The Simple diference between a Indirect and Direct Approach

[ketostix]

With a DA (Direct approach) You would go up to a girl and say:

"Hi, I think you're beautiful, and I want to meet you!"(or more direct, "I want to get to know you!")

And you say it with emphasis and you try to face her more directly and give more direct eye contact.

With an IDA (Indirect approch) you would omit the beautiful part:

"Hi, I wanted to meet.."

Or if you're approaching more indirectly you wouldn't state the obvious that you wanted to meet her you, instead you might say "Hi (then say something situational) leaving the part you want to meet her implicit. I don't think whether you would or not say you wanted to meet her is real important, but you wouldn't say she's beautiful or you want to get to know her.

And at first your body language wouldn't be so direct, you would not emphasize your interest with your body language.
Just like with your words you're not trying to pressure her too much from the beginning until she's warmed up to you.

Well I think that's the basic difference and the framework of IDA. Within that framework you can do various things.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

I think thats the power of direct, but that its obvious and what she truly wants to here...but from a truly confident guy. Many guys out there do in a half assed way/in a form of a compliment so of course many times it can come off as weak. Rarely in a manner of I choose you, because your beautiful. Indirect has its good points, but at the same time...the girl liked u in the first place...just that she was hiding interest....which is why i don't see that much of a point being indirect. Why not just be honest with ur intentions?

 

[ketostix]

You can choose any girl you want but she still gets to decide if she'll pick you. Why would validating her with a compliment, making it clear you're interested in her and what your intentions with her are and just being "genuine" make you any more powerful. sounds like to me she has all the power and your asking her to make the choice. Why wouldn't the result for the girl be, "Wow I'm so special! I can have this guy, te he. But do I want him? Nah.".I don't even know him and he's all into me. All guys care about is looks!.

If the girl shows interests after the guy opened her indirectly. He will show her his intentions in due time anyway.

Why not just be honest with ur intentions?

Why not just go up to her and tell her you want to fvck her then? Because it doesn't work. so girls don't want a guy to be "honest" with his intentions, that's why. Direct guys aren't really being more honest necessarily. They'll go up to girl after girl with a Direct Approach regardless if that's how they actually feel about her.

 

[Mad Manic]

I was thinking about this when I was approaching girls today.

I wouldn't say it's as black as white as "Direct or indirect" but merely a spectrum of directness and indirectness.

So indeed, direct as possible is "Let's fcuk" and indirect as possible is ... "Ooops I dropped my coin hehe, aren't I careless".

So basically some people choose to be more indirect, some more direct. The reason I like direct more is because:

1.) It builds confidence to do it.
2.) It's a good DHV right off the bat if delivered right.
3.) It means I can approach any girl and just do it, I don't have to look around for situational openers or to ask something random.

But I'll be honest, I've had good responses from indirect so I don't knock it. If there's a great, plausible, non-wussy situational opener I'll take it. But it has to look plausible, don't be that guy lingering near the hot girl for 3 mins and then pecking your head in asking something lame when it's so obvious ...

 

[ketostix]

I agree there's an indirect to Direct continuum. But I believe there's a transition point from Indirect and Direct. And this is what I mostly discuss when you go just past this transition point.

Indirect<--------------------------*--------------------------Direct
^Totally ignore ^MM ^me ^Transition point ^

Let's fvck
or i love
you
grab her



My point is how does being direct give you any leverage with her? It might make her like you more if she wasn't attracted to you, but she's just as likely to put you in the Friend's zone.

 

[Mad Manic]

I agree there's an indirect to Direct continuum. But I believe there's a transition point from Indirect and Direct. And this is what I mostly discuss when you go just past this transition point.

Indirect<--------------------------*--------------------------Direct
^Totally ignore ^MM ^me ^Transition point ^

Let's fvck
or i love
you
grab her



My point is how does being direct give you any leverage with her? It might make her like you more if she wasn't attracted to you, but she's just as likely to put you in the Friend's zone.

I don't see direct as better than indirect as such, the only reason I like it is beause if I see a girl I like, I can go over and approach her directly at my will. But if I'm thinking of a situational opener or a plausible indirect opener, that's a lot harder and sometimes it isn't there. I can merely approach quicker and get more done in a given time frame than by trying to open indirectly.

I usually open with: "Hey, I think you're gorgeous and I wanted to meet you" or something like that, but I might experiment with adding a false time constraint from tomorrow.

My theory is, by adding this false time constraint, it disarms her a little whilst still being quite direct, but also it gives me a point to go for the close at a high point in the interaction or even do role reversal.

e.g.) At high point: "Wow we've been chatting for quite a while ehh, what are you like *her name*! I really have to go though as I said, but it'd be great to swap numbers and I guess we can meet up for some lunch later this week."

At the moment my sticking point is closing girls well without them hesitating and giving me BS excuses, so I think this false time constraint might come in handy. Field testing tomorrow.

 

[Nighthawk]

Have you actually fucked any of the women you opened with "Hey, I think you're gorgeous and I wanted to meet you" ?

 

[Mad Manic]

Have you actually fucked any of the women you opened with "Hey, I think you're gorgeous and I wanted to meet you" ?

Nope lol, but I haven't been approaching for long mate. I've had lots of good interactions and some day 2's/kiss closes recently though, although tbh that means jack to me. We'll see how things go ehh.

 

[Bvbidd]

Uh.. That approach will make the girls think your creepy as hell. Belive me, I've done it, and seen it done, it never goes anywhere and she'll try to avoid you like the plauge.

Try opening with a question, and just talk to her like she's a normal person.

 

[Mad Manic]

Uh.. That approach will make the girls think your creepy as hell. Belive me, I've done it, and seen it done, it never goes anywhere and she'll try to avoid you like the plauge.

Try opening with a question, and just talk to her like she's a normal person.

No I've had lots of good interactions, a few numbers and a couple of day 2's of late using direct. It's only creepy when delivered bad. Tbh I don't say that sentence word for word, but I tell her I find her attractive and wanted to meet her / talk to her. I do use indirect too though sometimes.

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

Uh.. That approach will make the girls think your creepy as hell. Belive me, I've done it, and seen it done, it never goes anywhere and she'll try to avoid you like the plauge.

Try opening with a question, and just talk to her like she's a normal person.

Yes, but then u'll only be talking to her like a normal person instead of a potential lover. You might be confused between "Creeped out" and "Caught off guard/surprised" Its only natural for a girl to be the latter as they don't expect it and it can be overwhelming for them. Its overrated to have a girl 100% comfortable with u when u approach. Sometimes the best ones are where u save them from the feeling of being overwhelmed

 

[DonJoseCantosie]

You can choose any girl you want but she still gets to decide if she'll pick you. Why would validating her with a compliment, making it clear you're interested in her and what your intentions with her are and just being "genuine" make you any more powerful. sounds like to me she has all the power and your asking her to make the choice. Why wouldn't the result for the girl be, "Wow I'm so special! I can have this guy, te he. But do I want him? Nah.".I don't even know him and he's all into me. All guys care about is looks!.

If the girl shows interests after the guy opened her indirectly. He will show her his intentions in due time anyway.



Why not just go up to her and tell her you want to fvck her then? Because it doesn't work. so girls don't want a guy to be "honest" with his intentions, that's why. Direct guys aren't really being more honest necessarily. They'll go up to girl after girl with a Direct Approach regardless if that's how they actually feel about her.

And where's ur proof that it doesn't work, period? Have u honestly tried it enough times? If not...then its all assumptions. And yes, women want honesty deep down....of course they do...just that some of them can't handle that kind of bluntness....while others can(Its expected for some of them to be shocked you said it...i mean who honestly does when they're sober? haha).....Also don't be confused with a girl truly being angry at that kind of approach compared to one who's just "Pretending" to be angry just to test you, to see if you have the balls to back up what u said. Also, in terms of direct vs. indirect...i'd rather find out if a girl is possibly interested in me at all(She'll determine it within the first few seconds of laying eyes on u)...then take a bit more time to find out...and then find out she never was in that "kind of way" by taking the extra amount of time.

Lastly, what i meant by direct vs. indirect in terms of what better, i think indirect is easier and u can get better faster...but at the same time...i believe direct is more powerful and has a bigger effect eventho ur prone to get flat out rejected more.

 

[Nighthawk]

Women don't want this kind of directness. German women maybe.

 

[greenlake]

You're right, direct doesn't work. so please don't use it. The less guys going out there telling a girl she's pretty, the more girls i get.

 

[ketostix]

And where's ur proof that it doesn't work, period? Have u honestly tried it enough times? If not...then its all assumptions.

I've tried direct. I think most guys just go direct when they start out (isn't that what the mainstream tells guys basically?) and realize it doesn't work and change their game plan. Besides that there 100's and 100's of Indirect FR's and LR's, but where are the Direct FR's and LR's? If anything the direct people have something to prove.

And yes, women want honesty deep down....of course they do...just that some of them can't handle that kind of bluntness....while others can(Its expected for some of them to be shocked you said it...i mean who honestly does when they're sober? haha).....

How is this necessarily different from saying some girls are attracted to you and interested regardless of your approach?


Also don't be confused with a girl truly being angry at that kind of approach compared to one who's just "Pretending" to be angry just to test you, to see if you have the balls to back up what u said.

Well if you hang in there regardless if your approach was direct or indirect her actions will tell the tale, i.e., does she go home with you?


Also, in terms of direct vs. indirect...i'd rather find out if a girl is possibly interested in me at all(She'll determine it within the first few seconds of laying eyes on u)...then take a bit more time to find out...and then find out she never was in that "kind of way" by taking the extra amount of time.

Well if you're indirect you'll find out if she's interested in you anyway. Also this assumes you have to put everything on the table before you can determine if she's interested. Women are subtle and almost never give a direct answer anyway. I agree women decide right away if you pass the physical attraction test, but you stil have to convey personaility. You're assuming that you can't make a woman want you more by being witty, funny and a challenge. You're saying you have to lay it all on the line and get a direct answer from the woman.

Lastly, what i meant by direct vs. indirect in terms of what better, i think indirect is easier and u can get better faster...

Usually people say direct is easier. How hard is it to compliment and validate a woman and tell her what you're really thinking?


but at the same time...i believe direct is more powerful and has a bigger effect eventho ur prone to get flat out rejected more.

If it's more powerful you should get rejected less. Why is it more powerful, Just because it's more explicit? More powerful would mean more success. Where are the direct method's LR's?

I never observed a natural who picks up a lot of women doing direct.

 

[Mad Manic]

If it's more powerful you should get rejected less. Why is it more powerful, Just because it's more explicit? More powerful would mean more success. Where are the direct method's LR?

I never observed a natural who picks up a lot of women doing direct.

To be fair, 'naturals' as they call them tend to be direct. Not many 'naturals' do stuff like Mystery/Style etc. i.e.) indirect, under the radar etc.

 

[Bvbidd]

No, naturals are indirect for the most part. Not on purpose of course, they have no idea they are doing it. But they do it to get the girl thinking of them before they say anything direct.

 

[ketostix]

Right, they might not use the MM, but I haven't seen Naturals being direct. From what I've observed, they talk total nonsense, tend to be ****y and tease the girl (not always), but I never hear them say things to a girl, "You're beautiful", "I want to get to know you" or reveal their sexual intent. If naturals used direct then that'd mean direct works well.