"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Think your woman is BPD? Unlikely...

Billtx49

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looking at this from an academic or philosophical viewpoint.
Your post exhibits uncertainty and has questions.

From an Academic point of view there is plenty of information readily available published by mental health professionals to read.

Anyone interested in mental conditions to avoid while dating should at least self educate themselves beforehand as opposed to only guessing or thinking a mental woman is normal,
Uneducated men are usually the ones that get snagged by a cluster B.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Billtx49

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Regarding the topic of this post (BPD) - Women are naturally manipulative/ drama seeking/ gaslighting/ machiavelli/dark triads. A woman's goal is to suck you into her emotional tornado for the purposes of Control. Pathologising this behavior and expecting women to be stable creatures is a gross misunderstanding of female nature.

The best cure for BPD is establishing a strong masculine frame and not letting her push your boundaries. If she breaks your rules then soft-next her until she falls into line. If she doesn't fall into line then you hard-next her because at that point it should be clear that she has no respect for you. Women are like water and take they take the shape of their container (the man). Great women are not "found", they are created and molded by the man in a strong-frame relationship.

If the b!tch isn't behaving then she's not mentally ill. She just doesn't respect you. Shoot the puppy and find another one.
Anyone interested in mental conditions to avoid while dating should at least self educate themselves beforehand as opposed to only guessing or thinking a mental woman is normal,
Uneducated men are usually the ones that get snagged by a cluster B.
 

StacksHitEmUp

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Let's not conflate BPD with NPD which is totally different and more prevalent to the gender

I know it might be a surprise in this Instagtam world to learn that Narcassism is more common in men but you gotta remember... women don't actually like themselves

Where as men do. A lot. In fact. I would put good money on most of the guys on this site being on the NPD spectrum (low empathy, dreams of grandeur, heightened ego and self image)

And I would also put good money on most of the women we've had dealings with... being on the BPD spectrum

This is because NPD and BPD attract each other very well, as the BPD can finally get obsessed and fuel the bottomless pit-ego of the NPD

It never ends well, because neither side ever really wins
This is facts. I think I'm somewhere on the NPD spectrum. But then again, I think every single person on this planet shows at least one trait of a certain mental illness.
 

metalwater

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I for sure realized soon after learning RP theory that low-interest disease and NPD in women have almost identical symptoms. At some point, the low-interest disease spills over to other ppl also such as children and other friends and family as the woman will do predictable behaviors that in turn have predictable results. This further caused the two to appear the same.

I guess we don't ever need to figure it out because the remedy is the same. The only reason to try to figure it out is for self-esteem reasons. I mean, the low interest we blame on the man; he is not a good enough man. NPD we blame on the woman, and the man can be confident that he is of value. If we insist that the NPD is really low interest and it is in truth NPD we have done a terrible thing to that man and his self-esteem. Likewise, if we tell it is NPD and it is really just low interest, then we fail to give corrective treatment to the man. So there is a reason to figure it out.
 
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