The texting advice on this site is wrong

Robert28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
2,260
Reaction score
1,249
I’ve had TWO damn plates drop me in the last month because they claim I don’t text enough or don’t text first. I know this site preaches 80/20 but that doesn’t work in the real world gentleman. That **** will get you dumped on your ass eventually, women will only try so long. Now, in the very beginning like on your first 3 meetups or dates I would say 80/20 is fine BUT I would honestly recommend 60/40 because women love to fvcking text and that gauges their interest you have in them. Texting only for dates will get you moved to the back because someone else is texting more and giving her attention and she’s gonna pick him over you. You HAVE to text them and not just when you want to set up dates, you have to talk but not all day everyday but I would say exchange 5-10 texts a day after 3 meetups. After that you better bump it up to 50/50 or you’ll find your ass alone.
I’ve had two women drop me because they said they’re tired of me never texting first or rarely texting first, it makes them feel like they’re putting in all the effort and that I don’t care. They will not tolerate days going by and not hearing from you, that’s old thinking. You better work on your text game cause it’s going to save you, you have to learn how to build rapport with them and KEEP IT GOING because they will lose interest fast.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
5,492
Reaction score
1,671
1. I've always heard it was a 2/3 ratio.
2. I text when I feel like it.
3. The landscape changes rapidly.
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
7,033
Reaction score
6,032
Age
34
Was thinking the same.
Women in general are not that direct about thier reason for dumping
Yes, and this is from someone that texts a lot by the way. I get mocked for letting them waste my time or for being unproductive instead lol.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

redskinsfan92

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 18, 2018
Messages
827
Reaction score
628
Age
27
I’ve had TWO damn plates drop me in the last month because they claim I don’t text enough or don’t text first. I know this site preaches 80/20 but that doesn’t work in the real world gentleman. That **** will get you dumped on your ass eventually, women will only try so long. Now, in the very beginning like on your first 3 meetups or dates I would say 80/20 is fine BUT I would honestly recommend 60/40 because women love to fvcking text and that gauges their interest you have in them. Texting only for dates will get you moved to the back because someone else is texting more and giving her attention and she’s gonna pick him over you. You HAVE to text them and not just when you want to set up dates, you have to talk but not all day everyday but I would say exchange 5-10 texts a day after 3 meetups. After that you better bump it up to 50/50 or you’ll find your ass alone.
I’ve had two women drop me because they said they’re tired of me never texting first or rarely texting first, it makes them feel like they’re putting in all the effort and that I don’t care. They will not tolerate days going by and not hearing from you, that’s old thinking. You better work on your text game cause it’s going to save you, you have to learn how to build rapport with them and KEEP IT GOING because they will lose interest fast.
How long did you have these plates?
Do you honestly believe the bs reason they gave you?
 

guru1000

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 20, 2007
Messages
5,510
Reaction score
4,397
They weren't that interested in you Robert, and used that as a convenient excuse.

A girl will never drop you for not texting her first. As you move forward in the relation, she may express her concern that you don't text, but not immediately drop you for it without attempting to work it out. Details are missing here though so I'll assume you had no discussion, and they disqualified themselves from you due to their lower IL. Thank them.

In the event, they brought this up to you repeatedly and you undermined them with total disregard, this is different.
 

Robert28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
2,260
Reaction score
1,249
They weren't that interested in you Robert, and used that as a convenient excuse.

A girl will never drop you for not texting her first. As you move forward in the relation, she may express her concern that you don't text, but not immediately drop you for it without attempting to work it out. Details are missing here though so I'll assume you had no discussion, and they disqualified themselves from you due to their lower IL. Thank them.

In the event, they brought this up to you repeatedly and you undermined them with total disregard, this is different.
No that’s exactly what happend. They did casually mention a couple times “I wait to see if you text me first” sometimes when we’d be hanging out and looking back I thought I did, in fact I know I did but I was using the 80/20 rule and I shouldn’t have. One of the girls had known me 7 months and the other 5 months. I even was talking to an ex girlfriend of mine I dated for a year back in 2017 and she said “you are the most fun guy I’ve ever been with, you and I had an awesome relationship but your problem is you come off as you don’t care because I got tired of going days without hearing from you or the fact that I always had to text you first. It was like you were emotionally unavailable and when I weighed everything out I had to let you go because as awesome as you were, I needed more of an effort in small ways from you like texting. Some girl is going to be lucky as **** to land you but you do need to work on the texting thing.”.
 

lamath

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 29, 2018
Messages
2,069
Reaction score
1,807
Age
38
Location
Canada
No that’s exactly what happend. They did casually mention a couple times “I wait to see if you text me first” sometimes when we’d be hanging out and looking back I thought I did, in fact I know I did but I was using the 80/20 rule and I shouldn’t have. One of the girls had known me 7 months and the other 5 months. I even was talking to an ex girlfriend of mine I dated for a year back in 2017 and she said “you are the most fun guy I’ve ever been with, you and I had an awesome relationship but your problem is you come off as you don’t care because I got tired of going days without hearing from you or the fact that I always had to text you first. It was like you were emotionally unavailable and when I weighed everything out I had to let you go because as awesome as you were, I needed more of an effort in small ways from you like texting. Some girl is going to be lucky as **** to land you but you do need to work on the texting thing.”.
Sorry this happened , but dont follow rules blindlessly.

Need to think and adjust, i think its 2/3.
 

guru1000

Master Don Juan
Joined
Sep 20, 2007
Messages
5,510
Reaction score
4,397
No that’s exactly what happend. They did casually mention “I wait to see if you text me first” sometimes when we’d be hanging out and looking back I thought I did, in fact I know I did but I was using the 80/20 rule and I shouldn’t have. One of the girls had known me 7 months and the other 5 months. I even was talking to an ex girlfriend of mine I dated for a year back in 2017 and she said “you are the most fun guy I’ve ever been with, you and I had an awesome relationship but your problem is you come off as you don’t care because I got tired of going days without hearing from you or the fact that I always had to text you first. It was like you were emotionally unavailable and when I weighed everything out I had to let you go because as awesome as you were, I needed more of an effort in small ways from you like texting. Some girl is going to be lucky as **** to land you but you do need to work on the texting thing.”.
Robert what works in the beginning to attract them does not work exactly in the same way once you cross into threshold of relationship.

Two different dynamics.

One requires space and uncertainty, the other nourishment and uncertainty.

Most girls want to feel desired (as opposed to needed) in a LTR type of relation. It’s most primal of her intimacy desires.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

Robert28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 27, 2008
Messages
2,260
Reaction score
1,249
Robert what works in the beginning to attract them does not work exactly in the same way once you cross into threshold of relationship.

Two different dynamics.

One requires space and uncertainty, the other nourishment and uncertainty.

Most girls want to feel desired (as opposed to needed) in a LTR type of relation. It’s most primal of her intimacy desires.
But it seems now it’s more stated than ever. The transition phase was much smoother than it is now. It honestly has taken some getting used to.
 

Julian

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 30, 2003
Messages
4,724
Reaction score
1,155
It depends on the connection with the girl tbh. I dont go by any rules to this. If we are vibing and we are equally reciprocating to keep our daily convo going then its all good...think in terms of a really good online friend youve had that u constantly chatted with, without thought as to double txting, and waiting for response and waiting to respond and all those stupid ego games. Thats when u got a keeper.

Edit- these needs to be a girl who you are in a committed long term relationship with where maybe you live together etc. do not do the above with the hoes
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
1,799
Reaction score
988
Age
45
I’ve had two women drop me because they said they’re tired of me never texting first or rarely texting first, it makes them feel like they’re putting in all the effort and that I don’t care.
Low quality girls bro. I assure you they didnt drop you because text frequency. If a girl flips out because i havent talked to her in 48 hours or so. She's not my type.
Something not right with her.
Ive seen more text blowouts and flakes on this site then i care to even recall.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
1,799
Reaction score
988
Age
45
you have to talk but not all day everyday but I would say exchange 5-10 texts a day after 3 meetups.
Definately got to mix it up a bit. But to text a girl first everyday is going to bore her in the long run. 8 weeks or 8 months. It will happen. I think you are pizzed you got dropped and are trying to pin it on something other then not enough attraction.
 

BeExcellent

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 16, 2015
Messages
2,516
Reaction score
3,177
Age
50
Advice from the old lady:

This one is nuanced. I think if Robert is coming across as too aloof (that’s how I read the feedback he’s gotten from his experience) then he needs to make more effort to give a higher comfort level to his rotation.

I only rarely text first. Ever. Upon just meeting a man I never text first. I figure he got my contact info...he can contact me. If a man has interest in me I expect him to act like a man and show some interest/initiative, and as the relationship develops I expect him to initiate most of the time on an ongoing basis.

That’s an old fashioned stance. It comes out of “Ladies do NOT chase gentlemen” that was drilled into my psyche as a teen & young woman. Additionally I don’t know what a man might be doing, who else he might be seeing etc. I don’t care to interrupt him in a meeting or on a date and I’d rather not interject myself into his life when it might annoy him.

If he reaches out then I know several things...

1. He thought of me and took the initiative to send a message (to which I will respond warmly in a timely fashion if I like him or we are dating).

2. It’s a good time as he took a moment out of his day to contact me.

Now. In my recent relationship my BF occasionally mentioned that he wanted me to reach out more via text & telephone. Dating 2 years I’d say all contact was started 85% of the time by him and 15% by me. He would complain once in a while but then he would gush to people how he loved that I didn’t suffocate him or cling and that I wouldn’t put up with his crap...(I did to a degree but that’s another matter), lol.

He got bored with women who blew up his phone & social media all the time...and he always kept contact (still does in fact...)

So my point is that this is a nuanced thing, which is why it gets debated all the time around here.

What works for guru might or might not work for Robert. And so on. I will tell you that if a man doesn’t make an effort to reach out I’m going to assume he’s not into me before I’ll start chasing. I DON’T chase. If the guy is a sought after man I will reach out to him on occasion to reflect his level of engagement.

High quality people are going to expect reciprocal treatment. So that I get.

Consider your own personality and variables on this. It isn’t one size fits all.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

teacha

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Nov 16, 2009
Messages
368
Reaction score
71
Location
wall street
Robert28, that ‘rule’ is meant for newbies and newbies alone. It is supposed to be used as a set of training wheels until they are ready to soar on their own.

it’s your own fault for thinking one size fits all. You are to judge on a case by case basis. Personally, I don’t follow any sort of ‘rules’ as I find them too limiting.
 

taiyuu_otoko

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2008
Messages
4,418
Reaction score
2,576
Location
象外
Undersexed guy: Hey baby, let's party!

Girl: Um, No.

Undersexed guy: Hey, Internet, how do you talk to girls?

Internet: Use kino!

Undersexed guy: Huh?

Internet: Kino, touch her.

Undersexed guy: OK, got it!

(later that evening)

Undersexed guy: Hey baby (touching her), wanna party?

Girl: Fvck away from me!

Undersexed guy: Damn, the Internet is WRONG about girls!
 

Amante Silvestre

Moderator
Joined
May 8, 2007
Messages
2,798
Reaction score
3,408
From my point of view, what most guys are being mislead on with "rule of thumb" texting advice is the idea that any particular method is always going to yield a particular impression upon the woman:

Too much texting = she will see me as thirsty & desperate!!!!
Minimal texting = she will see me as a busy guy with a life (*bad ass grin*)
Initiating = loss of frame/too available (Chump!!!!)
Not initiating = control of frame/abundance mentality, etc. (Oh so alpha!!!!)

This is not the case at all.

This idea that each text move defines you in a particular way in the eyes of a woman is entirely misleading. These rules are only applicable to offset any strong traits that already define who you are. They are intended to establish a better balance.

If you really are desperate and thirsty, minimal texting will offset that and balance you out.
If you really do have abundance, more frequent texting can help nix a woman thinking you're just a playboy looking for a booty call.
If you have very little going on in life, less frequent initiating can limit/avoid giving such an impression.
If you are a genuinely busy man, initiating more often can insinuate you have the interest, will and power to make time for someone.

The texting doesn't define you. YOU DEFINE the texting. If you are capable of taking an honest and unbiased look at yourself, you should then know exactly how to proceed with maintaining a very functional and productive approach to communicating via texts.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
1,799
Reaction score
988
Age
45
From my point of view, what most guys are being mislead on with "rule of thumb" texting advice is the idea that any particular method is always going to yield a particular impression upon the woman:

Too much texting = she will see me as thirsty & desperate!!!!
Minimal texting = she will see me as a busy guy with a life (*bad ass grin*)
Initiating = loss of frame/too available (Chump!!!!)
Not initiating = control of frame/abundance mentality, etc. (Oh so alpha!!!!)

This is not the case at all.

This idea that each text move defines you in a particular way in the eyes of a woman is entirely misleading. These rules are only applicable to offset any strong traits that already define who you are. They are intended to establish a better balance.

If you really are desperate and thirsty, minimal texting will offset that and balance you out.
If you really do have abundance, more frequent texting can help nix a woman thinking you're just a playboy looking for a booty call.
If you have very little going on in life, less frequent initiating can limit/avoid giving such an impression.
If you are a genuinely busy man, initiating more often can insinuate you have the interest, will and power to make time for someone.

The texting doesn't define you. YOU DEFINE the texting. If you are capable of taking an honest and unbiased look at yourself, you should then know exactly how to proceed with maintaining a very functional and productive approach to communicating via texts.
:down: i hear a lot of guys say "Your overthinking" to me this breakdown is overthinking. Too available is too available.
Guys forget to much how good the ladies are at sensing neediness and thirst.
For fresh Redpill guys this requires thought and self observation to get to internalization.
For me as ive said, right now in 2019 twitter text and IG world texting is a vital part of game. If it wasn't you wouldn't be able to blow out an interaction with it. It would be neutral and that its not.
 

AttackFormation

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 2, 2014
Messages
2,631
Reaction score
1,979
Age
26
Location
Sweden
Undersexed guy: Hey baby, let's party!

Girl: Um, No.

Undersexed guy: Hey, Internet, how do you talk to girls?

Internet: Use kino!

Undersexed guy: Huh?

Internet: Kino, touch her.

Undersexed guy: OK, got it!

(later that evening)

Undersexed guy: Hey baby (touching her), wanna party?

Girl: Fvck away from me!

Undersexed guy: Damn, the Internet is WRONG about girls!
Hahaha, yeah. Some guys are just hopeless and I think that's the case here. That's the vibe I get from reading all of Robert's posts/complaints.
 
Top