The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrAddiction]

I thought about it and tried biblebelts approach from this Thread:

"If you're strong enough, you can text her whatever you want. A flippant 'Love ya babe!' is fine as long as you don't really care. NC is about pretending you don't care, but once you actually reach that point, contact should not matter."

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/advice-on-getting-happy-again-bpd-ex.223815/page-2#post-2225909


I sent a short "Hey Sweety, thanks for your gratulations"

She replied within minutes eventhough she was working:
"You are still alive!!!???"

So That I do not want to feed the BPD anyfurther - I am back on ghostmode.

Thanks all.

 

[resilient]

Day 0

I didn't get dumped per se, yet definitely got a hard no for a date 5 with a HB8 when I knew it was go or no go, do or die to escalate to the next phase. My delivery was off which is why I likely got a no in logistics, but in the end I didn't receive a counteroffer, so I know I arrived at an impasse when I got the text back hours later.

It's as DocLove always says "interest level cuts through everything." Better to have risked rejection and lost than to waste and chase months with a low IL plate. Rejection makes us stronger and prepares us for bigger and better possibilities down the line.

I deleted the text conversation, the phone number and went dark.

 

[Carpathian]

It's coming from the ex think and fast now - nine months after she dumped me and I went NC. She dumped me - no reason at all - and at the time told me she was not feeling it, she didn't feel the same way about me anymore, she did not want to here from me again. And now....
-> Misses me
-> I'm always on her mind
-> Cant get me out of her thoughts
-> I'll always be her baby
-> Cries herself to sleep thinking about me and what we had

These BPD's are fukking crazy....
I'm with my new girl for seven months now and love her a lot. But messages like that - even though I ignore them/her - somehow still sting ..... Like many others guys here, I invested a lot of myself with my ex. I loved her. We had everything, wild sex, great times, laughter, travel, families who loved each other, everything. Yet she dumped me for nothing. It still stings at times even though I am happy again with my new woman....

I need to block her. But somehow I don't want to. Tell me I am crazy...

I am still in NC though, practicing what I preach to others - and I will remain so. But even the strong can sometimes feel weak

 

[exhausted]

It's coming from the ex think and fast now - nine months after she dumped me and I went NC. She dumped me - no reason at all - and at the time told me she was not feeling it, she didn't feel the same way about me anymore, she did not want to here from me again. And now....
-> Misses me
-> I'm always on her mind
-> Cant get me out of her thoughts
-> I'll always be her baby
-> Cries herself to sleep thinking about me and what we had

These BPD's are fukking crazy....
I'm with my new girl for seven months now and love her a lot. But messages like that - even though I ignore them/her - somehow still sting ..... Like many others guys here, I invested a lot of myself with my ex. I loved her. We had everything, wild sex, great times, laughter, travel, families who loved each other, everything. Yet she dumped me for nothing. It still stings at times even though I am happy again with my new woman....

I need to block her. But somehow I don't want to. Tell me I am crazy...

I am still in NC though, practicing what I preach to others - and I will remain so. But even the strong can sometimes feel weak

stay strong, do not lose your NC you have worked too hard to start that **** over. be appreciative you have a good girl now.

 

[RoKKo]

Day 90

This will probably be my last post in this thread until she reaches out. Nothing from her and i am happy about it. She is still draining energy by randomly popping up in my mind. Still catching myself having discussions with her about why im better of without her. All i miss about her is the companionship and nothing more. Hopefully this will go away within the next 90 days...

Taking a few steps back and overcomming the pain made me finally see how low-quality this woman actually was. But actually... this situation seems to be the best thing happened to be in my life. It showed me how ****ed up and childish my "adult behaviour" and my life before the "breakup" was. A painful lession indeed. Still got some self-destructive procrastinating behaviour but this will change within this year...

Listening to the Black/Beige Philips Show, spending countless hours in this forum reading the bible, the book of pook, the rational male... helped me overcomming the crisis mentally. Working out 4 times a week and entering the nofap challenge did the physical job (I wanted to try it for 30 days, but i am confident to actually do the 90 days challenge since it should normalize the testosteron level and the damage i dealt to myself due hardcore fappening). Reading stories from other sufferers here helped me to understand that i am not alone with the problem of losing the soulmate-girl of my dreams. Talking to friends actually didnt help me since i felt that they are the same AFCs as i was / probably am now (and their pity felt even more humiliating). Keeping myself busy and always mantra-like remembering that i do this stuff for me and only me helped me to clear some thoughts.

Every sufferer and every single post within the last 3 month helped me to get back my sanity. Thanks everyone. - RoKKo

 

[Carpathian]

@RoKKo
Agreed, speaking to friends is worse than useless. These friends are often married and as in the dark as you were. So they come out with sh1t like "fight for her" and equally pathetic garbage and quickly tire of any discussion of your ex (which is understandable if yo keep going on about it). That's why many DJ's, in this area of their lives, are somehow "different". They do not chase women, over pursue them, text them all day long or tolerate their sh1t if they start giving it.

 

[MrAddiction]

Yes, it seems as if there is one DJ in a thousand men. Nearly impossible to encounter somebody with the same thoughts about Women in your social circle . There are some that seem to get it by their own but they are far from what WE are thinking. I hate to see all those white knights in shining armor. Even if I do not know them I find it obese and digusting. For a little smile from a girl they give away all their power - their attention.
Guess what. None of them is getting any poon of these gals.
And on goes the vicious circle.

Thats why this forum is so important to stay on track.

 

[MrAddiction]

If Weezy wants to contact her again,it's probably BECAUSE HE MISSES HER,NOT BECAUSE the original cause of the breakup was fixed.

I am just reading some older posts, but the question it brings up remains the same.
What I wonder: is there ever a case, where the original cause of the breakup can be fixed?
Today is another day, I miss my ex. I will not contact, because on a logical basis I know no good will come out ever again and I will never be able to trust her again. My Heart just has not realized what my mind already has.

 

[MrAddiction]

No

Thats what I think to.

 

[MrAddiction]

You can't trust her and she can't respect you.

Thats in my case.
But could one imagine a cenario in generell where one can get back with an Ex where they can fix what caused the breakup the first case? I do not think so.

 

[Roober]

Thats in my case.
But could one imagine a cenario in generell where one can get back with an Ex where they can fix what caused the breakup the first case? I do not think so.

Once you begin improving yourself, you will realize that she doesn't deserve you then and certainly not now...

Stay strong man! Go hit the gym and make yourself better. Spend one hour each day pursuing your mission, whatever that may be!

 

[Tony197]

"She's not for you."

Best advice I can give you - and you in turn can give yourself.

Not going to pretend it doesn't suck being lied to and replaced. It does. But really, truly, honestly, ask yourself - Do you want to spend one more second with someone who does that to you? Let alone spend your life and raise kids with that person?

Hopefully you had her at her best, but that person is gone. She's not for you. Now go be better off and happier with someone else.

 

[finality]

day 1

Its been a long year boys. I could write of novel and still would not be enough to sum everything up.

All I can say is when its over.. NC.

I wasn't strong enough. Don't make the same mistake I've made over and over.

 

[MrAddiction]

2,5 month NC - Break up 7.5 month

Instead of getting better it feels worse and worse. I feel so betrayed by that girl and I can not go back Even if she wanted to - but on the other Hand i am graving for the good times, the companionship we had for nearly 8 years- or better said i think we had. Maybe it was all an illussion as I think this Girl was BPD. How ****ing shizophrenic is that. I hate her on one Level and on another i would like to have her here. But I know, that Girl that I want to have here, is only an older version or Even an imagined version of the Girl, that if ever,does not exist any more. Contacting her is no Option. But how can I get rid of this diverging feelings?
In the end of the relationship she did such crappy things that I finaly had no other option than to break up. Eventhough I Do miss her. The Future feels so empty. That **** is driving me crazy.
She already has her new guy moved in and I am sitting here having health Problems and feel lonely. She fcuked up the relationship and is rewarded. Thats what it feels like. Eventhough it is not that way with BPD girls. But fcuk it, I am unhappy and that is important to me.

 

[Roober]

2,5 month NC - Break up 7.5 month

Instead of getting better it feels worse and worse. I feel so betrayed by that girl and I can not go back Even if she wanted to - but on the other Hand i am graving for the good times, the companionship we had for nearly 8 years- or better said i think we had. Maybe it was all an illussion as I think this Girl was BPD. How ****ing shizophrenic is that. I hate her on one Level and on another i would like to have her here. But I know, that Girl that I want to have here, is only an older version or Even an imagined version of the Girl, that if ever,does not exist any more. Contacting her is no Option. But how can I get rid of this diverging feelings?
In the end of the relationship she did such crappy things that I finaly had no other option than to break up. Eventhough I Do miss her. The Future feels so empty. That **** is driving me crazy.
She already has her new guy moved in and I am sitting here having health Problems and feel lonely. She fcuked up the relationship and is rewarded. Thats what it feels like. Eventhough it is not that way with BPD girls. But fcuk it, I am unhappy and that is important to me.

You have to work on yourself man. Focus on just you. Spinning plates won't help alleviate your internal turmoil, it serves as more of a distraction. I was with my girl only 7 months and I still think about her every day, in a much different way now. A break up is similar to someone dying, we have to feel it and go through the process. But we can't just stay there.

A few things..
-pickup a new hobby
-get out with friends and family
-gym gym gym... Helps a ton in so many ways
-do things to make your mind distracted
-block her on EVERYTHING. How do you know her new guy is moved in?
- get rid of or box up any mementos of her
-start journaling when you think of her. Try to figure out what triggers it

 

[MrAddiction]

You have to work on yourself man. Focus on just you. Spinning plates won't help alleviate your internal turmoil, it serves as more of a distraction. I was with my girl only 7 months and I still think about her every day, in a much different way now. A break up is similar to someone dying, we have to feel it and go through the process. But we can't just stay there.

A few things..
-pickup a new hobby
-get out with friends and family
-gym gym gym... Helps a ton in so many ways
-do things to make your mind distracted

As I Said I broke up in June 2016. I did the above things. Lot of travelling. And it was good. As Long as I was busy there was no problem. I saw my ex again in the end of Nov because we had Tickets for a concert. I saw no Problem because I was doing fine. On the concert I was on top and let her see how fine I was doing. That day she invited me to come over and have a look at our former pet. So I visited her. That was the Time I found out the guy I suspected her to have been cheating on me before, what was one reason I finaly broke up, had already moved in. That bytch invited me over and did not tell me she was living together with the guy. WTF. She did not even tell me when I was there, but it was obvious. Maybe she just did that to hurt me. When I left that was day one for NC.
It was a shock - cause for me it prooved all I had suspected before. This guy left his wife for her, moved in with her - all that in less than 5 month? Yeah sure. She told me in September that she was together with this guy. Am I really to believe there was nothing going on before?
However. Visiting her was a big mistake. Or not. Maybe it just showed me that before I might still have had hope, which than was eleminated. So maybe that was at least one good thing. Best for sure might have been to go no contact from the beginning, so that something like that does not happen.
But however I kept on travelling and it was not that big of a problem.

For all you, who just broke up with an Ex, she that als a Warnung example, why NC is important from the begining for you own sanity. You Do mit want to know what is going on in the life of your ex.

Unfortunately I got ill in the middst of december. So no more travelling and no other distractions. So that I am DLTX I had to tAke meds which cause as sideeffects some kinda depressions.
And that was the time, when my mind began to miss her. Being tied at home, feeling alone and missing her. Not being able to work out any more. And so that I had the time, my mind began to think the relationship all over. So on some Level I hate her, and because of my actual situation (stuck at home and not being able to lead my normal live) I also miss her. And its hard to see a future.

What triggers it? I think is that staying at home.

 

[resilient]

What triggers it? I think is that staying at home.

That'll do it. Getting out and having fun with the bros and pursuing hobbies helps a ton in this department. Staying home alone too much will amplify your feeling of loneliness. If your friends aren't readily available see if your city has some fun Meetup.com events you can attend in an interest you like. I like meeting new people all the time too because in the absence of mutual friends, I can put distance from my former life that I spent with the significant other for a decade. It helps to re-establish a new identity for yourself that is fun, outgoing, and more importantly establishes your frame for independence and ability to choose who and when you date when you decide you're ready again.

Day 8
Going out on dates with three separate women last week helped with the oneitis. Might be a record for me, haha. I like having options. They're not HB8+ dates or long term material, yet still helpful to flirt and interact with other faces. I don't feel the urge to text or call the previous chica anymore. Progress.

 

[MrAddiction]

That'll do it. Getting out and having fun with the bros and pursuing hobbies helps a ton in this department. Staying home alone too much will amplify your feeling of loneliness. If your friends aren't readily available see if your city has some fun Meetup.com events you can attend in an interest you like. I like meeting new people all the time too because in the absence of mutual friends, I can put distance from my former life that I spent with the significant other for a decade. It helps to re-establish a new identity for yourself that is fun, outgoing, and more importantly establishes your frame for independence and ability to choose who and when you date when you decide you're ready again.

You are Right. Unfortunately due to Health issues not an option at present....and that is my problem. Sometimes it all comes together.

But the Support of you all helps a lot to set my head straight. Thanks a lot. Good to know one can count on his sosuave family.

 

[Carpathian]

The bottom line is if you loved that girl it will hurt and cast a long shadow. It does not matter what else you are doing in your life or how great things are. We reminisce. When you get home at night after all those great hobbies etc it is still you and your thoughts. Even when you get a new girl, you are not together all the time. And even with the new girl, even if you are in love, the mind can wander sometimes, no matter how great she is. I don't agree with everything he says but I agree with Coach Corey Wayne on this; rejection breeds obsession. Boy is that right. We are human and we have to greave. Anyone who in bravado says otherwise is a liar, or an equally fvkked up human being themselves.

 

[Roober]

You are Right. Unfortunately due to Health issues not an option at present....and that is my problem. Sometimes it all comes together.

But the Support of you all helps a lot to set my head straight. Thanks a lot. Good to know one can count on his sosuave family.

Are health issues really preventing you from doing things? I am not trying to dig into your personal business. But, if you really think about it, is it stopping you from pursuing hobbies? Every hobby? Going to a coffee shop? Walking around the mall? walk in the park? everything?

Many people (and I mean most) use health conditions as a crutch to delay their progress. Put a bandaid on the biznitch and keep progressing!