The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Carpathian]

Deleted her from social media and then sent one last text that I thought I deserved better than a ghosting. Bye.

No contact day 1 boys

Dude, that was a major mistake. Your last correspondence will leave her thinking of you negatively, like she was the main focus of your life and you had no other options. You do not want her thinking that, even if she was. Bad move. You want her thinking positively of you during your absence and NC, whilst she is alone with her thoughts, even if you have no contact again for another year or two. You should have left her thinking of you in a positive light, not like someone who felt jilted. You would have done that by telling her you want to work at things but if she doesn't then to call you if she changes her mind. Then go NC straight away, like a man with value, a man who is not going to take being treated like a second class option. That would have got her thinking about you after a few weeks and potentially reaching out with the correct intentions. Even if she didn't, had you met her in the mall or store in a year you would have been on much stronger ground with her.

What's done is done. Do not reach out to her again man.

 

[resilient]

60 days NC complete!

Feels awesome to make it this far without once caving in. No drunk text, no whiny "I miss you, blah, blah, blah" text. I deleted the Instagram app. I allowed myself to look online once but that was it. It's been a solid two months of moving on. I had a weird incident that happened to me the other day. I was leaving this massage place at dusk when I walked by this wax beauty store. I looked through the window and saw this woman standing in a white summer dress with her back faced towards me at the check out counter. She had the same hair style, color, and skin color as my ex with tattoos on her shoulders as well. I had to do a double take to realize it wasn't her, but it was a weird gestalt perceptual experience. Very strong and on the eve of 60 days NC.

I still have zero plates, but I have two HBs that are interested. One of them texts me often and has been trying to get me to meet her places. I've been busy like hell hitting the gym. I've gained 15 pounds of muscle. I don't look depressed anymore and my face doesn't look boney the way I was at 136 pounds.

I bought an electric and acoustic guitar that I practice daily on and attend weekly lessons. When I'm stressed about life, school, work, dating, etc. I pick up the guitar, read tabs, and let go to relax. It's an amazing feeling.

I started/joined the NoFap June challenge to rebuild self-control and goals. As I said in the thread, NoFap isn't giving me mystical wizard powers and could be a "placebo" effect, yet I think the process does help me overall.

So for the guys above or maybe lurking and not posting, do yourself the favor and commit to the 60 day NC challenge. Resist the temptation to reach out and bug her on social media or texting. Let the ex go, heal, move on, and meet new women.

You will never know how your life can move forward and better yourself if you continue to ponder "what if" or pining over the ex.

You never know, you may just find someone better.

Stay NC.

 

[Rxnxg]

@Everyone.

After not answering to all the stuff about games or random stuff that she send me trough skype, she just messaged me right now "Hey <name>", do you think I should answer?

Seems like the only honest attemp of talking to me that she had in the last days

 

[attic]

@Everyone.

After not answering to all the stuff about games or random stuff that she send me trough skype, she just messaged me right now "Hey <name>", do you think I should answer?

Seems like the only honest attemp of talking to me that she had in the last days

I wouldn't.

Give it a few days, not to respond, but to see how you feel.


There is nothing worth responding to that I see.

 

[MrAddiction]

That would have got her thinking about you after a few weeks and potentially reaching out with the correct intentions.

...why care in which way she is thinking about you and with which Intentionen she is going to reach out? That just brings false Hope to the posters here. A second round will get even worse and let you even more fcuked up after the inevitable next breakup.
Do not use NC to get here back. @Carpathian This is not pointed at you, i know we are on the same page here, but the newbies might get things wrong and have false hope.
60 Days NC does also not means that at day 61 you can start texting her again. The goal is that after 60 days you don't even feel the Need to contact her.

 

[BurningSkies]

This hurts to write.

After a few months of obsessing over her and trying desperately to move on with my life, I deleted her from the last of the social media I still had. I was so in love with her. She has a new boyfriend and they look so happy and perfect together, doing everything we never did. I just knew I could never heal if I kept checking so I told myself to suck it up and push the button.

But I didn't expect to react like this. It's like a full-on panic attack. I'll never see her perfect, beautiful face again. When I think of her, I still see her as my other half, someone I should have been with forever. And I'll never know what's going on in her life again. She's still so much of a part of me and now I have nothing but memories. All I want to do is see her face and I can't even do that. And I'll never be able to again. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out. I feel pathetic, unlovable, and most of all, alone.

 

[resilient]

When I think of her, I still see her as my other half, someone I should have been with forever.

It takes time to re-develop yourself, especially if much of your identity was wrapped up in hers in a co-dependent state of mind. What you both did, where you ate, what movies you watched, who your mutual friends were, vacations your took, the dreams you made. You got the idea.

Now that she has moved onto someone else. Ask yourself what you're going to do with yourself going forward. I don't know how old you are since this is your first post to SS.

Take this time to invest in yourself 100%. Get so wrapped in self-development that you don't have time to focus 100% on one woman. Take up some hobbies, hit the gym, and hang with the bros.

Surprise yourself. Breakups can be the best time to discover strengths in yourself that you may not have known were there. You may have needed a catalyst like her moving on to wake yourself up and get life rolling.

You're not pathetic, you're not unlovable -- you just need some time to heal and move on.

Read my post above today as I just completed 60 day NC. This process works and I'm thankful for going through it and this forum.

Take the 60 day challenge to improve yourself and create a better life for yourself moving forward. You got this.

 

[Rxnxg]

I wouldn't.

Give it a few days, not to respond, but to see how you feel.


There is nothing worth responding to that I see.

How I feel, huh? I guess I'm curious to see what she is trying and feeling, deep inside me there is a small amount of desire of wanting to go back with her. (SADLY)
Also I'm pretty sure that the theory of the "anxiety glass" theory it's not gonna work in that case. Probably not replying her will end in she not messaging me or trying to contact me anymore, and that's good and bad at the same time.

 

[finality]

Day 2. Patience.

 

[attic]

How I feel, huh? I guess I'm curious to see what she is trying and feeling, deep inside me there is a small amount of desire of wanting to go back with her. (SADLY)
Also I'm pretty sure that the theory of the "anxiety glass" theory it's not gonna work in that case. Probably not replying her will end in she not messaging me or trying to contact me anymore, and that's good and bad at the same time.

Forget about her.

Seriously. The next girl is waiting for how incredible you are.

 

[Reboot2017]

60 days NC complete!

Feels awesome to make it this far without once caving in. No drunk text, no whiny "I miss you, blah, blah, blah" text. I deleted the Instagram app. I allowed myself to look online once but that was it. It's been a solid two months of moving on. I had a weird incident that happened to me the other day. I was leaving this massage place at dusk when I walked by this wax beauty store. I looked through the window and saw this woman standing in a white summer dress with her back faced towards me at the check out counter. She had the same hair style, color, and skin color as my ex with tattoos on her shoulders as well. I had to do a double take to realize it wasn't her, but it was a weird gestalt perceptual experience. Very strong and on the eve of 60 days NC.

I still have zero plates, but I have two HBs that are interested. One of them texts me often and has been trying to get me to meet her places. I've been busy like hell hitting the gym. I've gained 15 pounds of muscle. I don't look depressed anymore and my face doesn't look boney the way I was at 136 pounds.

I bought an electric and acoustic guitar that I practice daily on and attend weekly lessons. When I'm stressed about life, school, work, dating, etc. I pick up the guitar, read tabs, and let go to relax. It's an amazing feeling.

I started/joined the NoFap June challenge to rebuild self-control and goals. As I said in the thread, NoFap isn't giving me mystical wizard powers and could be a "placebo" effect, yet I think the process does help me overall.

So for the guys above or maybe lurking and not posting, do yourself the favor and commit to the 60 day NC challenge. Resist the temptation to reach out and bug her on social media or texting. Let the ex go, heal, move on, and meet new women.

You will never know how your life can move forward and better yourself if you continue to ponder "what if" or pining over the ex.

You never know, you may just find someone better.

Stay NC.

Awesome work resilient... Right behind you though. See you at the finish line.

 

[Reboot2017]

This hurts to write.

After a few months of obsessing over her and trying desperately to move on with my life, I deleted her from the last of the social media I still had. I was so in love with her. She has a new boyfriend and they look so happy and perfect together, doing everything we never did. I just knew I could never heal if I kept checking so I told myself to suck it up and push the button.

But I didn't expect to react like this. It's like a full-on panic attack. I'll never see her perfect, beautiful face again. When I think of her, I still see her as my other half, someone I should have been with forever. And I'll never know what's going on in her life again. She's still so much of a part of me and now I have nothing but memories. All I want to do is see her face and I can't even do that. And I'll never be able to again. It feels like a part of me has been ripped out. I feel pathetic, unlovable, and most of all, alone.

First day man. It will get harder as the week passes and you will continue feeling like crap. If you can do one thing and just one thing, try to hit the gym. If you cannot, give yourself some time to grief. You been struck some serious hard case oneitis there. But like what most of the posters have hinted, you will feel differently after 60 days. Trust the program and depend on your brothers. Welcome to getting your balls back.

 

[Carpathian]

...why care in which way she is thinking about you and with which Intentionen she is going to reach out? That just brings false Hope to the posters here. A second round will get even worse and let you even more fcuked up after the inevitable next breakup.
Do not use NC to get here back. @Carpathian This is not pointed at you, i know we are on the same page here, but the newbies might get things wrong and have false hope.
60 Days NC does also not means that at day 61 you can start texting her again. The goal is that after 60 days you don't even feel the Need to contact her.

Yes of course we are on the same page MrAdditction. Cool. I reiterate that I absolutely DO NOT want to give false hopes to people. Indeed, what I am saying is that no one should be reaching out to exes. It never works second/third/fourth time around. As soon as it ends on the first time round the relationship is lost. This has been the case with me over my life with numerous women and everyone else on this board says that is also their experience. Maybe if you make millions of compromises as a man and hand her the power then you might refloat the relationship for a while. But it is holed under the waterline and will eventually sink.

 

[soulforge]

Yes of course we are on the same page MrAdditction. Cool. I reiterate that I absolutely DO NOT want to give false hopes to people. Indeed, what I am saying is that no one should be reaching out to exes. It never works second/third/fourth time around. As soon as it ends on the first time round the relationship is lost. This has been the case with me over my life with numerous women and everyone else on this board says that is also their experience. Maybe if you make millions of compromises as a man and hand her the power then you might refloat the relationship for a while. But it is holed under the waterline and will eventually sink.

fully agree with this... the second time its very rare to work.. there are cases where it has, but it's usually when considerable time has passed (years) and both parties have had time to grow and mature..

If you broke up because she was toxic, or unreasonable, then considering a 2nd chance will only bring you a bigger disaster.. these toxic types, very rarely change.. so don't even risk it.

I only ever took an ex back once.. after nearly a year apart.. it did not end well

 

[Glassguy]

They are exes for a reason fellas. It didnt work.

Its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel during and after a breakup with a chick that you were really into and saw it going somewhere. Trust me, it ended for a reason and even if you both attempted to reconcile, the issues that lead to breakups are normally ones that cant be changed and dont go away.

Stop prolonging your misery by feeling like garbage over some chick who in most cases, left you for someone else. Want revenge? Pick yourself up off the floor and go find someone better than she could ever be. Until that time/chick comes along, go smash everything smashable in sight and have fun.

Take if from me, I've been there done that.

Give yourself 2 days to grieve and feel sorry for yourself and then get your game face on and go out and play the game.

 

[Rxnxg]

Today my ex messaged me again, but today I answered. (sorry for that.)

[20:15:45] Her: my bag came (A bag she ordered.)
[20:20:30] Me: Nice ;o
[20:25:15] Her: i hope jsut you don't hate me tho
[20:25:41] Me: Why would I ?
[20:25:56] Her: idk..
[20:26:05] Me: I don't

So far I got no reply, after that she went to play a game.
I kinda feel bad after that...

 

[finality]

Day 3.

I feel better than I did yesterday and that's pretty much all I can ask for.

 

[Glassguy]

Today my ex messaged me again, but today I answered. (sorry for that.)

[20:15:45] Her: my bag came (A bag she ordered.)
[20:20:30] Me: Nice ;o
[20:25:15] Her: i hope jsut you don't hate me tho
[20:25:41] Me: Why would I ?
[20:25:56] Her: idk..
[20:26:05] Me: I don't

So far I got no reply, after that she went to play a game.
I kinda feel bad after that...

Dude take it from me.....she is just sending you pinging text to see if you'll still respond. The "hope you dont hate me" etc is just bullsh!t to see where you're at. It has NOTHING to do with what she is doing or what she wants.

Save yourself a TON of heartache and STOP responding to her ASAP.

She will blow your phone up when you wont respond back. At that point I would say "I have some new things happening and its probably best not to text or talk anymore" and the go RADIO FVCKING SILENT.

Trust me on this. Been there, done that. Dont walk yourself into her traps to see if she can branch swing back to you if what she has lined up doesnt work out.

 

[QuadDeuces]

I had some text contact with my ex a week or so ago.
And it only reminded me that no contact is the way to go.

The rebound girl I've been dating since 2ish months I'm starting to like more and more each day, a constructive girl who supports me in realising my life goals, and allows and appreciates me to live my own life and respects my space if needed. Being around her feels solid and stable, also insane good communication about all kinds of stuff. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, I laughed and said "yikes".

What a breath of fresh air compared to my borderline hysterical destructive ex, who kept me running on adrenaline at the end.

 

[attic]

I had some text contact with my ex a week or so ago.
And it only reminded me that no contact is the way to go.

The rebound girl I've been dating since 2ish months I'm starting to like more and more each day, a constructive girl who supports me in realising my life goals, and allows and appreciates me to live my own life and respects my space if needed. Being around her feels solid and stable, also insane good communication about all kinds of stuff. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend, I laughed and said "yikes".

What a breath of fresh air compared to my borderline hysterical destructive ex, who kept me running on adrenaline at the end.

Yes, the contact creates pain.

Day 40NC here. Really struggling. Have her blocked, I know contacting would be painful. Miss her.

Injury been keeping me from running, and my work slowed down. Need to keep busy.