"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Day 11.
I could write about what I'm feeling but my perspective is distorted and limited to a convenient box where my thoughts vacate. Its like a house of mirrors except a house of thoughts. Which one is real? There is no point in trying to define or make sense of anything.
I could write about what I'm feeling but my perspective is distorted and limited to a convenient box where my thoughts vacate. Its like a house of mirrors except a house of thoughts. Which one is real? There is no point in trying to define or make sense of anything.
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dustmuffin
Master Don Juan
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This is kind of funny. My ex contacted me about a month ago. She asked how I was and if I wanted to talk on the phone. I think she did this because I unliked her business on FB. I had forgotten about it.
I thought about it and decided that That I would reply that I was doing fine and no I don't want to talk. I went ahead and answered because I was giving myself an ulcer thinking about it. After I answered the acid stomach went away. Anyway after I did this Pictures of us magically appeared on her FB page. She is trying to reel me in and I'm not going. I am not friends with her on FB. Its her public page. Yes I shouldn't have looked at it but I did.
Just think it's funny that when you reject a woman they want you. To bad for her that I really don't want her. It would be a shi t show if I tried to get back with her anyway. It would be drama and BS.
Plus I'm getting drama free pu ssy in town. Why would I want to drive for an hour and a half. To get what I can get here in a few minutes.
I have a date tonight with a woman I have been fu cking. I have a date tomorrow and two lined up for next week. I plan to nail tonights date in the ass. She likes what ever I do to her.
Moral of the story boys is don't go back to your ex. Fix yourself and start lining up options. It's almost a year since she dumped me. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
I thought about it and decided that That I would reply that I was doing fine and no I don't want to talk. I went ahead and answered because I was giving myself an ulcer thinking about it. After I answered the acid stomach went away. Anyway after I did this Pictures of us magically appeared on her FB page. She is trying to reel me in and I'm not going. I am not friends with her on FB. Its her public page. Yes I shouldn't have looked at it but I did.
Just think it's funny that when you reject a woman they want you. To bad for her that I really don't want her. It would be a shi t show if I tried to get back with her anyway. It would be drama and BS.
Plus I'm getting drama free pu ssy in town. Why would I want to drive for an hour and a half. To get what I can get here in a few minutes.
I have a date tonight with a woman I have been fu cking. I have a date tomorrow and two lined up for next week. I plan to nail tonights date in the ass. She likes what ever I do to her.
Moral of the story boys is don't go back to your ex. Fix yourself and start lining up options. It's almost a year since she dumped me. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Been on this forum for a few months but never opened this thread up... Cannot relate.
But despite that... I can say one thing. That we only truly find ourselves when we feel that we are lost.
It has been said that people look to relationships for completion... They see their perfect counterpart in another. Like a jigsaw puzzle you believe that they are the missing piece to your life to complete it. So in a way, it is like as if the other person has a part of you. It is abstract but from what I can see in this threat it appears to be very logical.
But in the loss of it, that would mean that one feels as if they lose a part of themselves. In which, maybe I can understand. You would seek out what you lost... Trying to find yourself... Your desire pushes you to find it back in her again, a desire to return to it... But you realize you cannot.
But this is how we grow stronger and how we gain perspective. The only way to truly be complete is to find it in yourself. To realize that no matter what happens in life and where it takes you, no matter how the road in which you walk twists and bends, and no matter what sights you see along the way... That it always was just you. Then you become the master of your own destiny.
But despite that... I can say one thing. That we only truly find ourselves when we feel that we are lost.
It has been said that people look to relationships for completion... They see their perfect counterpart in another. Like a jigsaw puzzle you believe that they are the missing piece to your life to complete it. So in a way, it is like as if the other person has a part of you. It is abstract but from what I can see in this threat it appears to be very logical.
But in the loss of it, that would mean that one feels as if they lose a part of themselves. In which, maybe I can understand. You would seek out what you lost... Trying to find yourself... Your desire pushes you to find it back in her again, a desire to return to it... But you realize you cannot.
But this is how we grow stronger and how we gain perspective. The only way to truly be complete is to find it in yourself. To realize that no matter what happens in life and where it takes you, no matter how the road in which you walk twists and bends, and no matter what sights you see along the way... That it always was just you. Then you become the master of your own destiny.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
CuddleJunkie
Master Don Juan
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It was this thread that brought me here lol.
Yes Asmodeus...when you spend 5 years with someone, your ego becomes something that includes that person, so when you get dumped, you ilterally "die", you can't be yourself anymore...You are left with your realself at the nude, and your old ego is useless all of a sudden.
And look at what you have become now...
You have improved, advanced, and become more than what you were before... Perhaps you have become even more than what you were when you were with "her".
Your death was a rebirth.
CuddleJunkie
Master Don Juan
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Of course. You realize your ego was nothing but a mask, and a shield that protected you from the pain of being alone in this world...that is what neediness is, you are not alone anymore, you have HER. But when you realize your loneliness, you gain freedom, and you can take it or search for another shield. And if you take you might as well decide to use it for greatness, becoming a DonJuan...or you can just say "**** it" and go the MGOTOW route, or the YaReally route. I'm not saying the later is worse...but it is more boring.
Feeling good tonight..mostly because I'm just home from my date which went really well considering I've been out of the game for a few years. I was relaxed, smooth, confident, spiked her emotions and kiss closed her.. it just all seemed to come naturally. It also helps when the girl has a good sense of humour and banter...
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Tictac
Banned
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
Guys, I also posted this in the BPD thread. However, I also put it here because I think it is relevant. Apologies if that is not good forum etiquette, I am new here! 
I am day 53 into 100% NC from my ex. We are the same age 48 - both fit and attractive. We were loving and committed and had a great time whilst we were together for two years. However, during those two years we had two break ups of a month each time. She started to get distant both times a week before the dumping for no reason I could see - completely out of the blue. I'm very aware of my actions and if I fvcked up I would say here guys, but I didn't. I loved her kids and mom. Her and her kids loved me and my kids and family. Everything superb and wonderful. I was helpful, kind, affectionate and generous to her. I was not a doormat. We had great sex, orgasms, BJ’s etc to the very end but she just bailed out of the relationship completely out of the blue when things were perfect. No explanations. Just dumped. After some time apart she’d apologize crying, telling me she was silly how could she let a man of my quality just go like that. Begged for forgiveness. Eventually, after she promised to change, we gravitated back together and things were great again.
She did this a third time end of April. Text dumped me again AS A 48 YEAR OLD!!!!! Not the maturity to discuss it with me. I told her to fvck off and leave me alone and I threw some of the romantic cards she had given me back though her letterbox in tears. I wrote her an email two days after, explaining my position (in the absence of getting an opportunity to put my thoughts forward) but she emailed back saying she will not read it and she would appreciate no further contact. I told her that was rich coming from her after it was HER who kept reaching out to me!
So 53 days in. She lives a mile from me and I have seen her a couple of times at a distance and it put me back for the day. She has not reached out to me and I am sure as heck not going to reach out to her. Yet, I feel somehow she will do so eventually. She knows how good I was to her, she told me that so many times. Her son texted me the other night saying he saw me out running and hoped I didn’t think he blanked me (I never saw him!) because he and his wife and daughter liked me a lot he said. He said nothing else than that just some chit chat about biking. He sees his mother (my ex) two or three times a week as they are very close. Could they be putting out feelers I wonder? Did my ex put him up to it to try and steadily break the ice?
Don’t mean to sound silly but I am confident, I am good looking, have a successful career, make a lot of money I am fit and look good and I am not desperate. I have been dating other women though not hooked up with any as yet even though a few of them fancied me big time. I confess to still having very strong feelings towards my ex, despite the treatment at the hands of her; I've never known things to be so good when they were UP. We were just so amazing.
She was prescribed Prozac for depression by her doctor but never took it last year. Makes me think she has Borderline PD - it seems to fit - the sudden changes in behavior.
Anyway, these issues are live and well with people who are older. I will never reach out to her. If she contacts me I would listen objectively to what she says.
What do you guys think? Encourage me or kick some sense into me!!! Thanks for reading. Bless you all brothers.
I am day 53 into 100% NC from my ex. We are the same age 48 - both fit and attractive. We were loving and committed and had a great time whilst we were together for two years. However, during those two years we had two break ups of a month each time. She started to get distant both times a week before the dumping for no reason I could see - completely out of the blue. I'm very aware of my actions and if I fvcked up I would say here guys, but I didn't. I loved her kids and mom. Her and her kids loved me and my kids and family. Everything superb and wonderful. I was helpful, kind, affectionate and generous to her. I was not a doormat. We had great sex, orgasms, BJ’s etc to the very end but she just bailed out of the relationship completely out of the blue when things were perfect. No explanations. Just dumped. After some time apart she’d apologize crying, telling me she was silly how could she let a man of my quality just go like that. Begged for forgiveness. Eventually, after she promised to change, we gravitated back together and things were great again.
She did this a third time end of April. Text dumped me again AS A 48 YEAR OLD!!!!! Not the maturity to discuss it with me. I told her to fvck off and leave me alone and I threw some of the romantic cards she had given me back though her letterbox in tears. I wrote her an email two days after, explaining my position (in the absence of getting an opportunity to put my thoughts forward) but she emailed back saying she will not read it and she would appreciate no further contact. I told her that was rich coming from her after it was HER who kept reaching out to me!
So 53 days in. She lives a mile from me and I have seen her a couple of times at a distance and it put me back for the day. She has not reached out to me and I am sure as heck not going to reach out to her. Yet, I feel somehow she will do so eventually. She knows how good I was to her, she told me that so many times. Her son texted me the other night saying he saw me out running and hoped I didn’t think he blanked me (I never saw him!) because he and his wife and daughter liked me a lot he said. He said nothing else than that just some chit chat about biking. He sees his mother (my ex) two or three times a week as they are very close. Could they be putting out feelers I wonder? Did my ex put him up to it to try and steadily break the ice?
Don’t mean to sound silly but I am confident, I am good looking, have a successful career, make a lot of money I am fit and look good and I am not desperate. I have been dating other women though not hooked up with any as yet even though a few of them fancied me big time. I confess to still having very strong feelings towards my ex, despite the treatment at the hands of her; I've never known things to be so good when they were UP. We were just so amazing.
She was prescribed Prozac for depression by her doctor but never took it last year. Makes me think she has Borderline PD - it seems to fit - the sudden changes in behavior.
Anyway, these issues are live and well with people who are older. I will never reach out to her. If she contacts me I would listen objectively to what she says.
What do you guys think? Encourage me or kick some sense into me!!! Thanks for reading. Bless you all brothers.
dustmuffin
Master Don Juan
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Run away stay nc. It's what is best for you
Day 16 of NC. The first couple weeks my ex was on my mind 95% of the time, even if I was in bed with another women. Yesterday was the first day that I had periods where I totally forgot about her. It was only an hour here and an hour there but it was refreshing. Feeling good today too.
I'm also on day 24 of NoFap. I've never had a problem with women but NoFap has increased my confidence greatly. NoFap might honestly be the single most beneficial thing I've done in my life in terms of self improvement. Instead of watching porn and getting that easy dopamine fix I'm looking at different ways to improve my life. I'm actually thinking about starting my own business.
With all that said I'm not going to get overconfident. I'm not even close to out of the woods yet but I'm on the right path.
I'm also on day 24 of NoFap. I've never had a problem with women but NoFap has increased my confidence greatly. NoFap might honestly be the single most beneficial thing I've done in my life in terms of self improvement. Instead of watching porn and getting that easy dopamine fix I'm looking at different ways to improve my life. I'm actually thinking about starting my own business.
With all that said I'm not going to get overconfident. I'm not even close to out of the woods yet but I'm on the right path.
Carpathian
Senior Don Juan
@finality
The feelings come and go man. As in my post above (53 days) I was in a right state for the first couple of weeks, just like everyone else is. Then a few so-so weeks. I then went for three weeks brilliantly, she hardly crossed my mind. But this week, after her son - who I was extremely friendly with and I went biking with a lot - texted me, it has set me back and I have been obsessing about it her the last two days. Him and his mum and me had some great times together and it has been on my mind.
The feelings come and go man. As in my post above (53 days) I was in a right state for the first couple of weeks, just like everyone else is. Then a few so-so weeks. I then went for three weeks brilliantly, she hardly crossed my mind. But this week, after her son - who I was extremely friendly with and I went biking with a lot - texted me, it has set me back and I have been obsessing about it her the last two days. Him and his mum and me had some great times together and it has been on my mind.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
alex_in24
Don Juan
38 NC DAY / 62 days since break up
Guys, guys, guys...
Honestly i dont feel a need to write here anymore, but i feel an obligation to tell you what i've been up to the past week or so, since i havent wrote here that long..
Don't know where to start..the past 5 days, i was in Budva, Montenegro with friends... I won't describe how i spent my time there since i don't have so much happy and awesome words in my vocabulary, so i'm just gonna leave that to fvcking awesome time of my life.
Bla bla bla, last night i got home, and started talking with my mother about what i've done, about the parties, girls and everything i've been up to. She was listening me, and didnt interrupt me not even once. And when i stopped talking she told me : " You really seem extraordinary happy, i have never seen you like this. Sorry to tell you this but, when u were in a relationship with ur ex, u never really felt this way, since i am ur mother and i can see what is going on in ur life. Sorry that i mentioned her, but i really believe now that u are over her in every way. And as i am telling u this thing, u seem indifferent to her since ur not nervous and not yelling at me to stop talking about her. " And at this point, after a good week or so..i remembered that i had an ex girlfriend and i just laughed.
Guys, believe me when i tell u this. I didn't think of her NOT EVEN ONCE! And i feel so happy, so full with emotions, so alive that i simply cant explain that. And yes, after fvcking soooo much chicks these past 2 months, i AM SO FVCKING ****Y, OVERCONFIDENT, ARROGANT BASTARD who is admired by all people, not just girls.
And yeah, u know what was my nickname in Budva ?? Don Juan, and I didnt even tell them to call me like that.
Guys, guys, guys...
Honestly i dont feel a need to write here anymore, but i feel an obligation to tell you what i've been up to the past week or so, since i havent wrote here that long..
Don't know where to start..the past 5 days, i was in Budva, Montenegro with friends... I won't describe how i spent my time there since i don't have so much happy and awesome words in my vocabulary, so i'm just gonna leave that to fvcking awesome time of my life.
Bla bla bla, last night i got home, and started talking with my mother about what i've done, about the parties, girls and everything i've been up to. She was listening me, and didnt interrupt me not even once. And when i stopped talking she told me : " You really seem extraordinary happy, i have never seen you like this. Sorry to tell you this but, when u were in a relationship with ur ex, u never really felt this way, since i am ur mother and i can see what is going on in ur life. Sorry that i mentioned her, but i really believe now that u are over her in every way. And as i am telling u this thing, u seem indifferent to her since ur not nervous and not yelling at me to stop talking about her. " And at this point, after a good week or so..i remembered that i had an ex girlfriend and i just laughed.
Guys, believe me when i tell u this. I didn't think of her NOT EVEN ONCE! And i feel so happy, so full with emotions, so alive that i simply cant explain that. And yes, after fvcking soooo much chicks these past 2 months, i AM SO FVCKING ****Y, OVERCONFIDENT, ARROGANT BASTARD who is admired by all people, not just girls.
And yeah, u know what was my nickname in Budva ?? Don Juan, and I didnt even tell them to call me like that.
my ex is dead
Is there a difference?
alex_in24
Don Juan
Wow. Astonishing answer, bravo !
alex_in24
Don Juan
This morning i had a dream about my ex...i woke up and checked my phone, guess what ?
She was stalking my instagram profile and accidentally liked one of my pics. She unliked it later. I maintained frame, laughed a lil bit and continued with my life, no reaction from me whatsoever
She was stalking my instagram profile and accidentally liked one of my pics. She unliked it later. I maintained frame, laughed a lil bit and continued with my life, no reaction from me whatsoever
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.