The texting advice on this site is wrong

[teacha]

I respect the different views. But me? Even in an LTR i am distant to a degree.
To much of your attention in any context even in your professional life people will lose interest. Its just human nature.
Space in any context is good in this game. Especially LTRs.

How do you deal with low interest chicks in the beginning? Do you just stay in one gear? I find that I have to be a bit proactive in the beginning stages until she’s bitten the bait so to speak then I slowly pull back. Being distant from the get go rarely gets me anywhere with them.

 

[RangerMIke]

Two chicks dropped off that gave you a BS excuse for moving on... get two more.

My advice to any man is do whatever the fvck you want to do. If you like texting a lot, go ahead and do it... if you don't like to text, then don't. Either way works because you will drive off chicks that do not fit you. What a man does and how a man acts is not a 'game', it should be who you are. If you don't like to text... and a chick dumps you because you are not texting... then sh!t works!!! You screened her out.

It helps to understand what typically turns women off, and if your goal is to get with lots of women and have lots of options, then you should work to make this behavior a habit so that it is part of who you are. Pretending to be something you are not never works long term, because you will start to make yourself miserable. If you like to text a lot... and that is who you are and you do not want to change GREAT!!! Really that's not a problem, but go into this with the knowledge that while there are some women that will like this, most will not.

Don't follow any advice on how you should behave... if that is not you. Doing otherwise you will come off as inauthentic, and chicks can smell this out like a dead skunk. So in this case, if you aren't texting her a lot, because you think that is the way you should 'act', but it's not really you, then there is a very good chance she will intuitively know this, and it's not the lack of texting that made her leave... it's that you are playing games.

 

[Serenity]

So if the internet is bad to get advice on women why come? Why bother? In my area? The womans nature is the same in Europe then in SE asia and the west. The culture is different.

Internet advice can make the process faster, it gives some ideas to try out but that's all. As OP experienced, some advice is full of sh!t, it didn't work out for him. Should he persist because some internet stranger insists it works or should he try something else? I know I would just try something else, I have in the past and had more success than just following the advice given on this forum. It's of course not all bad, but nothing beats having the balls to go get solid first hand experience.

I just mentioned area as an example of why what works for one guy might fail for another guy. Cultural differences is exactly the type of difference that could cause something to work in one area and not in another. Why some advice works or doesn't is really irrelevant though, the fastest way to success is just try something else and check if it's better or worse.

Too many guys are looking for an ultimate answer to skip the hard work of improvement, but no knowledge can replace experience.

So 1 eats snails and the other eats pasta but both of them want you to ruff them up a bit when you fck them.

We're not talking about sex... We're talking about communication. Your comment is irrelevant.

I laugh at the guys who think they have reached "the pinnicle" and cant learn anymore. Look what happened to Mystery. Suicidal oneitis.

Why do you mention this? What's your point? It seems so disconnected from the rest of your reply.

 

[derby1]

let me tell you a story...when i was a young man i had a series 2 Ford Escort RS Turbo, immaculate but the turbo had gone,, i coudnt get rid of this car for jack ****, ......fast forward 20 years , their a minimum of 24 grand(40k dollars?) . you would need two phones to sell one, and you would laugh at the word OFFER..............unavailability my friend its a magical thing, ...they dont want what your selling

 

[JohnChops]

Robert what works in the beginning to attract them does not work exactly in the same way once you cross into threshold of relationship.

Two different dynamics.

One requires space and uncertainty, the other nourishment and uncertainty.

Most girls want to feel desired (as opposed to needed) in a LTR type of relation. It’s most primal of her intimacy desires.

True that. I would take a bet to say these girls weren't into you in the first place. Think about it, every guy and their mother is texting them, you being more aloof, you are on her mind more so than those other guys who text her 24/7. The reason for 80-20 is to let her miss you, so you pop up in her mind from time to time. It takes a girl from moderate attraction to maximal attraction, which leads to less flakes and more lays.

I agree with Guru about dating. In a relationship you can't just ignore you girlfriend (LTR) all day and wait for her to text you. You still create that sense of aloofness but not by not talking to them but maybe waiting a bit to reply or doing somthing without her.

 

[Serenity]

Look Grewd if your at a place were you don't feel that the way you fck a woman doesn't speak or communicate to her we probably won't understand each other atm anyway so the rest is probably moot.

Not at all what I'm saying. Apparently you're too dense to get my point and decided to attack a strawman instead. Indeed we won't understand each other and I'm better off not wasting my time trying to teach a pig to fly.

 

[Toddz]

I only text to setup plans and confirm them the day of. I have no interest in communicating in-between as it is a time waste and distraction from what I have going on.

If a woman were to not want to date me anymore because I don't text her enough, that's on her. I've had one girl complain about it, but she still comes over my place any time I ask her to.

 

[Robert28]

Low quality girls bro. I assure you they didnt drop you because text frequency. If a girl flips out because i havent talked to her in 48 hours or so. She's not my type.
Something not right with her.
Ive seen more text blowouts and flakes on this site then i care to even recall.

Well the weird thing is she said I went a week without talking to her, which is true. The part she left out was her text were becoming cold and hard to respond to. Who wants to reach out to that? When she ignored my final few texts I just deleted her from social media and then she turned around and blocked me.

 

[Robert28]

Robert having women on your SM that you want to have sex with imo is a bad idea.
I had a post that i defined my boundries with that. Its a shyt show and only gets in the way.

Well that’s true but even if you try to set those boundaries I’ve been met with staunch objection by the girl as if I have something to hide from her by not adding her. It’s a basically darned if you do and darned if you don’t.

 

[BJP1991]

So, I wouldn’t go as far as to say the advice is “wrong”, but rather it isn’t perfect.

I actually encountered the same thing the other day, but it was with a girl I had only seen twice. We had two good dates, each about 1 week apart. After each date she texted me thanking me for a good time with smileys and all that shyte. Each time she reached out I’d slowly take steps to make a next date, to which she went along with very happily, or so it seemed.

Monday last week, I setup a date with her Saturday night at my apartment, and told her I’d shoot her my address later in the week/before Saturday. Friday afternoon rolls around and I’m just about to text her when I get this paragraph from her about how she “isn’t sure she sees it going anywhere” and “doesn’t know if she wants to waste my time since she can’t tell if it’s going anywhere”. I just told her no problem, to which she replied again, saying it was because she didn’t think I was interested enough in her and didn’t reach out sooner or my frequently between the 1st/2nd or the 2nd/3rd date that was planned, which she cancelled on.

I don’t really text much. Just to make plans really and that’s it. She basically said (without explicitly saying it) that my lack of texting between dates is what turned her off.


I strongly believe with younger women (20-25) they can be more emotionally attached to things like texting, because a ton of loser dudes are blowing their phones up daily with nonsense chitchat. At least that’s what I refer to it as, but to each their own opinion on that matter.

I guess what I’m getting at is I think there is some validity in OPs thoughts on this and it isn’t 100% certain that these girls are using that as an excuse for something else.

This has happened to me twice in the last year - where a girl I don’t text between dates drops me because they think I’m no longer interested or “serious” about taking a girl on a date and courting them. When in reality, I was definitely down for courting and dating them and seeing where things go, whether it be fwb/short term/ltr, whatever really.

Also, for context, when I texted I was neither too cold nor too over-the-top.


Thoughts?

thanks