The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[wonderer]

It's really ****ty but atleast she told you, I prefer to know what I'm getting "into".

Woldve prefered not to have known man kills me to think about it

 

[Daximus]

Thanks, this site helps tremendously. I have been blessed/cursed with an analytical mind where it is a struggle not to resolve things, finish problem solving, puzzles, **** like that so I have trouble not putting all pieces together in situations.

Hi all, fortunate enough to have stumbled across this site today. I'm 3 days into NC after 7 years. I like Exhausted suffer with an analytical mind and find it near impossible to have things left unresolved, it's pure torture. On top of the hammer blow that is being told after 7 years that she's 'not sure anymore'. Living out of a suitacse right now couchsurfing as we share(d) a house.. that I gave my blood sweat and tears to fully renovating over the 5 years we've been there. I was juggling building a business at the same time, near broke me in the porcess (of which was my fault when not being affectionate at the end of each day) and also dealing with her BPD issues. I'm stunned at how many of you have suffered at the hands of a BPD, surely there's a big correlation here? She would blow up all the time, and I would know the second she opened her mouth that she was the 'other' her. It could last a few hours, or a few months in one case, behaviour became cold, emotionless towards me, volatile and super nasty. This time she seems to have been there for about 6 weeks with only a few 'normal' appearances, and then she went as far as giving me the boot a few days ago. No lie, I love her to the ends of the earth, i've known her 10 years, and as i've read here, the highs in these realtionships do keep you hooked, and you suffer the downers blinded by the 'better' them. She's also a cracker, like the kind that everyone would comment on when we were at functions or such, some douchbags not even believeing she was with me (im not the worst looking guy), but she is a 10. This crazy her will have a new guy prob already, but she will eventually snap back at some point and come knocking, I know it. Need to get my head straight before that happens. F$$K it's hard. Her 30th tomorrow, going to be tough not breaking. Saying goodbye to the crazy side is damn easy, when the good side comes back, it's like the purest drug in existance. Long road ahead.

 

[Carpathian]

@Daximus View this as the first day of the rest of your life and try your best (sure it's hard) not to dwell too much on the past. The past is exactly that, what HAS been. The future beckons.

It does not matter how much you loved her. Many of us did our exes too. A relationship is comprised of two people who love EACH OTHER. She wants out? Space? Time to think and all that BS? Let her have it. DO NOT contact her, man. Let HER be the one come looking for you. She may, she may not.

 

[xstang77]

Hi all, fortunate enough to have stumbled across this site today. I'm 3 days into NC after 7 years. I like Exhausted suffer with an analytical mind and find it near impossible to have things left unresolved, it's pure torture. On top of the hammer blow that is being told after 7 years that she's 'not sure anymore'. Living out of a suitacse right now couchsurfing as we share(d) a house.. that I gave my blood sweat and tears to fully renovating over the 5 years we've been there. I was juggling building a business at the same time, near broke me in the porcess (of which was my fault when not being affectionate at the end of each day) and also dealing with her BPD issues. I'm stunned at how many of you have suffered at the hands of a BPD, surely there's a big correlation here? She would blow up all the time, and I would know the second she opened her mouth that she was the 'other' her. It could last a few hours, or a few months in one case, behaviour became cold, emotionless towards me, volatile and super nasty. This time she seems to have been there for about 6 weeks with only a few 'normal' appearances, and then she went as far as giving me the boot a few days ago. No lie, I love her to the ends of the earth, i've known her 10 years, and as i've read here, the highs in these realtionships do keep you hooked, and you suffer the downers blinded by the 'better' them. She's also a cracker, like the kind that everyone would comment on when we were at functions or such, some douchbags not even believeing she was with me (im not the worst looking guy), but she is a 10. This crazy her will have a new guy prob already, but she will eventually snap back at some point and come knocking, I know it. Need to get my head straight before that happens. F$$K it's hard. Her 30th tomorrow, going to be tough not breaking. Saying goodbye to the crazy side is damn easy, when the good side comes back, it's like the purest drug in existance. Long road ahead.

Stay strong brother I went through the bpd hell myself I know the withdraws your going through right now, if you need someone to talk to feel free to message me, it certainly helped me having people to talk to when going through it.

 

[Roober]

Hi all, fortunate enough to have stumbled across this site today. I'm 3 days into NC after 7 years. I like Exhausted suffer with an analytical mind and find it near impossible to have things left unresolved, it's pure torture. On top of the hammer blow that is being told after 7 years that she's 'not sure anymore'. Living out of a suitacse right now couchsurfing as we share(d) a house.. that I gave my blood sweat and tears to fully renovating over the 5 years we've been there. I was juggling building a business at the same time, near broke me in the porcess (of which was my fault when not being affectionate at the end of each day) and also dealing with her BPD issues. I'm stunned at how many of you have suffered at the hands of a BPD, surely there's a big correlation here? She would blow up all the time, and I would know the second she opened her mouth that she was the 'other' her. It could last a few hours, or a few months in one case, behaviour became cold, emotionless towards me, volatile and super nasty. This time she seems to have been there for about 6 weeks with only a few 'normal' appearances, and then she went as far as giving me the boot a few days ago. No lie, I love her to the ends of the earth, i've known her 10 years, and as i've read here, the highs in these realtionships do keep you hooked, and you suffer the downers blinded by the 'better' them. She's also a cracker, like the kind that everyone would comment on when we were at functions or such, some douchbags not even believeing she was with me (im not the worst looking guy), but she is a 10. This crazy her will have a new guy prob already, but she will eventually snap back at some point and come knocking, I know it. Need to get my head straight before that happens. F$$K it's hard. Her 30th tomorrow, going to be tough not breaking. Saying goodbye to the crazy side is damn easy, when the good side comes back, it's like the purest drug in existance. Long road ahead.

Several of us here have been through it. I can tell you complete no contact is the best way to go about it. Read, talk to people, and start meeting women when you are ready.

 

[Daximus]

Really appreciate all the support guys, wish i'd checked in sooner as I f**ked up and am so p**sed at myself now. She messaged me late last night, the 'better' her, appealing to all my vulnerable senses, using old pet names etc. I buckled, it was late, I'd had a s**tty day, and only being a few days in, am at my weakest. We engaged in a short txt convo as she messaged to tell me my new passport was delivered. I had to reply, and started with being really short and blunt, just to organise collecting my passport, but then I caved and started talking about things, only a couple messages, but then she went cold and knew instantly i'd screwed up. Back to day 1 for me. Feeling a little stronger based on how p**sed I am at myself though which I figure is good. I still have to move most of my stuff out, but going back there is going to be a killer... what would you suggest, get it done now whilst at my weakest and most likely to falter, or wait until resistance has built up after more time NC but risk going backwards?? A tough one.

 

[Roober]

Really appreciate all the support guys, wish i'd checked in sooner as I f**ked up and am so p**sed at myself now. She messaged me late last night, the 'better' her, appealing to all my vulnerable senses, using old pet names etc. I buckled, it was late, I'd had a s**tty day, and only being a few days in, am at my weakest. We engaged in a short txt convo as she messaged to tell me my new passport was delivered. I had to reply, and started with being really short and blunt, just to organise collecting my passport, but then I caved and started talking about things, only a couple messages, but then she went cold and knew instantly i'd screwed up. Back to day 1 for me. Feeling a little stronger based on how p**sed I am at myself though which I figure is good. I still have to move most of my stuff out, but going back there is going to be a killer... what would you suggest, get it done now whilst at my weakest and most likely to falter, or wait until resistance has built up after more time NC but risk going backwards?? A tough one.

Get all your stuff asap. Write off anything you don't get. Then never contact her again.

 

[Andreas]

Hey fellas first post here, figured I'd join in this 'challenge'.

An old fling (who has a new boyfriend/fwb) contacts me every 3 weeks it seems. I didn't reply to her last message, but I replied to the one previous to that. Being the sadistic goofball I am I still check out her Facebook from time to time and look at photos of me and her. Positively, I haven't opened any of her Snapchat stories and the anger has been driving my gym gains well.

Starting today I will:

• Ignore her messages (facebook, text messages, snapchat etc.)
• Not check her facebook
• Not open her snapchat stories
• Not look at photos of me and her

If I have forgotten anything I'll make an update to this post. Wish me luck!

 

[5chm1dd1]

It's been 4 1/2 months since she left me.
No contact or anything since then.

She's still on my mind every day, even though I've started to approach girls (with success) and focusing on my life. Also I'm busy every day with sports, other Hobbys, trips and so on.

Why the hell is it so hard to get over your first love ffs?

 

[Roober]

It's been 4 1/2 months since she left me.
No contact or anything since then.

She's still on my mind every day, even though I've started to approach girls (with success) and focusing on my life. Also I'm busy every day with sports, other Hobbys, trips and so on.

Why the hell is it so hard to get over your first love ffs?

Ends up like a drug addiction. Talking to other women helps immensely. Really gives you perspective on your ex and knocks her off that pedestal and helps with your confidence. If your ready, get out there, maybe start with OLD or cold approaching random people. Just strike up conversations with women, you don't even have to number close.

At two months, I can say that I still think about my ex every day, but I don't really get that longing feelings for her any more. I have even had a couple days where I don't recall even thinking of her. If at 4 months, you are still driving yourself crazy for her, you need to really start focusing on yourself. Gym, read, work, whatever...

 

[5chm1dd1]

Ends up like a drug addiction. Talking to other women helps immensely. Really gives you perspective on your ex and knocks her off that pedestal and helps with your confidence. If your ready, get out there, maybe start with OLD or cold approaching random people. Just strike up conversations with women, you don't even have to number close.

Well, I've been approaching other chicks, that's not the problem.

I guess it's only the fact that she was my first love which is holding me back.
This summer I'm going to be busy af, multiple festivals and trips to other countries, so yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
Let's see how things are going to develop, I'm not that disappointed with my progress, even though I still sometimes wish that it would be over

 

[Roober]

Well, I've been approaching other chicks, that's not the problem.

I guess it's only the fact that she was my first love which is holding me back.
This summer I'm going to be busy af, multiple festivals and trips to other countries, so yeah, I'm looking forward to that.
Let's see how things are going to develop, I'm not that disappointed with my progress, even though I still sometimes wish that it would be over

She was a life lesson, nothing more... think about if you would have stayed together. You would not get the opportunities you have now.

 

[Mick88]

Day 135

So I've had NC with the woman from last summer/autumn. I'm finally beginning to feel I'm over it. Every now and again I reminisce about the times we had together.
However, I'm realising now that the woman I invested in never existed, I idealized and projected everything I desire in a woman onto her.

I ignored so many red flags, right from the first date. I completely misjudged this woman.

The reality is that this woman:
- Has a history of violence/ threats of violence
- Claimed she was raped
- Has serious daddy issues
- Is on anti anxiety/depression medication
- Major ups and downs in mood
- Is highly promiscuous
- Gets what she wants out of someone then splits
- Is an attention/validation ***** aka lots of orbiters, still speaks to exes, highly flirtatous with guys.

I can see this now that I've got her out from under my skin. I think its highly likely she has BPD. I felt that her ditching me was a reflection of my worth, however I now realise that with her issues, it doesnt.

However, I've learn a few things:
- Never put a woman first ahead of yourself
- Don't ignore your gut, it bypasses your horniness and rationalization of red flags
- A woman who still talks to exes cannot be trusted, it indicates either they aren't over them or love the validation of their exes wanting them back.

This one went out on a date about a week after she ditched me with her ex who was begging for her back when I was seeing her, however, another week after that she hooked up with another guy.

Trying to make sense of a crazy woman like this can mess with your mind for a long time, I've just accepted that hoes will be hoes and you don't have to let them affect your self worth or sense of self.

 

[MrAddiction]

NC for two month

Hey guys,

I broke up in Juli with my what I suppose BPD ex after an 8year LTR because I thought she was kinda cheating.
Last time i saw her was two month ago. That time she already had her new Boyfriend - the guy I sensed she was cheating on me before - living together with her. He broke up with his wife for her and is 10 years oder than her.
Till then i thought I could handle the breakup. But seeiing that that guy had already moved in gave me a servere setback. I did not to back to zero in regards to recovering After breakup - I went back to -10!
Since then - the two month now - i have no contact. I did not respond to christmas greetings nor to some other bull****.

I feel like a moxxxerfcuking Heroinaddict! I know what **** she pulled me through- thats why I ended the LTR, but part of me still longs for her or the good things she did - or I thought she did. Especially the Last Free Werks have been hard because I got several ill, had to stay at home where WE lived together before an nobody there - feeling alone. On top: the meds I had to take did cause some kinda Depression an a known sideeffect. Due to that I relived the hole bull**** of the end of the LTR again.
I should hatte her - but I seem not to be able;-(( ...like a heroinaddict.

The day before yesterday she textet, whether I would celebrate my birthday, which is today. I ignored that. Thought what the fcuk. What does she think, to come and celebrate with me? With her new Boyfriend? But Even without him? What should that be like? Her telling of her new life?
Today she called and left a message, wishing me a happy birthday with some notion of me not responding to her texts, which definately pissed her Off in some way, and maybe sh would call again later.

What am I suppose to Do?
No contact or a small thank you?
If i will nor respond, she might Freaks out on me when she might see me next time in the Gym?
...and on the other hand I am afraid to never ever hear of her again...

I feel just fcuked:-(

Thanks for your help!

MrAddict

 

[finality]

NC for two month

Hey guys,

I broke up in Juli with my what I suppose BPD ex after an 8year LTR because I thought she was kinda cheating.
Last time i saw her was two month ago. That time she already had her new Boyfriend - the guy I sensed she was cheating on me before - living together with her. He broke up with his wife for her and is 10 years oder than her.
Till then i thought I could handle the breakup. But seeiing that that guy had already moved in gave me a servere setback. I did not to back to zero in regards to recovering After breakup - I went back to -10!
Since then - the two month now - i have no contact. I did not respond to christmas greetings nor to some other bull****.

I feel like a moxxxerfcuking Heroinaddict! I know what **** she pulled me through- thats why I ended the LTR, but part of me still longs for her or the good things she did - or I thought she did. Especially the Last Free Werks have been hard because I got several ill, had to stay at home where WE lived together before an nobody there - feeling alone. On top: the meds I had to take did cause some kinda Depression an a known sideeffect. Due to that I relived the hole bull**** of the end of the LTR again.
I should hatte her - but I seem not to be able;-(( ...like a heroinaddict.

The day before yesterday she textet, whether I would celebrate my birthday, which is today. I ignored that. Thought what the fcuk. What does she think, to come and celebrate with me? With her new Boyfriend? But Even without him? What should that be like? Her telling of her new life?
Today she called and left a message, wishing me a happy birthday with some notion of me not responding to her texts, which definately pissed her Off in some way, and maybe sh would call again later.

What am I suppose to Do?
No contact or a small thank you?
If i will nor respond, she might Freaks out on me when she might see me next time in the Gym?
...and on the other hand I am afraid to never ever hear of her again...

I feel just fcuked:-(

Thanks for your help!

MrAddict

Ghost her for life. Easier said than done.. realistically you already know this is the only right answer but its hard. Do not respond to any texts or calls.. you will only regret it. Let her live her life with her new boyfriend and be miserable. Do not give her the satisfaction that you are still reachable.

 

[xstang77]

Day 29, Fvck me sideways, banged my bpd ex again last night now that I've learned how to handle her for an occasion booty call, made her come 6 times in a row, I was hoping new year new Pvssy but still working on that.

 

[Roober]

Ghost her for life. Easier said than done.. realistically you already know this is the only right answer but its hard. Do not respond to any texts or calls.. you will only regret it. Let her live her life with her new boyfriend and be miserable. Do not give her the satisfaction that you are still reachable.

Agreed! If her new boyfriend was any good, she woouldn't even reach out to you...

 

[Carpathian]

Ghost her for life. Easier said than done.. realistically you already know this is the only right answer but its hard. Do not respond to any texts or calls.. you will only regret it. Let her live her life with her new boyfriend and be miserable. Do not give her the satisfaction that you are still reachable.

^^^^^Absolutely this. If she knows you are reachable then it's a safety net in her mind.

 

[Carpathian]

Day 29, Fvck me sideways, banged my bpd ex again last night now that I've learned how to handle her for an occasion booty call, made her come 6 times in a row, I was hoping new year new Pvssy but still working on that.

Not good dude, even if you did get laid. You will never move on if you keep banging her. It will keep you tied to the past and the pvssy from the past. You should be thinking about new pvssy my friend.....

 

[Roober]

2.5 months

not sure why this morning, but thought about my ex quite a bit on the drive to work... Just kind of wondering what she is up to? I have written off all social media since Christmas, so that is not even there any more... Just saying guys, stay strong with the no contact. She won't ever be truly gone, but you have to realize she did you a favor! She gave you the pain to find answers on SS, and you will be better for it in every part of your life...