"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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The Waitress

tomyv

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Hello gentleman, I used to post here but haven't been around lately. For the last month or so I've been taking a break from women in general to catch up on my house and career.

BUT

I go out to dinner to the same restaraunt about once a week with a few friends. The waitress is always making eye contact, smiling, etc. My friends (male and female) notice it, and tell me constantly "that girl likes you."

This is all well and good but I go by the rule that if it's a waitress/bartender don't bother because they are paid to be nice.

What do you guys think, should I break the rule?
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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GirlCrazy

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What do you have to lose? Worst she can do is say no, or maybe burn your food.
 

tomyv

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Good point, that's what I am thinking, probably would have pulled the trigger but like I said, I"ve been on "sabitical" for a few.
 

Kenturkey

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trial by fire.

There's only one way to tell if she's being nice because she wants tips, or if she wants your, um, 'tip'. :) Ya gotta ask.

If you think she might be interested based on her body language, I'd try to catch her off away from the table and your friends. Just say something like, "hey, i've noticed you the past couple times i've been here. I couldn't help but wonder if you're single."

She can answer however she wants. If she's interested, she'll be more than impressed enough by the fact that you made the effort to chat her up.

If you have no idea if she's interested, you can always play some flirty games with her at the table. See how she reacts.

Or, you can always leave a business card with your tip. Write something on the back like "Hey <her name> it's hard to start a conversation with all these people around. I'd love to talk to ya sometime tho. Give me a call at <your number>"

There's nothing to lose. Everything to gain.

Chris
 

GirlCrazy

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Years ago I used to be embarrassed about being rejected in front of my friends. Now I know better. Having the balls to make a move is never anything to be ashamed of.

Maybe it's time for you to go "back on the clock" :cheer:
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

thesynergist

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Had a buddy in with a similar situation some time ago at a Perkins. He eventually strapped em' on one night and approached her away from the table.

She shot him down, saying she had a boyfriend. HOWEVER, from that point on she was seriously cool every time we went back. She always seemed happy to see us and it was kind of like the two of them had this inside joke going. I'd say you got nothing to lose.
 

nosexbox

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Waitresses are "on" ALL the time. They know that the more they flirt, the more tips they make. This makes reading them very difficult.

Myself being terrible at reading signs, it's almost impossible for me. I don't even bother.
 

nosexbox

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Well, true. But I get stressed out and hate being rejected. Why throw myself into situations where my likelihood of being shot down is higher than normal?
 

thesynergist

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Well, true. But I get stressed out and hate being rejected. Why throw myself into situations where my likelihood of being shot down is higher than normal?
So you won't hate rejection. So it won't stress you out. So you'll seize golden but challenging opportunities instead of standing still and watching them walk away untested.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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Originally posted by NewMan
If you don't bother, you'll never learn.

The glass is half full - remember.
:up:
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Originally posted by nosexbox
Well, true. But I get stressed out and hate being rejected. Why throw myself into situations where my likelihood of being shot down is higher than normal?
Out of curiosity, what other experiences do you avoid in your life? I mean life is no where near perfect and it's hard to imagine that you do not engage anything that isn't a sure thing; or do you just lock yourself in your house each day?
 
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