TheMusic's Lifestyle Journal

[TheMusic]

So, I've been lurking around this website for quite some years. I tried the whole journal thing before (high school, freshman and again, second year, last year) but since I'm not in High School and barely even in College anymore it didn't seem appropriate to keep posting there; to the discussion it is!

For anyone who's not interested in reading it all (I wouldn't be, it's a bit depressing):
- Tall guy
- Musician
- 22
- First year acting school
- Athletic, but not ripped

The first part of my SS-journey helped me to overcome my fear of girls; it also messed up my standards and made me kiss with over 100 girls. I can talk with girls that come to me; I can't approach. I can get dates with Tinder; I can't have good conversation with the real pretty girls.

The problem
I'm still a virgin. I've done it all with girls, except the real deed 'cause I still want it to be a bit special, or at least with a really hot girl. One of the things that is really keeping me back is that I don't feel worthy of having a nice girl; I'm 22, but don't feel like I have my **** together. I've never had a girlfriend, I wouldn't know what to do, I'm back in my first year of studying and I'm scared of talking to the real pretty women.

How do I want to solve this?
- I want to get more routine in my days, to get my confidence and self-worth up
- I need a bigger bed and more furniture 'cause my bedroom just has a single bed and a closet
- Need to find a way to meet more people. My class is small, school is small, I have one roommate and barely time to work. It'll come.
- I need to keep writing this journal; let this be one of my routines.

If you have any questions, tips, feedback or just want to say "you suck": be my guest!

27-02
First entry, not a really interesting one. Wrote a part of my thesis, worked on some feedback. Studied music for a coming performance.
Ran about 7 miles, did my stretching routine.

 

[TheMusic]

28/02 - 06/03
Mostly worked on my thesis.

Had a work-party on the 3rd. There were 3 girls my age; one I trained with, so no-go. The second I made out with in a game one year ago; she kissed another dude that game and ended up being in a relationship with him for a few months. Third was my superior and still behaves a bit that way; didn't kiss.
Got drunk though, and texted some girls to get together. So well; here's the planning for the next weeks.

- L(HB7; nice curves, a bit too curvy maybe); one of the first 10 girls I kissed. Saw her again 2 years ago, made out with her again. Invited myself to her place, she said she would get some wine. See her 13/03
- C(HB6,5; tall girl); Tindermatch. Apped with her for a while, she sent me some nice pics but I don't find her very attractive. Though she talks like she is crazy in bed. Don't know what I should do with her; she is pretty pushy.
- E(HB7,5; great body, huge boobs); I was her blind date on a gala once. Slept over at her place, she came to one of my concerts. Probably see her in the week of 19/03
- R(HB8; nice curls); Tindermatch. Arty girl, like her a lot so far. See her 17/03
- S(HB8,5; gorgeous blonde); Tindermatch. Teacher, lives with parents. No date planned, contact goes pretty tough but she agreed to meet up.

So that's about dates. What else? I have an important test thursday, need some good rest but I'm planning to finally go for a run again tomorrow. Oh, and Friday we have a party with school people. Last time I got blackoutdrunk and woke up next to a girl from a few years above; she was okay, but not the prettiest. The prettiest girl is in the highest class; I always play games with her when drinking but in normal life I always feel like she is distant or sarcastic. I'm unsure on how to handle her. Problem is; our school is so small I can't really go slutting around, really need to make choices. Well, I'll update you on that.

 

[TheMusic]

07/03 - 10/03
First things first. Wednesday and thursday weren't that interesting, except for the fact that I had to redo two exams and succeeded on both on them. Academic bit of succes.

The party on friday.
I talked about the prettiest girl; on thursday I found out she thought I was interested in her and the person who told me that said it in a way of "No ****ing chance buddy". Well, she wasn't there, she was at home with the flu.
The party started with people sitting and the first hours were pretty boring. I danced a bit with some people, had fun with some guys and a bag of womens clothes; than I noticed another girl who was showing some signs of interest. Don't even know how and what I noticed, just that she was touchy I guess. Let's call her A. A is two years older than I am, absolutely an 8, and no-one really seems to know much about her except that she is always sweet and nice. Got out with her to the balcony when she wanted to smoke, sat there with her for half an hour, in a certain moment a lot of physical contact but nothing more. When we got in everybody left, except the host and a guy from my class.
He was an enourmous ****block, constantly saying; "Hey, let's go, we're going in the same direction". Couldn't tell on that table that I intended to stay, so got a bit into cleaning the house (mr. nice guy). Was drunk by then, finally the friend left. But the real attraction was gone after that hour, so after some long hugs I went home.

Woke up, downloaded the Sims, played for a bit. Gonna go for a run this evening, play a bit of music, work on all my school subject so I don't have to do **** tomorrow. Maybe try to plan the date with R.

 

[TheMusic]

17-03 - A night out

So. We got to the club and there was this girl in the stripes. I spotted her, she saw me, nothing happened. Over the course of three hours we looked at eachother, she danced with some guys but blew them of, and finally I saw her and her friend with some dude. The friend and the dude were hitting it off, so she was third-wheeling.

My friend said; she keeps looking at you; I got in, danced with her. We danced closely, intensely but everytime our heads got close she didn't go for it. After 15 minutes of dancing, she suddenly breaks all contact and runs to her friends.

So.... ***** with a boyfriend seeing what she can do? Lesbian? Wtf. Didn't do anything wrong I guess. Lots of Kino, showed some interest but kept distance, teased her. Still. Darn. I'm drunk and a bit confused.