The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[goodbyehorses]

Day 35.
Not halfway, because I am taking the challenge for 90 days at least.

Her birthday has passed and she didn't hear anything from me. I'm keeping very busy these days, with some anxiety and cheesy thoughts to face, but staying strong.
Tomorrow I'm going out with the friend of her I like, we will have lunch and spend the afternoon together in another town.
I am trying to get some other plates, not easy for my demisexuality but I'm making experiments.

She is watching me on social media more often these days..., but I won't reciprocate.
I think what dude99 says it's sound and good advice, but I admit that if she would ever prove to me (with actions not just words of course) that she is sorry for her mistakes and willing to cope, I would give her another chance. I'm not healed yet I know. And I know this won't happen, at least not soon, so I hope NC will do its job.

 

[Don De Grey]

One thing's for sure. She's desperate of getting your attention.

Day 4

It was all just a game to get me to talk to her. I called her Tuesday morning, we went and had lunch. Asked her about the photo change and the post.

She made up bull**** stories on both, normally she is very straight forward and looks you in the eye while talking. She couldn’t look me in the eye when she answered both questions

Later that night I sent her a goodbye text, asked her not to contact me anymoretold her I had already removed her from FB, IG and I was blocking her phone number as soon as I sent the text.

I heard from a co worker that she was really quiet and withdrawn Wednesday. Thursday I noticed that she had blocked me on FB, checked IG and she blocked me there too. It gave me a little satisfaction.

 

[narcissist]

Day 18

 

[Robert28]

I had one block me on Facebook after I deleted them. She probably used that as the entire excuse why the relationship ended but honestly it was over a month before that. Each week it was something new that I was doing or not doing that was making her mad and everything was my fault, me deleting her was just the ammo she needed to put all the blame on me and act like that was the sole reason the thing ended. No, it got to that point because of all the bs leading up to me deleting her. I even called her out on her behavior but she never would respond to that, she kept focusing on the Facebook deleting lol

 

[bcude]

I had one block me on Facebook after I deleted them. She probably used that as the entire excuse why the relationship ended but honestly it was over a month before that. Each week it was something new that I was doing or not doing that was making her mad and everything was my fault, me deleting her was just the ammo she needed to put all the blame on me and act like that was the sole reason the thing ended. No, it got to that point because of all the bs leading up to me deleting her. I even called her out on her behavior but she never would respond to that, she kept focusing on the Facebook deleting lol

Ego protection and sounds very emotionally immature. She will look for confirmation she did the right thing to end it everywhere and in everything you do, but with time emotions will disappear and she will look at everything more rational. That's around the time when they unblock you and come sniffing around again.

 

[dude99]

Day 35.
Not halfway, because I am taking the challenge for 90 days at least.

Her birthday has passed and she didn't hear anything from me. I'm keeping very busy these days, with some anxiety and cheesy thoughts to face, but staying strong.
Tomorrow I'm going out with the friend of her I like, we will have lunch and spend the afternoon together in another town.
I am trying to get some other plates, not easy for my demisexuality but I'm making experiments.

She is watching me on social media more often these days..., but I won't reciprocate.
I think what dude99 says it's sound and good advice, but I admit that if she would ever prove to me (with actions not just words of course) that she is sorry for her mistakes and willing to cope, I would give her another chance. I'm not healed yet I know. And I know this won't happen, at least not soon, so I hope NC will do its job.

I under stand my advice is very binary but ultimately it works best because girls do want to play less games knowing you will cut bait and walk away. They have to be pretty low quality to still try to pull crap after knowing you won't put up with it. But if you still have it in your heart to give another chance (i think that is just teaching her to treat you bad, but that is just my opinion,) Do not even consider giving her another chance until you have fully healed. No matter what her blah blah blah says no matter what her actions show, matter what happens, heal first.

Then and only then make her work for it and prove herself. If not you are setting yourself up again for hurt.

 

[Don De Grey]

Day 6.

Got a work email from her today about a non critical problem on another business unit that I occasionally work on.
Funny thing is she cc'ed the Engineer of that project and directed the email to me. I should have not been on the email at all.

Did not reply, I threw the ball in his court as he is fully aware of everything going on between us.

 

[narcissist]

Day 19... at home today for Thanksgiving. Thought about her a bit while playing board games with my family because she used to as well with us... miss her a bit today.

 

[Robert28]

Day 19... at home today for Thanksgiving. Thought about her a bit while playing board games with my family because she used to as well with us... miss her a bit today.

You’ll have days and things that set you back. Hell, I haven’t gone back to the zoo or gone to a baseball game since I broke up with my ex cause those were things we did a lot together.

 

[Don De Grey]

Ego protection and sounds very emotionally immature. She will look for confirmation she did the right thing to end it everywhere and in everything you do, but with time emotions will disappear and she will look at everything more rational. That's around the time when they unblock you and come sniffing around again.

Sounds exactly like my ex (she blocked me too). Honestly I was only the second guy she ever slept with, and from what I’ve heard the other guy was more of a friends with benefits type of thing. He never treated her like a girlfriend, so in theory I was her first real boyfriend. I guess emotional immaturity is a given due to her lack of experience in relationships.

It’s really weird because logically she is way more mature than her actual age.

 

[goodbyehorses]

I under stand my advice is very binary but ultimately it works best because girls do want to play less games knowing you will cut bait and walk away. They have to be pretty low quality to still try to pull crap after knowing you won't put up with it. But if you still have it in your heart to give another chance (i think that is just teaching her to treat you bad, but that is just my opinion,) Do not even consider giving her another chance until you have fully healed. No matter what her blah blah blah says no matter what her actions show, matter what happens, heal first.

Then and only then make her work for it and prove herself. If not you are setting yourself up again for hurt.

You are right. But this means the same thing in the end I guess, because I understand 'being healed' as not caring for her anymore. I was happy the years I spent alone with myself, my hobbies, study, work, friends and not caring for anyone in a sexual or romantic way.

Day 38.

Today is really tough I don't know why. Woke up from a nightmare in which we were in a town on an island (not together but by ourselves) and a furious tempest came and I was terribly worried for her. Got up with sadness and intensely missing her. I wish to talk to her or write her so badly, please help

 

[xplt]

I was happy the years I spent alone with myself, my hobbies, study, work, friends and not caring for anyone in a sexual or romantic way.

Try to go back to this stage of yourself. Get busy with things you enjoy and go out. It helps a lot.

Today is really tough I don't know why. Woke up from a nightmare in which we were in a town on an island (not together but by ourselves) and a furious tempest came and I was terribly worried for her. Got up with sadness and intensely missing her. I wish to talk to her or write her so badly, please help

I feel the same when I had dreams including her. When you wake up and think about her, say to yourself "It's over!".
Just emotions - they fade. And thoughts - they are not reality and you don't have to act on them.

Remember the bad times when you think about the good times.

 

[xplt]

Woke up from a nightmare in which we were in a town on an island (not together but by ourselves) and a furious tempest came and I was terribly worried for her.

Do you have some kind of savior mentality?

Remember it's over.

You are not responsible for her any more.

 

[the_cog]

It's been about .month now. A mutual friend tells me that my ex, "Misses me. Wishes we could make up, not for a relationship but friendship."

I laughed so hard.

 

[goodbyehorses]

Thank you for your help @xplt

Try to go back to this stage of yourself. Get busy with things you enjoy and go out. It helps a lot.
Remember the bad times when you think about the good times.

Yes I'm keeping very busy these days, I'm rarely at home or alone. It's not easy though to control my thoughts and emotions.

My psychologist thinks it wouldn't do good for me to get back to that stage of my life, in her opinion I'd rather find somebody else to care, but again, I don't feel like it's something I could do at will. I'm trying but I fear it will take a lot of time.

Do you have some kind of savior mentality?

Yes I think I do. I like to be in a sort of 'caregiver' position with my partner. Moreover, she is much younger than me and still looking for her place in life so I feel some responsibility as a default. But I know I must not think this way anymore about her.

So it's day 39 today.

I'm going out this afternoon with one of the girls I'm hanging out with.
Still missing her badly but I'm trying to focus on everything that was bad in our 'relationship'.

 

[bcude]

It's been about .month now. A mutual friend tells me that my ex, "Misses me. Wishes we could make up, not for a relationship but friendship."

I laughed so hard.

Has she reached out to you about it?

 

[the_cog]

Has she reached out to you about it?

No. Haven't heard a word from her.

 

[dude99]

No. Haven't heard a word from her.

No. Haven't heard a word from her.

Then treat it as nothing but lip service. Her wishing you would make up is nothing, not even bread crumbs if she has made zero effort.

 

[bcude]

Then treat it as nothing but lip service. Her wishing you would make up is nothing, not even bread crumbs if she has made zero effort.

Truth right here. The dumper needs to put in ALL the effort, but apparently when it comes to women they all give me this look of "what do you mean? yeah she broke up BUT it's up to both now to keep contact" somehow they neclect the disrespectful obvious sign of the breaking up part and pretend it's up to both now. Have had countless women argue with me on that point.

Just proves the point to never listen to advice from women regarding women.

 

[goodbyehorses]

The dumper needs to put in ALL the effort

It's not really about who's the dumper / the dumped, more about who disrespected and cheated or lied to who. I am the 'dumper' in my situation but I don't feel like having to put any more effort in it.