told my ex and she gigured it out, that my friend is pretty stubborn, jealous about his wife and takes these things very seriously. She even mentioned, yea, hes crazy. So I told her I would try to do my best to mend this, but I ccouldn't assure he would change his mind. She kind of accepted that.
And lastly, he hasn't called because we agreed to talk today. Maybe if he doesn't just leave it at that? Even the doubt might have planted a seed to his aversion towards her. But at the same time tell my ex I send him an apologetic note? saying it was all untrue and my fail? I don't know, maybe she could ask them or something.
So ther it is, sorry again for the long post. I'm not sure this should belog to the get exback forum but thought it had something to do.
Please help me get off this nasty situation as smoothly as possible, without having anyone hate me and doing the less harm. It is really stressing me out.
Any suggestions, support or advice are very welcome. You can trash me as well for being such an idiot but try to don't make me feel worse than I already do.
Thank you!
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