This one thing equals Frame

[Glassguy]

From my perspective, I will make this easy. There is one thing that you can have, develop or figure out how to do in order to have a rock solid frame when it comes to dealing with women (as well as any relationship type).

Ability to maintain control over your emotions.

Thats it.
Not everything is going to go your way. Things happen in life and certainly when dating, getting to know someone, when there isnt enough of an investment on either end to "owe" things to one another. There are flakes. Disagreements. Shyte tests. You can go on and on and fill in the blanks.
Although you cant control a lot of what life throws at you, the ability to control your emotions is 100% within your control.
Look at how the majority of men act: they get butthurt. Throw tantrums. Block women when anything goes wrong.
This forum is full of people who have a very hard time not being able to control their emotions when something doesnt go in their favor. How do you think women look at this? How would you do with a woman who had little to no self control over her emotions (and I've very briefly dated women like this). Nobody wants to be with someone who acts like a tantrum throwing child.
We all get discouraged, upset, let down, etc. Its human nature. But the ones that are most successful are the ones that dont get upset. We control what we can control in a good way.
We have prison systems across this country full of people that made a terrible decision because they couldn't control their emotions. Posters who cant control their emotions and wonder why they struggle with women.
Women want men that can control their emotions, are leaders in the relationship and they can feel safe knowing that the man they are with has a mature way of handling his emotions when things dont go their way.
Charisma, charm, fun personality, intellect, wit, etc all are great attributes that attract women.
But if you cant control your emotions, women with any sense of high value are going to run as fast and as far away from you as they can.
If you want a New Year's resolution that will improve your mental state, work on this and you will see how much easier it is to attract women into your life.
Want to know why women throw shyte tests at you guys? They haven't seen stability yet that you can control your emotions. And they want to see if youre like so many other men that have tried to date them that act like grown toddlers when they dont get their way. They'd rather shyte test you early to find out so they dont waste their time dealing with a man child.

Food for thought.
Happy Hunting

 

[Cheeky_James]

Hmm yeah nah.
You’re kinda onto it …but not really.
How you have stated this is kinda backwards.

Holding a frame /frame control in action is for the most part a *verbal* thing firstly, which you haven’t gotten into at all. Just in passing.

A guy can work control his internal emotions all he wants .. he can be as calm as the Buddha. but if he can’t talk the talk .. he’s gonna get owned by all around him. And quickly crack in real life in front of others.

Controlling your emotions does not create “Charisma, charm, fun personality, intellect, wit, etc”

Those are all a consequence and a perception in the mind of others from a guys mastery over his verbals. Of always having a better answer . Of saying the right thing at the right time. Ie being a ‘cool’ guy.

better to start at the very beginning and build up this verbal skill in baby steps . The perception will follow the better a guy gets to being quick witted and having verbal frame control.

I was considering writing a post about banter which covers frames and frame control.

But better to advise to check out the comedian and actor Harland Williams on his podcast the Harland Highway. He is an absolute master of frame control and holding the frame. He owns almost everyone he gets on the show and can turn almost any challenge or tease around , fast as lightning. king of banter imo and top shelf hilarious to watch.

 

[plumber]

Gg, agree w/ you. emotional control. Any ideas on how to teach this to men. Assume that the man wants to learn it. How.... My position is that some of it is chemical... but for the rest, how to teach or how to learn it. Knowing what we should be, does not make us be that.

 

[Glassguy]

Hmm yeah nah.
You’re kinda onto it …but not really.
How you have stated this is kinda backwards.

Holding a frame /frame control in action is for the most part a *verbal* thing firstly, which you haven’t gotten into at all. Just in passing.

A guy can work control his internal emotions all he wants .. he can be as calm as the Buddha. but if he can’t talk the talk .. he’s gonna get owned by all around him. And quickly crack in real life in front of others.

Controlling your emotions does not create “Charisma, charm, fun personality, intellect, wit, etc”

Those are all a consequence and a perception in the mind of others from a guys mastery over his verbals. Of always having a better answer . Of saying the right thing at the right time. Ie being a ‘cool’ guy.

better to start at the very beginning and build up this verbal skill in baby steps . The perception will follow the better a guy gets to being quick witted and having verbal frame control.

I was considering writing a post about banter which covers frames and frame control.

But better to advise to check out the comedian and actor Harland Williams on his podcast the Harland Highway. He is an absolute master of frame control and holding the frame. He owns almost everyone he gets on the show and can turn almost any challenge or tease around , fast as lightning. king of banter imo and top shelf hilarious to watch.

I honestly have no idea what youre getting at. Your post is all over the place.
If your life experience has taught you something totally different, feel free to start your own post.
As for me, I have a lot of experience with this. Ive lived it, seen people who can control their emotions and people that cant.
And I'll majorly disagree that it starts with talking the talk? Not sure where that is going, but controlling my own emotions equals just exiting a situation. I dont have to talk the talk. I just dissappear. Knowing there is better out there.
Im not "kinda onto it".....Im on it. Like I said, feel free to start your own post with a ground breaking revelation if thats what you feel needs done.

 

[Cheeky_James]

I honestly have no idea what youre getting at. Your post is all over the place.
If your life experience has taught you something totally different, feel free to start your own post.
As for me, I have a lot of experience with this. Ive lived it, seen people who can control their emotions and people that cant.
And I'll majorly disagree that it starts with talking the talk? Not sure where that is going, but controlling my own emotions equals just exiting a situation. I dont have to talk the talk. I just dissappear. Knowing there is better out there.
Im not "kinda onto it".....Im on it. Like I said, feel free to start your own post with a ground breaking revelation if thats what you feel needs done.

I’m saying that your post seems to link (a) controlling your emotions with (b) Charisma, charm, fun personality, intellect, wit, etc”

As if getting a grip on (a) solely ..will generate (b).

But it does not.

if a chick sh1t tests a guy.. and he just remains cool he may pass a test. But she’ll test him again. And again. And it’s not just a test of is he cool and calm.
It’s a test to see if he’s also collected enough to sling some sh1t back in a clever way and dominate the interaction. The chick is checking to see if he can win a verbal battle.

You state ‘controlling my own emotions equals just exiting a situation. I dont have to talk the talk. I just dissappear.’

This is not holding a frame at all, by any definition afaik. It’s the opposite.

so you are not on it.

 

[Glassguy]

It didnt link either of them together other than great qualities to have to be successful.
And most of your points just validated my post. Thanks!

 

[Cheeky_James]

It didnt link either of them together other than great qualities to have to be successful.
And most of your points just validated my post. Thanks!

Oh rriiight.
And here’s me thinking that my points above plus pretty much everything ever written about holding a frame and frame control IN-validated your post.
Sheesh.

I guess all those writers didn’t know (like me) that their was just ONE thing to it - Ability to maintain control over our emotions.
That’s it. Wow!

Well I guess I’ll just exit and say you’re welcome .And best of luck with maintaining your rock solid frame with women by just exiting the situation and disappearing.

 

[Cheeky_James]

DP.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I think emotionally stoic guys can do ok with women its not a bad frame to take and theres definitely a market for them type of men

The types of women that will want a guy like that are generally straight laced corporate types who work in male dominated enviroments or like playing power games , also female athletes will like guys like that.

If you want a girl who's a bit more down to earth and a bit more fun generally she isn't going to want someone that expresses as much emotion as a plank of wood.

I wouldn't over think it too much I mean after a bit of experience you should know what types of women are good for you and what types are bad for you regardless of any frame

The problems come when you try to convert a bad woman into a good one no amount of controlling your emotions is going to stop the amount of chaos she will be about to rein on your life

 

[Glassguy]

Well I guess I’ll just exit and say you’re welcome .And best of luck with maintaining your rock solid frame with women by just exiting the situation and disappearing.

Thats not at all what I said. My gf.....well now fiance....and I have had disagreements. But we sit down and talk. Communication. I dont get all butthurt or throw a fit. Neither does she. We talk it out. Nobody is disappearing in our relationship.
In the past if it was a chick I had no intentions to date or be in a relationship with, I'd bounce. Its all about context but you dont seem to see it that way.
Higher value women appreciate a man with self control and emotional control. I can assure you of that. And they will run as fast as they can when they yet another guy that doesnt have it.
Based on your responses on this forum, you aren't super mature acting. I hope you work on that.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Thats not at all what I said. My gf.....well now fiance....and I have had disagreements. But we sit down and talk. Communication. I dont get all butthurt or throw a fit. Neither does she. We talk it out. Nobody is disappearing in our relationship.
In the past if it was a chick I had no intentions to date or be in a relationship with, I'd bounce. Its all about context but you dont seem to see it that way.
Higher value women appreciate a man with self control and emotional control. I can assure you of that. And they will run as fast as they can when they yet another guy that doesnt have it.
Based on your responses on this forum, you aren't super mature acting. I hope you work on that.

Nah mate. all mature discussion here.
Well it depends what you mean by this word used in the title of the post …’Frame’.
There must be there a new definition of this word I’m not aware of. Or else someone just invented a new one.

As in pickup & seduction land , the word Frame comes from the realm of linguistics
- Frame/Frame Control.
controlling the context and narrative of an interaction using language,
That’ 100% relates to conversation. Hence my reference to ‘talking the talk’.
Pickup theory examples ->Chase Frames, King Frames etc


Frame can also mean the size and height of a person.
Or Frame can mean a framework for understanding something ie in education or technical , business etc

Most of the what you’ve posted so far relates to Anger Management.
Anger Mgt = controlling your emotions
Anger Mgt 101 = walk away, exit

please define your understanding of the word Frame. By any dictionary definition of the word .. it doesn’t EQUAL controlling your emotions and that’s it.

Your post is too broad /meta , simplistic and mixing up terms fundamentally. In cold approach pickup in bars /clubs having a rock solid frame means controlling the narrative with talk.

 

[Cheeky_James]

DP.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

You must have emotional regulation. Period. @Glassguy is 1000% correct. Emotional regulation means you behave in a mature, even circumspect way. Women can be chaotic. We have hormonal fluxuations, and tend to be intuitive/emotional rather than anayltic/rational way to some degree or another. We are mercurial. So a man who is emotionally disregulated does not feel stable, safe, or capable of leadership in the female mind (generally speaking).

Please allow me to illustrate:

1. You are driving and some nit wit cuts you off in traffic. How do you react? If you get angry, drive aggressively in response or expend negative emotional energy on that occurence done by some random idiot who has no influence in your life? What do you accomplish? You ruin your day, stress out anyone else who happens to be in the vehicle and raise your blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol. Even worse if you then project that anger at the people in your own vehicle. Stupid. Unsafe. Immature. Waste of emotional energy.

Why not just think "meh. Stuff happens" and not waste time or expend energy on a random stranger?

Why hand the random idiot control over your emotional domain? They didn't notice and they don't care. Let it go.

Its imbecile but many men react to innane situations in an angry aggressive way. That ruins not just your day but also the day of everyone else near you.

2. Your girlfriend is driving and she misses an exit & you lose your temper, ruining the outing for you and your date. Not smart.

3. You have the need to feel superior/smart/important/in control all the time so you belittle others, complain, insult, or nit pick. Because you feel insecure or inadequate and so you harm others, often the women you care about by being an ass hole. This type behavior is terrifically unattractive and will run off worthwhile women.

4. You do not take a woman's actions at face value. You like her, so you want her to like you back. So when she gives an excuse, puts you off, goes radio silent, is clearly NOT saying yes and showing up you create any and every far fetched fantasy scenario to excuse her rejection and burn emotional energy analyzing the interaction to death. Um. She's not into you. Check. Next!

5. You escalate a fight/shut down/refuse to listen or communicate. Immature. When a man does this he teaches the woman he is too emotionally unstable for a grown up interaction. You teach her it is not safe to express how she feels, so you push her away and sooner or later you'll lose her over it.

Those are the examples of how lack of emotional regulation negatively impacts your interactions with women as a man, and women don't feel warm & fuzzy with men who display these behaviors.

Glassguy does NOT have these issues. He's contributing for the benefit of the board.

And yes. It really IS that simple.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

You must have emotional regulation. Period. @Glassguy is 1000% correct.

Emotional regulation and frame control are two different things.

Emotional regulation is part of frame control, but it's not the same thing as frame control.

In cold approach pickup in bars /clubs having a rock solid frame means controlling the narrative with talk.

This is the general definition of frame. Whoever controls the "meaning" of any conversation.

Somebody can have absolute control over the emotions yet still get outframed all day long.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Advice from the old lady:

You must have emotional regulation. Period. @Glassguy is 1000% correct. Emotional regulation means you behave in a mature, even circumspect way. Women can be chaotic. We have hormonal fluxuations, and tend to be intuitive/emotional rather than anayltic/rational way to some degree or another. We are mercurial. So a man who is emotionally dystegulated does not feel stable, safe, or capable of leadership in the female mind (generally speaking).

Please allow me to illustrate:

1. You are driving and some nit wit cuts you off in traffic. How do you react? If you get angry, drive aggressively in response or expend negative emotional energy on that occurence done by some random idiot who has no influence in your life? What do you accomplish? You ruin your day, stress out anyone else who happens to be in the vehicle and raise your blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol. Even worse if you then project that anger at the people in your own vehicle. Stupid. Unsafe. Immature. Waste of emotional energy.

Why not just think "meh. Stuff happens" and not waste time or expend energy on a random stranger?

Why hand the random idiot controll over your emotional domain? They didn't notice and they don't care. Let it go.

Its imbecile but many men react to innane situations in an angry aggressive way. That ruins not just your day but also the day of everyone else near you.

2. Your girlfriend is driving and she misses an exit & you lose your temper, ruining the outing for you and your date. Not smart.

3. You have the need to feel superior/smart/important/in control all the time so you belittle others, complain, insult, or nit pick. Because you feel insecure or inadequate and so you harm others, often the women you care about be being an ass hole. This type behavior is terrifically unattractive and will run off worthwhile women.

4. You do not take a woman's actions at face value. You like her, so you want her to like you back. So when she gives an excuse, puts you off, goes radio silent, is clearly NOT saying yes and showing up you create any and every far fetched fantasy scenario to excuse her rejection and burn emotional energy analyzing the interaction to death. Um. She's not into you. Check. Next!

5. You escalate a fight/shut down/refuse to listen or communicate. Immature. When a man does this he teaches the woman he is too emotionally unstable for a grown up interaction. You teach her it is not safe to express how she feels, so you push her away and sooner or later you'll lose her over it.

Those are the examples of how lack of emotional regulation negatively impacts your interactions with women as a man, and women don't feel warm & fuzzy with men who display these behaviors.

Glassguy does NOT have these issues. He's contributing for the benefit of the board.

And yes. It really IS that simple.

I wasn’t really attacking the guy tbh.
I misunderstood the title of the post apparently.
His use of the word Frame and expression “rock solid frame” the exact definition and meaning of that ..only exists on this forum I’m gathering.

I think we’re all talking cross purposes.
In pickup, in a bar or club,.. setting and holding a frame is wayyyyy more complicated than just ‘emotional regulation’.

GG broadly stated in his OP “ when it comes to dealing with women (as well as any relationship type).”

It doesn’t play out that way IRL in bars and clubs.
It’s a much more turbo charged environment.

so what he says is untrue for what’s known as pickup. It’s a part , but it doesn’t equate to ‘Frame ‘ (and that’s it!)

There’s a lot of these sweeping grand trueism posts here. This scratch the surface and summarise everything sh1t.

Just ‘Manage your emotions’ .and that’s it.

I mean.. f me . Anger management courses go for 20 weeks . 3 hours per week. That’s 60 hours with 2 trained counsellors . And guys come out the other side with a certificate… and come back 6 months later and do it all over again.

So no, it’s not that simple actually.

what he’s saying is at the meta-level, it’s known as a ‘true-ism’. It sounds great but it’s well known.
The ‘How’ is the important bit.
.

 

[Cheeky_James]

Emotional regulation and frame control are two different things.

Emotional regulation is part of frame control, but it's not the same thing as frame control.



This is the general definition of frame. Whoever controls the "meaning" of any conversation.

Somebody can have absolute control over the emotions yet still get outframed all day long.

yup precisely..
If GG is indeed talking about Frame as we know it…but I don’t he is.

 

[Cheeky_James]

DP.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I agree but you miss it a bit: emotions are like the nutrition pyramid. There’s time and space for all of them. It’s as important to smile as it is to periodically get upset or sad.

 

[TheGambino]

Advice from the old lady:

You must have emotional regulation. Period. @Glassguy is 1000% correct. Emotional regulation means you behave in a mature, even circumspect way. Women can be chaotic. We have hormonal fluxuations, and tend to be intuitive/emotional rather than anayltic/rational way to some degree or another. We are mercurial. So a man who is emotionally disregulated does not feel stable, safe, or capable of leadership in the female mind (generally speaking).

Please allow me to illustrate:

1. You are driving and some nit wit cuts you off in traffic. How do you react? If you get angry, drive aggressively in response or expend negative emotional energy on that occurence done by some random idiot who has no influence in your life? What do you accomplish? You ruin your day, stress out anyone else who happens to be in the vehicle and raise your blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol. Even worse if you then project that anger at the people in your own vehicle. Stupid. Unsafe. Immature. Waste of emotional energy.

Why not just think "meh. Stuff happens" and not waste time or expend energy on a random stranger?

Why hand the random idiot control over your emotional domain? They didn't notice and they don't care. Let it go.

Its imbecile but many men react to innane situations in an angry aggressive way. That ruins not just your day but also the day of everyone else near you.

2. Your girlfriend is driving and she misses an exit & you lose your temper, ruining the outing for you and your date. Not smart.

3. You have the need to feel superior/smart/important/in control all the time so you belittle others, complain, insult, or nit pick. Because you feel insecure or inadequate and so you harm others, often the women you care about by being an ass hole. This type behavior is terrifically unattractive and will run off worthwhile women.

4. You do not take a woman's actions at face value. You like her, so you want her to like you back. So when she gives an excuse, puts you off, goes radio silent, is clearly NOT saying yes and showing up you create any and every far fetched fantasy scenario to excuse her rejection and burn emotional energy analyzing the interaction to death. Um. She's not into you. Check. Next!

5. You escalate a fight/shut down/refuse to listen or communicate. Immature. When a man does this he teaches the woman he is too emotionally unstable for a grown up interaction. You teach her it is not safe to express how she feels, so you push her away and sooner or later you'll lose her over it.

Those are the examples of how lack of emotional regulation negatively impacts your interactions with women as a man, and women don't feel warm & fuzzy with men who display these behaviors.

Glassguy does NOT have these issues. He's contributing for the benefit of the board.

And yes. It really IS that simple.

such a smart lady

 

[CornbreadFed]

The problem with the holding frame philosophy is that it often comes across as boring to the women most men find attractive. Many younger, more attractive women prefer a guy who’s exciting and gives them a thrill. If you naturally hold frame well, you’ll need to work harder at finding the right women, because a lot of the ones being pursued are looking for emotionally unpredictable men. That’s not to say there aren’t attractive women for mentally stable men, but you might have to step away from online dating and bar scenes to find them.