The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drej0238]

So guys I think its been about 4 months since I posted here. I did read posts for support but then stopped visiting the thread, however the support has allowed me to reach day 170 and hopefully that will keep going up and up so thank you.

Feelings have totally dissipated and the want to see her has totally faded. Only thing is I do have flashbacks couple times a day of things that happened during the breakup and sometimes her face comes into my head, but no feeling are generated by thinking these things and its only for like seconds then it goes away. I dont know if this is natural or if these thoughts will just slowly start to decline after more and more time.

I used to read posts from guys who said that you will be kicking yourself over the fact that you found it so hard to drop a girl at the start, and I am kicking myself over it. It is easy guys, honestly, you'll get over it. Im going to stay firm with my decision to keep her out of my life no matter what arises in the future, but it looks to me like the feeling is mutual between us both right now, which I am so greatful for, it made things a lot easier.

 

[Tony197]

Love Corey Wayne.

A lot of the stuff on Red Pill, SoSauve, etc. can be a little...dark, lets say. Wayne's just like - "Dude, chill out. Have fun." That's vital to remember.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I'm in the minority. Can't stand this clown and snake oil salesman Corey Wayne.

 

[xstang77]

Today is officially my 60 days!! Someone take me for a steak and beers lol. I don't want her anymore and I have a second date with a cool girl this week.

 

[Adz--]

Day2\ Hello again SoSuave

Yesterday I blocked her off everything.
The day before is the last time we spoke, we broke up over a month ago now. Was the second and last time getting back together with her.

She's BPD or got parts of the following:
Narccissistic Personality Disorder
-Bipolar- definitely, it's easy for her to switch moods or for her to control her anger.
-Clinical Depression- yeah she has this but doesn't want help.
-Schizoeffective disorder- pretty sure she has this too in one shape or form.
-PTSD- don't know what this is
-Multiple personality Disorder- yepp


Long story short this is how it happened.

She goes out with her friends, can't get into a bar where she is banned from. Goes to McDonald's with her friends and calls me up upset. Told her to go with her friends, she says no. Tells me to come to her after a while, I said no, cos I have a 9am start at college the next day and it's the final few days till I hand the last work in. She lashes out on the phone (whilst being drunk) says she's gonna kill herself etc. Argument continues.
Next day I go to her and say I need some space, list out **** with her. She asks are u sick and tired of me? I say yes a little bit.

Everything is fine for 2 weeks, she goes back to her home city. We talk through the day but not as Intense as before. I get to see my family, friends and do things I wanted to do before.

After this she lashes out again over the same things we spoke about. When we talked about it all. She said I'm so angry over this and upset, I don't feel like talking to you.
I still continue to make an effort.
I now have an operation Schuduled. She couldn't come and see me cos her wisdom teeth got taken out. (however I've been to see her everytime she was in hospital or been there for her in anyway)
She said she'd come after she's better. Asks for space and she argues over petty ****.
She ended up going out with one of her friends, and stayed out for 4 days.
Come back and breaks up with me.

Then over the next few weeks it's a series of her calling me up or messaging me saying she wants to meet, saying I hate you, threating me cos I don't respond to her messages or calls and been told and seen that she's with another guy. Argues and makes a big issue of meeting up by herself. Goes crazy cos she wants her book back. I ignore and drop it off after 5 days. Get bs for that. Then she asks who I dropped it off to. I responded and then blocked her off everything.

There's more but this is the short version with bits left out.


Part of me hates this woman. Part of me misses her even after what she put me through. I feel like crap and can't get this toxic woman out of my head.

Adz--

 

[Firestar786]

Just hit 60 days.

Drinks on me lol.

Funny thing is I never think of her at all which is quite funny lol.

I think of other girls now.

Will give a more thorough week by week update this weekend

 

[dude99]

Day2\ Hello again SoSuave

Yesterday I blocked her off everything.
The day before is the last time we spoke, we broke up over a month ago now. Was the second and last time getting back together with her.

She's BPD or got parts of the following:
Narccissistic Personality Disorder
-Bipolar- definitely, it's easy for her to switch moods or for her to control her anger.
-Clinical Depression- yeah she has this but doesn't want help.
-Schizoeffective disorder- pretty sure she has this too in one shape or form.
-PTSD- don't know what this is
-Multiple personality Disorder- yepp


Long story short this is how it happened.

She goes out with her friends, can't get into a bar where she is banned from. Goes to McDonald's with her friends and calls me up upset. Told her to go with her friends, she says no. Tells me to come to her after a while, I said no, cos I have a 9am start at college the next day and it's the final few days till I hand the last work in. She lashes out on the phone (whilst being drunk) says she's gonna kill herself etc. Argument continues.
Next day I go to her and say I need some space, list out **** with her. She asks are u sick and tired of me? I say yes a little bit.

Everything is fine for 2 weeks, she goes back to her home city. We talk through the day but not as Intense as before. I get to see my family, friends and do things I wanted to do before.

After this she lashes out again over the same things we spoke about. When we talked about it all. She said I'm so angry over this and upset, I don't feel like talking to you.
I still continue to make an effort.
I now have an operation Schuduled. She couldn't come and see me cos her wisdom teeth got taken out. (however I've been to see her everytime she was in hospital or been there for her in anyway)
She said she'd come after she's better. Asks for space and she argues over petty ****.
She ended up going out with one of her friends, and stayed out for 4 days.
Come back and breaks up with me.

Then over the next few weeks it's a series of her calling me up or messaging me saying she wants to meet, saying I hate you, threating me cos I don't respond to her messages or calls and been told and seen that she's with another guy. Argues and makes a big issue of meeting up by herself. Goes crazy cos she wants her book back. I ignore and drop it off after 5 days. Get bs for that. Then she asks who I dropped it off to. I responded and then blocked her off everything.

There's more but this is the short version with bits left out.


Part of me hates this woman. Part of me misses her even after what she put me through. I feel like crap and can't get this toxic woman out of my head.

Adz--

Dude breathe the fresh air. Now that she is out enjoy the no contact. This girl doesnt want a relationship. She wants someone to keep her entertained.

 

[Carpathian]

I'm in the minority. Can't stand this clown and snake oil salesman Corey Wayne.

I like a lot of his stuff, it is common sense and translates well into my Slovak culture. However, sometimes the things he suggests I feel are far too open and naive. Like when he suggests saying to the girl (who dumped you) and is starting to miss you and coming back round (they nearly all do btw) "Hey babe, nice to hear from you I 'd love to see you...." etc. In my opinion, that is far too open and forgiving to someone who has treated you like sh1t and is the green light for her to continue to mess you about and do the same things again because she'll think you are soft and have no backbone. You have to ignore her and make her work hard again to get you back. I do agree though about his saying you walk and never look back. That is 100% the truth.

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 1

Went out like a boss.

Got back with my ex on a quasi relationship / FWB basis. Wasn't feeling it. Too many doubts on both sides and could sense the full commitment wasn't there, which is why I felt no guilt in spinning and fcking other plates. In the 2 weeks she's been with me her rebound was blowing up her phone, crying about how confused he was that she could ignore him, etc. Saw the texts so I felt assured, but cautious. I wasn't going to take her out of that box that said "casual" in my mind. Yesterday she is showing me a video on her phone when a text from him pops up with a smiley. Remember that scene in The Godfather where Michael tells his brother in law "look I know you played a hand in Sonny's death. Don't insult my intelligence. Just be honest and we can let this slide since I understand your motivations". Well, I played that same tune with her and it actually worked.

Turns out, she went out with friends the night before and he text her. She entertained his attention. She was honest. Didn't feel like she could give 100% right now because of all the sh*t that's happened, especially with the way her family feel about me. I could appreciate that. Pondered on it and realised the benefits just didn't outweigh the costs and lack of peace of mind. I realised I was in love with what I thought she could be, not what she actually is now. Appreciated that she didn't want to be seen as that girl who gets back with the cheating, abusive ex bf. Plates or no plates 3 years is hard to erase and "waiting for her to figure things out" (aka having all the costs of a relationship with very few of the benefits) just didn't sit well with me. We went to sleep. I woke early and wrote her a letter and left it on the pillow.


This ain't working. I wanted you to myself. Man don't share!

I didn't sign up to get cuckolded in broad daylight. Was happy to play the patient, supportive boyfriend, but not while you're still hoeing yourself out there. You must have me confused with someone who has zero self-respect.

Learn the true value of:
Respect
Loyalty
Integrity
(If you're even capable of doing so...)

Good luck! Auf Wiedersehen! Love you!

D


I was working in the next room when a few hours later I heard a massive scream. Pretty agonising. I go in and she's torn the letter up and angrily getting her stuff together. I try and hug her but she pushes me away. I get my headphones put on some music, go into another room and just stare out the window as she collects her stuff kicking a few things in the process. She slams the door hard on her way out. I'm listening to "Love will tear us apart" by Joy Division. I take off my headphones and smile. Finally free.

 

[Adz--]

Day 6- Feel confused and messed up- Advice needed

Yesterday i got off my lazy ass and went to the gym and worked on my hobby. It felt great.
Over the last 3 nights I've had intense dreams about my ex. I miss some part of her but i don't know what. I refuse to entertain the thought of getting back with her because it will ruin me, my life and everything around me. It will also play right into her hand and her ego.
No matter what i do i can't get this toxic woman out of my mind.

I feel frustrated that this is happening, a small part of me wants her back, another part wants rid of her forever, another misses her company, touch, smile etc, another hates her guts, another wants her as a friend.
I've also noticed that I'm still attached to her family for some reason, they never did anything wrong to me and they all loved me and thought highly of me. I've remained NC with all of her family and her, she's still blocked off all my social media, deleted and blocked her number too.

This feeling is driving me mad though. I've also got issues at home and with my education, i assume all of this has a factor to play in it all.
I'm trying to keep myself busy by maintaining a routine for gym and my hobbies and going to plan some meditation in it as well.

Any advice would be much appreciated right now.
adz--

 

[SuccessIsDestiny]

DAY 40

I'm seeing things clearer although I'm still having thoughts of her. It's odd because her friends are still reaching out to me. Literally left it at that. Focusing on work and getting back to djing. I've got a couple plates lined up this week as well. Looking to forward to hitting 60 days.

@Adz-- Keep up the good work you're doing the right thing with social media and working on yourself. You and your piece of mind are the most important things right now. Look at everyday as an accomplishment. Trust me each day gets a bit easier and you forget about her. Recognizing that you've got a problem with home and education is clarity right there. Work on yourself because she isn't the answer.

 

[Tony197]

40 days No Contact.

I know this is a violation of No Contact, but I was on Pinterest (don't judge - it's great for advertising), and saw that she shared one of my pins. An inspirational quote. I went down the rabbit hole and saw that most everything on her "Quotes" board was about self-esteem, self-affirmation, and "letting go." This despite the fact she's "FB official" with someone else already. One pin linked to a page about "letting him go" and getting over the pain of a breakup...is this the validation I was looking for all along? After 40 days NC, I don't want her back anymore, per se. I'll gladly take back what we had, but that's just not possible. I think all I want to know is that what we had meant something to her...was this it?

Still going NC. The only way out is through. I just don't want to care anymore, y'know? Gettin' there.

 

[Johnnythemac]

Been reading this thread for a while...
My situation like the majority here.
One minute im her "future husband" shes "so in love w me", im helping her with family things. Next she is provoking fights and im an *******?
3 weeks after she dumped me, a friend sent me a screencap of her new fb posting.. in a relationship with a new guy!! I knew something was up. She contacted me to apologize etc. I said simply. Dont contact me to ease her guilt.
I told her she was lying lowlife piece of garbage, that im not second to anyone and he can have her. Day 22 NC. **** HER.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Today is officially my 60 days!! Someone take me for a steak and beers lol. I don't want her anymore and I have a second date with a cool girl this week.

Good for you! I am at day 86 and counting!

 

[Firestar786]

Can I just say to you guys - NO CONTACT is a tool used to move on from your ex and forget her.

This is not a tool to bring her back to you in a more submissive or adoring state.

This is a tool to move your life forward from an evil woman who otherwise would ruin your life.
This is a tool to use the anger/hurt from a failed relationship to propel yourself into something new and better so you can find a better lady/plates in the future.

I personally implemented NO CONTACT because my ex-LTR was a lying, manipulating, two faced, selfish motherf0cking b1tch. There is no future with me and such a woman. This is enough to give me the motivation to never dial her number, SMS her, facebook stalk her or even think about where she is and who shes even being f0cked by.

There are thousands if not millions of better, more quality women out there for men such as ourselves than to accept being with some evil witch, and pining over the evil witch when it didnt work in our favour.

#nuffsaid

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Can I just say to you guys - NO CONTACT is a tool used to move on from your ex and forget her.

This is not a tool to bring her back to you in a more submissive or adoring state.

This is a tool to move your life forward from an evil woman who otherwise would ruin your life.
This is a tool to use the anger/hurt from a failed relationship to propel yourself into something new and better so you can find a better lady/plates in the future.

I personally implemented NO CONTACT because my ex-LTR was a lying, manipulating, two faced, selfish motherf0cking b1tch. There is no future with me and such a woman. This is enough to give me the motivation to never dial her number, SMS her, facebook stalk her or even think about where she is and who shes even being f0cked by.

There are thousands if not millions of better, more quality women out there for men such as ourselves than to accept being with some evil witch, and pining over the evil witch when it didnt work in our favour.

#nuffsaid

Preach brother!! Amen!
True NC is hard. I've mostly just half assed dabbled in it to spark some imaginary new interest from a fading rose. That's not going to work, at least long term. True NC is forever. I'm counting the days still but at some point I will stop. NC is game over. It was over anyway but at least this way you feel like half a man with a shred of dignity

 

[xstang77]

Good for you! I am at day 86 and counting!

Thanks man same to you, feels pretty liberating to be out of her spell and actually open to what a real woman is now.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

Thanks man same to you, feels pretty liberating to be out of her spell and actually open to what a real woman is now.

I had a big moment yesterday when I discovered she put "in a relationship" on her FB, but instead of giving in to the temptation to contact her, even if only to get in her face, I deactivated ALL of my social media accounts. The only thing she can do is call or text me now, and I know she won't b/c she's afraid to get caught by her prison-record-having new boyfriend. So I went mother of all NC's. Even Ghostbusters can't draw me out at the moment.

 

[Grozer Compozer]

Update: Day 13 NC, 70 days since breakup

My post above was at 2 months NC, then I caved and contacted her. Since then it's been 13 days.

So I went NC for a solid two months, she contacted me a few times during that period. In the mean time, I started seeing other women. I even sat down and wrote a list of qualities I was looking for in a woman. Unfortunately, that list of qualities basically described my ex. I started to miss her and made contact 13 days ago. What a mistake! It has a domino effect. This is why we NC. As soon as I spoke with her again, I started thinking about her. Alot. Her pics popped up on a mutual friends FB feed and it drove me crazy with longing. Now I have a hard time forgetting about her since breaking NC.

At the same time, I met another amazing woman who is totally into me. Possibly the best secks of my life, we workout together, and she shows high interest. The painful irony of all this is that when I was with my ex I didn't want her, and wanted other women. Now I am with another woman who (at least on paper) is a perfect match, but I miss the ex. What the hell? I judge all other women against the positive qualities of my ex (adventurous, fun, dependable, affectionate, intelligent) and somehow forget the negative qualities (bossy, controlling, feminist). Maybe this is a common problem.

In the mean time, I got the Corey Wayne audiobook. His stuff is good. I wish I had discovered it earlier. Good luck fellow NCers! I fell into a rough spot at 70 days and would just like to suggest that seeing other women does not always help you get over an ex. In fact, sometimes it makes it worse as you compare the new girl with your oneitis.

 

[Floydispink01]

Can I just say to you guys - NO CONTACT is a tool used to move on from your ex and forget her.

This is not a tool to bring her back to you in a more submissive or adoring state.

This is a tool to move your life forward from an evil woman who otherwise would ruin your life.
This is a tool to use the anger/hurt from a failed relationship to propel yourself into something new and better so you can find a better lady/plates in the future.

I personally implemented NO CONTACT because my ex-LTR was a lying, manipulating, two faced, selfish motherf0cking b1tch. There is no future with me and such a woman. This is enough to give me the motivation to never dial her number, SMS her, facebook stalk her or even think about where she is and who shes even being f0cked by.

There are thousands if not millions of better, more quality women out there for men such as ourselves than to accept being with some evil witch, and pining over the evil witch when it didnt work in our favour.

#nuffsaid

Right on bro.

If your in the process of NC and expect a reaction from her then be honest with yourself. If you don't get a call, text or any kind of contact from her - will this upset you? If so, your doing NC for the wrong reason and your stopping yourself from moving on.

She's moved on.

I learnt the hard way with this.

Onwards and upwards fella's.