The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[MrWood]

I fully know she at least was fvcking another dude.
NC has been for me, and has worked mostly, except this cvnt has hit my high score list in a bad way... I'm 50yo!
she was never persistent or initiated much even before or during our relationship, high functioning introvert
she continues to like my pics/updates on FB even that I have not anything to hers

my gut says ignoring the breadcrumb is response to her that I want no contact or anything to do with her, although no words were ever spoken to suggest otherwise during our brief breakup talks

and yes, she brought me here and is why I am posting before sending anything

 

[Carpathian]

@MrWood You are right, make your mistakes here, share your thoughts and let us help you before you do anything crazy like reaching out to her to get a reaction. That's what we are on this forum for. @BeTheChange is exactly right, she must be making the effort here. You can't manipulate your way back into a relationship, she has to want you! You want a woman that thinks "Oh yes, I am seeing MrWood" tonight not a "meh" woman who sees you as something to be tolerated.

At the end of the day dude, you have to do what your gut instinct tells you to do. But I am pretty sure if you send that message you'll get some weak wishy-washy response followed by silence.

And 50 is the new 40 by the way. Don't put yourself down. I am 48 and have never looked as good or been as professional or competent. I'm even very happy as well though my ex dumping me has taken the edge off of me for a few months. I will be back!

 

[MrWood]

yea heh, I get more and younger ass than I ever did
which is why this one partially fvcked my head so bad

I am also aware that I am the prize... thanks for the support all

she is now 32, still looks 26 without makeup HB8 and really threw off my age range factor!

bah!

 

[dude99]

I fully know she at least was fvcking another dude.
NC has been for me, and has worked mostly, except this cvnt has hit my high score list in a bad way... I'm 50yo!
she was never persistent or initiated much even before or during our relationship, high functioning introvert
she continues to like my pics/updates on FB even that I have not anything to hers

my gut says ignoring the breadcrumb is response to her that I want no contact or anything to do with her, although no words were ever spoken to suggest otherwise during our brief breakup talks

and yes, she brought me here and is why I am posting before sending anything

Stay no contact. If you initiate anything all you are going to do is be entertainment for her. Don't do that to yourself

 

[MrWood]

@LYD
thank you, and you are partially right. I do have validation issues and a little of that is there in this.
there was no closure, which is fine if we are forever in NC, I will not be a friend, we did not part in a raging fight or begging her back.
Spoken then was there may be opportunity yet down the road for us when we said goodbye, 6mo has past now, 5 from any real words exchanged between us... and parting shot fired from her by silence after our last Skype call in Feb that was very disrespectful after the previous days attempt went well, and she offered to call back... resulting in a 180 flip from her and *crickets*.

On my birthday in early March she called by phone and we briefly spoke (my 50th and I was at a dubstep concert in Seattle). My parting words were..
"If you want to talk, call me"

so I guess she hasn't called... NC

 

[Gaysha]

I'm new here. Read a lot of threads about NC and currently doing it.

My ex girlfriend and I (same-sex relationship) met on a online dating site which also has a forum. After 4 months and some complications (she dropped out of college in my city and went to another one which is 180kms far), I decided to visit her there and we started our long distance relationship.
Everything was going great but there were red flags which I obviously didn't want to see...
Long story short, she broke up with me on April 21st, I told her 'okay, I respect your decision, I'm gonna go now'. I actually got into NC without knowing it. She sends me a message 2 days after asking me how I was, how she made a mistake so we got back together.

Second breakup was on May 21st. We both decided that was the best thing to do - I was insecure, didn't trust her (she gave me reasons not to trust her by saying how she will do all these things but never ended doing them), she was f**** up because of her parents' divorce etc., a lot of reasons.
Talked for a week when I decided to stop all that because she indirectly told me she doesn't want to come to my city because the priority is to go to another city for a music festival so yeah...
I sent her a text a week after that, she was cold and distant. On June 19th, I ask her can we see each other one last time, she says she doesn't want to, she would be bored... she also said she put up her emotional walls once again (removed them for me) and she won't remove them ever again for no one, and also "I don't need anyone's love".
Then I decided I won't be her puppy (I never offended her, everything I said about her bad sides was because I wanted her to work on herself, for example I told her how she constantly talks about losing weight and training and then eats 2 f****** pineapples a day... and never hits the gym). When I say I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna do it.

Anyway, I went NC after that texting on June 19th.
Today is my 18th day and I am doing great.
I have regained my self-confidence, started going out more, finishing my college (she passed 0 EXAMS on her new college, she is very lazy and used to getting everything she wants, grew up in a very rich family), lost a couple of pounds, feeling good... damn, I'm gonna be a doctor in 10 months. I'm young (24), healthy, good looking, good friends, family that supports me (and knows I'm gay)...
On the other hand, she is 21, really put on a lot of weight past couple of months (around 33 pounds), going nowhere with her college, pretty asocial so doesn't go out much, her family would kill her if they ever found out she was gay BUT she has a lot of money haha. She really is a good person but doesn't know what to do with her life, very lazy.

I know NC is for healing yourself, and I am doing that, but I want to feel that moment when she reaches me and asks something...
During NC period, she started posting some things on forum where we first met (because she knows I'm still there and can read it), something like 'you are so cute, I don't know will I ask you out' (talking about some girl she is obviously texting), she also plays LoL with her which she used to play only with me.
She has a pattern of running away from problems, like when her parents were divorcing she was constantly on that forum and ignored me and her best friend. I think she is doing the same thing now, with those posts to make me jealous...

So, what do you guys say about this? Do you think she will reach out for me?

 

[Carpathian]

@Gaysha welcome fellow medic I'm in cardiology!
No one can say for sure if she will reach out. This is not precise science like me and you study. However, all evidence points to the fact that complete separation from the person who dumped you is the way to go if you want that person to reconsider that choice to finish with you. Total no contact, is the most tried and tested way that causes the dumper to reach out because it causes them to miss you and re-evaluate their feelings for you It *can* take many months for this to happen, years sometimes. However, sometimes they don't reach out and you need to understand this. Also, think long term. If she dumped you, what makes you think that, if your dreams come true and she reaches out, she won't dump you again in the future because of her feelings of control and power over you since "she" is the one who gave you the other chance??? Think about this very carefully and reverse the psychology..... YOU MUST BE THE ONE GIVING THE OTHER CHANCE!!!!! YOU must be NC so that the radio silence you are giving her causes HER to reach out to YOU.

Use NC primarily as a tool to help you get over your partner. It may have the side effect of bringing her back round. But you have to be very, very patient.

We are all here to help and going through this ourselves. 14 weeks in my case.

 

[Glassguy]

Don't be completely fooled about NC. It's for the person that got dumped to have space to heal and overcome. It doesn't always result in the dumper chasing you. I would say way more times than not they won't come back and chase because something happened to turn them away. That won't change

 

[MrWood]

not easy...
want to reply...
help...

 

[Carpathian]

@LiveYourDream Great post. I agree, this is sort of unintentionally developing into a "how can I use NC to get my ex back" thread. I could l have been guilty of contributing to that, inadvertently and regrettably by discussing my own NC journey by discussing my past experiences of "absence makes the heart get fonder" (does that make sense in English?)
I agree totally what you say, NC should always be used primarily to detach from the ex so yo can move on with your life. People on the thread should always be aware of this. NC breaks the destructive cycle.

 

[BeTheChange]

@LiveYourDream What a fantastic post. You are 100 per cent right. Mentally acknowledging the fact you will never see your ex is a significantly more traumatic event, physially, mentally and emotionally, than being dumped and going into NC as a hail mary tactic to win them back.

However I will say that unless your ex has done something really bad there is always a chance of reconciling so it can be difficult to let go of this. But if a relationship has ended most of the time it is the guy's fault whether indirectly (through him turning into a beta and reducing her attraction) or directly (cheating or being an *******). Reconciliation is possible but it often requires a lengthy period of time to work on yourself and heal. This is why even if NC makes your ex come back it is not a good idea to reunite as the underlying problems (e.g betaness or poor behaviour) are still there.

 

[BeTheChange]

not easy...
want to reply...
help...

Reply and then come back to the thread when she predictably doesn't respond or responds with complete indifference.

You're only making this harder on yourself.

 

[Optimus04]

She messaged me once after asking to be friends and making sure I wasnt mad at her.
But I never replied. And I haven't heard from her since then.
I think she gave up. What do you guys think?

 

[dude99]

She messaged me once after asking to be friends and making sure I wasnt mad at her.
But I never replied. And I haven't heard from her since then.
I think she gave up. What do you guys think?

You did the right thing. Stay on course

 

[MrWood]

some of you will be disappointed... I did reply.

"hello there"

she replied right away, and said shes been thinking of what happened, and said she is sorry.
I didnt acknowledge her apology and asked if that was worth a text, she said no and offered Skype, I declined.
Said we should meet face-to-face and it should be very soon, she agreed. She lives in Moscow, me in Helsinki.
Told her we need to make the plan within the week, likely for next weekend and seems agreed.
Said I am going out tonight and we can chat again tomorrow to set a date to meet , I set a time, its up to her to meet it.
I showed no excitement, gave or asked no thoughts, emotions,hope or anything else too AFC and ended the convo.

When we meet I am sticking to my principals.
She still needs to come a long way to meeting my needs from a woman, aside from her body (which she was always willing to submit)
Some of those needs are in direct contrast to how she handled our breakup, and of which I deeply believe are serious and deep seated mental issues with her. These topics will need to be brought out before I could consider a relationship beyond a sexual one and especially any future of exclusivity.

I do have other prospects and my other ex (now plate), as well as a planned 2 week meetup in September with another woman that I intend to see through regardless of outcome. I am genuinely indifferent and will stay so until I actually can see her face, hear her words and judge her actions.

oh yes, I could be setting myself up for disappointment, but her past behavior still outweighs anything she could do by going silent or anything else, if so it would already confirm what has happened, will not change, and I will be able to put her (finally) behind me if that is the case.

 

[john1234]

Hello, urgent help.

I have been on No Contact for 2months with my Ex, I saw her walking down the street with her new Boyfriens 1month after break up then informed her of No Contact.
Thing is she is now ringing my phone has sent 10 misses calls and messages! She claims I have letters there. Pls help

 

[Optimus04]

You did the right thing. Stay on course

Thanks, I still have her on snapchat and instagram.
I only kept her there because I post a lot of this new girl I'm seeing.
But we don't open/play each other's snapchat stories, neither do we like our pics on instagram lol.

I left her on my social media initially so she could see what she misses and come back.
She posted a pic days ago about being "emotionally unstable" and her presence on social media has pretty much decreased after I posted a pic of myself and the new girl at a date.

But she still wouldn't say anything. I'm finally starting to get over her now. If she does come back, I'd probably make her second choice

 

[Glassguy]

Thanks, I still have her on snapchat and instagram.
I only kept her there because I post a lot of this new girl I'm seeing.
But we don't open/play each other's snapchat stories, neither do we like our pics on instagram lol.

I left her on my social media initially so she could see what she misses and come back.
She posted a pic days ago about being "emotionally unstable" and her presence on social media has pretty much decreased after I posted a pic of myself and the new girl at a date.

But she still wouldn't say anything. I'm finally starting to get over her now. If she does come back, I'd probably make her second choice

Take it from me, and listen close. Get rid of her on social media if you guys have been broken up for several weeks or more. It's fun to put pics on there with other chicks but I can tell you first hand that when you first see her in a pic with a guy, your heart is going to hit the floor. Avoid that as well as the temptation to snoop around. It's not worth it.

It happened to me a few months ago. Out of the blue on instagram was a pic of her and her new man. I felt sick for the next 30 minutes and then I went back on and unfollowed her so I didn't endure it again. Unfriended her in Facebook too. It's mentally a big step to do, but we'll worth it.

If anything let her have the shock factor when she snoops on facebook to realize you pulled the trigger and are not there anymore as friends or she realizes that you unfollowed her on Instagram and never saw the pics she posted for them to get to you mentally.

Take it from me, pull the trigger and you'll felt much better now with a little sorrow of letting go than seeing her with another dude. Trust me.

 

[Optimus04]

Take it from me, and listen close. Get rid of her on social media if you guys have been broken up for several weeks or more. It's fun to put pics on there with other chicks but I can tell you first hand that when you first see her in a pic with a guy, your heart is going to hit the floor. Avoid that as well as the temptation to snoop around. It's not worth it.

It happened to me a few months ago. Out of the blue on instagram was a pic of her and her new man. I felt sick for the next 30 minutes and then I went back on and unfollowed her so I didn't endure it again. Unfriended her in Facebook too. It's mentally a big step to do, but we'll worth it.

If anything let her have the shock factor when she snoops on facebook to realize you pulled the trigger and are not there anymore as friends or she realizes that you unfollowed her on Instagram and never saw the pics she posted for them to get to you mentally.

Take it from me, pull the trigger and you'll felt much better now with a little sorrow of letting go than seeing her with another dude. Trust me.

This is hard to be honest and what you said is right. I've thought about it too but the thing is I'm moving to a new city and I'm gonna change my number which I would be posting on all my social media accounts for my friends to see. Once I do that, I will unfollow her and delete her.
Because now, we just basically ignore ourselves on everything.
And I don't think she would be messaging me again after I didn't reply when she did inititally.
Thanks for your advice.

 

[Glassguy]

Why would you wait until after you share your new number on social media before deleting her? Why do you want her to have the new number?