The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[jimjam]

Day 5

Monday

Kind of sucked because I had to attend an e vent for my son and she and her parents were also there. My parents were there as well. It sucks because any resolve I may have built up just erodes whoever I see her. It's as though birds start chirping. Not only that, she was being somewhat nice to me, going so far as to sit right next to me on the bench so our legs were touching. I kept moving away and she asks me why I'm moving away from her. I'm thinking WTF? Leave me alone already. First you want me. then you don't, then you do, then you don't, and now you do again? I'm so tired of her. Now, her birthday is this week and her mom, right in front of her asks me if I'm taking her out to dinner for her birthday. I didn't answer.

But enough about her. I've come to realize today that I'm attracting these types of women, and fall for them so heavily, because I'm trying to make up for things that were missing when I was a boy. You know, I look at the way my mom is and after reading all the sh!t I read about borderlines, narcissists and cluster Bs, I can say she's right up there with it. She can't take criticism, flies in rage if you disagree with her, etc, etc.....We all know the symptoms. But this is what it comes to. I find these women and try to prove how good I am to them, like I couldn't do when I was a kid, and end up failing miserably, again, the same way as when I was a boy.

The trick now is to somehow rewire my brain to let all of this sh!t go. I mean, this is a huge undertaking. I'm 45. I been carrying this around for a long time.

 

[Carpathian]

Gents,

first off, let me say that you all were RIGHT. OK. I should've listened to you all but I didn't. I got mixed up again with my possible NPD but most definitely cluster B ex. No point in going over the hole thing again. Suffice to say that I was told she'd dump me again. And she did. But hell, I'm jimjam, I thought. I can do anything. I'm not afraid of her or what can happen. Throw caution to the wind!
.

Dude, forget these terms like NPD, Cluster B and all that sh1t. Whether or not she was one of those, she was not "the one" for you and you broke up. No matter what the reason. Do not make this more complex than it needs to be. Go NC on her and move forward. It is not easy but this is what you MUST do. That is the title of this thread. Move forward and this b1atch will, in time, become history.

 

[jimjam]

You're right, of course. I've often that that searching for a reason will continually lead you back to the problem. Circuitous thinking. I'm trying to NOT think about it. Like you say, it happened, move on. That is exactly where I want to go.

Tough when I see her a couple of times a week because of our son. Trying to go NC as possible. But its not like I can ignore the phone when instead she's standing in front of me being all flirty playing games

Its be a cinch if I didn't have to see her. Believe me, I've had enough. I WANT to move on from her

 

[jimjam]

Day 6

Tuesday

Not a bad day as far as getting over her and closer to myself;lf goes. Easy...cuz I didn't have to see her. Felt great...free and easy. Happy-go-lucky. Which is where I want to be. The trick is maintaining this attitude all the time. Like I said before, things would be easy if not for seeing her every few days when things are going on concerning our son. Fact, if not for our son it'd total NC. Radio silence. I WANT to be rid of her already.

Anyway, worked out today, went to work and did some work on my business. I'm considering writing all of my thoughts down in a tablet. I've done this off and on for years and I have tablets going back to when I was 17. Might be time to start hitting the tablets again. Thanks to @Carpathian for the post....

 

[soulforge]

Just short of 6 months NC

I've experienced feelings of relief and pride that I dumped a chick that was treating me poorly..

There are also days when I feel guilt, for changing my mobile number and completely cutting her out of my life.

I must admit, recently I am starting to miss her.. but I cannot see how I could possibly be back with this woman ever again..

Here are some reasons that are holding me back.

Firstly there are several incidents where she treated me with disrespect, i didn't feel valued by her, and my confidence was taking a hit. She would NOT accept any responsibility and preferred to blame me.

The relationship at first was long distance (kind of) roughly one hours drive to see each other.. but we both worked full time.. i would usually be free on the weekend, but she would be working.. so meeting each other could only happen one or pushing it twice a week. It took 14 months of long distance, for us to eventually move in together.. She transferred her job over, and moved into my house

We lived together, and because of an argument we had, caused by her disrespecting me.. she moved out & transferred her job, back to her own city.

So living together with her again, is out of the question.

I would never move to her city to be with her, as I would have to quit my job, relocate, give up my property.. and quite frankly I do not TRUST her enough to do all of this.

The final act of disrespect from her, was enough for me to NUKE her out of my life.. I just did not feel the relationship was going anywhere..

no living together, no marriage, long distance, add to that disrespect, my career was also suffering.

I just could not see anymore positives with her!

 

[jimjam]

Day 8

Thursday

Skipped yesterday. Had to attend an event that involved our son. Course she was there. I just wnt her out of my life. I hate the fact that I have to see her. I understand that this is a part of my life. She is his mom, after all. What I really want is to get to the place where I just don't care anymore. Where I can see her and it doesn't matter, or doesn't affect me. how do I get there? I'm tied of calling her names whenever I think of her. Hell, I'm tired of thinking of her.

I understand that it has been over in her mind for some time. And that's okay. Hell, if I really thought someone didn't care about me, I'd jettison them too. Dispute their protestations to the contrary. I've done it before. Why is it so difficult to put this one out of my mind?

Worked out today. muscleups.....Hoorah!!

 

[finality]

Day 1. Info later.

 

[jimjam]

Sunday

Day 11

Spent a lot of time this weekend at sporting events concerning my son. Of course, she was there, cheery as can be. I wouldn't even look at her. I only answered her in monosyllabic responses whenever she asked me anything. She texted me once too but I never answered. We have a good working relationship as far as our son is concerned. Always have. I'm torn between limited contact causing a rift between us or maintaining a friendly demeanor and maintaining the good relationship. Truth is, I know the most healthy thing for me is to try to ignore her as much as I can. Sure. What's the best for my son?. He absolutely beams when we get along. I don't know.

I'm giving myself till day 14 to process all the emotions and bvullsh1t that she left me with. After that, the end. Time to move on and forget her once and for all. I can't wait. I so want to be rid of her in my mind. I have her the rest of my life in one for or another. I just don't wan to think about her any longer. Thursday.

What really sucks is she made plans for us to go on a weekend trip in August. It's for our son, we're taking him someplace. Tjeplace is five hours away. He's really looking forward to his dad going. Hopefully by then I'll be at the point where I just don't give a sh1t about her.

 

[jimjam]

Monday

Day 12

Today was a breeze. Was actually removing her from my mind. I was glad to be moving away from her. Looking forward to moving on, meeting new people and simply operating without her. Did not have the desire to call or text and I quickly changed my thoughts whenever she entered my mind. Was thinking how badly she blew it with me and that what I have is unimaginable. any woman will be lucky to have me. Her sh1t is no longer my problem.

Then I had to go over my parents' and my mother lays some trip on me about how we'll find a way to get back together. I told her that I don't want to hear her name mentioned. Not even a fleeting reference. But still, I was thinking to myself wtf? What if? Could it happen? should I try to make it happen?

Well, I worked out and put that thought out of my head. Pushups, pull-ups, muscle ups, chin ups and dips. Hoorah! I look mint. My chest is defined and supple. Yeah. The hell with her. Didn't call, didn't text.

One thing for sure, if you're undecided or confused about something, workout. It will all become clear.

 

[5chm1dd1]

Day 60 of NC. So here we are. The end. I would narrate my journey thus far. Could be a bit long.

First up, this stuff works. Anyone doubting the power of NC, just try reading through my posts (or any of the other senior guys) from the start and you will see the positive change that NC inspires. Before the start, like many here I was broken and my world centered around this selfish individual who took everything from me. I was her emotional slave and she tortured me endlessly. The worst part was, it was not her fault... The blame lay solely on my shoulders. I was beta like hell suffering from a life which I hated and going under this false pretext that I was there to provide for her. Sex was really bad and the height of that was when she rejected me even during ovulation. A day later, she went on a ski trip with an Ex. Cue, nuclear explosion.

Then came the break up and I was adrift. Like many new guys on this board, I did not know what to do. I was lost. I hated her but I wanted her so badly. Massive case of oneitis. It was almost terminal. Took me weeks of NC just to get over looking at my phone in expectation of a message from her.

The turning point came after a month of NC and working hard on myself. This board provided the support and the stories here shored up my resolve. Every time I felt like breaking no contact, I read through the stuff here and reminded myself of all the bad experiences I had with her. There were tons. Despite all that, some days getting off the bed was impossible. So, I get it guys. You are not alone. We all been there.

I accepted my grief and embraced it. I went into a semi monk mode. I did not stop interacting with girls but I did not go out of my way to find them either. Instead, I took a hard look at life and identified the areas that needed fixing. I needed to learn French. I needed to change my job. I needed to find a passion that would inspire me - dance. And I lifted.

Fast forward another couple of weeks. Solid lifting, learning, dancing, meditating and working filled up the hours. My mindset begin to change. Things were not bleak anymore. I enjoyed waking up and being on my own. People drifted in and out my life. I did not stop or control them anymore. Funny thing was, girls begin to fall onto my lap asking to be taken to bed. Never happened before. For the first time in a long time I felt how it was to have sex with someone who really wanted it. And oddly they stuck around afterwards. I tripped over the concept of IDGAF.

And we come to today. Once again, I reiterate I do not have all the answers. My life is far from being fixed. I do check my email once in a while to see if she has written to me recently especially when I have a hard day. I still take rejections hard. I still struggle at work. I am far from having a muscular body. Many times, I give myself a hard time for not doing enough. The problems are still there. The difference is, I do not wallow in them... I take action now. Thus, I never been in a happier frame of mind. I am starting to enjoy myself and am in love with how my life is turning out. It is amazing now but I am excited at how amazing it is going to be a year from now. I realize to my utmost satisfaction that I can be happy without girls. It was liberating.

Parting note, thanks to you guys on the board who supported me directly and indirectly with your stories, advice and courage. I am in your debt and I will repay it as often as I can. For the guys who are just tuning in, stay NC and lift... See you at the finish line. Peace.

Well, I haven't been here for quite some time, and a lot of time has passed since my breakup (first love, 9 months relationship).

I was planning on writing a message probably as long as the one quoted above. But I don't have to, as Reboot somehow has the exact same experiences as me, even the body type seems to be the same.

Long story short, I agree 100% with what he wrote, and I am currently in the exact same position.

 

[jimjam]

Day 13t
Tuesday

Good day. No desire to talk to or text or even see her. Fact, I could feel a shift in my thinking in regards to her. Whereas before I would be concerned with what she might be doing, who she was with,, etc---now I really don't care so long as she just stays away from me. Was noticing a lot of the women at work, smiling and saying hi. She even texted me something this morning about taking our son someplace. I never responded. I figure she told me what she had to in the text, why acknowledge it? Was feeling pretty damn good about myself all day. Was feeling optimistic

Then I call my son and she answers, all flirty sounding, like nothing happened. "Hi JimJam," she said. You could hear the lightheartedness in her voice. I wanted to tell her that I have no time for her in my life, that I don't allow people who don't care about me into my energy field. I have to rid myself of these thoughts. They aren't doing me any good, aren't helping me to move on and if I did tell her, it'd just be wasting my breath on someone who has no conception of what she did or how she acted. I realize all this, yet the desire to confront her is so strong. I tell you, it totally sucks being broken up with your child's mom when all you want to do is not see or hear her..

Well, tomorrow is the last day before I totally commit myself to getting rid of her in my head. Onward....

 

[QuadDeuces]

Well my latest girl of 3 months kinda dumped me last night.
Or at least she gave me the "I need space" speech.
Which is surprising to me, because she was the one was ALWAYS initiating contact with me, overload me with texts, she would call me 4 times a day to talk about nothing and I had to cut it short. She would try to take up all my free time trying to set up dates. She was the one who kept pushing for the boyfriend/girlfriend title (Which I never confirmed).

I just find it hilarious that she claims she needs space, whilst she was the one suffocating me, non stop contacting me.
I think she just clung onto me like she was a child and I'm a toy.

Apart from my surprise and being caught off guard I kept it relatively cool and we had a 15 min phone convo, I told her she was actually suffocating me and I feel relieved, and that I have no problem with it and I'll move on with my life.

Going ghost now, and will not answer the phone anymore, she wants space she'll get it.

 

[Reboot2017]

Long story short, I agree 100% with what he wrote, and I am currently in the exact same position.

Welcome to the rest of your glorious life...

 

[Young_Don]

It took me 5 months but I can honestly say I'm completely over her.

Don't care that she has a new bf or that she's off travelling the world again, I'm happy and content with where my life is headed.
I'm starting to make decent income, making gains, and being more social and outgoing with random girls.. even if they show that they're not interested.

Feeling pretty good but I still have goals I'm working towards but I know I'll get there eventually.

Biggest lesson I've learnt and I think every guy on this thread needs to live by this, is to NEVER GET YOUR EMOTIONAL NEEDS FROM A WOMAN!
It doesn't matter how much you think you love each other or how amazing a connection you think you have (this was me), get your emotional needs in other ways. Vent at the gym, hang out with mates for a laugh, pray/meditate to relax.

If your girl isn't enhancing your life and being encouraging and helping to build you up, next that *****. Real men do not need a woman no matter what - Woman was made for man, not man for woman.

 

[DreamAgain]

BPD EX

oh god guys. I stopped writing here several months ago because I tought I finally met a keeper. HB 9.
By far the prettiest girl I ever attracted. My friends were so impressed. Smart, funny, kind, loving. And the sex. OMG the sex. There is no word to express how amazing it was. The passion, the acrobatics. Then she started proposing Threesomes, foursomes. Wow. I thought I hit the jackpot.

Guys, there is no jackpot. There is always a catch.

She just dumped me. She is BPD . A BPD RELATIONSHIP IS SO ADDICTIVE. STAY THE F** AWAY. I knew she had BPD traits. She told me but said she isn't BPD, that she just had traits.
I'm so stupid. I should have seen the red flags. She has only 2 friends. Hate her parents. Demonize every her every ex BF or GF (she is bisexual). And of course now, I'm a demon also.

She is sick. I know that, but would she call and take me back I would run to her and propose to her. It's a drug.
She now says that if I contact her she will call the police (as she did with all her previous relationship). I never had a ex GF hate me. I never had anyone hate me. It's a ****ty feeling, knowing the one you love hates your guts because she is sick and can't see it.

I'm now here. At 34 years old, back to square one. She hurt me, but she won't destroy me.
It's difficult.. Avoid BPD at all cost. For your own sanity..

If anyone had the same experience, I would gladly take your advices

Allin, damn that is tough to hear man...I was in a similar situation and I won't lie, you'll have some rough times ahead.

You'll be tempted to think of only the good times you had, and think if only there is something I can do to bring her back to how things were. This in turn will pedestalize her even further, and you'll be stuck in a vicious cycle.

Here is my advice. Take some time to properly mourn these good times. It may be a couple of days. It may be a week, 2 weeks, or even more. But after this period, go for a walk and think about all the bad qualities that you shouldn't have ignored. Really think hard about these, and how miserable your life would be with her.

Then, go out there and find those good qualities with a person who will treat you how you should be treated. Imagine you meeting this new girl and think how good your life will be without this poison of a woman infecting your life.

Over time, you'll break free my man

 

[Minotman]

Day 17 of NC for me. First post. Info to come.

 

[John Constantine]

Day 4 of NC

It's tough, I'm always thinking about her, saw her at the gym yesterday but I completely ignored her. Didn't break the NC either. I still think about her coming back even if I have a hb8 keeper as a plate. She's perfect LTR material but I just dont feel any emotions towards her.. Well my ex gf is ****ing my head's up, hoping she'll be coming back. She'S a BPD and she'll comeback eventually, I'm much better looking than her and she said multiple times that I was her best **** ever.. We like the same things but she's extremely independant. Well, day 4, still don't know how to handle if she text me back.. One thing's sure, I want her back but I'll not break the 30 days NC challenge. How to handle it when I'm seeing her or her friends at the gym ? I'm ignoring her at this point

 

[DreamAgain]

Dude I knew you would contact her, I did the same myself and felt terrible after I did. You get to thinking, well what if I just apologize...surely it's my all my fault...if only there is something to say to fix the situation...

But then you realize how f*cked these women really are. I learned the hard way for sure, but the only way to get rid of this poison is no contact, and trust me, once you start meeting other women, you'll feel better and forget about this ho.

 

[John Constantine]

Man you have all my respect. My bpd ex completly destroyed me also. She killed my confidence. 4 days nc is great. Keep it up. As for me, I blew it. Sent her a email yesterday about how i was sorry for everything.
This is crazy. I'm crazy. She f***d my brain.

Btw. She wont come back. Once a bpd splits and paint you black, they rarely change mind. You are evil and the demon forever.

NC day 1

Day 5
Having hopes in regrets is what makes me keep going, I pratically broke the NC yesterday but I didnt.. It's just gonna make things works, if she come's back it will be because she know she ****ed up and not because I'm begging her for the 1000 times.. It's beta and the relation will never work if she doesn't realize her mistake..

As for now I'm still thinking about her 24/7 but I'm seeing my other plate every other day, we bang and we cuddle and it's much easier to handle the break up.. I feel bad for taking advantage of this girl because she's perfect LTR material, but I'm ****ed up and I only love girl who dont give a **** about me. It's weird..

I'm always looking at my cellphone to know if she txt me or something but nothing.. 5 days so I hope she's starting to think about me and miss me.. well if she never contact me, it's gonna be fine as I dont have any choices but accepting her decision and moving on.. It's hard and I dont want to but It's not like I have another choice. She's going to travel in september for around 2 months so.. She'll **** a lot of strangers.. It's disgusting and she cheated on me with her ex bf so she's basically a big walking red flag but I love her and it's ****ed up

 

[Dash Riprock]

Well my latest girl of 3 months kinda dumped me last night.
Or at least she gave me the "I need space" speech.
Which is surprising to me, because she was the one was ALWAYS initiating contact with me, overload me with texts, she would call me 4 times a day to talk about nothing and I had to cut it short. She would try to take up all my free time trying to set up dates. She was the one who kept pushing for the boyfriend/girlfriend title (Which I never confirmed).

I just find it hilarious that she claims she needs space, whilst she was the one suffocating me, non stop contacting me.
I think she just clung onto me like she was a child and I'm a toy.

Apart from my surprise and being caught off guard I kept it relatively cool and we had a 15 min phone convo, I told her she was actually suffocating me and I feel relieved, and that I have no problem with it and I'll move on with my life.

Going ghost now, and will not answer the phone anymore, she wants space she'll get it.

Do you think she dumped you because you wouldn't overtly commit? It's a big issue for some girls and 3 months is a long time. Sounds like she gave you every possible sign.