The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Karaage-]

Day 2

Feeling kinda numb today, still finding myself checking my phone. It's wrong and I am working on correcting this behaviour.

There's themes I've found after looking through previous posts.

Reminders are necessary to focus on yourself and only yourself.
Your world does not revolve around her.

The image of her being with someone else is something that needs to be accepted because in time you will be in the exact same position... With somebody else.

Stay strong my friends. This is just a phase

 

[Rxnxg]

18 Days of NC

My last contact with my ex was 7 week ago, as described some posts above. I'm feeling down today, she didn't even try to contact me this week since that last time and it feels like she doesn't care much, it should affect me, but it does. Still working on myself as much as I can.

I hope you guys are doing just fine, be strong.

 

[BeTheChange]

Just over one year since the break up.

Haven't seen or heard from her in about six months.

Boys, the break up was THE BEST THING that has happened to me. It was the catalyst that set me on a path of change.

Can honestly say I don't miss her at all. And best of all I don't need another woman in my life to distract me.

In the past year I've worked to better myself physically, financially and spiritually and things have blown up.

• I doubled my net worth
• Got a new job for a great company
• Put some serious muscle back on
• Found new hobbies like salsa
• Fvcked some outstandingly attractive women
  
• Built a solid social circle that ensures I'm always out when I want to be
• Discovered the benefits of meditation
• Found out exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life and developed a plan to exit the rat race and achieve financial freedom

I have achieved things I never thought could be possible in such a short period of time. Things I know would have been difficult had I suffered from the distractions of a poor relationship. Or any relationship for that matter. Women truly can be anchors to weigh a man down and prevent him from actualising his true potential.

I still have a restless ambition, as do all men who seek to accomplish great things, but in spite of this I am truly happy for possibly the first time in years.

I am at a stage where I do not need women. Not just in a DJ-fake-it-till-you-make-it kind of way. But rather a sincere appreciation for my goals and the direction I have set for myself.

I've finally internalised an the understanding that woman should always only ever be a compliment to a man's life, never the focus of it.

Fellas I know it's tough but know that things do and will get better. You have an opportunity to build something magnificent from the ashes of despair. Don't waste it.

 

[finality]

Found empty morning after pill box in gfs car.

She said it was for her acne lol.

Kicked her out. Blocked on everything.

Feel pretty good but I have so much adrenaline right now.. hard is beating a million miles a second but I feel so numb. Feel dead inside after seeing that.

Day 1

 

[BeTheChange]

Found empty morning after pill box in gfs car.

She said it was for her acne lol.

Kicked her out. Blocked on everything.

Feel pretty good but I have so much adrenaline right now.. hard is beating a million miles a second but I feel so numb. Feel dead inside after seeing that.

Day 1

Got to be said. You are a pvssy bro.

You were posting in this NC thread a year ago and even then you'd been posting on and off for a while.

Beyond saving...

 

[finality]

Got to be said. You are a pvssy bro.

You were posting in this NC thread a year ago and even then you'd been posting on and off for a while.

Beyond saving...

Different chick a year ago

 

[finality]

Day 2.

Maybe this is just me but basically every girl I have dated/broken up with the pain of the breakup has nothing to do with the girl and its really only about the ego. Like so many times I've told myself I need to break up with a girl and then once I realized that their is another guy in the picture I get competition anxiety and convince myself that she is perfect. It is super messed up but when I think a girl is cheating on me I always like her more than if she is faithful.. its like my ego is tied up with her loving me and only me and once I sense she talking to other guys I become obsessive and NEED her. Its really messed up.

But I basically caught my ex cheating.. day after pill in her truck so some other dude shot a load inside her... that's pretty hard to get over man. You view women a certain way and then your view of them ends up to be totally wrong. It makes you feel like such an idiot for trusting them. I feel terrible for not trusting my gut. The signs were all there but I let her convince me that I was "crazy".

I was in a 6 month relationship so its pretty hard because I have no plates at the moment.

I've been cheated on now the last 3 relationships I've been in. Each time I never listened to my gut only to get burned. I think this same situation will keep happened until I trust my gut and end things without proof. Like the same things keep happening because I don't learn the lesson that life is providing me. So the same lesson will keep repeating itself until I learn.

I don't have a solid group of male friends and pretty much spend all my time with the women I am seeing. Obviously that is a huge issue because I have nothing to fall back on when times are tough. Pretty sure I am codependent which is why I have such a hard time walking away. When I first meet a women my frame is always rock solid but once they have the hooks in me I become total AFC.

I've been on here for over a year and still haven't gone 30 days NC with my last ex from 1 year ago. Current ex is only 2 days and I find myself checking my phone 100 times a day to see if she texted me even though I have proof that she cheated on me. I used to be so strong mentally but after I run in with a BPD I'm left damaged

As we all know BPD's can never walk away for good so now I expect that in all my relationships. I project the past BPD relationship on all the women I date. In all my relationships I brake up and get back together like 5-10 times. That's normal for me. Its like I am addicted to the drama. I break up just to see if they will come back and when they don't I overvalue them and become total AFC.

This is a long ramble but I'm messed up in the head. 30 days of NC to me seems like forever. Its like each minute of my life feels like a year because I am so caught up in my own thoughts. Analyzing every single thing, looking for signs, I'm just messed up guys.

 

[Jrbak7]

Day 500ish

I was just thinking about this forum as I haven't been on in so long. Some other life events came up and reminded me of my ex. I saw a pic of our dogs, and then I immediately felt crummy about how we ended.

I remembered this forum and it took me forever to find it again.

I'm living proof that life gets better though. Do I think about her occasionally, yes. Does it destroy me, absolutely not. She's now married, and I'm soon to be engaged. It's been 2 years since we last saw each other, and a year and a half since our last texts.

I promise you if you focus on you, realize that each moment is important, and live in those moments, something miraculous will happen for you. Positive outlook results in positive outcomes.

Finality, come up with a plan to improve yourself. It sounds like you could use a network of friends, and now is a strange time to make friends, but you should try. What hobbies do you have? I guarantee you're not the only person that likes those hobbies, make male friends through shared interests.

We're all here for something, you're not that important in the grand scheme. So don't worry about who thinks what about you, conquer your fears and nerves buddy and just be raw and real and present for the next 6 months. You'll get right again! It's possible I could disappear from this forum again, but I do want to come back if I remember. So take 30 and craft a plan, then come back and post it for us.

Stay strong, stay awesome!

 

[soulforge]

5 months no contact for me now...

Some days I feel proud and relieved that I got rid of this toxic woman in my life..

Then some odd days I miss those great times we had together...

Overall I'm 90% sure i did the right thing.. I have absolutely no idea if she has tried to contact me, as I have changed my mobile number..

Some days i feel, maybe changing my number was too extreme.. but I did it to protect myself..

To avoid the breadcrumbs, and to avoid getting sucked back in..

Believe me at times i have a strong urge to check my other sim card, and see if she has texted, but nothing good will come of this...

If she was a good woman, and you made mistakes, then learn and grow from this experience and become a better man..

If she was a chitty woman, then fight this addiction you have with her... again improve yourself and find a woman who will respect you and treat you well..

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 2.

Maybe this is just me but basically every girl I have dated/broken up with the pain of the breakup has nothing to do with the girl and its really only about the ego. Like so many times I've told myself I need to break up with a girl and then once I realized that their is another guy in the picture I get competition anxiety and convince myself that she is perfect. It is super messed up but when I think a girl is cheating on me I always like her more than if she is faithful.. its like my ego is tied up with her loving me and only me and once I sense she talking to other guys I become obsessive and NEED her. Its really messed up.

But I basically caught my ex cheating.. day after pill in her truck so some other dude shot a load inside her... that's pretty hard to get over man. You view women a certain way and then your view of them ends up to be totally wrong. It makes you feel like such an idiot for trusting them. I feel terrible for not trusting my gut. The signs were all there but I let her convince me that I was "crazy".

I was in a 6 month relationship so its pretty hard because I have no plates at the moment.

I've been cheated on now the last 3 relationships I've been in. Each time I never listened to my gut only to get burned. I think this same situation will keep happened until I trust my gut and end things without proof. Like the same things keep happening because I don't learn the lesson that life is providing me. So the same lesson will keep repeating itself until I learn.

I don't have a solid group of male friends and pretty much spend all my time with the women I am seeing. Obviously that is a huge issue because I have nothing to fall back on when times are tough. Pretty sure I am codependent which is why I have such a hard time walking away. When I first meet a women my frame is always rock solid but once they have the hooks in me I become total AFC.

I've been on here for over a year and still haven't gone 30 days NC with my last ex from 1 year ago. Current ex is only 2 days and I find myself checking my phone 100 times a day to see if she texted me even though I have proof that she cheated on me. I used to be so strong mentally but after I run in with a BPD I'm left damaged

As we all know BPD's can never walk away for good so now I expect that in all my relationships. I project the past BPD relationship on all the women I date. In all my relationships I brake up and get back together like 5-10 times. That's normal for me. Its like I am addicted to the drama. I break up just to see if they will come back and when they don't I overvalue them and become total AFC.

This is a long ramble but I'm messed up in the head. 30 days of NC to me seems like forever. Its like each minute of my life feels like a year because I am so caught up in my own thoughts. Analyzing every single thing, looking for signs, I'm just messed up guys.

You have some deep serious issues, some of which I can relate you.

You need to focus on building a solid social circle for one thing - that is major issue with regards to your reliance on your gfs. It won't be easy. In fact it will take months / years. I suggest trying to catch up with old friends and finding a regular social hobby. I started doing salsa last year and it's really helped in making friends.

Are you in a position where you can take some time out and go travelling. If you can I'd definitely recommend it. And don't take your phone either.

 

[finality]

I've been in the NC thread for over a year now. 2 different relationships put me in there. some things ive learned.

- she misses you

It doesn't matter if she is not contacting you or even ignoring your calls. All of the chit she posts on FB or instagram about loving life is just a mirage. I'd go as far to say that the more happy stuff she posts on social media the worse she feels. Its just a mask like the makeup they wear to hide their true self.

- your situation is not different

We always think that our breakup was some special case where the normal rules of getting her back/moving on does not apply. 99% of the cookie cutter advice is right. There is no special formula of getting her back.

- the best thing you can do is do nothing

Nothing you do/say is going to change her mind. The only possible outcome of contracting her after breakup is you will do/say something that will kill attraction even worse. Then you will do/say something else to try to make up for the last time you contacted them and it will just spiral out of control, throwing good money at bad money.

- do not try to manipulate them/make them jealous

Women are smarter than us in this regard. They will see straight though your actions and see them as a pathetic attempt to win them back.

- there is always another guy

There is simply no exceptions here. Do not get jealous, call her names, overreact ect. 99% of relationships do not last and neither will this one.

- do not look for things you don't want to find

If you stalk her.. looking for proof of something you WILL find it and in the end you will not be happy you found it.

- patience is key

Nothing is truly ever over because everything is always changing. Do not rush things. They always come back but this is where a lot of men screw up.. they put pressure on timelines, milestones ect and she just ends up going back to the guy that is just playing it cool.

 

[finality]

You have some deep serious issues, some of which I can relate you.

You need to focus on building a solid social circle for one thing - that is major issue with regards to your reliance on your gfs. It won't be easy. In fact it will take months / years. I suggest trying to catch up with old friends and finding a regular social hobby. I started doing salsa last year and it's really helped in making friends.

Are you in a position where you can take some time out and go travelling. If you can I'd definitely recommend it. And don't take your phone either.

Financially I'm in good shape but I can't take any more time off work until January. I agree with your points. A solid social circle would be a saving grace for me but it doesn't give me the same satisfaction as women.

 

[finality]

I'm back on day 2. She contacted me to get her stuff.. I just left it in my car but she "forgot" to drop off my stuff.

 

[attic]

I'm back on day 2. She contacted me to get her stuff.. I just left it in my car but she "forgot" to drop off my stuff.

I hate this chick bro.

 

[attic]

60 Days Here

When I looked up this ladder from Day 0 it looked like it stretched up and well beyond my line of sight. I'm a lot stronger and better off now than when I started. Very confident and assertive with the women I approach. I want to have 2-3 plates going forward.

I had an extreme form of oneitis with the girl that prompted this. Honestly i'm thankful I woke up from that slumber. Doesn't excuse her behavior and it doesn't change the suffering BPD individuals live under at all times, but i'm grateful for the experience. I don't think anything else could have broke me down so hard as to force me to re-evaluate my frame from the ground up. Patience for yourself is key here, it's going to hurt to detach from the comfort of pre-conceptions about yourself and the relationship and yourself going forward.

Live for yourself, you are the prize. A woman is a compliment to your life, not the goal.

None of this stuff was visible or available to me until I went NC with "the one" "the love of my life" "soulmate".


It wasn't so much a choice as it was a state of mind for when I started moving beyond this episode in my life. You can't choose to be over your ex. You have to live a certain way, it's a state of mind.

 

[soulforge]

How do you guys deal with regret and guilt?

I don't know why, but sometimes i feel regret for dumping her.. and I don't even understand why i feel this way.. there where several occasions she treated me with disrespect..

The final serious act of disrespect, was the last straw for me.. and I decided I could not continue with her any longer with her..

I basically had no choice but to dump.. her bytchy attitude, was not acceptable to me...

Also I chnaged my number, and cut her out of my life completely.. I do sometimes feel a little bad for blocking her completely..

All that aside, we also had some very happy amazing times together.. and these times keep coming back to me..

As time passes by, you tend you forget about the chitty parts of that person, and start thinking only of the good times..

It was a 18 month relationship, we lived together 4 months of it...

5 months NC i hope these feelings pass soon...

I have a couple of plates at the moment, but just don't feel any kind of connection with them, other than sex.

 

[finality]

back on day 1.

she texted me last night and then called at 230 i didnt pick up but i called her today seing why she called so late and she didnt pick up

when will i ever learn.
this girl got ready in my house while i was at work and got creampied by another guy and then came back and slept beside me the next night and I still act like a doormat.

I broke up with her like 3 times for no reason.. she treated me amazing but then I let her back in and became the worst biggest AFC.

still havent gone 30 days with my previous ex who also cheated on me.

cuck life

its hard because i tell myself i will never find someone hotter.. the hot ones are such sluts tho

 

[finality]

Got a date for Tuesday night with new chick. She's not as hot as my ex and blonde.. I only date brunettes but whatever. She asked me out after I work after I ghosted her daytime lunch idea and is driving across town to see me so she is investing.Not sure I will even try to fuk her.. just need to work on my game reestablish my frame after my ex left me in shambles.

 

[finality]

Day 2 of NC. Yeah I miss her, there was a point where she was deeply in love with me and I tool her for granted and stopped doing the things I did when I first met her. That is what is most disappointing for me. Knowing that she did some many awesome things for me and I didn't treat her well.

I have a date on Tuesday and another one with another girl on Friday. A couple other prospects that I'm chatting with on some of the dating apps. If my ex came back today my frame is so out of place that I would screw things up anyways. I need to accept the loss.. and it hurts.. but the only way to get her back is to forget her and move on and if it is meant to be we will cross paths once again. She still has some of my things that she will need to give back at some point.

 

[finality]

Day 1 again. She sent a text and I replied. I still view her as somewhat as a conquest. I have a date with a new girl after work tonight and judging how we've been texting it will probably be an easy lay.