The ultimatum

[PRMoon]

I was out with a girl i've been seeing for quite sometime now last night and it seemed everything was going fine. We hadn't been out for formal dinner in quite sometime but nothing seemed out of the oridnary. After dinner we went outside and talked a bit. I joked with her about friends, work, etc etc and then it happened. She asked why I'm with her and why i f*ck with her mind so much. One minute i'm hot the next i'm cold, i want to be with her then i seem like i'm not interested...she said it was driving her nuts. She admitted she was really into me, we "click" well and she enjoyed sleeping with me but enough was enough for her. She then asked me what I wanted to do, if i want a relationship then we can have that or if i want her just to b my friend, then she'll do so forever. Just NO MORE MIXED SIGNALS.

I like this girl a lot. She's attractive, she's smart, she's got her own money, and i use her connections a from time to time to make money for myself. I'm sure i COULD get along with her as a partner in the future but I also think when the time is right for me to take the plunge into a relationship, i'll know it without hesitation and i'm very hesitant towards entering a relationship with this one. I don't see any red flags but that doesn't mean that they aren't still there. I'm thinking i'm going to LJBF her and if I feel I've made a mistake later, I'll start a salvage operation.

Let's hear opinions from the board.

 

[djSlvt]

Can anything out of this one be taken as constructive critisism? Suppose yes, then she is a catch. In which case you dont go the straight route, instead occuse her of being in love with you, call her bluff, go near one of those wedding drive throughs, look over, and say to yourself, some day, some day. You know what and how.


LJBF her, and then doing salvage operation is same as taking her for granted. Does she deserve to be taken for granted? If yes, then shes not a good catch anyway, if no, then do not do it. Taking a women for granted will kill a relationship and you will not be able to be same with her again, dont take it as a challenge, be wise instead.


I think you want to be with her, or else you wouldnt be asking silly questions. The only thing I can suggest is to accuse her of being in love with you, teath, but just a little, and then enter into relationship with her. Unless you dont want that.

 

[ObieJuan]

Most women take rejection as the harshest of insults so if you're interested then you're better off just dating her- otherwise you will have a hard time getting back to where you were before (which is now). I don't care how great she is- no girl should ever pressure you into a relationship...in that respect, be honest and constructive with regards to your feelings. Women wonder why men are shy of commitment, this is one of those reasons. If a girl even starts to HINT at the fact she wants to tie the knot I'd probably run unless I were already absolutely certain that I would dedicate myself to her. Talking about commitment just reeks of insecurity to me and I personally could not be with someone like that. Just my .02

 

[Jackman]

Salvage operations...eh..not so good in my book, unless you're talking strictly damage control and not a sexual rekindling.

Honestly, I think if you're heavy with apprehension on this that it will turn out negative either way. You LJBF her, she finds someone else while you're trying to figure things out and moves on, bye bye. You get serious, realize you still like playing the field, it becomes an issue, she (or you) decides to move on, bye bye.

If you're not 100% in, I think you should be out. LJBF her and never expect to go back.

 

[Jackman]

double post.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

I don't often side with the girl in issues, but I think I have to in this one. She showed you her cards. You're not playing the game anymore at that point. You got to ease the game and be more honest with her, while at the same time not turning into a total wuss.

Think of the average sob story on this forum. The girl LJBF's the guy, yet teases him from time to time with the hope that there might be something more with cuddling, hugs, etc. You're doing something similar to the girl. Either way it is not fair.

 

[Phyzzle]

How old is she? If she's your age or older, this could be the last train out of town. If you LJBF a 27 year old woman now, she could easily be pregnant and married this time next year.

(I don't know this from personal experience, I've just heard guys tell the same story a few times.)

But if she's 22, then, hey, rejection doubles interest level.

 

[Circa]

I don't often side with the girl in issues, but I think I have to in this one. She showed you her cards. You're not playing the game anymore at that point. You got to ease the game and be more honest with her, while at the same time not turning into a total wuss.

Think of the average sob story on this forum. The girl LJBF's the guy, yet teases him from time to time with the hope that there might be something more with cuddling, hugs, etc. You're doing something similar to the girl. Either way it is not fair.

I agree. If you're not completely %100 into this chick and you feel there's a chance of her getting hurt in the end, I wouldn't bother. It will just lead to uneeded drama. There will probably be a lot of it anyway if you do run the other way, or things could be akward. But it wont be as bad as say, you two developing a LTR and then running away from her without warning. I think you owe it to her, and yourself to be honest. If you aren't feeling it, be straight up about it.

 

[PRMoon]

So i've been thinking over my options and the scinerios for the last two days to see if i can sort things out for myself. For whatever reason I feel that if I LJBF her (forget the whole salvage later thing) I feel a tremendous sense of loss. I mean I put in alot of work on this one and she really responds and seems like a good catch. However I stll have the urge to play the field as much as I have been. I feel kinda bad because I know i can lead this girl on longer but I don't want to. I don't want to mess with her emotions any further because i care for her and hurting her doesn't really seem right. Damn i'm pissed because I know I can't commit to her because there's like a 99 percent chance I'll cheat but i don't want her to be just my friend either becuause i'm very attracted to her.

What to do What to do! I have other girls I care for as well who are equally attractive but they're each different as well, so i'm attracted to what they look like and who they are indiviudually. Being a PUA isn't all it's cracked up to be sometimes.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Yes, all hors eventually come to the understanding that that being a hor is not a natural state and thus seeks acceptance as the solitary hor and for the man not to accept any other hors in his domain! besides her - what folly!! The hor is not your wife yet seeks all the advantages of a man's undivided commtment?????? Send her to hor hell!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[amethyst]

Think about it this way, ten years down will you be still asking yourself "should I be with the girl or be a PUA"... If you LJBF her mind giving me her number

Love

Amethyst

 

[Vypros]

How about secret option number 3?

Take some time apart.

Don't break up with her, and don't just suddenly friendzone yourself with her. lol

Tell her that you are confused and that you need some time apart to think about things. And then take the time and think about things!

They say that "distance makes the heart grow fonder", so if you take time and stay away for a week or two, you'll discover if you truly liked her or not and you can clear your head and make a decision about it.

If she's unwilling to "take a break" or "wait" for you, then you are better off without her.

That's my $0.02.

To me it just sounds like you have trouble committing.

 

[PectoralisMajor]

Go with the above post - excellent advice, just excellent.....

The break will prolly make her want you more ( if you go about it in the right way when explaining it to her )

It will give you time to think if you do really like her or miss her

It will not force you down a sudden route before your ready and buy you some time. Dont leave it too long though, or she'l leave you !

 

[vp171s]

I don't see what making her wait is going to do, she's already waiting for his "decisions"

I say just date her, not like you're getting married. See how it goes, you can take it at whatever pace you want

 

[Vypros]

I don't see what making her wait is going to do, she's already waiting for his "decisions"

I say just date her, not like you're getting married. See how it goes, you can take it at whatever pace you want

Excellent advice. I'd say give it another 3 to 5 years and THEN see if you want to continue dating her.

 

[PRMoon]

When we had her talk, I feed her some lines about my issues with commitment and she claimed to understand, so i'm already in a waiting period as it is. I can buy myself some more time but I don't think i need to go that far just yet. If I do decide to date her I'll have to drop my other plates, because that's not going to fly with her at all, nor should it. This is really the big problem with me. If the other girls I'm seeing were just causal aquaintences i'd have no problem cutting them loose and being with her exclusively, but i have strong feelings and concerns for all of them. It's like I have to comprimise my own emotions to justify whatever decision i do make and that sucks big time.

Either way I'm going to lose something i care about.

 

[vorbis]

Fear of committment is probably whats happening here. Most guys end up in a ltr not because of some feminist conspriacy but because of the benefits it offers (comfort, companionship). However, a ltr will never give you that thrill you get from meeting and seducing a new girl.

PRMoon, you seem to beleive that the desire for meeting new women will somehow vanish if you meet the right girl. For some guys, I don't think that will happen. If this girl meets everything you want in a gf, then commit to her. At first it will be unnatural and might feel odd just being with one girl. (from reading your FRs, you've being enjoying the good life )

Personally, I don't believe in the ONE. Rather there are a few girls out there that you'd really match with. However, it can take a lot of searching just to find one of them.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Either way I'm going to lose something i care about.

Only care for the woman you marry!!! Do not get emotional over hors - your judgment will be flawed!!!

 

[odietamo]

this is easy. take the plunge and commit. then pack on 30lbs so as to make yourself completely unappealing to potential women you might cheat with.

bam, done.

 

[Obsidian]

Yes, all hors eventually come to the understanding that that being a hor is not a natural state and thus seeks acceptance as the solitary hor and for the man not to accept any other hors in his domain! besides her - what folly!! The hor is not your wife yet seeks all the advantages of a man's undivided commtment?????? Send her to hor hell!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lastman what are you smoking? There's no reason to think this woman is a hor.

this is easy. take the plunge and commit. then pack on 30lbs so as to make yourself completely unappealing to potential women you might cheat with.

bam, done.

nice, lol


In response to the op: Just make up your own damn mind. We can't tell you what you really want because we're not telepathic. The reality, tho, is that if you start dating this girl, it's probably not that big a deal. So what if you have to drop a few plates temporarily? They'll probably be pretty easy to snag back if things don't work out with this girl.