Thrash talked about my ex (time sensitive)

[4ad]

I made a big mistake last night while being drunk. A stupid thing to do on my part. Just to give some insight, I was dumped by this girl in early. Then 2 months after she got another guy. She did hurt me a lot, lied to me, disrispected me, etc.was a hypocrite and it ended quite badly. She just cut me off and then after like a week of me messaging her she responded it was over and she wanted to be alone (by facebook). Then we started talking again from time to time but everything casual. I don't want to make this post that long so I'll omit the details, if you want to know something ask.

For the first few months I was quite depressed and hated her at the same time, especially when she got with the other guy, bragged about it and posted pictures on fb,etc.

Now she's not with that guy anymore. And I know I should move on, and I have, but something still tells me maybe I should give it a shot or at least bang her again. However there is still some resentment on my part towards her.

She has even contacted me a few times, told me how she's not in a relationship anymore, etc. Maybe she was thinking the same about seeing me again but am not sure. Sounded like it. I think if I had told her to do something she might have agreed. But I didn't.

Anyway,that is the background but to the point... This girl talks crap about a lot of people and is a real hypocrite. I know her very well on that matters. Even of her own girlfriends.

So a couple nights ago, I noticed a pic she had posted on her FB. She was with a couple of friends of mine and a friend's wife. I can'rt say I enjoyed it but took it lightly, since she was with one of my friends in all the pics, hugging and acting kind of flirty. Actually my friend are 3 brothers, but I'm mostly friend with the eldest who is married an her wife was there. ASt first I just sent her an innoicent message kind of teasing her but in a good way. Something like way to go with (nickname)...even kind of funny.

But later that night I got very drunk, and after midnight sent a message to my married friend, telling him "how can you receive this evil women in your house, and how can your wife appear smiling in the pics with this girl smiling hypocritically, when she used to tell everyone that she used to be a prostitute/call girl that exchanged sex for money, and a junkie". Now, I know this was a really stupid thing to do. Howev¿er it is the truth, she told me that when we weere dating and I don't know who else. I had some other problems involving hypocrites these last weeks so was fed up with that. And actually it did bother me a bit seeing her in the pics with this guy who I know, but have nothing against him... Actyually, I personally think he's a good guy and not stupid either. In fact he is good with women. So I should admit I got a bit jealous.Altough I didn't think that might progress much you never know. So aside from saying what she said about my friend's wife,who took her there in the first place, I gave them like a warning on the type of person she was/is (Now she says she is not the same as 2 years ago but I don't buy it).

So stupid and unmanly thing to do, I know. Now it has become a mess. My friend told his wife (Didn't mention my name), his wife sent an email to my ex telling her that she was the worst and that she hadn't seen her in ten years and so on. My friend is really mad too, he takes thiese things seriously. I know I shouldn't have gotten myself into things that are not my business. By the way, she immediately figured out it had been me. She texted on fb a long message saying what a horrible person I was for doing that,that I blew it big time, that it obviously is because I am angry that she dumped me ("because she hated my addiction to alcohol", in her words, and that she couldn't believe how bad of a man I am, or can get to be with alcohol, or that it has turned me into a bad person), unfriended me from fb, etc.

However, These are good people and I know the snake she can be and also sisn't want her to worm into a good family. I know them more than she does, she barely knows them and my friend doesn't.

So now, My friend wants to know if what I said was the truth (because I ranted to him last night I was wasted on alcohol and we should talk again today. He takes this pretty seriously and wants to know this in order to not let her step a foot to his house again. On the other hand, i texted my ex, tellinjg him I was sorry, and I was drunk when I did it and how I felt bad about it and regretted the whole thing.

So now, she wants me to call him and tell him it was all bs because I was drunk and emotionally unstable or something and that none of it is true.

She has sweared it is not true to my friend's wife (see the hypocracy?)

So as I see it I made a bad choice but need some sort of closure or fixing it because all this situation is affecting me even more than anyone else now.

A friend told me I got 3 ways to choose from which I paste:

the Pragmatic: you stay away. You never talk about the issue again. In time, you may even rejoinb both groups

The Cynic: You stick your neck out for her. You take the blame, stating alcohol was the cause. Alcohol and jealousy. She keeps going to friend's family household and things remain cynically sane

The Justicar: You reveal what you know, withut a shadow of doubt or misinterpretation. This will liejkly raise many questions about her and you, but in the end, the family will side with you on the basis of long standing friendship
be warned: none of these guarantee a happy ending
a smooth sailing
but they do guarantee closure

I am not sure what to do. What do you guys suggest (apart from moving on, which is obvious).

Can you think of a way of gettinf off this mess without losing peoples trust, appearing like a fool or mentally insane? BTW, if my friend or his wife sends the actual text I sent him to my girlfriend I am toast, because I really took it way too far. How could I end well and not have a problem or anyone hate or not trust me anymore for that matter if this is possible? Ca´nt there be a way were everyone listens to what they want to hear or something, without harming myself? This girl has made my life miserable for a while and kwnowingly. But I am not the same, I still have some kind of respect/affection to her (sounds stupid I know). I am a good guy but do hold some kind of grudges for some time, it is a faulty part of my personality. It takes me long to forgive and almost never forget. This can be a good thing in limited scenarios but as you see here I blew it.

I was thinking about telling my friend the truth (that she actually said those things) but to please just don't talk to her anymore and don't make more of an issue out of this and don't burn me with her. And that I was going to tell her I sent him an email telling him it was all a mistake/ untrue, / a faux pad from me, and maybe even send it so I can show her so she doesn't hate me. But I don't know if this would work. Yesterday I did tell him I made a mistake by saying those things but didn't confirm or discard what I said. He wants to know if she really said that and if she is really the kind of woman I said (he kind of trusts me) in order to never see her again or loet her in their home.

Btw, I told my ex today because she called 2 times and sent me plenty texts, that I was going to say I just talked bs because I was drunk, etc. She said if I was really sorry (which I am) I should do that to be somewhat good with her and recover some of her trust (she knows I do stupid things when I'm drunk) cause ahe now fears me or what I am capable of.

But then again, I would be supporting a lie, and a way of life from her that she thinks is normal by deceiving others and being a hypocrite. She is very self conscious about social issues.

So, sorry for the long post. It may seem like a stupid drama for some but I am really being the most affected here, because of my own stupidness I know.

Well I also told my ex and she gigured it out, that my friend is pretty stubborn, jealous about his wife and takes these things very seriously. She even mentioned, yea, hes crazy. So I told her I would try to do my best to mend this, but I ccouldn't assure he would change his mind. She kind of accepted that.

And lastly, he hasn't called because we agreed to talk today. Maybe if he doesn't just leave it at that? Even the doubt might have planted a seed to his aversion towards her. But at the same time tell my ex I send him an apologetic note? saying it was all untrue and my fail? I don't know, maybe she could ask them or something.

So ther it is, sorry again for the long post. I'm not sure this should belog to the get exback forum but thought it had something to do.

Please help me get off this nasty situation as smoothly as possible, without having anyone hate me and doing the less harm. It is really stressing me out.

Any suggestions, support or advice are very welcome. You can trash me as well for being such an idiot but try to don't make me feel worse than I already do.

Thank you!

 

[spang]

my god....

 

[4ad]

my god....

I know!

 

[cordoncordon]

Dude, why do you give a fawk? Really. Who cares. This is a girl that has treated you very badly. The ONLY reason you even want her is because she dumped you instead of you dumping her. If you had done it first, you wouldn't care at all. I didnt see one nice thing that you wrote about her. You don't sound like you find anything about her remotely appealing. So why care? Why waste time on her? Stop fixating on this girl. It is unhealthy for you and it is preventing you from growing and bettering your life.

As far as this particular issue. All of this is just so high schoolish. Why are you and everyone else making such a big deal out of this? Just move on. Forget about it. Stop talking to this girl to start with. If you want you can end contact with her by telling her that you apologize for what you said and it will never happen again. That's it. As for your friends, tell them you were drunk, angry still about the breakup, and you are sorry for involving them in such petty drama. And once more, that it will never happen again. And leave it at that.

And move on with your life brah. Life is way too short for this. Stop wasting precious time and energy on people that don't respect or care for you, and start spending this very precious time and energy on people that reciprocate your efforts towards them in kind.


Good luck.

 

[Married Buried]

If you want you can end contact with her by telling her that you apologize

DON'T ****ing apologize. You did nothing wrong. This woman is a B!TCH and a C/NT and she got what she deserved. Just go completely ghost on the *****. Do NOT apologize.

 

[cordoncordon]

DON'T ****ing apologize. You did nothing wrong. This woman is a B!TCH and a C/NT and she got what she deserved. Just go completely ghost on the *****. Do NOT apologize.

I am not telling him to apologize for her benefit. I am telling him to apologize for his benefit. And that is IF he even wants to apologize. He could just as easily never talk to her again and that is fine too. But IF he wants to be the better man here, to give himself some closure so he can move on for good, then apologize and never talk to the beootch again.

 

[Married Buried]

I am not telling him to apologize for her benefit. I am telling him to apologize for his benefit. And that is IF he even wants to apologize. He could just as easily never talk to her again and that is fine too. But IF he wants to be the better man here, to give himself some closure so he can move on for good, then apologize and never talk to the beootch again.

There is no benefit to him apologizing. It will make him feel worse. The best thing to do is completely go no contact right now. You know if he apologizes it will turn into a beg fest to get her back.

OP, you are never banging this woman again. She still talks to you to torture you. After she talks to you, she hops on another mans d!ck. Why do you want to think she will bang you again? I know why, because you are obsessed with getting her back. Get unobsessed because it's not happening! Go approach other women.

 

[4ad]

Dude, why do you give a fawk? Really. Who cares. This is a girl that has treated you very badly. The ONLY reason you even want her is because she dumped you instead of you dumping her. If you had done it first, you wouldn't care at all. I didnt see one nice thing that you wrote about her. You don't sound like you find anything about her remotely appealing. So why care? Why waste time on her? Stop fixating on this girl. It is unhealthy for you and it is preventing you from growing and bettering your life.

As far as this particular issue. All of this is just so high schoolish. Why are you and everyone else making such a big deal out of this? Just move on. Forget about it. Stop talking to this girl to start with. If you want you can end contact with her by telling her that you apologize for what you said and it will never happen again. That's it. As for your friends, tell them you were drunk, angry still about the breakup, and you are sorry for involving them in such petty drama. And once more, that it will never happen again. And leave it at that.

And move on with your life brah. Life is way too short for this. Stop wasting precious time and energy on people that don't respect or care for you, and start spending this very precious time and energy on people that reciprocate your efforts towards them in kind.


Good luck.

Thank you man for replying, you are very right in most aspects. But don't think this is that schoolish, these people have their own way of life and their own way of thinking. We are all grown ups. I don't concurr with any of those, I have my own way and values and care about different things. Too much drama for me, the problem is I caused it.

And well, you nailed it I think stating that the only reason I might consider getting her back is because she dumped me and not the other way around. And I don't know if I explained that part so well (my relationship with her) but it was pretty much hell, at least in the end and especially when she dumped me and distrespected me and made me suffer, ot giving a shiat what I was going through...

However, won't I end up looking like an idiot if I say everything I said was false? I mean, he's my friend, the most he would do is tell me to get help or something. But then consider this scenario...I end up being the fool and the bad guy here, she keeps going to their place and quite possibly talking shiat about me, maybe even getting on with his brother just to annoy me... and then everyone hates me... Lose/Lose situation...I understand your point and it is the thing I'm considering doing, and I don't know why I care that much... Maybe because of the guilt I feel and that I feel like an idiot....

 

[cordoncordon]

Thank you man for replying, you are very right in most aspects. But don't think this is that schoolish, these people have their own way of life and their own way of thinking. We are all grown ups. I don't concurr with any of those, I have my own way and values and care about different things. Too much drama for me, the problem is I caused it.

And well, you nailed it I think stating that the only reason I might consider getting her back is because she dumped me and not the other way around. And I don't know if I explained that part so well (my relationship with her) but it was pretty much hell, at least in the end and especially when she dumped me and distrespected me and made me suffer, ot giving a shiat what I was going through...

However, won't I end up looking like an idiot if I say everything I said was false? I mean, he's my friend, the most he would do is tell me to get help or something. But then consider this scenario...I end up being the fool and the bad guy here, she keeps going to their place and quite possibly talking shiat about me, maybe even getting on with his brother just to annoy me... and then everyone hates me... Lose/Lose situation...I understand your point and it is the thing I'm considering doing, and I don't know why I care that much... Maybe because of the guilt I feel and that I feel like an idiot....

You don't have to say anything about it being false or not false. The point is you are done involving yourself in stuff like that. All you would say to your friends is this. "I apologize for involving you in something that I never should have. I did it out of spite and anger, and you have my word that I have put it behind me and it will never happen again". You don't need to explain anything else. You don't need to rationalize it to anyone. You just say that and never discuss it again.

 

[4ad]

You don't have to say anything about it being false or not false. The point is you are done involving yourself in stuff like that. All you would say to your friends is this. "I apologize for involving you in something that I never should have. I did it out of spite and anger, and you have my word that I have put it behind me and it will never happen again". You don't need to explain anything else. You don't need to rationalize it to anyone. You just say that and never discuss it again.

I already did that... but he was eager to know if it was the truth (which it is). Now, he was supposedly going to call me today so I cpould explain better. Thankfully he hasn't and I hope it stays like that.
Now about my ex, seh ehas harmed me so bad, This is nothing compared to what she did to me. And get this, her last message was something like "if you want to rekindle with me send them a mail stating that you messed up and it's not true"... well... how good of her to give me a chance to be on good terms with her... I haven't received further messages or phonecalls on that matter... thank god. But worst case scenario this kunt convinces them that I did it out of hatred, and that I am the disrespecful one. By the way, I think your advise is in between the three suggestions my friend gave me...which really don't add up to a solid position either...

Thanks everyone for answering.

 

[4ad]

There is no benefit to him apologizing. It will make him feel worse. The best thing to do is completely go no contact right now. You know if he apologizes it will turn into a beg fest to get her back.

OP, you are never banging this woman again. She still talks to you to torture you. After she talks to you, she hops on another mans d!ck. Why do you want to think she will bang you again? I know why, because you are obsessed with getting her back. Get unobsessed because it's not happening! Go approach other women.

I already apologised, in fact maybe too much. She didn't apologise for shirt when she treated me like dirt. Maybe I also wanted some sort of revenge, it is not that I am that horny to want to bang her either.

 

[4ad]

Dude, why do you give a fawk? Really. Who cares. This is a girl that has treated you very badly. The ONLY reason you even want her is because she dumped you instead of you dumping her. If you had done it first, you wouldn't care at all. I didnt see one nice thing that you wrote about her. You don't sound like you find anything about her remotely appealing. So why care? Why waste time on her? Stop fixating on this girl. It is unhealthy for you and it is preventing you from growing and bettering your life.

As far as this particular issue. All of this is just so high schoolish. Why are you and everyone else making such a big deal out of this? Just move on. Forget about it. Stop talking to this girl to start with. If you want you can end contact with her by telling her that you apologize for what you said and it will never happen again. That's it. As for your friends, tell them you were drunk, angry still about the breakup, and you are sorry for involving them in such petty drama. And once more, that it will never happen again. And leave it at that.

And move on with your life brah. Life is way too short for this. Stop wasting precious time and energy on people that don't respect or care for you, and start spending this very precious time and energy on people that reciprocate your efforts towards them in kind.


Good luck.

Funny thing is I was about to dump her...

 

[4ad]

There is no benefit to him apologizing. It will make him feel worse. The best thing to do is completely go no contact right now. You know if he apologizes it will turn into a beg fest to get her back.

OP, you are never banging this woman again. She still talks to you to torture you. After she talks to you, she hops on another mans d!ck. Why do you want to think she will bang you again? I know why, because you are obsessed with getting her back. Get unobsessed because it's not happening! Go approach other women.

I already apologized but that's it. And, no, it won't turn into a begfest, that ship has sailed... And I will approach other women for sure, I learned my lesson with this one...I thought I had learned long ago and are really am not prone to these kinds of situations... Never have I been so visciously hurt in my life.. I have been obsessed but this is not the case here/now. But then this viper tells me to support her hypocracy...And end up like I'm the fool and the bad guy... I don't think it is acceptable to take the blame. Well maybe to a degree but not such as to end up being the fool in everyones eyes, or the spineless idiot. I'm not sure if I should take all the blame on me, for something that I shouldnt have gotten into, but in fact is the truth. And at least these friends, at least the one with the wife respects me and trusts me. So why let that c/nt get her ways?? Not sure about that.... I mean, what would this cnt do if she were in a situation like this? She would lie with no regret what so ever, blame other people, talk s!t of other people, and try to look like the great nice girl and the victim of a jealous moron. And that is what she is doing and will do I'm sure. So why let her get away with that? For now, I'm just keeping the storm down... until someone asks me again... But I'll try to just banish it by not giving it much importance. However, I have been avoiding my friend's question that is "did she or did she not say that"... I have nothing to win really with any of both parties, but at least my friend is loyal and has never done wrong to me... so I'm thinking about that too....

 

[D Wolfgang]

4ad, you can't lie to your friend and his girlfriend about this. Tell them that you were drunk when you sent the text, and that you feel bad about it, but it is true what you said. Let them decide for themselves if they want to keep her as a friend or not.

She did drugs, I don't forgive that. It hurts not only herself, but other people, since she helps strengthen the drug business. Weak people, and teenagers, are suckered and die a slow death, and she contributes to that. Unforgivable. And a junkie can't be trusted, even if she is a former junkie, which is also why your friends should know.

But above all, they will know the truth sooner or later. If you lie to them now, they will know in the future that you lied.

Plus, how good of a liar are you anyway? Can you be sure they would believe you? I don't think I would believe someone who sent that text and then said it wasn't true what he wrote.

 

[4ad]

Well, I think it would be more like not telling than lying.

 

[4ad]

I suck as a liar and I wouldn't believe it as you say...

 

[Alvafe]

first delete her from FB you sure can't keep any kind of contact if you will react like that, second if you friend ask tells him the truth, no reason to lie now, and last why your friends give a party and not invite you but your ex? I guess you will need a new social circle pretty soon

 

[4ad]

Now this is getting out of hand. I wake up and check my phone, almost knowing nothing good would come... and have like 33 texts from the girl. Now l'm starting to freak out! I really don't need this and am all stressed out. She will know when I read them. What should I do now? Help!

 

[VikingKing]

Stop doing that sh!t. Man if you care, you obviously allowed yourself to get wayyyy to emotionally involved. That's your fault, now you know to cautious.

Don't talk to your mutual friends about her, or really any one for that matter. Stop looking at her social networking stuff. Stop contacting her, or her friends.

Yeah you may go through being angry, or depressed, this is normal. But go ghost on her, and give yourself a chance to heal man.

 

[Cremasta]

Oh man, you just kept digging didn't you?

Whether you've got the moral high ground or not, sometimes you just need to stay out of things. If your friend is halfway switched on, he'll soon see what your ex is like (or more likely, his wife will).

Leaving your phone at home while you go out drinking might be a good move as well.