This seems that it should be easy, but I'm stumped

[gettinit]

I have been on a few dates with a girl who has a good girl vibe. I'm not going for the quick smash with this one. We have kissed.
Her birthday is coming up and I told her that I wanted to take her to dinner via text.
She replied in about two minutes: "You don't need to do that, but its very nice of you"

WTF?

There have been no signs of low interest and I think that she thought that she was just being polite.
I have never gotten that reply and honestly, I don't know if I should just say "OK, enjoy the day", say something like "I know that I don't have to, are you in or out?" or "If I only did what I had to do, life wouldn't be any fun"

This seems so basic on the surface, but it seems like a land mine the more I think about it.

 

[Billtx49]

If you suggested doing that on her actual Bday, she may have plans already. Family, friends, whoever…
Something to consider

 

[gettinit]

I had asked if she had any plans and she said she was "just going to go to #### (local pub)". I suggested dinner and then the pub. It is her actual birthday.

 

[Billtx49]

I would consider her reply a soft turn down, so the pub may involve another person/persons/friend if her tune doesn’t change.

 

[samspade]

Taking it slow is cool, but maybe you're trying to place a relationship vibe on something that hasn't progressed to that yet.

Why not invite her over and she can help you cook a meal for her? Doesn't have to be the exact birthday date.

 

[gettinit]

@billtx49
She knows that I go there (the pub) so I doubt it. She had celebrated with her best girlfriend this past weekend and her family is far away.

@samspade
She had previously offered to buy me dinner on my birthday a few weeks back. The place unexpectedly closed, so she brought over some good take out from another place.

@stringpuller
That might be a winner.
"Thanks for pointing that out, genius. I was thinking about checking out ####. If you would rather make it a no set plans day, that's fine too. Its your day"

Hopefully, that would comes across as outcome indifferent, which I actually am. I'm just wondering if this is a "you don't have to get me anything" kind of things.

Please feel free to shoot holes.

 

[Billtx49]

@billtx49
She knows that I go there (the pub) so I doubt it.

She’s telling you she just wants to party for the Bday then.
Schedule the dinner for another day.

 

[rjc149]

My take, with the details provided.

You've been on a few dates, but have only kissed. You may be giving too much of an unassertive, timid nice guy vibe. Good girls still like bad boys.

You're proposing to take her out to dinner for her birthday, but she's not your girlfriend nor a girl you're even fvcking yet. Again, this is very nice guy beta. You are trying to woo yourself into her pants with sweet gestures. This turns women off.

Her attraction, I'm guessing, took a bit of a hit. Her response to your dinner invitation was definitely a soft no.

I would respond, "aw haha okay. No worries." or something similarly not butthurt and detached.

I would then wish her a happy birthday on her birthday.

I would then back off for a week or so, then hit her up, very non-chalantly, for drinks or something similarly informal and low-investment on her part. I would then flirt, tease, get physical, and escalate this into sex and stop trying to be such a gentleman.

 

[Kotaix]

You're proposing to take her out to dinner for her birthday, but she's not your girlfriend nor a girl you're even fvcking yet. Again, this is very nice guy beta. You are trying to woo yourself into her pants with sweet gestures. This turns women off.

This. Be honest about your attraction with her and see where it goes. Taking the safe route is setting yourself up to waste time.

 

[Clamslammer]

Chill man...its too early amd you are acting like her bf and you haven't smashed yet. You will scare her off. Don't contact her until her bday amd just shoot her a quick happy birthday text and nothign else. Her response will dictate your next move; for example, if she says she wants to see you again then setul another date.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have been on a few dates with a girl who has a good girl vibe. I'm not going for the quick smash with this one. We have kissed.
Her birthday is coming up and I told her that I wanted to take her to dinner via text.
She replied in about two minutes: "You don't need to do that, but its very nice of you"

WTF?

There have been no signs of low interest and I think that she thought that she was just being polite.
I have never gotten that reply and honestly, I don't know if I should just say "OK, enjoy the day", say something like "I know that I don't have to, are you in or out?" or "If I only did what I had to do, life wouldn't be any fun"

This seems so basic on the surface, but it seems like a land mine the more I think about it.

You overextended yourself on that one. You made yourself look like a "nice guy". She isn't anything to you yet other than a random girl you haven't banged and you are suggesting doing "girlfriend" things for her.

You basically put yourself in a bad place that you have to figure a way to get out of without making it worse.

Also food for thought...sometimes a girl will give off a good girl vibe as a reaction to you give off a nice guy vibe.

 

[Black Widow Void]

In my younger days, I was in your shoes and have treated women that I considered "different" than most ....differently. And while you' d think that they'd appreciate the "deluxe treatment" your are now discovering that they actually don't. As I've discovered (the hard way) women value that which has to be earned.

Although this will sort of diminish your higher thoughts about them, it does make things easier. The moment you treat her as just another average girl, the less smug they will appear. Personally, I've found that I do better with women when I go on 'auto pilot.' I'm betting that you'll also achieve better results from this as well.

 

[rjc149]

ALWAYS be specific when you text them an invite to meet with you, and you will NEVER have to rely on outsiders for success, because she will respond specifically ("yes", "no", counteroffer, or a no-reponse).

Or, like most women instead of directly saying "no" will make up some excuse, give a "I'll let you know" type answer, or some other ulterior response that allows her to avoid confrontation -- like "thanks, that's so sweet but you really don't have to." Which is pretty much what this chick did.

I would call or text her right now and invite her with SPECIFICS:

"Awww thanks Hon you can pay me back later OK then I look forward to dinner with the Birthday Girl dinner with me at (place) this (day) at (time)?? Pick you up at (30 minutes prior to time)??"

The OP established himself as a passive nice guy, and she's already declined his dinner invitation. Suddenly upping the aggression will now be incongruous with his established behavior patterns and come off as frustration-- this could legit scare her away. If he does this and she agrees to dinner, I'll put the flake probability at 95%.

 

[spikeanut]

She had previously offered to buy me dinner on my birthday a few weeks back. The place unexpectedly closed, so she brought over some good take out from another place.

This right here was your downfall OP. She brought you takeout to your place. No woman goes to a man's house and does not expect the man to make a move. If you did not instigate or even attempted sex here, you have sunk on her totem poll of men. This is especially true if you had kissed prior. You are NOT her boyfriend; frankly, you are a nobody to her at the moment. You are merely someone to keep her excited and busy during this whole covid lock down. Guarantee you are not the only man she is either talking to, seeing, kissing, or quite possibly f#$king. Stop making it into more than it is and give her what she wants from you...excitement, carefree fun, no drama. Enjoy yourself OP, have fun...but stop pedalstilizing her and treat it for what it currently is...a break from covid.

 

[Georgepithyou]

The OP established himself as a passive nice guy, and she's already declined his dinner invitation. Suddenly upping the aggression will now be incongruous with his established behavior patterns and come off as frustration-- this could legit scare her away. If he does this and she agrees to dinner, I'll put the flake probability at 95%.

That makes a lot of sense, never really thought of it that way.

 

[SW15]

Or, like most women instead of directly saying "no" will make up some excuse, give a "I'll let you know" type answer, or some other ulterior response that allows her to avoid confrontation -- like "thanks, that's so sweet but you really don't have to." Which is pretty much what this chick did.

The OP established himself as a passive nice guy, and she's already declined his dinner invitation. Suddenly upping the aggression will now be incongruous with his established behavior patterns and come off as frustration-- this could legit scare her away. If he does this and she agrees to dinner, I'll put the flake probability at 95%.

100%

Her birthday is coming up and I told her that I wanted to take her to dinner via text.

The Manosphere established a rule long ago to not have dinners in restaurants prior to sex.

 

[rjc149]

She had previously offered to buy me dinner on my birthday a few weeks back. The place unexpectedly closed, so she brought over some good take out from another place.

Easy layup right here -- and trust me, she wanted to make it easy for you.

If a girl with whom you've established mutual sexual attraction comes to your apartment to hang out, she's DTF. No if's, and's or but's. Good girl, bad girl, nice girl, mean girl.

By failing to lead this to the bedroom, you've communicated that you're either not that interested and she's just your covid entertainment, or, that you're not confident and assertive to make an easy move.

Oftentimes, restoring a woman's attraction after this will be hard. Create some space and distance, let her wonder about you -- if she's wondering about you. If she's not, there's no harm at this point in hitting her up in about a week for drinks or something very light and casual. See where it goes.

 

[gettinit]

Well, I went with the variation of what @stringpuller suggested (thanks), since I do sense that she is into me. I regularly tease her pretty hard, so what I sent was not out of character. I treat her like anyone else, keep it real and she seems to enjoy herself as much as I do. Oneitis? Haha. I don't think that returning a gesture, on a week night, even comes close and I'm just having fun. Its amazing how a simple question can snowball. I'm not going to go into all of the history here, but she has invested much more than me at this point.

I sent:
"Thanks for pointing that out, Einstein. I was thinking about taking you to try ######. If you would rather make it a no set plans day, that's fine too. Its your day"

The place that I suggested is not fine dining, but a newer, decent spot that is supposed to have great food and they apparently have well spaced, outdoor seating. Its not going to break the bank.

A reply from her in under two minutes:
Her: "That would be fun!"
Me: "Yes, it will. I'll pick you up at 7:00"
Her: "Perfect! Thanks!"

20 minutes later:
Her: Should I bring a bottle of wine for later?
Me: Sure. Let's go with a bold red
Her: OK. I have a really good one that I think you will enjoy

Its now pretty obvious that this was in fact a "you don't have to get me anything" type of thing. F**cking maddening.

As for the last few posts. I don't see where anyone could read "established nice guy behavior" from anything that I wrote and how was it assumed that I didn't make a move? As far as the manosphere, I roll my own way and adjust as I go. This isn't my first rodeo and I think that I am fairly well versed on the basics. Thanks, though.

 

[samspade]

20 minutes later:
Her: Should I bring a bottle of wine for later?
Me: Sure. Let's go with a bold red
Her: OK. I have a really good one that I think you will enjoy

Good answer, and good signs from her. Sounds like you'll have a fun night.

 

[rjc149]

Well, I went with the variation of what @stringpuller suggested (thanks), since I do sense that she is into me. I regularly tease her pretty hard, so what I sent was not out of character. I treat her like anyone else, keep it real and she seems to enjoy herself as much as I do. Oneitis? Haha. I don't think that returning a gesture, on a week night, even comes close and I'm just having fun. Its amazing how a simple question can snowball. I'm not going to go into all of the history here, but she has invested much more than me at this point.

I sent:
"Thanks for pointing that out, Einstein. I was thinking about taking you to try ######. If you would rather make it a no set plans day, that's fine too. Its your day"

The place that I suggested is not fine dining, but a newer, decent spot that is supposed to have great food and they apparently have well spaced, outdoor seating. Its not going to break the bank.

A reply from her in under two minutes:
Her: "That would be fun!"
Me: "Yes, it will. I'll pick you up at 7:00"
Her: "Perfect! Thanks!"

20 minutes later:
Her: Should I bring a bottle of wine for later?
Me: Sure. Let's go with a bold red
Her: OK. I have a really good one that I think you will enjoy

Its now pretty obvious that this was in fact a "you don't have to get me anything" type of thing. F**cking maddening.

As for the last few posts. I don't see where anyone could read "established nice guy behavior" from anything that I wrote and how was it assumed that I didn't make a move? As far as the manosphere, I roll my own way and adjust as I go. This isn't my first rodeo and I think that I am fairly well versed on the basics. Thanks, though.

Good play, I guess my read on this wasn’t totally right. These posts can lack context, ya know.

Hmm I may have to use this line myself next time I’m in a similar situation.

Make sure you seal this deal!