This one thing equals Frame

[EyeOnThePrize]

From my perspective, I will make this easy. There is one thing that you can have, develop or figure out how to do in order to have a rock solid frame when it comes to dealing with women (as well as any relationship type).

Ability to maintain control over your emotions.

Thats it.
Not everything is going to go your way. Things happen in life and certainly when dating, getting to know someone, when there isnt enough of an investment on either end to "owe" things to one another. There are flakes. Disagreements. Shyte tests. You can go on and on and fill in the blanks.
Although you cant control a lot of what life throws at you, the ability to control your emotions is 100% within your control.
Look at how the majority of men act: they get butthurt. Throw tantrums. Block women when anything goes wrong.
This forum is full of people who have a very hard time not being able to control their emotions when something doesnt go in their favor. How do you think women look at this? How would you do with a woman who had little to no self control over her emotions (and I've very briefly dated women like this). Nobody wants to be with someone who acts like a tantrum throwing child.
We all get discouraged, upset, let down, etc. Its human nature. But the ones that are most successful are the ones that dont get upset. We control what we can control in a good way.
We have prison systems across this country full of people that made a terrible decision because they couldn't control their emotions. Posters who cant control their emotions and wonder why they struggle with women.
Women want men that can control their emotions, are leaders in the relationship and they can feel safe knowing that the man they are with has a mature way of handling his emotions when things dont go their way.
Charisma, charm, fun personality, intellect, wit, etc all are great attributes that attract women.
But if you cant control your emotions, women with any sense of high value are going to run as fast and as far away from you as they can.
If you want a New Year's resolution that will improve your mental state, work on this and you will see how much easier it is to attract women into your life.
Want to know why women throw shyte tests at you guys? They haven't seen stability yet that you can control your emotions. And they want to see if youre like so many other men that have tried to date them that act like grown toddlers when they dont get their way. They'd rather shyte test you early to find out so they dont waste their time dealing with a man child.

Food for thought.
Happy Hunting

That's a shiit test I give. I'm rational, understanding, kind, and I look for how they react to such a man. If they start trying to weaponize kindness and patience because they think I'm obligated to tolerate it, then I know that I'm dealing with someone that's not emotionally mature and leave.

The irony is this is still valuable feedback for me. She was unhappy about something but couldn't articulate herself in good faith, so I look for clues on how I can filter for this earlier with the next girl.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Advice from the old lady:

You must have emotional regulation. Period. @Glassguy is 1000% correct. Emotional regulation means you behave in a mature, even circumspect way. Women can be chaotic. We have hormonal fluxuations, and tend to be intuitive/emotional rather than anayltic/rational way to some degree or another. We are mercurial. So a man who is emotionally disregulated does not feel stable, safe, or capable of leadership in the female mind (generally speaking).

Please allow me to illustrate:

1. You are driving and some nit wit cuts you off in traffic. How do you react? If you get angry, drive aggressively in response or expend negative emotional energy on that occurence done by some random idiot who has no influence in your life? What do you accomplish? You ruin your day, stress out anyone else who happens to be in the vehicle and raise your blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol. Even worse if you then project that anger at the people in your own vehicle. Stupid. Unsafe. Immature. Waste of emotional energy.

Why not just think "meh. Stuff happens" and not waste time or expend energy on a random stranger?

Why hand the random idiot control over your emotional domain? They didn't notice and they don't care. Let it go.

Its imbecile but many men react to innane situations in an angry aggressive way. That ruins not just your day but also the day of everyone else near you.

2. Your girlfriend is driving and she misses an exit & you lose your temper, ruining the outing for you and your date. Not smart.

3. You have the need to feel superior/smart/important/in control all the time so you belittle others, complain, insult, or nit pick. Because you feel insecure or inadequate and so you harm others, often the women you care about by being an ass hole. This type behavior is terrifically unattractive and will run off worthwhile women.

4. You do not take a woman's actions at face value. You like her, so you want her to like you back. So when she gives an excuse, puts you off, goes radio silent, is clearly NOT saying yes and showing up you create any and every far fetched fantasy scenario to excuse her rejection and burn emotional energy analyzing the interaction to death. Um. She's not into you. Check. Next!

5. You escalate a fight/shut down/refuse to listen or communicate. Immature. When a man does this he teaches the woman he is too emotionally unstable for a grown up interaction. You teach her it is not safe to express how she feels, so you push her away and sooner or later you'll lose her over it.

Those are the examples of how lack of emotional regulation negatively impacts your interactions with women as a man, and women don't feel warm & fuzzy with men who display these behaviors.

Glassguy does NOT have these issues. He's contributing for the benefit of the board.

And yes. It really IS that simple.

Men in this thread are being wildly hypocritical. There’s zero chance that all of them are as secure as the women they’re demanding that same behavior of. At best half and on this website I wager a quarter. A lot would do well doing their own internal work. I do generally agree with what you’re saying though.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Men in this thread are being wildly hypocritical. There’s zero chance that all of them are as secure as the women they’re demanding that same behavior of. At best half and on this website I wager a quarter. A lot would do well doing their own internal work. I do generally agree with what you’re saying though.

I did a double take when I saw the profile

 

[Cheeky_James]

Advice from the old lady:

You must have emotional regulation. Period. @Glassguy is 1000% correct. Emotional regulation means you behave in a mature, even circumspect way. Women can be chaotic. We have hormonal fluxuations, and tend to be intuitive/emotional rather than anayltic/rational way to some degree or another. We are mercurial. So a man who is emotionally disregulated does not feel stable, safe, or capable of leadership in the female mind (generally speaking).

3. You have the need to feel superior/smart/important/in control all the time so you belittle others, complain, insult, or nit pick. Because you feel insecure or inadequate and so you harm others, often the women you care about by being an ass hole. This type behavior is terrifically unattractive and will run off worthwhile women.

bit of a problem there BE re point #3.

You mention capability of leadership. Which is a crucial quality for a man to have if he wants to attract and keep a quality woman/women.

Leaders become leaders because they think and feel that their opinions, ideas and feelings more superior/smart/important/ vs. others.
That’s where it starts no?
Leaders use all sorts of tactics to remain in control .. all the time.
Not just in “nice and fair ways” they also belittle ,insult, and nit pick to maintain their position.
all the time.
But they’re more socially sophisticated and clever about how they go about it.

i think what you mean is don’t do these things over socially clunky ways. Ie don’t make a scene.
And over trivial matters. Women find this unattractive yeah. Ie Making a big scene socially and not handling things more low key or indirectly.
Definitely a giveaway a guy is low value.
Defs learned that the hard way a few times.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Leaders become leaders because they think and feel that their opinions, ideas and feelings more superior/smart/important/ vs. others.

Everybody alive thinks their opinions, ideas and feelings are more superior/smart/important vs. others.

Leaders are leaders because they can convince others that their (the leaders) ideas, opinions, etc. are superior.

That's essentially a strong frame. The ability to convince others, through actions and communications, that your ideas/beliefs are superior and to get others to voluntarily enter your frame.

Whoever has the strongest frame will control the outcome of the interaction.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I did a double take when I saw the profile

I thought your sensei and him were best pals.

 

[BPH]

I did a double take when I saw the profile

I had to take a look at what I was missing...

Remember, this is a 40-something-year-old divorcee with kids...and he got upset enough at a block on an internet forum to copy-paste my profile picture as his own, as well as copy-paste one of my quotes as his new signature.

Truly the embodiment of frame.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Everybody alive thinks their opinions, ideas and feelings are more superior/smart/important vs. others.

Leaders are leaders because they can convince others that their (the leaders) ideas, opinions, etc. are superior.

That's essentially a strong frame. The ability to convince others, through actions and communications, that your ideas/beliefs are superior and to get others to voluntarily enter your frame.

Whoever has the strongest frame will control the outcome of the interaction.

Yes exactly. Agreed
And re convincing - Leaders use all sorts of influence and persuasion tactics to convince.

I was pointing out to BE that IRL the truth is Leaders influence in a gamut of ways.
Not just in “nice and fair ways” as she seems to suggest in her post. Re her point #3 behaviour she discourages.
Fair AND unfair/sneaky ways.

Setting and holding frames is quite difficult.
It requires getting good at winning battles , over and over.

It’s definitely not ‘equal’ to Emotional regulation solely . If only.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Everybody alive thinks their opinions, ideas and feelings are more superior/smart/important vs. others.

Leaders are leaders because they can convince others that their (the leaders) ideas, opinions, etc. are superior.

That's essentially a strong frame. The ability to convince others, through actions and communications, that your ideas/beliefs are superior and to get others to voluntarily enter your frame.

Whoever has the strongest frame will control the outcome of the interaction.

I watched a very good PUA video lecture on frames/frame control and handling tests .
Was part of the LoveSystems product ‘Superconference’ by a coach named Fader.
Musta watched it 20 times over.
Very good breakdown he does.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I had to take a look at what I was missing...

Remember, this is a 40-something-year-old divorcee with kids...and he got upset enough at a block on an internet forum to copy-paste my profile picture as his own, as well as copy-paste one of my quotes as his new signature.

Truly the embodiment of frame.

Maybe he is not very happy that you called him out about beating up his ex-girlfriend lol

 

[Vanderdonck]

Men in this thread are being wildly hypocritical. There’s zero chance that all of them are as secure as the women they’re demanding that same behavior of. At best half and on this website I wager a quarter. A lot would do well doing their own internal work. I do generally agree with what you’re saying though.

Oh I definitely wasn't for a good number of years. Lived and learned.

 

[Glassguy]

Dude 1 in my example is externally validated.

Dude 2 in my example is internally validated.

Notice the difference in reaction to rejection. Dude 1 is but hurt and probably pissy the rest of the night. Dude 2 simply forgets about the chick & goes on to enjoy the rest of his night.

Dude 1 is affected because he seeks external validation from a random stranger girl.

Dude 2 is internally validated and does not give a hoot about random stranger girl.

These emotive outcomes come directly out of the maturity and self awareness and self esteem of the man, which drive emotional regulation and directly affect what we call "frame".

Can you see that CheekyJames and others?

Cheeky doesn't, in fact, get it.
Everyone has emotions. How people regulate those emotions and act upon them does IN FACT help in large part determine frame.
Some people laugh it off. Some people throw tantrums.
If people want to copy PUA tactics and mimic what they do, so be it. It all depends on what they are looking for in life.
Ive always done my own thing based off my personality. And its largely always worked for me. Ive found my own niche in life that works well for me. Ive never copied what some slug on the internet selling ideas was doing.
Several of us offer up advice to help others who are trying to better themselves. Like clockwork, the Cheetos eating peanut gallery come out of the woodwork from their parents basement. They love to throw their loser mentality into the mix. They think they have it all figured out.
@BeExcellent will attest that I dont date women who aren't attractive, intelligent, educated and higher value. Most have very strong character.
My fiance has more high value characteristics than I care to mention.
I can think of 10 posters on here that give rock solid advice who rarely post anymore due to the losers who come on here and hijack their threads.
Call it what it is. There are a lot of lost causes on here. You can't be helped because you are miserable humans in real life and too lazy to put any real effort into self improvement.

But carry on and continue to know it all. I know what my life consists of and Im more than happy with the results I get out of life.
Ive slept with more women that I can remember. I have a great career and make just under 200k currently. Net worth well over a million in assets.
You guys keep arguing over points, that we in real life are killing it, put on here to try to help others.
I dont care if you think my ideas are "garbage". Im going to enjoy the great life that I've worked hard to create and I'll still help those who want to be helped.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Cheeky doesn't, in fact, get it.
Everyone has emotions. How people regulate those emotions and act upon them does IN FACT help in large part determine frame.
Some people laugh it off. Some people throw tantrums.
If people want to copy PUA tactics and mimic what they do, so be it. It all depends on what they are looking for in life.
Ive always done my own thing based off my personality. And its largely always worked for me. Ive found my own niche in life that works well for me. Ive never copied what some slug on the internet selling ideas was doing.
Several of us offer up advice to help others who are trying to better themselves. Like clockwork, the Cheetos eating peanut gallery come out of the woodwork from their parents basement. They love to throw their loser mentality into the mix. They think they have it all figured out.
@BeExcellent will attest that I dont date women who aren't attractive, intelligent, educated and higher value. Most have very strong character.
My fiance has more high value characteristics than I care to mention.
I can think of 10 posters on here that give rock solid advice who rarely post anymore due to the losers who come on here and hijack their threads.
Call it what it is. There are a lot of lost causes on here. You can't be helped because you are miserable humans in real life and too lazy to put any real effort into self improvement.

But carry on and continue to know it all. I know what my life consists of and Im more than happy with the results I get out of life.
Ive slept with more women that I can remember. I have a great career and make just under 200k currently. Net worth well over a million in assets.
You guys keep arguing over points, that we in real life are killing it, put on here to try to help others.
I dont care if you think my ideas are "garbage". Im going to enjoy the great life that I've worked hard to create and I'll still help those who want to be helped.

You’re a tremendous help. I was recently thinking about this issue in a thread of my own making. I have been pretty vocal lately about my work on regulating myself in an attempt to create confidence in other men to see what that pain and work looks like and hopefully show them a path forward. I don’t always take steps forward in that work. Sometimes I take two or more steps forward and one or even more back. The virtues you are describing are what we should strive for. I for one really appreciate you bringing this issue up and making a positive contribution to the single most important aspect of the game there is. You have to flow - or as we say when driving - you have to bend not break. Thank you again. Don’t be disheartened. My kids, my former girlfriend (now since reconciled) and I just spent the week at Disney together. We had memories that will last a lifetime. Bonds were strengthened in my family and with her as well that are only possible from doing this work. Work that as you say extends beyond the relationship level - it’s life level. You don’t post often but when you do it hits. Thanks.

 

[BeExcellent]

I just want to say @Divorced w 3 that you should be commended for doing the work on yourself. Its not easy. Our own patterns point to our own pathos right? I include myself in this, by the way...

But when we understand how/why we affect our interactions the way we do, we become aware of not only the issues, but the solutions.

That's not an easy process. It ain't for sissies, and you deserve recognition for your willingness to share your journey. Ya people will throw tomatoes. So what, keep going. Are you gonna be perfect? Nope.

There are people reading who may not post, but they are absorbing and learning and seeing how to apply ideas to their own life.

So know that your perspective is helping someone else.

 

[nicksaiz65]

Dude 1 in my example is externally validated.

Dude 2 in my example is internally validated.

Notice the difference in reaction to rejection. Dude 1 is but hurt and probably pissy the rest of the night. Dude 2 simply forgets about the chick & goes on to enjoy the rest of his night.

Dude 1 is affected because he seeks external validation from a random stranger girl.

Dude 2 is internally validated and does not give a hoot about random stranger girl.

These emotive outcomes come directly out of the maturity and self awareness and self esteem of the man, which drive emotional regulation and directly affect what we call "frame".

Can you see that CheekyJames and others?

Yeah, I think this is critical in the game. You cannot let any rejections ruin your nights out because then you're cutting yourself off from meeting women that same night who would be receptive to you.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Cheeky doesn't, in fact, get it.
Everyone has emotions. How people regulate those emotions and act upon them does IN FACT help in large part determine frame.
Some people laugh it off. Some people throw tantrums.
If people want to copy PUA tactics and mimic what they do, so be it. It all depends on what they are looking for in life.
Ive always done my own thing based off my personality. And its largely always worked for me. Ive found my own niche in life that works well for me. Ive never copied what some slug on the internet selling ideas was doing.
Several of us offer up advice to help others who are trying to better themselves. Like clockwork, the Cheetos eating peanut gallery come out of the woodwork from their parents basement. They love to throw their loser mentality into the mix. They think they have it all figured out.
@BeExcellent will attest that I dont date women who aren't attractive, intelligent, educated and higher value. Most have very strong character.
My fiance has more high value characteristics than I care to mention.
I can think of 10 posters on here that give rock solid advice who rarely post anymore due to the losers who come on here and hijack their threads.
Call it what it is. There are a lot of lost causes on here. You can't be helped because you are miserable humans in real life and too lazy to put any real effort into self improvement.

But carry on and continue to know it all. I know what my life consists of and Im more than happy with the results I get out of life.
Ive slept with more women that I can remember. I have a great career and make just under 200k currently. Net worth well over a million in assets.
You guys keep arguing over points, that we in real life are killing it, put on here to try to help others.
I dont care if you think my ideas are "garbage". Im going to enjoy the great life that I've worked hard to create and I'll still help those who want to be helped.

The dude making simplistic garbage equations on Frame ‘equalling’ controlling emotions … losing control of his emotions with a stranger on the internet.

GG you already hung yourself when your replied to my 1st post and stated “ I dont have to talk the talk. I just dissappear.”
That’s showed myself and anyone who knows about Frames you don’t have a clue what holding frame means. I didn’t misunderstand context they were your exact words.

The origins of the terms Frame /Frame control comes from academic fields of Sociology, Psychology/Economics, Communication and NLP.
it refers to the linguistics of Influence.
Ie for the most part it’s all the *Talk*, building a narrative of a position and holding/defending it.

Just controlling emotions doesn’t win a frame battle and therefore hold a frame /position/perception?
As frame battles are all fought using words.

just controlling emotions doesn’t give a guy influence of others around him or with a woman, to get his outcome. It’s way more complex than that.

I don’t ‘know it all’? But I had read up extensively and studied Frame /Frames and Frame Control.
I know the 101 of Frame inside out.
Your summary and equation of it is straight up wrongtown broseph.

I can’t do my own super post on Frame , as it’s a massive subject and very technical. There is no boiling it down to a simple formula. That’s my point. theres already tons of great books and plenty of articles on seduction websites .Maybe hit those books and resources and do more research.

emotional regulation is a great thing to have dealing with women. But it’s not EQUAL to ‘Frame’. 2 connected things on a Venn diagram but different circles and different skills.

 

[Cheeky_James]

GG I’ll try break it down a bit better as it relates to your OP

your statement
“Women want men that can control their emotions, are leaders in the relationship and they can feel safe knowing that the man they are with has a mature way of handling his emotions when things dont go their way.”
Yep. Generally true.

controlling emotions = stability, keeping respect
Leader = frame, frame control (winning battles) influence

being a leader is the hardest part , and requires great framing /frame control. winning the important arguments and maintaining his position as a high value man. Different set of skills. Much more complicated.
And the higher value the woman, the harder it gets.
That’s about a simple a ‘formula ‘ I could make it.

And extreme example of purely controlling emotions would be a Cuckolded man. He can keep calm all day long, all the way to watching his woman get fvcked by another man.

 

[Glassguy]

GG I’ll try break it down a bit better as it relates to your OP

“Women want men that can control their emotions, are leaders in the relationship and they can feel safe knowing that the man they are with has a mature way of handling his emotions when things dont go their way.”

controlling emotions = stability, keeping respect
Leader = frame, frame control

being a leader is the hardest part , and requires great framing /frame control. winning the important arguments and maintaining his position as a high value man. Different set of skills. Much more complicated.
And the higher value the woman, the harder it gets.
That’s about a simple a ‘formula ‘ I could make it.

And extreme example of purely controlling emotions would be a Cuckolded man. He can keep calm all the way to watching his woman get fvcked by another man.

Lol. One day, you might understand.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Lol. One day, you might understand.

I already understand buddy, don’t worry about it.
And don’t forget to hit the books.

 

[BeExcellent]

No frame is not that complicated. But when a man (James) feels the need to insist that something simple (NOT easy, but simple) is a contorted level 3 calculus equation?

That tells me such a man cannot grasp, much less master the simple concept.

Occam's Razor in action. Look it up.