The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[CuddleJunkie]

Is there a difference?

I got a hard-on. You've changed a lot man, congratulations.

This morning i had a dream about my ex...i woke up and checked my phone, guess what ?
She was stalking my instagram profile and accidentally liked one of my pics. She unliked it later. I maintained frame, laughed a lil bit and continued with my life, no reaction from me whatsoever

This is normal, I still get one once in a full-moon ( ). Good on you for mantaining the frame,keep on pushing.

 

[dustmuffin]

I got a hard-on. You've changed a lot man, congratulations.

This is normal, I still get one once in a full-moon ( ). Good on you for mantaining the frame,keep on pushing.

they keep doubting whether they made a good decision. They try to pull you back in. Don't fall for it. MIne has tried a few times. It's probably after she dumped or was dumped by a guy. So she thinks that you weren't so bad and still better than what she has sampled.

She doesn't realize that you have found better than her and have moved on. Even if you haven't you will. Stay strong and work on yourself. You will find better because you are the prize.

 

[alex_in24]

they keep doubting whether they made a good decision. They try to pull you back in. Don't fall for it. MIne has tried a few times. It's probably after she dumped or was dumped by a guy. So she thinks that you weren't so bad and still better than what she has sampled.

She doesn't realize that you have found better than her and have moved on. Even if you haven't you will. Stay strong and work on yourself. You will find better because you are the prize.

I know that right. I found way better girls these 2 months believe me. And i am generally very happy. But i still keep wondering why did she like my pic and unliked it later ?? was that on purpose or she was just stalking and accidentally liked it.. ? What does that even mean ? Also she is seeing some1 already know, why would she bother with me..

 

[dustmuffin]

I know that right. I found way better girls these 2 months believe me. And i am generally very happy. But i still keep wondering why did she like my pic and unliked it later ?? was that on purpose or she was just stalking and accidentally liked it.. ? What does that even mean ? Also she is seeing some1 already know, why would she bother with me..

She did it on purpose. She wanted to pull you in. Ignore and proceed on. Do you want to be part of her drama? She is a self centered *****. She is doing it for her......not you....

 

[alex_in24]

@dustmuffin I understand that completely...but ever since she liked that pic, i dont know why, but something woke up inside me. Like some kind of hope that she still loves and cares about me. It is very hard to have a battle against yourself. Brain vs Heart. I know whats right and i know whats wrong. The blue pill thing still lives in me, and lives in every guy on this forum but the point is to minimize as much as we can that blue pill behavior and start applying red pill aka Don Juan behavior.

The past 2 days, I cant stop thinking bout her. I know she fvcked my neighbor just days after splitting up with me, i know she is seeing some1 else right now, i know she probably doesn't give a fvck about me and the like was probably accidental, and I KNOW THAT I SHOULD AT LEAST HATE HER for doing this to me...but there i am again with my emotions. I miss my "unicorn". And as much as I am denying, people..i still love her.
Yeah i fvcked dozens of girls the past 2 months. Yeah i improved myself physically so much, I am the god of aesthetics believe me when i say that. And yeah, i am studying and passing my exams. Fvck yeah i met new male friends with tendencies to be my new bffs. Yeah, i expanded my social circle to the point that i dont even know where or with whom to go out with today. Yeah, i improved my relationship with my family so much, everything in my home seems happier now. Yeah, i became better in every..well, almost every aspect of my life. But the thing is..yeah, i fvcking miss my fvkcing ex and u can take that to the bank.

And yeah, 43 NC Day, i wont contact her. I wont call her, wont sms her, maybe wont even look at her if we pass by on the streets.
But i know at least one thing for sure. I'm going to enjoy the suffering, the pain and the situation that my ex brought me to. God damn guys, not every guy has the chance to suffer and feel pain and loss like we did. This pain that I feel now, that i am enjoying with all of my heart, is making me already a better man. And the pain eventually will subside and something else will take its place. So believe me when i say this, i will try to love her, and hurt myself as much as i can because i know that this feeling was meant to be felt by me. To become a better man, a Don Juan.

 

[alex_in24]

Your post is authentic, real and inspiring. It's fantastic!!

I got to this ^^^ last bit and my mind went huh? I have a sense where you intended to go. I still feel inclined to check it out, especially the "will try to...hurt myself as much as I can", part. I could say a lot but I'd rather check it out with you first.

What i meant was, i will try to live in the moment while still loving her. I will progress, i will work on me, i will do whatever it takes to make myself a better man, EVEN if that includes a force driven by my love towards her. I will try to overemphasize these emotions of love,hate,anger,loss, because as i believe, these emotions make a person feel ALIVE. Last night I woke up at 3 a.m crying like a little baby - SO WHAT ? I'm looking forward to my next sleepless night, i am not afraid. If i send u a pic of me, i bet that u cant even imagine me crying and not sleeping over some girlfriend. But yeah, i do that. And u know why ? Because i am a human being. I feel. I love. I hate. I miss things. I cry. I laugh. I learn. I progress, and sooner or later...I die. And I fvcking enjoy this suffering. It triggers some emotions in me, that I didnt even know that they exist. Its not about my ex anymore. She is just another brick in the wall. She is that ember that I purposely left alight, with hope that eventually a fire will break out. A fire in me. And i sense the smoldering in my soul already. Oh yeah, and maybe you will think that I am some kind of freak, that i am on drugs or something, that i do this all for my ex to come back..huh.. Nah people, i do this for me. The way I see things, the break up was a win/win situation with me. Either i was going to live happily ever after bla bla sh1t with my "unicorn", or this would have happened.

I hope u understand me.

 

[alex_in24]

I appreciate your openness and authenticity. Your experience mirrors my own right now, in many ways. I appreciate the humanness that you embrace and openly share. It's not meant to be a stoic journey and I think all are served here, to know that the fullness of their experience is welcome here, and can be heard. I honor your courage to be so open. I honor you for diving in deep and feeling it all and moving forward in your journey.

My one inclination to share is to make sure you are not feeding an image of her. Be real. Love her. Keep in check that you are not making her the focus of your loving. I know that may sound weird. You are amplifying your feelings, all of them. In that choice, have many, many sources or points of focus, to direct your loving toward. Let me say it this way, be careful you don't train yourself, that when you feel and connect with loving inside yourself, that it is trained, so to speak, to only or primarily go toward her or her image. Be able to feel loving and direct it in the world, not just toward your ex, if that makes sense. Weird I know, but an important distinction (and for you), from my perspective.

I understand and totally accept your suggestion. It may have sounded like i am concentrating and focusing my love only towards her , but i try not to do that believe me.

You mentioned the word Stoic. I support Stoicism, A LOT believe me. And yeah, maintaining frame, being stable, having self confidence, and being stoic in life will get you on the highest mountain there is. But I also mentioned crying at 3 A.M last night...You wouldn't say that, that is Stoicism right there huh ? And at this point i figured out something..

When you look in the mirror, what do u see ? Cmon people, take a look in the mirror and tell me what do you see ? I will tell you what i see. I see a human. A human that is in love, that feels pain, feels happiness, feels what it's like to lose something. Yeah, i see those 6 packs ofc. I see that alpha male face that i make. I see that awesome body. But can i look at the image in the mirror in the eyes and tell him that i am being honest with him (myself) ? Did i betray him ? Did i pretend to be something that i am not ?? Did i remain stoic last night when i cried my brains out, and smoked my lungs black from the weed ? Am I stoic now while writing this, pretending that tears are not falling from my eyes ? Am i fooling myself, lying myself that i dont care bout my ex, that her fvcking the new guy doesn't bother me ? Or am i being real with myself ? Am i being real to u ? You judge on this one. But remember this, at the and of the day, when u are brushing ur teeth and washing ur face, just before bed, make sure that when u look in the mirror, the man in the glass looks u back with honesty, knowing that u didnt cheat him not even once that day.

@LiveYourDream Thank you for your support and understanding. In these moments, a simple "Bravo" can make someones day. And u made soMEone happy today. Because of you, a lot more people from my social circle today will be fed with positive energy. And that is exactly what i try to accomplish every day, what u have accomplished now.

 

[alex_in24]

Tell me more please. What does being stoic mean to you and how do you see it benefitting your life? Pros and cons too, please.

You are welcomed to asked.

If you apply the right amount of stoicism into ur life, u will have more benefits that losses in every aspect in life. Being stoic, to me is a missing link that every human on earth needs to have. Being stable, standing firm on the ground while it's shaking, thinking about the future actions and outcomes with a straight mind in front of the world, makes u a KING.

U've heard the saying, dont stress about the things that u cannot change/are not in ur control, but think about the possible solutions to the problem that u urself can take action. I go with the philosophy of Stoicism as soon as I wake up and start communicating with the world. Now u must think that this is contradictory to what i mentioned earlier about being true with yourself and that doesnt quite include stoicism.. And this is where my 2 philosophies cross paths.

U wanted pros and cons from my perspective of view. Here they are. Makes you look indifferent. Outcome independent. Abundance mentality. Born winner. Assures self confidence. Narcissist. Boldness. Stable. In one word A KING that is admired by all people. And these ofcourse are the pros.

You asked about the cons...read the first sentence in this post. The key word there is RIGHT AMOUNT. And now, i am going to ask u this. Can u apply stoicism when u look the guy in the mirror ? Can u tell him in the eyes without lying that u dont quite miss ur ex, that u wont drink anymore, or that u dont care about that failed exam ? That's right..that's where the paths cross. You can support and act stoic as much as u want in life, u can have pats on back from people u dont even know while ur walking on ur way to success, u can be admired by everyone and loved by all. But i will tell again and again and again about the guy in the mirror ! Is he your friend ?? Or have u betrayed him ?

Be stoic, but be a HUMAN stoic first. Dont be afraid to cry, dont be afraid to rip all ur exs shirts and presents, dont be afraid to get drunk and fvck some random stranger in order to feel better. Because those are the stories that u will remember when ur 80. And when ur 80, u will laugh at the problems u have today. Again win/win situation.

Feel free to ask me anything u want.

 

[alex_in24]

@alex_in24, Interesting. I have always associated stoic with cold, detached and non-emotional. I was surprised to see your enthusiasm for stoicism. I get now that there is more to it than that.

I aim to be centered. To me that means, no matter what is happening outside of you or inside of you, you remain centered. You can deeply feel and experience it all, but your feelings don't dictate your experience. It's like being in the eye of the tornado. There is inner-calm and inner-peace and there is alignment, no matter how much swirls around beyond that center.

Yeah, that's exactly what stoicism is all about. To remain centered no matter what happens like u said, inside or outside of u. And i respect that and try to follow. But sometimes, u gotta let it go..either by crying, by drinking, by smoking, by punching the pillows etc etc. thats my way of combining the stoicism and the emotions.

 

[alex_in24]

44 NC Day

Few nights in a row, i'm having dreams about my ex. I'm trying to be stoic, to understand that, in order to detoxicate myself, dreams are a natural process that must happen.

But as soon as i wake up, i'm starting to think about her and miss her honestly. I feel some kind of urge, to check her up on facebook and instagram to see what she's been up to. I haven't felt this way for maybe a month or so.
One thing is definite, that i won't contact her by any means. But i really miss her these days. Ever since I came back from Montenegro, where i told u i had the best time of my life, i miss her. I think about her more these days, and i believe that some of my actions are made because of her.

Last night my mom talked with her hair and nail artist which happens to have a studio down in my building. The artist said that my ex was there, making her nails and hair done few days ago and they talked. My ex told the artist that she is leaving my town in a month or two, because she has nothing to do here, nothing is holding her here, and wants to study abroad. As soon as i heard that, my world crashed. I don't want her to leave. I'm so terrified by the thought that maybe i'm never going to see her again. I feel so scared and betrayed. And now, i realize that all the motivation i have and things I do to improve myself, are because of her, so tomorrow she can see me as a better man and eventually want me back.

I still love her, still miss her, still want her. That is the reality

 

[dustmuffin]

44 NC Day

Few nights in a row, i'm having dreams about my ex. I'm trying to be stoic, to understand that, in order to detoxicate myself, dreams are a natural process that must happen.

But as soon as i wake up, i'm starting to think about her and miss her honestly. I feel some kind of urge, to check her up on facebook and instagram to see what she's been up to. I haven't felt this way for maybe a month or so.
One thing is definite, that i won't contact her by any means. But i really miss her these days. Ever since I came back from Montenegro, where i told u i had the best time of my life, i miss her. I think about her more these days, and i believe that some of my actions are made because of her.

Last night my mom talked with her hair and nail artist which happens to have a studio down in my building. The artist said that my ex was there, making her nails and hair done few days ago and they talked. My ex told the artist that she is leaving my town in a month or two, because she has nothing to do here, nothing is holding her here, and wants to study abroad. As soon as i heard that, my world crashed. I don't want her to leave. I'm so terrified by the thought that maybe i'm never going to see her again. I feel so scared and betrayed. And now, i realize that all the motivation i have and things I do to improve myself, are because of her, so tomorrow she can see me as a better man and eventually want me back.

I still love her, still miss her, still want her. That is the reality

I had these thoughts about my ex too. Fact is you were doing fine before you met her. You will be fine if you never speak to her again. You will eventually see the light. All it takes is time.

 

[Carpathian]

DAY 60
Well, I hit Day 60 of my NC - she dumped me - and during the entire time no contact from her. I never attached any significance to this milestone havign moved on quite well (I wasn't actually even counting the days recently or aware of it until I checked 20 mins ago) and lo and behold I get an email today, words to the effect "Sorry it ended badly. I hope you forgive me". The first breadcrumb of many I wonder? Also, was she doing a 60 day NC ex-back program?!

 

[alex_in24]

DAY 60
Well, I hit Day 60 of my NC - she dumped me - and during the entire time no contact from her. I never attached any significance to this milestone havign moved on quite well (I wasn't actually even counting the days recently or aware of it until I checked 20 mins ago) and lo and behold I get an email today, words to the effect "Sorry it ended badly. I hope you forgive me". The first breadcrumb of many I wonder? Also, was she doing a 60 day NC ex-back program?!

Did u reply to her ??

 

[dustmuffin]

Well I thought I was doing well and she hit me like a ton of bricks. I am feeling a sense of loss and sadness. It's been along time since I felt this way. It will pass. I have a date tonight, one tomorrow and one saturday. I still want her. It will pass.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Well I thought I was doing well and she hit me like a ton of bricks. I am feeling a sense of loss and sadness. It's been along time since I felt this way. It will pass. I have a date tonight, one tomorrow and one saturday. I still want her. It will pass.

I could stand to use a little encouragement people.

Next Saturday is my birthday. That will be one year NC to the day. We had a falling out late last May and things tapered off shortly after. I got a final text right at midnight on that night even though we weren't getting along. Two weeks later when I attempted contact again - ghost. Nothing since.

Of course I've gone on with my life, and it's a lot less dramatic. Though birthdays were pretty special to us. The lack of closure of these BPD relationships hit you like a bad urge on certain days that you know you'll be, or should be, very much on their mind. A few months ago I created a thread on here explaining I'd be dreaming of her a lot lately. It's only gotten more frequent, not to mention more vivid and more sad. Each and every time.

Like to think when I get past my birthday, that's one full calendar year without a word. I would have cycled through every variation of a special day we once had and been out the other side, and that it could only get easier from there.

 

[Asmodeus]

I could stand to use a little encouragement people.

Next Saturday is my birthday. That will be one year NC to the day. We had a falling out late last May and things tapered off shortly after. I got a final text right at midnight on that night even though we weren't getting along. Two weeks later when I attempted contact again - ghost. Nothing since.

Of course I've gone on with my life, and it's a lot less dramatic. Though birthdays were pretty special to us. The lack of closure of these BPD relationships hit you like a bad urge on certain days that you know you'll be, or should be, very much on their mind. A few months ago I created a thread on here explaining I'd be dreaming of her a lot lately. It's only gotten more frequent, not to mention more vivid and more sad. Each and every time.

Like to think when I get past my birthday, that's one full calendar year without a word. I would have cycled through every variation of a special day we once had and been out the other side, and that it could only get easier from there.

Blue... You have already shown yourself to be a rather wise individual in this forum. Don't just believe me, 128 other people have appreciated your contributions and your thoughts. That being said, I am sure if you were advising yourself you would tell yourself that you are better than her, and can do much better. You would tell yourself that you likely aready know this to be a fact, it is just the withdrawl and that old familiar pain that is getting to you.

You have already gone through almost one whole calendar year... One year where you were independent and defining yourself, recreating yourself. Those memories are the past, and the past is just that. But the present, is a present... Wrapped in a little bow for us to enjoy. Why live in the past with her when you have all the oppritunity of what you have now?
Happy fvcking birthday!

 

[dustmuffin]

I could stand to use a little encouragement people.

Next Saturday is my birthday. That will be one year NC to the day. We had a falling out late last May and things tapered off shortly after. I got a final text right at midnight on that night even though we weren't getting along. Two weeks later when I attempted contact again - ghost. Nothing since.

Of course I've gone on with my life, and it's a lot less dramatic. Though birthdays were pretty special to us. The lack of closure of these BPD relationships hit you like a bad urge on certain days that you know you'll be, or should be, very much on their mind. A few months ago I created a thread on here explaining I'd be dreaming of her a lot lately. It's only gotten more frequent, not to mention more vivid and more sad. Each and every time.

Like to think when I get past my birthday, that's one full calendar year without a word. I would have cycled through every variation of a special day we once had and been out the other side, and that it could only get easier from there.

All I can say is it will pass. You will feel pain for a short while. You are better off without her. Everyday is a special day when you don't need her for validation.

More time will heal you. She isn't a special snowflake. She is a damaged woman that brought you down. I have had dreams like you...It will pass...I have thought like you...It will pass....Everything will pass......Stay strong....

 

[Fireballs]

Haven't felt the need to post here lately and haven't been keeping track of days but I got a text from her Mum & Dad yesterday. A few days after things ended she did mention her Dad wanted to call me just to wish me well I guess.. I wasn't going to respond but I felt I should as they were really good to me and I guess it shows some class from me in doing so.

Anyway here's what they wrote..

''Hi Fireballs, tried ringing a few times but I guess you're out at sea working. Our ______ trip was great, love your work place. - Best wishes for the future, _____ & ______.

I responded..

''Hi _____ & ______, glad you enjoyed your trip - it's a great part of the world. Wishing you guys all the best and thankyou for welcoming me into your family. Fireballs.''


I'm guessing they'll show her what I wrote.. Anyway it kinda made me feel ****ty last night but all good..

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Blue... You have already shown yourself to be a rather wise individual in this forum. Don't just believe me, 128 other people have appreciated your contributions and your thoughts. That being said, I am sure if you were advising yourself you would tell yourself that you are better than her, and can do much better. You would tell yourself that you likely aready know this to be a fact, it is just the withdrawl and that old familiar pain that is getting to you.

You have already gone through almost one whole calendar year... One year where you were independent and defining yourself, recreating yourself. Those memories are the past, and the past is just that. But the present, is a present... Wrapped in a little bow for us to enjoy. Why live in the past with her when you have all the oppritunity of what you have now?
Happy fvcking birthday!

Thank you dude

 

[BlueAlpha1]

All I can say is it will pass. You will feel pain for a short while. You are better off without her. Everyday is a special day when you don't need her for validation.

More time will heal you. She isn't a special snowflake. She is a damaged woman that brought you down. I have had dreams like you...It will pass...I have thought like you...It will pass....Everything will pass......Stay strong....

Very unsettling how long the dreams have gone on. Only getting more lucid and depressing even after a year.

It truly serves me no purpose to wonder whether she will be crying over my pictures or wishing me death by a thousand white hot knives on my day. But one thing she the won't do is forget. We made each other's bdays a priority. But these damn dreams keep bringing this back to the surface. It should have passed long ago.

Not to worry though. I made a commitment not to reply if any contact is made. If it is, I promise to come here for support.