The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[DelayedGratification]

For the vast majority of the time, thats exactly how I have been looking at things.

Bullets dodged.. I was waiting on a single mom, long distance.. My life was on hold, while she raised another mans DNA.

What a waste of my life.

So Yeh I get that.. She has done me a favour.

Different situation for me, but recently had bullet-dodged moment. My resolve crumbled and I peeked at her FB profile pic (we never friended, so that's about all I can see). Only 9 months since she traded-up for someone more in their peak SMV. She looks like **** now, at least based on her March 30 update. If I didn't know it was her, it would take me a bit to recognize her. I look at that pic and have no feelings of attraction whatsoever.

Never mind the psyche issues she started to develop in the latter part of the relationship, but even the visual/sexual attraction has vaporized. Bullet dodged. Which I knew, but the evidence is accumulating.

Enjoy your slow painful march to The Wall. Even I had deluded myself into thinking that would never happen to you, or at least not so quickly.

 

[Johnwic11]

So here is a weird one. I'm not talking about the recent ex. I think I'm over her. I think I caught the one it is for a plate I was trying to spin. went to Nashville for the NFL draft. partied my ass off. came back and saw she has the hawts for another dude. idk if this is me coming down from a 72 hour binge drinking or what but I was super emo about it yesterday.

 

[jnMissouri]

This afternoon will be day 7. At first I felt a little relief the first day or so. Then a bit of disappointment when my phone vibrated and it wasn't a text, email or call from her like I was so used to from when we got up to the time we went to bed.

I've been tempted to reach out to her twice but haven't yet. Just wrote draft emails to myself with the proof that I told the truth about 99% of the things I told her.

One week is the longest we've gone without talking on two other occasions we've had fights. She usually reaches out but this is now the longest I think and she hasn't reached out. Her friend is poisoning her.

 

[jnMissouri]

Day 10: A buddy of mine helped draft an email to her that I have not sent, in preparation for at least ending things on a positive note rather than a fight in case she doesn't reach out.

I miss her, but at the same time I'm pursuing other women now and also slowly starting to realize that she's unstable and not good for me. I have a lot to offer and she doesn't deserve me. I loved her southern belle ways, her voice. But her instability and irresponsible behavior in our relationship was an exact mirror of her chaotic life (4 divorces, 3 kids who her parents take care of as she moves from one relationship to another around the country, no drivers license, no job, no money, no education, no career).

As much as I sometimes want to talk to her, she was a bit of a hypocrite. She did the same things she said her ex did to her and that she hated and left over.

 

[Johnwic11]

Day 10: A buddy of mine helped draft an email to her that I have not sent, in preparation for at least ending things on a positive note rather than a fight in case she doesn't reach out.

I miss her, but at the same time I'm pursuing other women now and also slowly starting to realize that she's unstable and not good for me. I have a lot to offer and she doesn't deserve me. I loved her southern belle ways, her voice. But her instability and irresponsible behavior in our relationship was an exact mirror of her chaotic life (4 divorces, 3 kids who her parents take care of as she moves from one relationship to another around the country, no drivers license, no job, no money, no education, no career).

As much as I sometimes want to talk to her, she was a bit of a hypocrite. She did the same things she said her ex did to her and that she hated and left over.

Bro who cares how it ended. be glad that ended. just reading the way you described her why do you even care. move on from this one. and forget the way it ended.

 

[powersize]

I have just spotted the girl I am doing NC with on Tinder. Unliked without any thoughts.

 

[Robert28]

Day 10: A buddy of mine helped draft an email to her that I have not sent, in preparation for at least ending things on a positive note rather than a fight in case she doesn't reach out.

I miss her, but at the same time I'm pursuing other women now and also slowly starting to realize that she's unstable and not good for me. I have a lot to offer and she doesn't deserve me. I loved her southern belle ways, her voice. But her instability and irresponsible behavior in our relationship was an exact mirror of her chaotic life (4 divorces, 3 kids who her parents take care of as she moves from one relationship to another around the country, no drivers license, no job, no money, no education, no career).

As much as I sometimes want to talk to her, she was a bit of a hypocrite. She did the same things she said her ex did to her and that she hated and left over.

What I’ve learned is when a girl tells you how bad her ex treated her, she’s basically giving you a road map how she wants to be treated. Took me forever to figure this out because it doesn’t make sense because there’s no logic to it. It’s how she knows “love” though. Some girls will never understand what “normal healthy love” is and the more you try to force it on them the worse they’ll get and push it away. If all they know is drama and toxic relationships then that’s what they will respond to.

I dated a girl with severe anxiety once. You’d think the thing to do was what you see online when you research it “be patient with her, never yell, help her seek help, etc”. Nope. She admitted her ex would laugh at her about it and even she claimed her mom laughed at her about it. The weird thing? She was madly in love with the ex and they were engaged, and she has a close relationship with her mom. Yet they both laughed at her anxiety and you would think the thing to do as the new boyfriend was be patient and understanding with her about it, nope.

 

[DreamAgain]

Just wanted to check in here to share my success story. I went no contact very begrudgingly with a BPD who was driving me slowly down the path of my own self destruction. I felt like I might seriously hurt myself if I continued down that road, she had a weird power over me that no other girl had, I felt my life spiraling out of control.

No contact was agonizing, I broke it several times, but one day I just looked at myself in the mirror, unable to recognize the person who I was looking at, and told myself no more. I cut her off for good, made a vow I will never go back to her even if she begged me and apologized profously for everything she's ever done. I would never look back.

I'm writing this today in a complete 180 position, and a lot of the credit goes to unwavering no contact. I no longer think about her, she is but a distant memory that sometimes crosses my mind, but one which I no longer have a response to. I feel like a new man, like I went to hell and back.

No contact truly works, I am so grateful I stumbled upon this thread and discovered the true path I needed to take.

Good luck gentleman, there will be bumps and pitfalls along the way, but allow time to heal your wounds, work on self improvement each day, and you'll get through this. If I could, and I was at rock bottom, I'm certain all you guys who are a lot stronger than me can as well!

Cheers boys.

 

[nmartinez12443]

I'm 36 shes 23, we dated for 8 months, wife material. One day out of no where she says when shes sees other couples together they seem happy and she just doesn't feel that way. Left her apartment and she begged me to come back and stay one night. Next day Saturday, she texts me at 430 am and asks if we can cuddle. Go over have sex with her twice. Left next day NC on Monday. Today she sends this.

Britney: So you're going to be cold and ignore me now?
Me: I was on a hike and then a boat party, i didn't bring my phone just used my watch (gear s3)
Britney: Okay sorry to bother you
Britney: I just wanted to see you.

I do want to get back together with her, thoughts?

 

[daproest1]

NC since 07APR2019.

I was chasing my ex-wife everyday since 28FEB2019. I finally gave up after her giving me the run around and ended the email with telling her not to contact me for any reason and I would do the same.

At exactly 1 month of NC (Cinco De Mayo), she sends me an email at 1030pm asking for forgiveness and apologizing (mind you, I already stated that I wanted no contact from her).

I haven't responded nor do I ever intend to.

NC is the best way to move forward with your life.

Lucky bastard. Wish I could say the same for my situation.

 

[Firestar786]

Day 2
Completely over
Move on with life
Knew we were going to separate sooner or later as she has some severe psychological issues.
Life since the beginning of this year was not good and I often felt run down and unhappy with her.
Incredibly possessive, angry and jealous woman.

Let bygones be bygones and roll on 60 days to start a new chapter in my life.

 

[xplt]

NC works when you want to move on with your life. In my experience, an ex-gf will move on too when you cut contact for so long because she thinks you dont care. If you want her back truly, NC will do more harm than good with healthy women. Cutting contact for few days after breakup is enough to let her cool down when she's in love with you. My ex complained after our breakup because i didnt contact her right away - i waited only four days. After a short time like this, the connection is still strong and it will be much easier.

 

[powersize]

xplt,


NC works when you want to move on with your life. NC is for you to move on. Period.In my experience, an ex-gf will move on too when you cut contact for so long because she thinks you dont care. If you want her back truly, NC will do more harm than good with healthy women. so then she could reach out, correct? Nothing stopping her. Cutting contact for few days after breakup is enough to let her cool down when she's in love with you. Good, then she can reach out My ex complained after our breakup because i didnt contact her right away - i waited only four days. Why didn't she contact you? After a short time like this, the connection is still strong and it will be much easier. True . 50% of the onus is on her to reach out.

Sometimes they are too proud or never had such a strong interest in you to contact later on. My ex dumped me and when i walked away she said "Wait, I dont wanna lose a contact with you". After couple of weeks I was strong enough to delete her everywhere. Since there I have never heard from her. Every time when I bump into her I just simply ignore her.

 

[powersize]

I guess the relationship wasn't important enough to her.

Yeah mate. But after all I consider that experience as the best lesson about dealing with girls I have ever had in my whole fking life


Literally the stuff i learned here and there changed my whole principles in which I believed since i remember myself.

 

[Firestar786]

day 12 (nearly 2 weeks)

cant believe its been nearly 2 weeks without my wife.
was feeling a bit sh1t until i read my earlier message and thought wow its actually been nearly 2 weeks.
my dad came to see me today, that cheered me up a bit and i said i would see him on sunday which is fathers day

but i suppose another 6 weeks to go.

lets all be strong brothers in these difficult times

 

[Robert28]

I’d been officially broken up since March 12 but I have a confession. I’ve been sneaking around seeing her since then off and on. I’d try to go no contact and she’d reach out. We’d hangout and have the best time and we’re getting along awesome, I thought maybe we’d get back together. Stupid I know but this girl was addictive! Never been like this over a broad before. It got to where we would argue a lot the last few weeks, stupid ****. It was like a pattern. We’d hangout and have fun, she’d start a fight a few days after. We’d smooth it over in a couple days and hangout again. Then she said “you know all we are ever going to be is friends right?”. That was a gut punch. I told her to never contact me again three days ago and I doubt she will even though she always did before. I had never used those words to her but I am sure it caught her off guard and she knows I’m serious.

Sucks cause I really am gonna miss the times I had with her when things were normal. I broke a lot of rules for her and I paid the price for it.

 

[Robert28]

You learned a hard lesson.

A very hard lesson. I don’t know why I thought I could cheat against the rules. I was like a drug addict, she was my fix. The sad thing is if she came back today I would take her back. I don’t know why.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

we fuucked multiple times a day for over a year after she moved in. i slowly neglected more and more of my personal life to simply fuuck her and help her improve her life. eventually i started showing signs of self doubt and becoming soft. rather than return the favor and show support she began to doubt me as well(looking back i see this is not her fault but entirely mine for expecting so much from her). she began to test, break promises, until i couldn't trust her. i became possessive, jealous, and resentful. i attempted to talk her into treating me better but i was already broken and weak, it only came off as needy and beta as fuuck because i didn't stand my ground like i used to. i neglected myself for so many months that i was pathetic. when i caught myself and started working on myself for a week i decided to end it with her, but dear god i should have just focused on myself and not cared, i wasn't ready for the games she'd pull and how it would affect me. it became a power struggle and i would eventually always cave and act like a cuck. i called her out on dates and validated her like crazy even though i was burning up inside seeing the marks left on her by others(i was still fuucking her). i began to play stupid womanly games of putting up pictures on social media just to get her jealous. she blocked me on everything for months. after 6 months she reached out and having read material(not enough obviously) i invited her over but still reverted to a cuck when she came over. i wasn't listening to my gut when it told me to just focus on healing, instead she came and i was hurt by her words(because i got way too attached), i caved and fuucked her like a cuck. it wasn't enjoyable at all. i'm feeling stronger and better now after a few months NC, but man i get urges to reach out sometimes. recently to prove to her that i'm not some punk biitch, that i can still fuuck her brains out and have the fun kinky sex with her that we used to.

but that's me bull****tting myself. i only want to reach out to fuuck her brains out because i care about what she thinks(only a little at this point). it's partially for the good sex but also partially caring. i won't reach out because i know that when i'm completely healed i will not give two shiits about what she thinks of me. i have sabotaged myself with LTR after LTR for over 12 years. noticing the stunted growth is horrifying, but just the wake up call i need. better now than never. i'm grateful for the lesson and believe it or not this is the best break up recovery i've had.

 

[Firestar786]

3 weeks
I think it’s sunk in that this is the new me. I.e a divorcee.

Pretty difficult pill to swallow but I suppose a relationship is a two person dance.

 

[Firestar786]

This Saturday it would have been a month.
What a massive milestone.
She did try to call me on the weekend(unsure why) however I couldn’t answer as I was doing DIY.

I think the new reality has sunk in now, and I have accepted that for the time being there will be no new lady love as such.

An old flame called me yesterday which was interesting, as she is always entertaining.

Roll on 60 days where I suppose I won’t give a crap and presumably neither will my ex.